und　it　a　physical　impossibility　to　lead　a　life　of　glaring　falsity。　There　is　for　me　but　little　attraction　in　pleasures　that　must　be　snatched。　I　wish　for　full　consciousness　of　my　happiness。　I　led　a　life　of　solitude；　for　which　there　seemed　to　be　no　remedy；　for　I　shrank　from　openly　vicious　courses；　and　the　many　efforts　that　I　made　to　enter　society　were　all　in　vain。　There　I　might　have　met　with　some　woman　who　would　have　undertaken　the　task　of　teaching　me　the　perils　of　every　path；　who　would　have　formed　my　manners；　counseled　me　without　wounding　my　vanity；　and　introduced　me　everywhere　where　I　was　likely　to　make　friends　who　would　be　useful　to　me　in　my　future　career。　In　my　despair；　an　intrigue　of　the　most　dangerous　kind　would　perhaps　have　had　its　attractions　for　me；　but　even　peril　was　out　of　my　reach。　My　inexperience　sent　me　back　again　to　my　solitude；　where　I　dwelt　face　to　face　with　my　thwarted　desires。
  〃At　last　I　formed　a　connection；　at　first　a　secret　one；　with　a　girl；　whom　I　persuaded；　half　against　her　will；　to　share　my　life。　Her　people　were　worthy　folk；　who　had　but　small　means。　It　was　not　very　long　before　she　left　her　simple　sheltered　life；　and　fearlessly　intrusted　me　with　a　future　that　virtue　would　have　made　happy　and　fair；　thinking；　no　doubt；　that　my　narrow　income　was　the　surest　guarantee　of　my　faithfulness　to　her。　From　that　moment　the　tempest　that　had　raged　within　me　ceased；　and　happiness　lulled　my　wild　desires　and　ambitions　to　sleep。　Such　happiness　is　only　possible　for　a　young　man　who　is　ignorant　of　the　world；　who　knows　nothing　as　yet　of　its　accepted　codes　nor　of　the　strength　of　prejudice；　but　while　it　lasts；　his　happiness　is　as　all…　absorbing　as　a　child's。　Is　not　first　love　like　a　return　of　childhood　across　the　intervening　years　of　anxiety　and　toil？
  〃There　are　men　who　learn　life　at　a　glance；　who　see　it　for　what　it　is　at　once；　who　learn　experience　from　the　mistakes　of　others；　who　apply　the　current　maxims　of　worldly　wisdom　to　their　own　case　with　signal　success；　and　make　unerring　forecasts　at　all　times。　Wise　in　their　generation　are　such　cool　heads　as　these！　But　there　is　also　a　luckless　race　endowed　with　the　impressionable；　keenly…sensitive　temperament　of　the　poet；　these　are　the　natures　that　fall　into　error；　and　to　this　latter　class　I　belonged。　There　was　no　great　depth　in　the　feeling　that　first　drew　me　towards　this　poor　girl；　I　followed　my　instinct　rather　than　my　heart　when　I　sacrificed　her　to　myself；　and　I　found　no　lack　of　excellent　reasons　wherewith　to　persuade　myself　that　there　was　no　harm　whatever　in　what　I　had　done。　And　as　for　hershe　was　devotion　itself；　a　noble　soul　with　a　clear；　keen　intelligence　and　a　heart　of　gold。　She　never　counseled　me　other　than　wisely。　Her　love　put　fresh　heart　into　me　from　the　first；　she　foretold　a　splendid　future　of　success　and　fortune　for　me；　and　gently　constrained　me　to　take　up　my　studies　again　by　her　belief　in　me。　In　these　days　there　is　scarcely　a　branch　of　science　that　has　no　bearing　upon　medicine；　it　is　a　difficult　task　to　achieve　distinction；　but　the　reward　is　great；　for　in　Paris　fame　always　means　fortune。　The　unselfish　girl　devoted　herself　to　me；　shared　in　every　interest；　even　the　slightest；　of　my　life；　and　managed　so　carefully　and　wisely　that　we　lived　in　comfort　on　my　narrow　income。　I　had　more　money　to　spare；　now　that　there　were　two　of　us；　than　I　had　ever　had　while　I　lived　by　myself。　Those　were　my　happiest　days。　I　worked　with　enthusiasm；　I　had　a　definite　aim　before　me；　I　had　found　the　encouragement　I　needed。　Everything　I　did　or　thought　I　carried　to　her；　who　had　not　only　found　the　way　to　gain　my　love；　but　above　and　beyond　this　had　filled　me　with　sincere　respect　for　her　by　the　modest　discretion　which　she　displayed　in　a　position　where　discretion　and　modesty　seemed　well…nigh　impossible。　But　one　day　was　like　another；　sir；　and　it　is　only　after　our　hears　have　passed　through　all　the　storms　appointed　for　us　that　we　know　the　value　of　a　monotonous　happiness；　and　learn　that　life　holds　nothing　more　sweet　for　us　than　this；　a　calm　happiness　in　which　the　fatigue　of　existence　is　felt　no　longer；　and　the　inmost　thoughts　of　either　find　response　in　the　other's　soul。
  〃My　former　dreams　assailed　me　again。　They　were　my　own　vehement　longings　for　the　pleasures　of　wealth　that　awoke；　though　it　was　in　love's　name　that　I　now　asked　for　them。　In　the　evenings　I　grew　abstracted　and　moody；　rapt　in　imaginings　of　the　pleasures　I　could　enjoy　if　I　were　rich；　and　thoughtlessly　gave　expression　to　my　desires　in　answer　to　a　tender　questioning　voice。　I　must　have　drawn　a　painful　sigh　from　her　who　had　devoted　herself　to　my　happiness；　for　she；　sweet　soul；　felt　nothing　more　cruelly　than　the　thought　that　I　wished　for　something　that　she　could　not　give　me　immediately。　Oh！　sir；　a　woman's　devotion　is　sublime！〃
  There　was　a　sharp　distress　in　the　doctor's　exclamation　which　seemed　prompted　by　some　recollection　of　his　own；　he　paused　for　a　brief　while；　and　Genestas　respected　his　musings。
  〃Well；　sir；〃　Benassis　resumed；　〃something　happened　which　should　have　concluded　the　marriage　thus　begun；　but　instead　of　that　it　put　an　end　to　it；　and　was　the　cause　of　all　my　misfortunes。　My　father　died　and　left　me　a　large　fortune。　The　necessary　business　arrangements　demanded　my　presence　in　Languedoc　for　several　months；　and　I　went　thither　alone。　At　last　I　had　regained　my　freedom！　Even　the　mildest　yoke　is　galling　to　youth；　we　do　not　see　its　necessity　any　more　than　we　see　the　need　to　work；　until　we　have　had　some　experience　of　life。　I　came　and　went　without　giving　an　account　of　my　actions　to　any　one；　there　was　no　need　to　do　so　now　unless　I　wished；　and　I　relished　liberty　with　all　the　keen　capacity　for　enjoyment　that　we　have　in　Languedoc。　I　did　not　absolutely　forget　the　ties　that　bound　me；　but　I　was　so　absorbed　in　other　matters　of　interest；　that　my　mind　was　distracted　from　them；　and　little　by　little　the　recollection　of　them　faded　away。　Letters　full　of　heartfelt　tenderness　reached　me；　but　at　two…and…twenty　a　young　man　imagines　that　all　women　are　alike　tender；　he　does　not　know　love　from　a　passing　infatuation；　all　things　are　confused　in　the　sensations　of　pleasure　which　seem　at　first　to　comprise　everything。　It　was　only　later；　when　I　came　to　a　clearer　knowledge　of　men　and　of　things　as　they　are；　that　I　could　estimate　those　noble　letters　at　their　just　worth。　No　trace　of　selfishness　was　mingled　with　the　feeling　expressed　in　them；　there　was　nothing　but　gladness　on　my　account　for　my　change　of　fortune；　and　regret　on　her　own；　it　never　occurred　to　her　that　I　could　change　towards　her；　for　she　felt　that　she　herself　was　incapable　of　change。　But　even　then　I　had　given　myself　up　to　ambitious　dreams；　I　thought　of　drinking　deeply　of　all　the　delights　that　wealth　could　give；　of　becoming　a　person　of　consequence；　of　making　a　brilliant　marriage。　So　I　read　the　letters；　and　contented　myself　with　saying；　'She　is　very　fond　of　me；'　with　the　indifference　of　a　coxcomb。　Even　then　I　was　perplexed　as　to　how　to　extricate　myself　from　this　entanglement；　I　was　ashamed　of　it；　and　this　fact　as　well　as　my　perplexity　led　me　to　be　cruel。　We　begin　by　wounding　the　victim；　and　then　we　kill　it；　that　the　sight　of　our　cruelty　may　no　longer　put　us　to　the　blush。　Late　reflections　upon　those　days　of　error　have　unveiled　for　me　many　a　dark　depth　in　the　human　heart。　Yes；　believe　me；　those　who　best　have　fathomed　the　good　and　evil　in　human　nature　have　honestly　examined　themselves　in　the　first　instance。　Conscience　is　the　starting…point　of　our　investigations；　we　proceed　from　ourselves　to　others；　never　from　others　to　ourselves。
  〃When　I　returned　to　Paris　I　took　up　my　abode　in　a　large　house　which；　in　pursuance　with　my　orders；　had　been　taken　for　me；　and　the　one　person　interested　in　my　return　and　change　of　address　was　not　informed　of　it。　I　wished　to　cut　a　figure　among　young　men　of　fashion。　I　waited　a　few　days　to　taste　the　first　delights　of　wealth；　and　when；　flushed　with　the　excitement　of　my　new　position；　I　felt　that　I　could　trust　myself　to　do　so；　I　went　to　see　the　poor　girl　whom　I　meant　to　cast　off。　With　a　woman's　quickness　she　saw　what　was　passing　in　my　mind；　and　hid　her　tears　from　me。　She　could　not　but　have　despised　me；　but　it　was　her　nature　to　be　gentle　and　kindly；　and　she　never　showed　her　scorn。　Her　forbearance　was　a　cruel　punishment。　An　unresisting　victim　is　not　a　pleasant　thing；　whether　the　murder　is　done　decorously　in　the　drawing…　room；　or　brutally　on　the　highway；　there　should　be　a　struggle　to　give　some　plausible　excuse　for　taking　a　life。　I　renewed　my　visits　very　affectionately　at　first；　making　efforts　to　be　gracious；　if　not　tender；　by　slow　degrees　I　became　politely　civil；　and　one　day；　by　a　sort　of　tacit　agreement　between　us；　she　allowed　me　to　treat　her　as　a　stranger；　and　I　thought　that　I　had　done　all　that　could　be　expected　of　me。　Nevertheless　I　abandoned　myself　to　my　new　life　with　almost　frenzied　eagerness；　and　sought　to　drown　in　gaiety　any　vague　lingering　remorse　that　I　felt。　A　man　who　has　lost　his　self…respect　cannot　endure　his　own　society；　so　I　led　the　dissipated　life　that　wealthy　young　men　lead　in　Paris。　Owing　to　a　good　education　and　an　excellent　memory；　I　seemed　cleverer　than　I　really　was；　forthwith　I　looked　down　upon　other　people；　and　those　who；　for　their　own　purposes；　wished　to　prove　to　me　that　I　was　possessed　of　extraordin