第 7 节
作者:
打倒一切 更新:2021-02-21 13:16 字数:9321
‘‘Yes;'' said she。
‘‘You must have realized it several years ago;'' he went on。 ‘‘Instead of allowing your mother to keep on wasting money in entertaining lavishly here to give you a chance to marry; you should have been preparing yourself to earn a living。'' A pause。 ‘‘Isn't that true; miss?''
He had a way of pronouncing the word ‘‘miss'' that made it an epithet; a sneer at her unmarried and un… marriageable state。 She colored; paled; murmured:
‘‘Yes。''
‘‘Then; better late than never。 You'll do well to follow my advice and go to New York and look about you。''
‘‘I'llI'll think of it;'' stammered she。
And she did think of it。 But in all her life she had never considered the idea of money…making。 That was something for men; and for the middle and lower classes while Hanging Rock was regarded as most noisomely middle class by fashionable people; it did not so regard itself。 Money…making was not for ladies。 Like all her class; she was a constant and a severe critic of the women of the lower orders who worked for her as milliners; dressmakers; shop…attendants; cooks; maids。 But; as she now realized; it is one thing to pass upon the work of others; it is another thing to do work oneself。 She There was literally nothing that she could do。 Any occupation; even the most menial; was either beyond her skill or beyond her strength; or beyond both。
Suddenly she recalled that she could sing。 Her prostrate spirit suddenly leaped erect。 Yes; she could sing! Her voice had been praised by experts。 Her singing had been in demand at charity entertainments where amateurs had to compete with professionals。 Then down she dropped again。 She sang well enough to know how badly she sangthe long and toilsome and expensive training that lay between her and operatic or concert or even music…hall stage。 Her voice was fine at times。 Againmost of the timeit was unreliable。 No; she could not hope to get paying employment even as a church choir…singer。 Miss Dresser who sang in the choir of the Good Shepherd for ten dollars a Sunday; had not nearly so good a voice as she; but it was reliable。
‘‘There is nothing I can donothing!''
All at once; with no apparent bridge across the vast chasm; her heart went out; not in pity but in human understanding and sisterly sympathy; to the women of the pariah class at whom; during her stops in New York; she had sometimes gazed in wonder and horror。 ‘‘Why; we and they are only a step apart;'' she said to herself in amazement。 ‘‘We and they are much nearer than my maid or the cook and they!''
And then her heart skipped a beat and her skin grew cold and a fog swirled over her brain。 If she should be cast outif she could find no work and no one to support herwould she ‘‘O my God!'' she moaned。 ‘‘I must be crazy; to think such thoughts。 I never could! I'd die firstDIE!'' But if anyone had pictured to her the kind of life she was now leadingthe humiliation and degradation she was meekly enduring with no thought of flight; with an ever stronger desire to stay on; regardless of pride and self…respectif anyone had pictured this to her as what she would endure; what would she have said? She could see herself flashing scornful denial; saying that she would rather kill herself。 Yet she was livingand was not even contemplating suicide as a way out!
A few days after Presbury gave her warning; her mother took advantage of his absence for his religiously observed daily constitutional to say to her:
‘‘I hope you didn't think I was behind him in what he said to you about going away?''
Mildred had not thought so; but in her mother's guilty tone and guiltier eyes she now read that her mother wished her to go。
‘‘It'd be awful for me to be left here alone with him;'' wailed her mother insincerely。 ‘‘Of course we've got no money; and beggars can't be choosers。 But it'd just about kill me to have you go。''
Mildred could not speak。
‘‘I don't know a thing about money;'' Mrs。 Presbury went on。 ‘‘Your father always looked after everything。'' She had fallen into the way of speaking of her first husband as part of some vague; remote past; which; indeed; he had become for her。 ‘‘This man'' meaning Presbury‘‘has only about five thousand a year; as you know。 I suppose that's as small as he says it is。 I remember our bills for one month used to be as much or more than that。'' She waved her useless; pretty hands helplessly。 ‘‘I don't see HOW we are to get on; Mildred!''
Her mother wished her to go! Her mother had fallen under the influence of Presburyher mother; woman… like; or rather; ladylike; was of kin to the helpless; flabby things that float in the sea and attach themselves to whatever they happen to lodge against。 Her mother wished her to go!
‘‘At the same time;'' Mrs。 Presbury went on; ‘‘I can't live without somebody here to stand between me and him。 I'd kill him or kill myself。''
Mildred muttered some excuse and fled from the room; to lock herself in。
But when she came forth again to descend to dinner; she had resolved nothing; because there was nothing to resolve。 When she was a child she leaned from the nursery window one day and saw a stable…boy drowning a rat that was in a big; oval; wire cage with a wooden bottom。 The boy pressed the cage slowly down in the vat of water。 The rat; in the very top of the cage; watched the floor sink; watched the water rise。 And as it watched it uttered a strange; shrill; feeble sound which she could still remember distinctly and terribly。 It seemed to her now that if she were to utter any sound at all; it would be that one。
II
ON the Monday before Thanksgiving; Presbury went up to New York to look after one of the little speculations in Wall Street at which he was so clever。 Throughout the civilized world nowadays; and especially in and near the great capitals of finance; there is a class of men and women of small capital and of a character in which are combined iron self…restraint; rabbit…like timidity; and great shrewdness; who make often a not inconsiderable income by gambling in stocks。 They buy only when the market is advancing strongly; they sell as soon as they have gained the scantest margin of profit。 They never permit themselves to be tempted by the most absolute certainty of larger gains。 They will let weeks; months even; go by without once risking a dollar。 They wait until they simply cannot lose。 Tens of thousands every year try to join this class。 All but the few soon succumb to the hourly dazzling temptations the big gamblers dangle before the eyes of the little gamblers to lure them within reach of the merciless shears。
Presbury had for many years added from one to ten thousand a year to his income by this form of gambling; success at which is in itself sufficient to stamp a man as infinitely little of soul。 On that Monday he; venturing for the first time in six months; returned to Hanging Rock on the three…thirty train the richer by two hundred and fifty dollarsas large a ‘‘killing'' as he had ever made in any single day; one large enough to elevate him to the rank of prince among the ‘‘sure…thing snides。'' He said nothing about his luck to his family; but let them attribute his unprecedented good humor to the news he brought and announced at dinner。
‘‘I met an old friend in the street this afternoon;'' said he。 ‘‘He has invited us to take Thanksgiving dinner with him。 And I think it will be a dinner worth whilethe food; I mean; and the wine。 Not the guests; for there won't be any guests but us。 General Siddall is a stranger in New York。''
‘‘There are Siddalls in New York;'' said his wife; ‘‘very nice; refined peoplegoing in the best society。''
Presbury showed his false teeth in a genial smile; for the old…fashioned or plate kind of false teeth they were extraordinarily goodwhen exactly in place。 ‘‘But not my old friend Bill Siddall;'' said he。 ‘‘He's next door to an outlaw。 I'd not have accepted his invitation if he had been asking us to dine in public。 But this is to be at his own househis new houseand a very grand house it is; judging by the photos he showed me。 A regular palace! He'll not be an outlaw long; I guess。 But we must wait and see how he comes out socially before we commit ourselves。''
‘‘Did you accept for me; too?'' asked Mrs。 Presbury。
‘‘Certainly;'' said Presbury。 ‘‘And for your daughter; too。''
‘‘I can't go;'' said Mildred。 ‘‘I'm dining with the Fassetts。''
The family no longer had a servant in constant attendance in the dining…room。 The maid of many functions also acted as butler and as fetch…and…carry between kitchen and butler's pantry。 Before speaking; Presbury waited until this maid had withdrawn to bring the roast and the vegetables。 Then he said:
‘‘You are going; too; miss。'' This with the full infusion of insult into the ‘‘miss。''
Mildred was silent。
‘‘Bill Siddall is looking for a wife;'' proceeded Presbury。 ‘‘And he has Heaven knows how many millions。''
‘‘Do you think there's a chance for Milly?'' cried Mrs。 Presbury; who was full of alternating hopes and fears; both wholly irrational。
‘‘She can have himif she wants him;'' replied Presbury。 ‘‘But it's only fair to warn her that he's a stiff dose。''
‘‘Is