e　whole　landscape　grew　dark　and　dreary。　That　sudden　change　was　like　the　change　in　my　own　life　at　this　time。　I　received　from　her　the　first；　the　sole　and　sublime　token　of　love　that　an　innocent　girl　may　give；　the　more　secretly　it　is　given；　the　closer　is　the　bond　it　forms；　the　sweet　promise　of　love；　a　fragment　of　the　language　spoken　in　a　fairer　world　than　this。　Sure；　therefore；　of　being　beloved；　I　vowed　that　I　would　confess　everything　at　once；　that　I　would　have　no　secrets　from　her；　I　felt　ashamed　that　I　had　so　long　delayed　to　tell　her　about　the　sorrows　that　I　had　brought　upon　myself。
  〃Unluckily；　with　the　morrow　of　this　happy　day　a　letter　came　from　my　son's　tutor；　the　life　of　the　child　so　dear　to　me　was　in　danger。　I　went　away　without　confiding　my　secret　to　Evelina；　merely　telling　her　family　that　I　was　urgently　required　in　Paris。　Her　parents　took　alarm　during　my　absence。　They　feared　that　there　I　was　entangled　in　some　way；　and　wrote　to　Paris　to　make　inquiries　about　me。　It　was　scarcely　consistent　with　their　religious　principles；　but　they　suspected　me；　and　did　not　even　give　me　an　opportunity　of　clearing　myself。
  〃One　of　their　friends；　without　my　knowledge；　gave　them　the　whole　history　of　my　youth；　blackening　my　errors；　laying　stress　upon　the　existence　of　my　child；　which　（said　they）　I　intended　to　conceal。　I　wrote　to　my　future　parents；　but　I　received　no　answers　to　my　letters；　and　when　they　came　back　to　Paris；　and　I　called　at　their　house；　I　was　not　admitted。　Much　alarmed；　I　sent　to　my　old　friend　to　learn　the　reason　of　this　conduct　on　their　part；　which　I　did　not　in　the　least　understand。　As　soon　as　the　good　soul　knew　the　real　cause　of　it　all；　he　sacrificed　himself　generously；　took　upon　himself　all　the　blame　of　my　reserve；　and　tried　to　exculpate　me；　but　all　to　no　purpose。　Questions　of　interest　and　morality　were　regarded　so　seriously　by　the　family；　their　prejudices　were　so　firmly　and　deeply　rooted；　that　they　never　swerved　from　their　resolution。　My　despair　was　overwhelming。　At　first　I　tried　to　deprecate　their　wrath；　but　my　letters　were　sent　back　to　me　unopened。　When　every　possible　means　had　been　tried　in　vain；　when　her　father　and　mother　had　plainly　told　my　old　friend　（the　cause　of　my　misfortune）　that　they　would　never　consent　to　their　daughter's　marriage　with　a　man　who　had　upon　his　conscience　the　death　of　a　woman　and　the　life　of　a　natural　son；　even　though　Evelina　herself　should　implore　them　upon　her　knees；　then；　sir；　there　only　remained　to　me　one　last　hope；　a　hope　as　slender　and　fragile　as　the　willow…branch　at　which　a　drowning　wretch　catches　to　save　himself。
  〃I　ventured　to　think　that　Evelina's　love　would　be　stronger　than　her　father's　scruples；　that　her　inflexible　parents　might　yield　to　her　entreaties。　Perhaps；　who　knows；　her　father　had　kept　from　her　the　reasons　of　the　refusal；　which　was　so　fatal　to　our　love。　I　determined　to　acquaint　her　with　all　the　circumstances；　and　to　make　a　final　appeal　to　her；　and　in　fear　and　trembling；　in　grief　and　tears；　my　first　and　last　love…letter　was　written。　To…day　I　can　only　dimly　remember　the　words　dictated　to　me　by　my　despair；　but　I　must　have　told　Evelina　that　if　she　had　dealt　sincerely　with　me　she　could　not　and　ought　not　to　love　another；　or　how　could　her　whole　life　be　anything　but　a　lie？　she　must　be　false　either　to　her　future　husband　or　to　me。　Could　she　refuse　to　the　lover；　who　had　been　so　misjudged　and　hardly　entreated；　the　devotion　which　she　would　have　shown　him　as　her　husband；　if　the　marriage　which　had　already　taken　place　in　our　hearts　had　been　outwardly　solemnized？　Was　not　this　to　fall　from　the　ideal　of　womanly　virtue？　What　woman　would　not　love　to　feel　that　the　promises　of　the　heart　were　more　sacred　and　binding　than　the　chains　forged　by　the　law？　I　defended　my　errors；　and　in　my　appeal　to　the　purity　of　innocence；　I　left　nothing　unsaid　that　could　touch　a　noble　and　generous　nature。　But　as　I　am　telling　you　everything；　I　will　look　for　her　answer　and　my　farewell　letter；〃　said　Benassis；　and　he　went　up　to　his　room　in　search　of　it。
  He　returned　in　a　few　moments　with　a　worn　pocketbook；　his　hands　trembled　with　emotion　as　he　drew　from　it　some　loose　sheets。
  〃Here　is　the　fatal　letter；〃　he　said。　〃The　girl　who　wrote　those　lines　little　knew　the　value　that　I　should　set　upon　the　scrap　of　paper　that　holds　her　thoughts。　This　is　the　last　cry　that　pain　wrung　from　me；〃　he　added；　taking　up　a　second　letter；　〃I　will　lay　it　before　you　directly。　My　old　friend　was　the　bearer　of　my　letter　of　entreaty；　he　gave　it　to　her　without　her　parents'　knowledge；　humbling　his　white　hair　to　implore　Evelina　to　read　and　to　reply　to　my　appeal。　This　was　her　answer：
  〃　'Monsieur　。　。　。'　But　lately　I　had　been　her　'beloved；'　the　innocent　name　she　had　found　by　which　to　express　her　innocent　love；　and　now　she　called　me　MONSIEUR！　。　。　。　That　one　word　told　me　everything。　But　listen　to　the　rest　of　the　letter：
  〃　'Treachery　on　the　part　of　one　to　whom　her　life　was　to　be　intrusted　is　a　bitter　thing　for　a　girl　to　discover；　and　yet　I　could　not　but　excuse　you；　we　are　so　weak！　Your　letter　touched　me；　but　you　must　not　write　to　me　again；　the　sight　of　your　handwriting　gives　me　such　unbearable　pain。　We　are　parted　for　ever。　I　was　carried　away　by　your　reasoning；　it　extinguished　all　the　harsh　feelings　that　had　risen　up　against　you　in　my　soul。　I　had　been　so　proud　of　your　truth！　But　both　of　us　have　found　my　father's　reasoning　irresistible。　Yes；　monsieur；　I　ventured　to　plead　for　you。　I　did　for　you　what　I　have　never　done　before；　I　overcame　the　greatest　fears　that　I　have　ever　known；　and　acted　almost　against　my　nature。　Even　now　I　am　yielding　to　your　entreaties；　and　doing　wrong　for　your　sake；　in　writing　to　you　without　my　father's　knowledge。　My　mother　knows　that　I　am　writing　to　you；　her　indulgence　in　leaving　me　at　liberty　to　be　alone　with　you　for　a　moment　has　taught　me　the　depth　of　her　love　for　me；　and　strengthened　my　determination　to　bow　to　the　decree　of　my　family；　against　which　I　had　almost　rebelled。　So　I　am　writing　to　you；　monsieur；　for　the　first　and　last　time。　You　have　my　full　and　entire　forgiveness　for　the　troubles　that　you　have　brought　into　my　life。　Yes；　you　are　right；　a　first　love　can　never　be　forgotten。　I　am　no　longer　an　innocent　girl；　and；　as　an　honest　woman；　I　can　never　marry　another。　What　my　future　will　be；　I　know　not　therefore。　Only　you　see；　monsieur；　that　echoes　of　this　year　that　you　have　filled　will　never　die　away　in　my　life。　But　I　am　in　no　way　accusing　you。　。　。　。　〃I　shall　always　be　beloved！〃　Why　did　you　write　those　words？　Can　they　bring　peace　to　the　troubled　soul　of　a　lonely　and　unhappy　girl？　Have　you　not　already　laid　waste　my　future；　giving　me　memories　which　will　never　cease　to　revisit　me？　Henceforth　I　can　only　give　myself　to　God；　but　will　He　accept　a　broken　heart？　He　has　had　some　purpose　to　fulfil　in　sending　these　afflictions　to　me；　doubtless　it　was　His　will　that　I　should　turn　to　Him；　my　only　refuge　here　below。　Nothing　remains　to　me　here　upon　this　earth。　You　have　all　a　man's　ambitions　wherewith　to　beguile　your　sorrows。　I　do　not　say　this　as　a　reproach；　it　is　a　sort　of　religious　consolation。　If　we　both　bear　a　grievous　burden　at　this　moment；　I　think　that　my　share　of　it　is　the　heavier。　He　in　whom　I　have　put　my　trust；　and　of　whom　you　can　feel　no　jealousy；　has　joined　our　lives　together；　and　He　puts　them　asunder　according　to　His　will。　I　have　seen　that　your　religious　beliefs　were　not　founded　upon　the　pure　and　living　faith　which　alone　enables　us　to　bear　our　woes　here　below。　Monsieur；　if　God　will　vouchsafe　to　hear　my　fervent　and　ceaseless　prayers；　He　will　cause　His　light　to　shine　in　your　soul。　Farewell；　you　who　should　have　been　my　guide；　you　whom　once　I　had　the　right　to　call　〃my　beloved；〃　no　one　can　reproach　me　if　I　pray　for　you　still。　God　orders　our　days　as　it　pleases　Him。　Perhaps　you　may　be　the　first　whom　He　will　call　to　himself；　but　if　I　am　left　alone　in　the　world；　then；　monsieur；　intrust　the　care　of　the　child　to　me。'
  〃This　letter；　so　full　of　generous　sentiments；　disappointed　my　hopes；〃　Benassis　resumed；　〃so　that　at　first　I　could　think　of　nothing　but　my　misery；　afterwards　I　welcomed　the　balm　which；　in　her　forgetfulness　of　self；　she　had　tried　to　pour　into　my　wounds；　but　in　my　first　despair　I　wrote　to　her　somewhat　bitterly：
  〃Mademoisellethat　word　alone　will　tell　you　that　at　your　bidding　I　renounce　you。　There　is　something　indescribably　sweet　in　obeying　one　we　love；　who　puts　us　to　the　torture。　You　are　right。　I　acquiesce　in　my　condemnation。　Once　I　slighted　a　girl's　devotion；　it　is　fitting；　therefore；　that　my　love　should　be　rejected　to…day。　But　I　little　thought　that　my　punishment　was　to　be　dealt　to　me　by　the　woman　at　whose　feet　I　had　laid　my　life。　I　never　expected　that　such　harshness；　perhaps　I　should　say；　such　rigid　virtue；　lurked　in　a　heart　that　seemed　to　be　so　loving　and　so　tender。　At　this　moment　the　full　strength　of　my　love　is　revealed　to　me；　it　has　survived　the　most　terrible　of　all　trials；　the　scorn　you　have　shown　for　me　by　severing　without　regret　the　ties　that　bound　us。　Farewell　for　ever。　There　still　remains　to　me　the　proud　humility　of　repentance；　I　will　find　some　sphere　of　life　where　I　can　expiate　the　errors　to　which　you；　the　mediator　between　Heaven　and　me；　have　shown　no　mercy。　Perhaps　God　may　be　less　inexorable。　My　sufferings；　sufferings　full　of　the　thought　of　you