第 42 节
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打倒一切 更新:2021-02-21 13:16 字数:9322
thought I knew all the tricks and turns of the sex。 Yet here I am!''
‘‘What do you think caught you?''
‘‘That's the mystery。 It's simply that I can't do without her。 Everything she looks and says and does interests me more than anything else in the world。 And when I'm not with her I'm wishing I were and wondering how she's looking or what she's saying or doing。 You don't think she'll refuse me?'' This last with real anxiety。
‘‘I haven't an idea;'' replied Mrs。 Brindley。 ‘‘She's peculiar。 In some moods she would。 In others; she couldn't。 And I've never been able to settle to my satisfaction which kind of mood was the real Mary Stevens。''
‘‘She IS queer; isn't she?'' said Stanley thoughtfully。 ‘‘But I've told her she'd be free to go on with the career。 Fact is; I want her to do it。''
Mrs。 Brindley's eyes twinkled。 ‘‘You think it would justify you to your set in marrying her; if she made a great hit?''
Stanley blushed ingenuously。 ‘‘I'll not deny that has something to do with it;'' he admitted。 ‘‘And why not?''
‘‘Why not; indeed?'' said she。 ‘‘But; after she had made the hit; you'd want her to quit the stage and take her place in society。 Isn't that so?''
‘‘You ARE a keen one;'' exclaimed he admiringly。 ‘‘But I didn't say that to her。 And you won't; will you?''
‘‘It's hardly necessary to ask that;'' said Mrs。 Brindley。 ‘‘Now; suppose You don't mind my talking about this?''
‘‘What I want;'' replied he。 ‘‘I can't talk or think anything but her。''
‘‘Now; suppose she shouldn't make a hit。 Suppose she should failshould not develop reliable voice enough?''
Stanley looked frightened。 ‘‘But she can't fail;'' he cried with over…energy。 ‘‘There's no question about her voice。''
‘‘I understand;'' Mrs。 Brindley hastened to say。 ‘‘I was simply making conversation with her as the subject。''
‘‘Oh; I see。'' Stanley settled back。
‘‘Suppose she should prove not to be a great artist what then?'' persisted Cyrilla; who was deeply interested in the intricate obscure problem of what people really thought as distinguished from what they professed and also from what they imagined they thought。
‘‘The fact that she's a great artistthat's part of her;'' said Baird。 ‘‘If she weren't a great singer; she wouldn't be shedon't you see?''
‘‘Yes; I see;'' said Mrs。 Brindley with an ironic sadness which she indulged openly because there was no danger of his understanding。
‘‘I don't exactly love her because she amounts to a lotor is sure to;'' pursued he; vaguely dissatisfied with himself。 ‘‘It's just as she doesn't care for me because I've got the means to take care of her right; yet that's part of meand she'd not be able to marry me if I hadn't。 Don't you see?''
‘‘Yes; I see;'' said Mrs。 Brindley with more irony and less sadness。 ‘‘There's always SOME reason beside love。''
‘‘I'd say there's always some reason FOR love;'' said Baird; and he felt that he had said something brilliant as is the habit of people of sluggish mentality when they say a thing they do not themselves understand。 ‘‘You don't doubt that I love her?'' he went on。 ‘‘Why should I ask her to marry me if I didn't?''
‘‘I suppose that settles it;'' said Cyrilla。
‘‘Of course it does;'' declared he。
For an hour he sat there; talking on; most of it a pretty dull kind of drivel。 Mrs。 Brindley listened patiently; because she liked him and because she had nothing else to do until bedtime。 At last he rose with a long sigh and said:
‘‘I guess I might as well be going。''
‘‘She'll not come in to…night again;'' said Cyrilla slyly。
He laughed。 ‘‘You are a good one。 I'll own up; I've been staying on partly in the hope that she'd come back。 But it's been a great joy to talk to you about her。 I know you love her; too。''
‘‘Yes; I'm extremely fond of her;'' said she。 ‘‘I've not known many womenmany people without petty mean tricks。 She's one。''
‘‘Isn't she; though?'' exclaimed he。
‘‘I don't mean she's perfect;'' said Mrs。 Brindley。 ‘‘I don't even mean that she's as angelic as you think her。 I'd not like her; if she were。 But she's a superior kind of human。''
She was tired of him now; and got him out speedily。 As she closed the front door upon him; Mildred's door; down the hall; opened。 Her head appeared; an inquiring look upon her face。 Mrs。 Brindley nodded。 Mil… dred; her hair done close to her head; a dressing…robe over her nightgown and her bare feet in little slippers; came down the hall。 She coiled herself up in a big chair in the library and lit a cigarette。 She looked like a handsome young boy。
‘‘He told you?'' she said to Mrs。 Brindley。
‘‘Yes;'' replied Cyrilla。
Silence。 In all their intimate acquaintance there had never been an approach to the confidential on either side。 It was Cyrilla's notion that confidences were a mistake; and that the more closely people were thrown together the more resolutely they ought to keep certain barriers between them。 She and Mildred got on too admirably; liked each other too well; for there to be any trifling with their relationsand over…intimacy inevitably led to trifling。 Mildred had restrained herself because Mrs。 Brindley had compelled it by rigid example。 Often she had longed to talk things over; to ask advice; but she had never ventured further than generalities; and Mrs。 Brindley had never proffered advice; had never accepted opportunities to give it except in the vaguest way。 She had taught Mildred a great deal; but always by example; by doing; never by saying what ought or ought not to be done。 Thus; such development of Mildred's character as there had been was natural and permanent。
‘‘He has put me in a peculiar position;'' said Mildred。 ‘‘Or; rather; I have let myself drift into a peculiar position。 For I think you're right in saying that oneself is always to blame。 Won't you let me talk about it to you; please? I know you hate confidences。 But I've got toto talk。 I'd like you to advise me; if you can。 But even if you don't; it'll do me good to say things aloud。''
‘‘Often one sees more clearly;'' was Cyrilla's reply noncommittal; yet not discouraging。
‘‘I'm free to marry him;'' Mildred went on。 ‘‘That is; I'm not married。 I'd rather not explain''
‘‘Don't;'' said Mrs。 Brindley。 ‘‘It's unnecessary。''
‘‘You know that it's Stanley who has been lending me the money to live on while I study。 Well; from the beginning I've been afraid I'd find myself in a difficult position。''
‘‘Naturally;'' said Mrs。 Brindley; as she paused。
‘‘But I've always expected it to come in another waynot about marriage; but''
‘‘I understand;'' said Mrs。 Brindley。 ‘‘You feared you'd be called on to pay in the way women usually pay debts to men。''
Mildred nodded。 ‘‘But this is worse than I expected much worse。''
‘‘I hadn't thought of that;'' said Cyrilla。 ‘‘Yes; you're right。 If he had hinted the other thing; you could have pretended not to understand。 If he had suggested it; you could have made him feel cheap and mean。''
‘‘I did;'' said Mildred。 ‘‘He has beenreally wonderfulbetter than almost any man would have been more considerate than I deserved。 And I took advantage of it。''
‘‘A woman has to;'' said Cyrilla。 ‘‘The fight between men and women is so unequal。''
‘‘I took advantage of him;'' repeated Mildred。 ‘‘And he apologized; and II went on taking the money。 I didn't know what else to do。 Isn't that dreadful?''
‘‘Nothing to be proud of;'' said Cyrilla。 ‘‘But a very usual transaction。''
‘‘And then;'' pursued Mildred; ‘‘I discovered that Ithat I'd not be able to make a career。 But still I kept on; though I've been trying to force myself to to show some pride and self…respect。 I discovered it only a short time ago; and it wasn't really until to…day that I was absolutely sure。''
‘‘You ARE sure?''
‘‘There's hardly a doubt;'' replied Mildred。 ‘‘But never mind that now。 I've got to make a living at something; and while I'm learning whatever it is; I've got to have money to live on。 And I can get it only from him。 Now; he asks me to marry him。 He wouldn't ask me if he didn't think I was going to be a great singer。 He doesn't know it; but I do。''
Mrs。 Brindley smiled sweetly。
‘‘And he thinks that I love him; also。 If I accept him; it will be under doubly false pretenses。 If I refuse him I've got to stop taking the money。''
A long silence; then Mrs。 Brindley said: ‘‘Women the good ones; toooften feel that they've a right to treat men as men treat them。 I think almost any woman would feel justified in putting off the crisis。''
‘‘You mean; I might tell him I'd give him my answer when I was independent and had paid back。''
Cyrilla nodded。 Mildred relit her cigarette; which she had let go out。 ‘‘I had thought of that;'' said she。 ‘‘ButI doubt if he'd tolerate it。 Also''she laughed with the peculiar intonation that accompanies the lifting of the veil over a deeply and carefully hidden corner of one's secret self‘‘I am afraid。 If I don't marry him; in a few weeks; or months at most; he'll probably find out that I shall never be a great singer; and then I'd not be able to marry him if I wished to。''
‘‘He IS a temptation;'' said Cyrilla。 ‘‘That is; his money isand he perso