第 48 节
作者:笑傲网络      更新:2021-02-21 11:02      字数:9321
  nce。 However it was; these insignificant disputes gave rise to two parties in the Gallican Churchthe Jansenists and the Jesuits。 Great men were found in either camp; and a struggle began between two powerful bodies。 The Jansenists affected an excessive purity of morals and of doctrine; and accused the Jesuits of preaching a relaxed morality。 The Jansenists; in fact; were Catholic Puritans; if two contradictory terms can be combined。 During the Revolution; the Concordat occasioned an unimportant schism; a little segregation of ultra…catholics who refused to recognize the Bishops appointed by the authorities with the consent of the Pope。 This little body of the faithful was called the Little Church; and those within its fold; like the Jansenists; led the strictly ordered lives that appear to be a first necessity of existence in all proscribed and persecuted sects。 Many Jansenist families had joined the Little Church。 The family to which this young girl belonged had embraced the equally rigid doctrines of both these Puritanisms; tenets which impart a stern dignity to the character and mien of those who hold them。 It is the nature of positive doctrine to exaggerate the importance of the most ordinary actions of life by connecting them with ideas of a future existence。 This is the source of a splendid and delicate purity of heart; a respect for others and for self; of an indescribably keen sense of right and wrong; a wide charity; together with a justice so stern that it might well be called inexorable; and lastly; a perfect hatred of lies and of all the vices comprised by falsehood。
  〃I can recall no more delightful moments than those of our first meeting at my old friend's house。 I beheld for the first time this shy young girl with her sincere nature; her habits of ready obedience。 All the virtues peculiar to the sect to which she belonged shone in her; but she seemed to be unconscious of her merit。 There was a grace; which no austerity could diminish; about every movement of her lissome; slender form; her quiet brow; the delicate grave outlines of her face; and her clearly cut features indicated noble birth; her expression was gentle and proud; her thick hair had been simply braided; the coronet of plaits about her head served; all unknown to her; as an adornment。 Captain; she was for me the ideal type that is always made real for us in the woman with whom we fall in love; for when we love; is it not because we recognize beauty that we have dreamed of; the beauty that has existed in idea for us is realized? When I spoke to her; she answered simply; without shyness or eagerness; she did not know the pleasure it was to me to see her; to hear the musical sounds of her voice。 All these angels are revealed to our hearts by the same signs; by the sweetness of their tongues; the tenderness in their eyes; by their fair; pale faces; and their gracious ways。 All these things are so blended and mingled that we feel the charm of their presence; yet cannot tell in what that charm consists; and every movement is an expression of a divine soul within。 I loved passionately。 This newly awakened love satisfied all my restless longings; all my ambitious dreams。 She was beautiful; wealthy; and nobly born; she had been carefully brought up; she had all the qualifications which the world positively demands of a woman placed in the high position which I desired to reach; she had been well educated; she expressed herself with a sprightly facility at once rare and common in France; where the most prettily worded phrases of many women are emptiness itself; while her bright talk was full of sense。 Above all; she had a deep consciousness of her own dignity which made others respect her; I know of no more excellent thing in a wife。 I must stop; captain; no one can describe the woman he loves save very imperfectly; preexistent mysteries which defy analysis lie between them。
  〃I very soon took my old friend into my confidence。 He introduced me to her family; and gave me the countenance of his honorable character。 I was received at first with the frigid politeness characteristic of those exclusive people who never forsake those whom they have once admitted to their friendship。 As time went on they welcomed me almost as one of the family; this mark of their esteem was won by my behavior in the matter。 In spite of my passionate love; I did nothing that could lower me in my own eyes; I did not cringe; I paid no court to those upon whom my fate depended; before all things I showed myself a man; and not other than I really was。 When I was well known to them; my old friend; who was as desirous as I myself that my life of melancholy loneliness should come to an end; spoke of my hopes and met with a favorable reception; but with the diplomatic shrewdness which is almost a second nature with men of the world; he was silent with regard to an error of my youth; as he termed it。 He was anxious to bring about a 'satisfactory marriage' for me; an expression that makes of so solemn an act a business transaction in which husband and wife endeavor to cheat each other。 In his opinion; the existence of my child would excite a moral repugnance; in comparison with which the question of money would be as nought; and the whole affair would be broken off at once; and he was right。
  〃 'It is a matter which will be very easily settled between you and your wife; it will be easy to obtain her full and free forgiveness;' he said。
  〃In short; he tried to silence my scruples; and all the insidious arguments that worldly wisdom could suggest were brought to bear upon me to this end。 I will confess to you; sir; that in spite of my promise; my first impulse was to act straightforwardly and to make everything known to the head of the family; but the thought of his uncompromising sternness made me pause; and the probable consequences of the confession appalled me; my courage failed; I temporized with my conscience; I determined to wait until I was sufficiently sure of the affection of the girl I hoped to win; before hazarding my happiness by the terrible confession。 My resolution to acknowledge everything openly; at a convenient season; vindicated the sophistries of worldly wisdom and the sagacity of my old friend。 So the young girl's parents received me as their future son…in…law without; as yet; taking their friends into their confidence。
  〃An infinite discretion is the distinguishing quality of pious families; they are reticent about everything; even about matters of no importance。 You would not believe; sir; how this sedate gravity and reserve; pervading every least action; deepens the current of feeling and thought。 Everything in that house was done with some useful end in view; the women spent their leisure time in making garments for the poor; their conversation was never frivolous; laughter was not banished; but there was a kindly simplicity about their merriment。 Their talk had none of the piquancy which scandal and ill…natured gossip give to the conversation of society; only the father and uncle read the newspapers; even the most harmless journal contains references to crimes or to public evils; and she whom I hoped to win had never cast her eyes over their sheets。 How strange it was; at first; to listen to these orthodox people! But in a little while; the pure atmosphere left the same impression upon the soul that subdued colors give to the eyes; a sense of serene repose and of tranquil peace。
  〃To a superficial observer; their life would have seemed terribly monotonous。 There was something chilling about the appearance of the interior of the house。 Day after day I used to see everything; even the furniture in constant use; always standing in the same place; and this uniform tidiness pervaded the smallest details。 Yet there was something very attractive about their household ways。 I had been used to the pleasures of variety; to the luxury and stir of life in Paris; it was only when I had overcome my first repugnance that I saw the advantages of this existence; how it lent itself to continuity of thought and to involuntary meditation; how a life in which the heart has undisturbed sway seems to widen and grow vast as the sea。 It is like the life of the cloister; where the outward surroundings never vary; and thought is thus compelled to detach itself from outward things and to turn to the infinite that lies within the soul!
  〃For a man as sincerely in love as I was; the silence and simplicity of the life; the almost conventual regularity with which the same things are done daily at the same hours; only deepened and strengthened love。 In that profound calm the interest attaching to the least action; word; or gesture became immense。 I learned to know that; in the interchange of glances and in answering smiles; there lies an eloquence and a variety of language far beyond the possibilities of the most magnificent of spoken phrases; that when the expression of the feelings is spontaneous and unforced; there is no idea; no joy nor sorrow that cannot thus be communicated by hearts that understand each other。 How many times I have tried to set forth my soul in my eyes or on my lips; compelled at once to speak and to be silent concerning my passion; for the young girl who; in my presence; was