第 24 节
作者:孤悟      更新:2021-02-21 12:12      字数:9322
  Except indeed to drink:  no cup had we:
  In mine own lady palms I culled the spring
  That gathered trickling dropwise from the cleft;
  And made a pretty cup of both my hands
  And offered you it kneeling:  then you drank
  And knew no more; nor gave me one poor word;
  O no more thanks than might a goat have given
  With no more sign of reverence than a beard。
  And when we halted at that other well;
  And I was faint to swooning; and you lay
  Foot…gilt with all the blossom…dust of those
  Deep meadows we had traversed; did you know
  That Vivien bathed your feet before her own?
  And yet no thanks:  and all through this wild wood
  And all this morning when I fondled you:
  Boon; ay; there was a boon; one not so strange
  How had I wronged you? surely ye are wise;
  But such a silence is more wise than kind。'
  And Merlin locked his hand in hers and said:
  'O did ye never lie upon the shore;
  And watch the curled white of the coming wave
  Glassed in the slippery sand before it breaks?
  Even such a wave; but not so pleasurable;
  Dark in the glass of some presageful mood;
  Had I for three days seen; ready to fall。
  And then I rose and fled from Arthur's court
  To break the mood。  You followed me unasked;
  And when I looked; and saw you following me still;
  My mind involved yourself the nearest thing
  In that mind…mist:  for shall I tell you truth?
  You seemed that wave about to break upon me
  And sweep me from my hold upon the world;
  My use and name and fame。  Your pardon; child。
  Your pretty sports have brightened all again。
  And ask your boon; for boon I owe you thrice;
  Once for wrong done you by confusion; next
  For thanks it seems till now neglected; last
  For these your dainty gambols:  wherefore ask;
  And take this boon so strange and not so strange。'
  And Vivien answered smiling mournfully:
  'O not so strange as my long asking it;
  Not yet so strange as you yourself are strange;
  Nor half so strange as that dark mood of yours。
  I ever feared ye were not wholly mine;
  And see; yourself have owned ye did me wrong。
  The people call you prophet:  let it be:
  But not of those that can expound themselves。
  Take Vivien for expounder; she will call
  That three…days…long presageful gloom of yours
  No presage; but the same mistrustful mood
  That makes you seem less noble than yourself;
  Whenever I have asked this very boon;
  Now asked again:  for see you not; dear love;
  That such a mood as that; which lately gloomed
  Your fancy when ye saw me following you;
  Must make me fear still more you are not mine;
  Must make me yearn still more to prove you mine;
  And make me wish still more to learn this charm
  Of woven paces and of waving hands;
  As proof of trust。  O Merlin; teach it me。
  The charm so taught will charm us both to rest。
  For; grant me some slight power upon your fate;
  I; feeling that you felt me worthy trust;
  Should rest and let you rest; knowing you mine。
  And therefore be as great as ye are named;
  Not muffled round with selfish reticence。
  How hard you look and how denyingly!
  O; if you think this wickedness in me;
  That I should prove it on you unawares;
  That makes me passing wrathful; then our bond
  Had best be loosed for ever:  but think or not;
  By Heaven that hears I tell you the clean truth;
  As clean as blood of babes; as white as milk:
  O Merlin; may this earth; if ever I;
  If these unwitty wandering wits of mine;
  Even in the jumbled rubbish of a dream;
  Have tript on such conjectural treachery
  May this hard earth cleave to the Nadir hell
  Down; down; and close again; and nip me flat;
  If I be such a traitress。  Yield my boon;
  Till which I scarce can yield you all I am;
  And grant my re…reiterated wish;
  The great proof of your love:  because I think;
  However wise; ye hardly know me yet。'
  And Merlin loosed his hand from hers and said;
  'I never was less wise; however wise;
  Too curious Vivien; though you talk of trust;
  Than when I told you first of such a charm。
  Yea; if ye talk of trust I tell you this;
  Too much I trusted when I told you that;
  And stirred this vice in you which ruined man
  Through woman the first hour; for howsoe'er
  In children a great curiousness be well;
  Who have to learn themselves and all the world;
  In you; that are no child; for still I find
  Your face is practised when I spell the lines;
  I call it;well; I will not call it vice:
  But since you name yourself the summer fly;
  I well could wish a cobweb for the gnat;
  That settles; beaten back; and beaten back
  Settles; till one could yield for weariness:
  But since I will not yield to give you power
  Upon my life and use and name and fame;
  Why will ye never ask some other boon?
  Yea; by God's rood; I trusted you too much。'
  And Vivien; like the tenderest…hearted maid
  That ever bided tryst at village stile;
  Made answer; either eyelid wet with tears:
  'Nay; Master; be not wrathful with your maid;
  Caress her:  let her feel herself forgiven
  Who feels no heart to ask another boon。
  I think ye hardly know the tender rhyme
  Of 〃trust me not at all or all in all。〃
  I heard the great Sir Lancelot sing it once;
  And it shall answer for me。  Listen to it。
  〃In Love; if Love be Love; if Love be ours;
  Faith and unfaith can ne'er be equal powers:
  Unfaith in aught is want of faith in all。
  〃It is the little rift within the lute;
  That by and by will make the music mute;
  And ever widening slowly silence all。
  〃The little rift within the lover's lute
  Or little pitted speck in garnered fruit;
  That rotting inward slowly moulders all。
  〃It is not worth the keeping:  let it go:
  But shall it? answer; darling; answer; no。
  And trust me not at all or all in all。〃
  O Master; do ye love my tender rhyme?'
  And Merlin looked and half believed her true;
  So tender was her voice; so fair her face;
  So sweetly gleamed her eyes behind her tears
  Like sunlight on the plain behind a shower:
  And yet he answered half indignantly:
  'Far other was the song that once I heard
  By this huge oak; sung nearly where we sit:
  For here we met; some ten or twelve of us;
  To chase a creature that was current then
  In these wild woods; the hart with golden horns。
  It was the time when first the question rose
  About the founding of a Table Round;
  That was to be; for love of God and men
  And noble deeds; the flower of all the world。
  And each incited each to noble deeds。
  And while we waited; one; the youngest of us;
  We could not keep him silent; out he flashed;
  And into such a song; such fire for fame;
  Such trumpet…glowings in it; coming down
  To such a stern and iron…clashing close;
  That when he stopt we longed to hurl together;
  And should have done it; but the beauteous beast
  Scared by the noise upstarted at our feet;
  And like a silver shadow slipt away
  Through the dim land; and all day long we rode
  Through the dim land against a rushing wind;
  That glorious roundel echoing in our ears;
  And chased the flashes of his golden horns
  Till they vanished by the fairy well
  That laughs at ironas our warriors did
  Where children cast their pins and nails; and cry;
  〃Laugh; little well!〃 but touch it with a sword;
  It buzzes fiercely round the point; and there
  We lost him:  such a noble song was that。
  But; Vivien; when you sang me that sweet rhyme;
  I felt as though you knew this cursed charm;
  Were proving it on me; and that I lay
  And felt them slowly ebbing; name and fame。'
  And Vivien answered smiling mournfully:
  'O mine have ebbed away for evermore;
  And all through following you to this wild wood;
  Because I saw you sad; to comfort you。
  Lo now; what hearts have men! they never mount
  As high as woman in her selfless mood。
  And touching fame; howe'er ye scorn my song;
  Take one verse morethe lady speaks itthis:
  '〃My name; once mine; now thine; is closelier mine;
  For fame; could fame be mine; that fame were thine;
  And shame; could shame be thine; that shame were mine。
  So trust me not at all or all in all。〃
  'Says she not well? and there is morethis rhyme
  Is like the fair pearl…necklace of the Queen;
  That burst in dancing; and the pearls were spilt;
  Some lost; some stolen; some as relics kept。
  But nevermore the same two sister pearls
  Ran down the silken thread to kiss each other
  On her white neckso is it with this rhyme:
  It lives dispersedly in many hands;
  And every minstrel sings it differently;
  Yet is there one true line; the pearl of pearls:
  〃Man dreams of Fame while woman wakes to love。〃
  Yea!  Love; though Love were of the grossest; carves
  A portion from the solid present; eats
  And uses; careless of the rest; but Fame;
  The Fame that follows death is nothing to us;
  And what is Fame in life but half…disfame;
  And counterchanged with darkness? ye yourself
  Know well that Envy calls you Devil's son;
  And since ye seem the Master of all Art;
  They fain would make you Master of all vice。'
  And Merlin locked his hand in hers and said;
  'I once was looking for a magic weed;
  And found a fair young squire who sat alone;
  Had carved himself a knightly shield of wood;
  And then was painting on it fancied arms;
  Azure; an Eagle rising or; the Sun
  In dexter chief; the scroll 〃I follow fame。〃
  And speaking not; but leaning over him
  I took his brush and blotted out the bird;
  And made a Gardene