第 20 节
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打倒一切 更新:2021-02-21 13:16 字数:9322
se themselves。 And they proceeded to enjoy themselves in the necessarily quiet and limited way imposed by the littleness of their present world and the meagerness of the resources。
As neither had the kind of mind that expands in abstractions; they were soon talking in the most intimate and personal way about themselveswere confessing things which neither would have breathed to anyone on land。 It was the man who set the example of breaking through the barriers of conventional restraint perhaps of delicacy; though it must be said that human beings are rarely so fine in their reticences as the theory of refinement would have us believe。 Said Stanley; after the preliminaries of partial confidence and halting avowal that could not be omitted; even at sea; by a man of ‘‘gentlemanly instinct'':
‘‘I don't know why I shouldn't own up。 I know you'll never tell anybody。 Fact is; I and my wife were never in love with each other for a second。 We married because we were in the same set and because our incomes together gave us enough to do the thing rather well。'' After a solemn pause。 ‘‘I was in love with another womanone I couldn't marry。 But I'll not go into that。 As for my wife; I don't think she was in love with anyone。 She's as cold as a stone。''
Mildred smiled ironically。
Baird saw and flushed。 ‘‘At least; she was to me。 I was ready to make a sort of bluff。 You see; a man feels guilty in those circumstances and doesn't want to humiliate a woman。 But she'' he laughed unpleasantly‘‘she wasn't bothering about MY feelings。 That's a nice; selfish little way you ladies have。''
‘‘She probably saw through you and hated you for playing the hypocrite to her;'' said Mildred。
‘‘You may be right; I never thought of that;'' confessed he。 ‘‘She certainly had a vicious way of hammering the other woman indirectly。 Not that she ever admitted being jealous。 I guess she knew。 Everybody usually knows everything。''
‘‘And there was a great deal of talk about you and me;'' said Mildred placidly。
‘‘I didn't say it was you;'' protested Stanley; reddening。
‘‘No matter;'' said Mildred。 ‘‘Don't bother about that。 It's all past and gone。''
‘‘Well; at any rate; my marriage was the mistake of my life。 I'm determined that she shan't trip me up and trim me for any alimony。 And as matters stand; she can't。 She left me of her own accord。''
‘‘Then;'' said Mildred thoughtfully; ‘‘if the wife leaves of her own accord; she can't get alimony?''
‘‘Certainly notnot a cent。''
‘‘I supposed so;'' said she。 ‘‘I'm not sure I'd take it if I could get it。 Still; I suppose I would。'' She laughed。 ‘‘What's the use of being a hypocrite with oneself? I know I would。 All I could get。''
‘‘Then you had no LEGAL excuse for leaving?''
‘‘No;'' said she。 ‘‘Ijust bolted。 I don't know what's to become of me。 I seem not to care; at present; but no doubt I shall as soon as we see land again。''
‘‘You'll go back to him;'' said Stanley。
‘‘No;'' replied she; without emphasis or any accent whatever。
‘‘Sure you will;'' rejoined he。 ‘‘It's your living。 What else can you do?''
‘‘That's what I must find out。 Surely there's something else for a woman besides such a married life as mine。 I can't and won't go back to my husband。 And I can't and won't go to the house at Hanging Rock。 Those two things are settled。''
‘‘You mean that?''
‘‘Absolutely。 And I've gotless than three hundred and fifty dollars in the whole world。''
Baird was silent。 He was roused from his abstraction by gradual consciousness of an ironical smile on the face of the girl; for she did not look like a married woman。 ‘‘You are laughing at me。 Why?'' inquired he。
‘‘I was reading your thoughts。''
‘‘You think you've frightened me?''
‘‘Naturally。 Isn't a confession such as I made enough to frighten a man? It sounded as though I were getting ready to ask alms。''
‘‘So it did;'' said he。 ‘‘But I wasn't thinking of it in that way。 You WILL be in a frightful fix pretty soon; won't you?''
‘‘It looks that way。 But you need not be uneasy。''
‘‘Oh; I want to help you。 I'll do everything I can。 I was trying to think of something you could make money at。 I was thinking of the stage; but I suppose you'd balk at that。 I'll admit it isn't the life for a lady。 But the same thing's true of whatever money can be made at。 If I were you; I'd go back。''
‘‘If I were myself; I'd go back;'' said Mildred。 ‘‘But I'm not myself。''
‘‘You will be again; as soon as you face the situation。''
‘‘No;'' said she slowly; ‘‘no; I shall never be myself again。''
‘‘But you could have everything a woman wants。 Except; of courseperhaps But you never struck me as being especially sentimental。''
‘‘Sentiment has nothing to do with it;'' rejoined she。 ‘‘Do you think I could get a place on the stage?''
‘‘Oh; you'd have to study a while; I suppose。''
‘‘But I can't afford that。 If I could afford to study; I'd have my voice trained。''
Baird's face lighted up with enthusiasm。 ‘‘The very thing!'' he cried。 ‘‘You've got a voice; a grand…opera voice。 I've heard lots of people say so; and it sounded that way to me。 You must cultivate your voice。''
Mildred laughed。 ‘‘Don't talk nonsense。 Even I know that's nonsense。 The lessons alone would cost thousands of dollars。 And how could I live for the four or five years?''
‘‘You didn't let me finish;'' said Baird。 ‘‘I was going to say that when you get to New York you must go and have your voice passed onby some impartial person。 If that person says it's worth cultivating; why; I'm willing to back youas a business proposition。 I can afford to take the risk。 So; you see; it's all perfectly simple。''
He had spoken rapidly; with a covert suggestion of fear lest she would rebuke him sharply for what she might regard as an impertinent offer。 She surprised him by looking at him calmly; reflectively; and saying:
‘‘Yes; you could afford it; couldn't you?''
‘‘I'm sure I could。 And it's the sort of thing that's done every day。 Of course; no one'd know that we had made this little business arrangement。 But that's easily managed。 I'd be glad if you'd let me do it; Mildred。 I'd like to feel that I was of some use in the world。 And I'd like to do something for YOU。''
By way of exceedingly cautious experiment he ventured to put ever so slight an accent of tenderness upon the ‘‘you。'' He observed her furtively but nervously。 He could not get a hint of what was in her mind。 She gazed out toward the rising and falling horizon line。 Presently she said:
‘‘I'll think about it。''
‘‘You must let me do it; Mildred。 It's the sensible thingand you know me well enough to know that my friendship can be counted on。''
‘‘I'll think about it;'' was all she would concede。
They discussed the singing career all that and the succeeding daysthe possibilities; the hopes; the dangers but the hopes a great deal more than the dangers。 He became more and more interested in her and in the project; as her beauty shone out with the tranquillizing sea and as her old charm of cleverness at saying things that amused him reasserted itself。 She; dubious and lukewarm at first; soon was trying to curb her own excited optimism; but long before they sighted Sandy Hook she was merely pretending to hang back。 He felt discouraged by her parting! ‘‘If I decide to go on; I'll write you in a few days。'' But he need not have felt so。 She had made up her mind to accept his offer。 As for the complications involved in such curiously intimate relations with a man of his temperament; habits; and inclinations; she saw them very vaguely in… deedrefused to permit herself to see them any less vaguely。 Time enough to deal with complications when and as they arose; why needlessly and foolishly annoy herself and hamper herself? Said she to herself; ‘‘I must begin to be practical。''
IV
AT the pier Mildred sent her mother a telegram; giving the train by which she would arrivethat and nothing more。 As she descended from the parlor…car there stood Mrs。 Presbury upon the platform; face wreathed in the most joyous of welcoming smiles; not a surface trace of the curiosity and alarm storming within。 After they had kissed and embraced with a genuine emotion which they did not try to hide; because both suddenly became unconscious of that world whereof ordinarily they were constantly mindfulafter caresses and tears Mrs。 Presbury said:
‘‘It's all very well to dress plain; when everyone knows you can afford the best。 But don't you think you're overdoing it a little?''
Mildred laughed somewhat nervously。 ‘‘Wait till we're safe at home;'' said she。
On the way up from the station in the carriage they chattered away in the liveliest fashion; to make the proper impression upon any observing Hanging… Rockers。 ‘‘Luckily; Presbury's gone to town to…day;'' said his wife。 ‘‘But really he's quite livablehasn't gone back to his old ways。 He doesn't know it; but he's rapidly growing deaf。 He imagines that everyone is speaking more and more indistinctly; and he has lost interest in conversation。 Then; too; he has done well in Wall Street; and that has put him in a good humor。''
‘‘He'll not be surprised to see mealone;'' said