n　no　mercy。　Perhaps　God　may　be　less　inexorable。　My　sufferings；　sufferings　full　of　the　thought　of　you；　shall　be　the　penance　of　a　heart　which　will　never　be　healed；　which　will　bleed　in　solitude。　For　a　wounded　heartshadow　and　silence。
  〃　'No　other　image　of　love　shall　be　engraven　on　my　heart。　Though　I　am　not　a　woman；　I　feel　as　you　felt　that　when　I　said　〃I　love　you；〃　it　was　a　vow　for　life。　Yes；　the　words　then　spoken　in　the　ear　of　〃my　beloved〃　were　not　a　lie；　you　would　have　a　right　to　scorn　me　if　I　could　change。　I　shall　never　cease　to　worship　you　in　my　solitude。　In　spite　of　the　gulf　set　between　us；　you　will　still　be　the　mainspring　of　all　my　actions；　and　all　the　virtues　are　inspired　by　penitence　and　love。　Though　you　have　filled　my　heart　with　bitterness；　I　shall　never　have　bitter　thoughts　of　you；　would　it　not　be　an　ill　beginning　of　the　new　tasks　that　I　have　set　myself　if　I　did　not　purge　out　all　the　evil　leaven　from　my　soul？　Farewell；　then；　to　the　one　heart　that　I　love　in　the　world；　a　heart　from　which　I　am　cast　out。　Never　has　more　feeling　and　more　tenderness　been　expressed　in　a　farewell；　for　is　it　not　fraught　with　the　life　and　soul　of　one　who　can　never　hope　again；　and　must　be　henceforth　as　one　dead？　。　。　。　Farewell。　May　peace　be　with　you；　and　may　all　the　sorrow　of　our　lot　fall　to　me！'　〃
  Benassis　and　Genestas　looked　at　each　other　for　a　moment　after　reading　the　two　letters；　each　full　of　sad　thoughts；　of　which　neither　spoke。
  〃As　you　see；　this　is　only　a　rough　copy　of　my　last　letter；〃　said　Benassis；　〃it　is　all　that　remains　to　me　to…day　of　my　blighted　hopes。　When　I　had　sent　the　letter；　I　fell　into　an　indescribable　state　of　depression。　All　the　ties　that　hold　one　to　life　were　bound　together　in　the　hope　of　wedded　happiness；　which　was　henceforth　lost　to　me　for　ever。　I　had　to　bid　farewell　to　the　joys　of　a　permitted　and　acknowledged　love；　to　all　the　generous　ideas　that　had　thronged　up　from　the　depths　of　my　heart。　The　prayers　of　a　penitent　soul　that　thirsted　for　righteousness　and　for　all　things　lovely　and　of　good　report；　had　been　rejected　by　these　religious　people。　At　first；　the　wildest　resolutions　and　most　frantic　thoughts　surged　through　my　mind；　but　happily　for　me　the　sight　of　my　son　brought　self…control。　I　felt　all　the　more　strongly　drawn　towards　him　for　the　misfortunes　of　which　he　was　the　innocent　cause；　and　for　which　I　had　in　reality　only　myself　to　blame。　In　him　I　found　all　my　consolation。
  〃At　the　age　of　thirty…four　I　might　still　hope　to　do　my　country　noble　service。　I　determined　to　make　a　name　for　myself；　a　name　so　illustrious　that　no　one　should　remember　the　stain　on　the　birth　of　my　son。　How　many　noble　thoughts　I　owe　to　him！　How　full　a　life　I　led　in　those　days　while　I　was　absorbed　in　planning　out　his　future！　I　feel　stifled；〃　cried　Benassis。　〃All　this　happened　eleven　years　ago；　and　yet　to　this　day；　I　cannot　bear　to　think　of　that　fatal　year。　。　。　。　My　child　died；　sir；　I　lost　him！〃
  The　doctor　was　silent；　and　hid　his　face　in　his　hands；　when　he　was　somewhat　calmer　he　raised　his　head　again；　and　Genestas　saw　that　his　eyes　were　full　of　tears。
  〃At　first　it　seemed　as　if　this　thunderbolt　had　uprooted　me；〃　Benassis　resumed。　〃It　was　a　blow　from　which　I　could　only　expect　to　recover　after　I　had　been　transplanted　into　a　different　soil　from　that　of　the　social　world　in　which　I　lived。　It　was　not　till　some　time　afterwards　that　I　saw　the　finger　of　God　in　my　misfortunes；　and　later　still　that　I　learned　to　submit　to　His　will　and　to　hearken　to　His　voice。　It　was　impossible　that　resignation　should　come　to　me　all　at　once。　My　impetuous　and　fiery　nature　broke　out　in　a　final　storm　of　rebellion。
  〃It　was　long　before　I　brought　myself　to　take　the　only　step　befitting　a　Catholic；　indeed；　my　thoughts　ran　on　suicide。　This　succession　of　misfortunes　had　contributed　to　develop　melancholy　feelings　in　me；　and　I　deliberately　determined　to　take　my　own　life。　It　seemed　to　me　that　it　was　permissible　to　take　leave　of　life　when　life　was　ebbing　fast。　There　was　nothing　unnatural；　I　thought　about　suicide。　The　ravages　of　mental　distress　affected　the　soul　of　man　in　the　same　way　that　acute　physical　anguish　affected　the　body；　and　an　intelligent　being；　suffering　from　a　moral　malady；　had　surely　a　right　to　destroy　himself；　a　right　he　shares　with　the　sheep；　that；　fallen　a　victim　to　the　'staggers；'　beats　its　head　against　a　tree。　Were　the　soul's　diseases　in　truth　more　readily　cured　than　those　of　the　body？　I　scarcely　think　so；　to　this　day。　Nor　do　I　know　which　is　the　more　craven　soulhe　who　hopes　even　when　hope　is　no　longer　possible；　or　he　who　despairs。　Death　is　the　natural　termination　of　a　physical　malady；　and　it　seemed　to　me　that　suicide　was　the　final　crisis　in　the　sufferings　of　a　mind　diseased；　for　it　was　in　the　power　of　the　will　to　end　them　when　reason　showed　that　death　was　preferable　to　life。　So　it　is　not　the　pistol；　but　a　thought　that　puts　an　end　to　our　existence。　Again；　when　fate　may　suddenly　lay　us　low　in　the　midst　of　a　happy　life；　can　we　be　blamed　for　ourselves　refusing　to　bear　a　life　of　misery？
  〃But　my　reflections　during　that　time　of　mourning　turned　on　loftier　themes。　The　grandeur　of　pagan　philosophy　attracted　me；　and　for　a　while　I　became　a　convert。　In　my　efforts　to　discover　new　rights　for　man；　I　thought　that　with　the　aid　of　modern　thought　I　could　penetrate　further　into　the　questions　to　which　those　old…world　systems　of　philosophy　had　furnished　solutions。
  〃Epicurus　permitted　suicide。　Was　it　not　the　natural　outcome　of　his　system　of　ethics？　The　gratification　of　the　senses　was　to　be　obtained　at　any　cost；　and　when　this　became　impossible；　the　easiest　and　best　course　was　for　the　animate　being　to　return　to　the　repose　of　inanimate　nature。　Happiness；　or　the　hope　of　happiness；　was　the　one　end　for　which　man　existed；　for　one　who　suffered；　and　who　suffered　without　hope；　death　ceased　to　be　an　evil；　and　became　a　good；　and　suicide　became　a　final　act　of　wisdom。　This　act　Epicurus　neither　blamed　nor　praised；　he　was　content　to　say　as　he　poured　a　libation　to　Bacchus；　'As　for　death；　there　is　nothing　in　death　to　move　our　laughter　or　our　tears。'
  〃With　a　loftier　morality　than　that　of　the　Epicureans；　and　a　sterner　sense　of　man's　duties；　Zeno　and　the　Stoic　philosophers　prescribed　suicide　in　certain　cases　to　their　followers。　They　reasoned　thus：　Man　differs　from　the　brute　in　that　he　has　the　sovereign　right　to　dispose　of　his　person；　take　away　this　power　of　life　and　death　over　himself　and　he　becomes　the　plaything　of　fate；　the　slave　of　other　men。　Rightly　understood；　this　power　of　life　and　death　is　a　sufficient　counterpoise　for　all　the　ills　of　life；　the　same　power　when　conferred　upon　another；　upon　his　fellow…man；　leads　to　tyranny　of　every　kind。　Man　has　no　power　whatever　unless　he　has　unlimited　freedom　of　action。　Suppose　that　he　has　been　guilty　of　some　irreparable　error；　from　the　shameful　consequences　of　which　there　is　no　escape；　a　sordid　nature　swallows　down　the　disgrace　and　survives　it；　the　wise　man　drinks　the　hemlock　and　dies。　Suppose　that　the　remainder　of　life　is　to　be　one　constant　struggle　with　the　gout　which　racks　our　bones；　or　with　a　gnawing　and　disfiguring　cancer；　the　wise　man　dismisses　quacks；　and　at　the　proper　moment　bids　a　last　farewell　to　the　friends　whom　he　only　saddens　by　his　presence。　Or　another　perhaps　has　fallen　alive　into　the　hands　of　the　tyrant　against　whom　he　fought。　What　shall　he　do？　The　oath　of　allegiance　is　tendered　to　him；　he　must　either　subscribe　or　stretch　out　his　neck　to　the　executioner；　the　fool　takes　the　latter　course；　the　coward　subscribes；　the　wise　man　strikes　a　last　blow　for　libertyin　his　own　heart。　'You　who　are　free；'　the　Stoic　was　wont　to　say；　'know　then　how　to　preserve　your　freedom！　Find　freedom　from　your　own　passions　by　sacrificing　them　to　duty；　freedom　from　the　tyranny　of　mankind　by　pointing　to　the　sword　or　the　poison　which　will　put　you　beyond　their　reach；　freedom　from　the　bondage　of　fate　by　determining　the　point　beyond　which　you　will　endure　it　no　longer；　freedom　from　physical　fear　by　learning　how　to　subdue　the　gross　instinct　which　causes　so　many　wretches　to　cling　to　life。'
  〃After　I　had　unearthed　this　reasoning　from　among　a　heap　of　ancient　philosophical　writings；　I　sought　to　reconcile　it　with　Christian　teachings。　God　has　bestowed　free…will　upon　us　in　order　to　require　of　us　an　account　hereafter　before　the　Throne　of　Judgment。　'I　will　plead　my　cause　there！'　I　said　to　myself。　But　such　thoughts　as　these　led　me　to　think　of　a　life　after　death；　and　my　old　shaken　beliefs　rose　up　before　me。　Human　life　grows　solemn　when　all　eternity　hangs　upon　the　slightest　of　our　decisions。　When　the　full　meaning　of　this　thought　is　realized；　the　soul　becomes　conscious　of　something　vast　and　mysterious　within　itself；　by　which　it　is　drawn　towards　the　Infinite；　the　aspect　of　all　things　alters　strangely。　From　this　point　of　view　life　is　something　infinitely　great　and　infinitely　little。　The　consciousness　of　my　sins　had　never　made　me　think　of　heaven　so　long　as　hope　remained　to　me　on　earth；　so　long　as　I　could　find　a　relief　for　my　woes　in　work　and　in　the　society　of　other　men。　I　had　meant　to　make　the　happiness　of　a　woman's　life；　to　love；　to　be　the　head　of　a　family；　and　in　this　way　my　need　of　expiation　would　have　been　satisfied　to　the　full。　This　design　had　been　thwarted；　but　yet　another　way　had　remained　to　me；I　woul