me　into　it；　I　will　candidly　own　to　you　that　this　silence　is　beginning　to　weigh　heavily　upon　me。　I　have　borne　my　sorrows　alone　for　twelve　years；　I　have　had　none　of　the　comfort　that　friendship　gives　in　such　full　measure　to　a　heart　in　pain。　My　poor　sick　folk　and　my　peasants　certainly　set　me　an　example　of　unmurmuring　resignation；　but　they　know　that　I　at　least　understand　them　and　their　troubles；　while　there　is　not　a　soul　here　who　knows　of　the　tears　that　I　have　shed；　no　one　to　give　me　the　hand…clasp　of　a　comrade；　the　noblest　reward　of　all；　a　reward　that　falls　to　the　lot　of　every　other；　even　Gondrin　has　not　missed　that。〃
  Genestas　held　out　his　hand；　a　sudden　impulsive　movement　by　which　Benassis　was　deeply　touched。
  〃There　is　La　Fosseuse；〃　he　went　on　in　a　different　voice；　〃she　perhaps　would　have　understood　as　the　angels　might；　but　then；　too；　she　might　possibly　have　loved　me；　and　that　would　have　been　a　misfortune。　Listen；　captain；　my　confession　could　only　be　made　to　an　old　soldier　who　looks　as　leniently　as　you　do　on　the　failings　of　others；　or　to　some　young　man　who　has　not　lost　the　illusions　of　youth；　for　only　a　man　who　knows　life　well；　or　a　lad　to　whom　it　is　all　unknown；　could　understand　my　story。　The　captains　of　past　times　who　fell　upon　the　field　of　battle　used　to　make　their　last　confession　to　the　cross　on　the　hilt　of　their　sword；　if　there　was　no　priest　at　hand；　it　was　the　sword　that　received　and　kept　the　last　confidences　between　a　human　soul　and　God。　And　will　you　hear　and　understand　me；　for　you　are　one　of　Napoleon's　finest　sword…blades；　as　thoroughly　tempered　and　as　strong　as　steel？　Some　parts　of　my　story　can　only　be　understood　by　a　delicate　tenderness；　and　through　a　sympathy　with　the　beliefs　that　dwell　in　simple　hearts；　beliefs　which　would　seem　absurd　to　the　sophisticated　people　who　make　use　in　their　own　lives　of　the　prudential　maxims　of　worldly　wisdom　that　only　apply　to　the　government　of　states。　To　you　I　shall　speak　openly　and　without　reserve；　as　a　man　who　does　not　seek　to　apologize　for　his　life　with　the　good　and　evil　done　in　the　course　of　it；　as　one　who　will　hide　nothing　from　you；　because　he　lives　so　far　from　the　world　of　to…day；　careless　of　the　judgements　of　man；　and　full　of　hope　in　God。〃
  Benassis　stopped；　rose　to　his　feet；　and　said；　〃Before　I　begin　my　story；　I　will　order　tea。　Jacquotte　has　never　missed　asking　me　if　I　will　take　it　for　these　twelve　years　past；　and　she　will　certainly　interrupt　us。　Do　you　care　about　it；　captain？〃
  〃No；　thank　you。〃
  In　another　moment　Benassis　returned。
  CHAPTER　IV
  THE　COUNTRY　DOCTOR'S　CONFESSION
  〃I　was　born　in　a　little　town　in　Languedoc；〃　the　doctor　resumed。　〃My　father　had　been　settled　there　for　many　years；　and　there　my　early　childhood　was　spent。　When　I　was　eight　years　old　I　was　sent　to　the　school　of　the　Oratorians　at　Sorreze；　and　only　left　it　to　finish　my　studies　in　Paris。　My　father　had　squandered　his　patrimony　in　the　course　of　an　exceedingly　wild　and　extravagant　youth。　He　had　retrieved　his　position　partly　by　a　fortunate　marriage；　partly　by　the　slow　persistent　thrift　characteristic　of　provincial　life；　for　in　the　provinces　people　pride　themselves　on　accumulating　rather　than　on　spending；　and　all　the　ambition　in　a　man's　nature　is　either　extinguished　or　directed　to　money…getting；　for　want　of　any　nobler　end。　So　he　had　grown　rich　at　last；　and　thought　to　transmit　to　his　only　son　all　the　cut…and…dried　experience　which　he　himself　had　purchased　at　the　price　of　his　lost　illusions；　a　noble　last　illusion　of　age　which　fondly　seeks　to　bequeath　its　virtues　and　its　wary　prudence　to　heedless　youth；　intent　only　on　the　enjoyment　of　the　enchanted　life　that　lies　before　it。
  〃This　foresight　on　my　father's　part　led　him　to　make　plans　for　my　education　for　which　I　had　to　suffer。　He　sedulously　concealed　my　expectations　of　wealth　from　me；　and　during　the　fairest　years　of　my　youth　compelled　me；　for　my　own　good；　to　endure　the　burden　of　anxiety　and　hardship　that　presses　upon　a　young　man　who　has　his　own　way　to　make　in　the　world。　His　idea　in　so　doing　was　to　instill　the　virtues　of　poverty　into　mepatience；　a　thirst　for　learning；　and　a　love　of　work　for　its　own　sake。　He　hoped　to　teach　me　to　set　a　proper　value　on　my　inheritance；　by　letting　me　learn；　in　this　way；　all　that　it　costs　to　make　a　fortune；　wherefore；　as　soon　as　I　was　old　enough　to　understand　his　advice；　he　urged　me　to　choose　a　profession　and　to　work　steadily　at　it。　My　tastes　inclined　me　to　the　study　of　medicine。
  〃So　I　left　Sorreze；　after　ten　years　of　almost　monastic　discipline　of　the　Oratorians；　and；　fresh　from　the　quiet　life　of　a　remote　provincial　school；　I　was　taken　straight　to　the　capital。　My　father　went　with　me　in　order　to　introduce　me　to　the　notice　of　a　friend　of　his；　and　（all　unknown　to　me）　my　two　elders　took　the　most　elaborate　precautions　against　any　ebullitions　of　youth　on　my　part；　innocent　lad　though　I　was。　My　allowance　was　rigidly　computed　on　a　scale　based　upon　the　absolute　necessaries　of　life；　and　I　was　obliged　to　produce　my　certificate　of　attendance　at　the　Ecole　de　Medecine　before　I　was　allowed　to　draw　my　quarter's　income。　The　excuse　for　this　sufficiently　humiliating　distrust　was　the　necessity　of　my　acquiring　methodical　and　business…like　habits。　My　father；　however；　was　not　sparing　of　money　for　all　the　necessary　expenses　of　my　education　and　for　the　amusements　of　Parisian　life。
  〃His　old　friend　was　delighted　to　have　a　young　man　to　guide　through　the　labyrinth　into　which　I　had　entered。　He　was　one　of　those　men　whose　natures　lead　them　to　docket　their　thoughts；　feelings；　and　opinions　every　whit　as　carefully　as　their　papers。　He　would　turn　up　last　year's　memorandum　book；　and　could　tell　in　a　moment　what　he　had　been　doing　a　twelvemonth　since　in　this　very　month；　day；　and　hour　of　the　present　year。　Life；　for　him；　was　a　business　enterprise；　and　he　kept　the　books　after　the　most　approved　business　methods。　There　was　real　worth　in　him　though　he　might　be　punctilious；　shrewd；　and　suspicious；　and　though　he　never　lacked　specious　excuses　for　the　precautionary　measures　that　he　took　with　regard　to　me。　He　used　to　buy　all　my　books；　he　paid　for　my　lessons；　and　once；　when　the　fancy　took　me　to　learn　to　ride；　the　good　soul　himself　found　me　out　a　riding…school；　went　thither　with　me；　and　anticipated　my　wishes　by　putting　a　horse　at　my　disposal　whenever　I　had　a　holiday。　In　spite　of　all　this　cautious　strategy；　which　I　managed　to　defeat　as　soon　as　I　had　any　temptation　to　do　so；　the　kind　old　man　was　a　second　father　to　me。
  〃　'My　friend；'　he　said；　as　soon　as　he　surmised　that　I　should　break　away　altogether　from　my　leading　strings；　unless　he　relaxed　them；　'young　folk　are　apt　to　commit　follies　which　draw　down　the　wrath　of　their　elders　upon　their　heads；　and　you　may　happen　to　want　money　at　some　time　or　other；　if　so；　come　to　me。　Your　father　helped　me　nobly　once　upon　a　time；　and　I　shall　always　have　a　few　crowns　to　spare　for　you；　but　never　tell　any　lies；　and　do　not　be　ashamed　to　own　to　your　faults。　I　myself　was　young　once；　we　shall　always　get　on　well　together；　like　two　good　comrades。'
  〃My　father　found　lodgings　for　me　with　some　quiet；　middle…class　people　in　the　Latin　Quarter；　and　my　room　was　furnished　nicely　enough；　but　this　first　taste　of　independence；　my　father's　kindness；　and　the　self…　denial　which　he　seemed　to　be　exercising　for　me；　brought　me　but　little　happiness。　Perhaps　the　value　of　liberty　cannot　be　known　until　it　has　been　experienced；　and　the　memories　of　the　freedom　of　my　childhood　had　been　almost　effaced　by　the　irksome　and　dreary　life　at　school；　from　which　my　spirits　had　scarcely　recovered。　In　addition　to　this；　my　father　had　urged　new　tasks　upon　me；　so　that　altogether　Paris　was　an　enigma。　You　must　acquire　some　knowledge　of　its　pleasures　before　you　can　amuse　yourself　in　Paris。
  〃My　real　position；　therefore；　was　quite　unchanged；　save　that　my　new　lycee　was　a　much　larger　building；　and　was　called　the　Ecole　de　Medecine。　Nevertheless；　I　studied　away　bravely　at　first；　I　attended　lectures　diligently；　I　worked　desperately　hard　and　without　relaxation；　so　strongly　was　my　imagination　affected　by　the　abundant　treasures　of　knowledge　to　be　gained　in　the　capital。　But　very　soon　I　heedlessly　made　acquaintances；　danger　lurks　hidden　beneath　the　rash　confiding　friendships　that　have　so　strong　a　charm　for　youth；　and　gradually　I　was　drawn　into　the　dissipated　life　of　the　capital。　I　became　an　enthusiastic　lover　of　the　theatre；　and　with　my　craze　for　actors　and　the　play；　the　work　of　my　demoralization　began。　The　stage；　in　a　great　metropolis；　exerts　a　very　deadly　influence　over　the　young；　they　never　quit　the　theatre　save　in　a　state　of　emotional　excitement　almost　always　beyond　their　power　to　control；　society　and　the　law　seem　to　me　to　be　accessories　to　the　irregularities　brought　about　in　this　way。　Our　legislation　has　shut　its　eyes；　so　to　speak；　to　the　passions　that　torment　a　young　man　between　twenty　and　five…and…twenty　years　of　age。　In　Paris　he　is　assailed　by　temptations　of　every　kind。　Religion　may　preach　and　Law　may　demand　that　he　should　walk　uprightly；　but　all　his　surroundings　and　the　tone　of　those　about　him　are　so　many　incitements　to　evil。　Do　not　the　best　of　men　and　the　most　devout　women　there　look　upon　continence　as　ridiculous？　The　great　city；　in　fact；　seems　to　have　set　herself　to　give　encouragement　to　vice　and