第 3 节
作者:
悟来悟去 更新:2021-02-21 14:00 字数:9321
avoid a public disgrace; and how a close friendship had grown
between
the two boys; so different in their fortunes。
〃Yes;〃 he said; 〃I remember him。 He was a promising young man。
Has he succeeded?〃
〃Not exactlythat is not yet。 His business has been going
rather badly。
He has a wife and little baby; you know。 And now he has broken
down;
something wrong with his lungs。 The doctor says his only chance
is
a year or eighteen months in Colorado。 I wish we could help
him。〃
〃How much would it cost?〃
〃Three or four thousand; perhaps; as a loan。〃
〃Does the doctor say he will get well?〃
〃A fighting chancethe doctor says。〃
The face of the older man changed subtly。 Not a line was
altered;
but it seemed to have a different substance; as if it were
carved out of some firm; imperishable stuff。
〃A fighting chance;〃 he said; 〃may do for a speculation; but it
is
not a good investment。 You owe something to young Rollins。
Your grateful feeling does you credit。 But don't overwork it。
Send him three or four hundred; if you like。 You'll never
hear from it again; except in the letter of thanks。 But for
Heaven's sake
don't be sentimental。 Religion is not a matter of sentiment;
it's a matter of principle。〃
The face of the younger man changed now。 But instead of becoming
fixed and graven; it seemed to melt into life by the heat of
an inward fire。 His nostrils quivered with quick breath;
his lips were curled。 〃Principle!〃 he said。 〃You mean
principaland
interest too。 Well; sir; you know best whether that is religion
or not。
But if it is; count me out; please。 Tom saved me from going to
the devil;
six years ago; and I'll be damned if I don't help him to the best
of
my ability now。〃
John Weightman looked at his son steadily。 〃Harold;〃 he said at
last;
〃you know I dislike violent language; and it never has any
influence with me。 If I could honestly approve of this
proposition of yours; I'd let you have the money; but I can't;
it's extravagant and useless。 But you have your Christmas check
for
a thousand dollars coming to you to…morrow。 You can use it as
you please。
I never interfere with your private affairs。〃
〃Thank you;〃 said Harold。 〃Thank you very much! But there's
another
private affair。 I want to get away from this life; this town;
this house。
It stifles me。 You refused last summer when I asked you to let
me
go up to Grenfell's Mission on the Labrador。 I could go now;
at least as far as the Newfoundland Station。 Have you changed
your mind?〃
〃Not at all。 I think it is an exceedingly foolish enterprise。
It would interrupt the career that I have marked out for you。〃
〃Well; then; here's a cheaper proposition。 Algy Vanderhoof wants
me to
join him on his yacht withwell; with a little partyto cruise
in
the West Indies。 Would you prefer that?〃
〃Certainly not! The Vanderhoof set is wild and godlessI do not
wish to
see you keeping company with fools who walk in the broad and easy
way that
leads to perdition。〃
〃It is rather a hard choice;〃 said the young man; with a short
laugh;
turning toward the door。 〃According to you there's very little
differencea fool's paradise or a fool's hell! Well; it's one
or
the other for me; and I'll toss up for it to…night: heads; I
lose;
tails; the devil wins。 Anyway; I'm sick of this; and I'm out of
it。〃
〃Harold;〃 said the older man (and there was a slight tremor in
his voice);
〃don't let us quarrel on Christmas Eve。 All I want is to
persuade you to
think seriously of the duties and responsibilities to which God
has
called youdon't speak lightly of heaven and hellremember;
there is
another life。〃
The young man came back and laid his hand upon his father's
shoulder。
〃Father;〃 he said; 〃I want to remember it。 I try to believe in
it。
But somehow or other; in this house; it all seems unreal to me。
No doubt all you say is perfectly right and wise。 I don't
venture to
argue against it; but I can't feel itthat's all。 If I'm to
have a soul;
either to lose or to save; I must really live。 Just now neither
the
present nor the future means anything to me。 But surely we won't
quarrel。
I'm very grateful to you; and we'll part friends。 Good…night;
sir。〃
The father held out his hand in silence。 The heavy portiere
dropped noiselessly behind the son; and he went up the wide;
curving stairway to his own room。
Meantime John Weightman sat in his carved chair in the Jacobean
dining…room。 He felt strangely old and dull。 The portraits of
beautiful women by Lawrence and Reynolds and Raeburn; which had
often
seemed like real company to him; looked remote and uninteresting。
He fancied something cold and almost unfriendly in their
expression;
as if they were staring through him or beyond him。 They cared
nothing for
his principles; his hopes; his disappointments; his successes;
they belonged to another world; in which he had no place。 At
this he felt
a vague resentment; a sense of discomfort that he could not have
defined
or explained。 He was used to being considered; respected;
appreciated at his full value in every region; even in that of
his own dreams。
Presently he rang for the butler; telling him to close the house
and
not to sit up; and walked with lagging steps into the long
library;
where the shaded lamps were burning。 His eye fell upon the low
shelves
full of costly books; but he had no desire to open them。 Even
the
carefully chosen pictures that hung above them seemed to have
lost
their attraction。 He paused for a moment before an idyll of
Corota dance
of nymphs around some forgotten altar in a vaporous gladeand
looked at
it curiously。 There was something rapturous and serene about the
picture;
a breath of spring…time in the misty trees; a harmony of joy in
the dancing figures; that wakened in him a feeling of
half…pleasure
and half…envy。 It represented something that he had never known
in his
calculated; orderly life。 He was dimly mistrustful of it。
〃It is certainly very beautiful;〃 he thought; 〃but it is
distinctly pagan;
that altar is built to some heathen god。 It does not fit into
the scheme of a Christian life。 I doubt whether it is consistent
with
the tone of my house。 I will sell it this winter。 It will bring
three or four times what I paid for it。 That was a good
purchase;
a very good bargain。〃
He dropped into the revolving chair before his big library table。
It was covered with pamphlets and reports of the various
enterprises
in which he was interested。 There was a pile of newspaper
clippings
in which his name was mentioned with praise for his sustaining
power as
a pillar of finance; for his judicious benevolence; for his
support of
wise and prudent reform movements; for his discretion in making
permanent
public gifts〃the Weightman Charities;〃 one very complaisant
editor
called them; as if they deserved classification as a distinct
species。
He turned he papers over listlessly。 There was a description and
a picture of the 〃Weightman Wing of the Hospital for Cripples;〃
of which he was president; and an article on the new professor in
the 〃Weightman Chair of Political Jurisprudence〃 in Jackson
University;
of which he was a trustee; and an illustrated account of the
opening of
the 〃Weightman Grammar…School〃 at Dulwich…on…the…Sound; where he
had his
legal residence for purposes of taxation。
This last was perhaps the most carefully planned of all the
Weightman Charities。 He desired to win the confidence and
support of
his rural neighbors。 It had pleased him much when the local
newspaper
had spoken of him as an ideal citizen and the logical candidate
for
the Governorship of the State; but upon the whole it seemed to
him
wiser to keep out of active politics。 It would be easier and
better to
put Harold into the running; to have him sent to the Legislature
from
the Dulwich district; then to the national House; then to the
Senate。
Why not? The Weightman interests were large enough to need a
direct
representative and guardian at Washington。
But to…night all these plans came back to him with dust upon
them。
They were dry and crumbling like forsaken habitations。 The son
upon whom his complacent ambition had rested had turned his back
upon
the mansion of his father's hopes。 The break might not be final;
and in any event there would be much to live for; the fortunes of
the family would be secure。 But the zest of it all would be gone
if
John Weightman had to give up the assurance of perpetuating his
name
and his principles in his son。 It was a bitter disappointment;