I　also　have　letters　from　a　couple　of　farmers；　each　of　whom　would　like　to　have　a　strong；　husky　boy　of　fourteen　who　is　not　afraid　of　work；　their　object　being　to　give　him　a　good　home。　　These　good　homes　appear　with　great　frequency　just　as　the　spring　planting　is　coming　on。　　When　we　investigated　one　of　them　last　week；　the　village　minister；　in　answer　to　our　usual　question；　〃Does　he　own　any　property？〃　replied　in　a　very　guarded　manner；　〃I　think　he　must　own　a　corkscrew。〃
  You　would　hardly　credit　some　of　the　homes　that　we　have　investigated。　　We　found　a　very　prosperous　country　family　the　other　day；　who　lived　huddled　together　in　three　rooms　in　order　to　keep　the　rest　of　their　handsome　house　clean。　　The　fourteen…year　girl　they　wished　to　adopt；　by　way　of　a　cheap　servant；　was　to　sleep　in　the　same　tiny　room　with　their　own　three　children。　　Their　kitchen…dining…parlor　apartment　was　more　cluttered　up　and　unaired　than　any　city　tenement　I　ever　saw；　and　the　thermometer　at　eighty…　four。　　One　could　scarcely　say　they　were　living　there；　they　were　rather　COOKING。　　You　may　be　sure　they　got　no　girl　from　us！
  I　have　made　one　invariable　ruleevery　other　is　flexible。　　No　child　is　to　be　placed　out　unless　the　proposed　family　can　offer　better　advantages　than　we　can　give。　　I　mean　than　we　are　going　to　be　able　to　give　in　the　course　of　a　few　months；　when　we　get　ourselves　made　over　into　a　model　institution。　　I　shall　have　to　confess　that　at　present　we　are　still　pretty　bad。
  But　anyway；　I　am　very　CHOOSEY　in　regard　to　homes；　and　I　reject　three…fourths　of　those　that　offer。
  LATER。
  Gordon　has　made　honorable　amends　to　my　children。　　His　bag　of　peanuts　is　here；　made　of　burlap　and　three　feet　high。
  Do　you　remember　the　dessert　of　peanuts　and　maple　sugar　they　used　to　give　us　at　college？　　We　turned　up　our　noses；　but　ate。　　I　am　instituting　it　here；　and　I　assure　you　we　don't　turn　up　our　noses。　　It　is　a　pleasure　to　feed　children　who　have　graduated　from　a　course　of　Mrs。　Lippett；　they　are　pathetically　grateful　for　small　blessings。
  You　can't　complain　that　this　letter　is　too　short。
  Yours；
  On　the　verge　of　writer's　cramp；
  S。　McB。
  THE　JOHN　GRIER　HOME；
  Off　and　on；　all　day　Friday。　Dear　Judy：
  You　will　be　interested　to　hear　that　I　have　encountered　another　enemythe　doctor's　housekeeper。　　I　had　talked　to　the　creature　several　times　over　the　telephone；　and　had　noted　that　her　voice　was　not　distinguished　by　the　soft；　low　accents　that　mark　the　caste　of　〃Vere　de　Vere〃；　but　now　I　have　seen　her。　　This　morning；　while　returning　from　the　village；　I　made　a　slight　detour；　and　passed　our　doctor's　house。　　Sandy　is　evidently　the　result　of　environmentolive　green；　with　a　mansard　roof　and　the　shades　pulled　down。　　You　would　think　he　had　just　been　holding　a　funeral。
  I　don't　wonder　that　the　amenities　of　life　have　somewhat　escaped　the　poor　man。　　After　studying　the　outside　of　his　house；　I　was　filled　with　curiosity　to　see　if　the　inside　matched。
  Having　sneezed　five　times　before　breakfast　this　morning；　I　decided　to　go　in　and　consult　him　professionally。　　To　be　sure；　he　is　a　children's　specialist；　but　sneezes　are　common　to　all　ages。　　So　I　boldly　marched　up　the　steps　and　rang　the　bell。
  Hark！　　What　sound　is　that　that　breaks　upon　our　revelry？　　The　Hon。　Cy's　voice；　as　I　live；　approaching　up　the　stairs。　　I've　letters　to　write；　and　I　can't　be　tormented　by　his　blether；　so　I　am　rushing　Jane　to　the　door　with　orders　to　look　him　firmly　in　the　eye　and　tell　him　I　am　out。
  。　　　　。　　　　。　　　　。　　　　。　　　　。　　　　。　　　　。
  On　with　the　dance！　　Let　joy　be　unconfined。　　He's　gone。
  But　those　eight　stars　represent　eight　agonizing　minutes　spent　in　the　dark　of　my　library　closet。　　The　Hon。　Cy　received　Jane's　communication　with　the　affable　statement　that　he　would　sit　down　and　wait。　　Whereupon　he　entered　and　sat。　　But　did　Jane　leave　me　to　languish　in　the　closet？　　No；　she　enticed　him　to　the　nursery　to　see　the　AWFUL　thing　that　Sadie　Kate　has　done。　　The　Hon。　Cy　loves　to　see　awful　things；　particularly　when　done　by　Sadie　Kate。　　I　haven't　an　idea　what　scandal　Jane　is　about　to　disclose；　but　no　matter；　he　has　gone。
  Where　was　I？　　Oh；　yes；　I　had　rung　the　doctor's　bell。
  The　door　was　opened　by　a　large；　husky　person　with　her　sleeves　rolled　up。　　She　looked　very　businesslike；　with　a　hawk's　nose　and　cold　gray　eyes。
  〃Well？〃　said　she；　her　tone　implying　that　I　was　a　vacuum…　cleaning　agent。
  〃Good　morning。〃　I　smiled　affably；　and　stepped　inside。　　〃Is　this　Mrs。　McGurk？〃
  〃It　is；〃　said　she。　　〃An'　ye'll　be　the　new　young　woman　in　the　orphan　asylum？〃
  〃I　am　that；〃　said　I。　　〃Is　himself　at　home？〃
  〃He　is　not；〃　said　she。
  〃But　this　is　his　office　hour。〃
  〃He　don't　keep　it　regular'。〃
  〃He　ought；〃　said　I；　sternly。　　〃Kindly　tell　him　that　Miss　McBride　called　to　consult　him；　and　ask　him　to　look　in　at　the　John　Grier　Home　this　afternoon。〃
  〃Ump'！〃　grunted　Mrs。　McGurk；　and　closed　the　door　so　promptly　that　she　shut　in　the　hem　of　my　skirt。
  When　I　told　the　doctor　this　afternoon；　he　shrugged　his　shoulders；　and　observed　that　that　was　Maggie's　gracious　way。
  〃And　why　do　you　put　up　with　Maggie？〃　said　I。
  〃And　where　would　I　find　any　one　better？〃　said　he。　　〃Doing　the　work　for　a　lone　man　who　comes　as　irregularly　to　meals　as　a　twenty…four…hour　day　will　permit　is　no　sinecure。　　She　furnishes　little　sunshine　in　the　home；　but　she　does　manage　to　produce　a　hot　dinner　at　nine　o'clock　at　night。〃
  Just　the　same；　I　am　willing　to　wager　that　her　hot　dinners　are　neither　delicious　nor　well　served。　　She's　an　inefficient；　lazy　old　termagant；　and　I　know　why　she　doesn't　like　me。　　She　imagines　that　I　want　to　steal　away　the　doctor　and　oust　her　from　a　comfortable　position；　something　of　a　joke；　considering。　　But　I　am　not　undeceiving　her；　it　will　do　the　old　thing　good　to　worry　a　little。　　She　may　cook　him　better　dinners；　and　fatten　him　up　a　trifle。　　I　understand　that　fat　men　are　good…natured。
  TEN　O'CLOCK。
  I　don't　know　what　silly　stuff　I　have　been　writing　to　you　off　and　on　all　day；　between　interruptions。　　It　has　got　to　be　night　at　last；　and　I　am　too　tired　to　do　so　much　as　hold　up　my　head。　　Your　song　tells　the　sad　truth；　〃There　is　no　joy　in　life　but　sleep。〃
  I　bid　you　good　night。
  S。　McB。
  Isn't　the　English　language　absurd？　　Look　at　those　forty　monosyllables　in　a　row！
  J。　G。　H。；
  April　1。　Dear　Judy：
  I　have　placed　out　Isador　Gutschneider。　　His　new　mother　is　a　Swedish　woman；　fat　and　smiling；　with　blue　eyes　and　yellow　hair。　　She　chose　him　out　of　the　whole　nurseryful　of　children　because　he　was　the　brunettest　baby　there。　　She　has　always　loved　brunettes；　but　in　her　most　ambitious　dreams　has　never　hoped　to　have　one　of　her　own。　　His　name　is　going　to　be　changed　to　Oscar　Carlson；　after　his　new　dead　uncle。
  My　first　trustees'　meeting　is　to　occur　next　Wednesday。　　I　confess　that　I　am　not　looking　forward　to　it　with　impatience　especially　as　an　inaugural　address　by　me　will　be　its　chief　feature。　　I　wish　our　president　were　here　to　back　me　up！　　But　at　least　I　am　sure　of　one　thing。　　I　am　never　going　to　adopt　the　Uriah　Heepish　attitude　toward　trustees　that　characterized　Mrs。　Lippett's　manners。　　I　shall　treat　〃first　Wednesdays〃　as　a　pleasant　social　diversion；　my　day　at　home；　when　the　friends　of　the　asylum　gather　for　discussion　and　relaxation；　and　I　shall　endeavor　not　to　let　our　pleasures　discommode　the　orphans。　　You　see　how　I　have　taken　to　heart　the　unhappy　experiences　of　that　little　Jerusha。
  Your　last　letter　has　arrived；　and　no　suggestion　in　it　of　traveling　North。　　Isn't　it　about　time　that　you　were　turning　your　faces　back　toward　Fifth　Avenue？　　Hame　is　hame；　be　't　ever　sae　hamely。　　Don't　you　marvel　at　the　Scotch　that　flows　so　readily　from　my　pen？　　Since　being　acquent'　wi'　Sandy；　I　hae　gathered　a　muckle　new　vocabulary。　　　The　dinner　gong！　　I　leave　you；　to　devote　a　revivifying　half…　hour　to　mutton　hash。　　We　eat　to　live　in　the　John　Grier　Home。
  SIX　O'CLOCK。
  The　Hon。　Cy　has　been　calling　again。　　He　drops　in　with　great　frequency；　hoping　to　catch　me　IN　DELICTU。　　How　I　do　not　like　that　man！　　He　is　a　pink；　fat；　puffy　old　thing；　with　a　pink；　fat；　puffy　soul。　　I　was　in　a　very　cheery；　optimistic　frame　of　mind　before　his　arrival；　but　now　I　shall　do　nothing　but　grumble　for　the　rest　of　the　day。
  He　deplores　all　of　the　useless　innovations　that　I　am　endeavoring　to　introduce；　such　as　a　cheerful　playroom；　prettier　clothes；　baths；　and　better　food　and　fresh　air　and　play　and　fun　and　ice…cream　and　kisses。　　He　says　that　I　will　unfit　these　children　to　occupy　the　position　in　life　that　God　has　called　them　to　occupy。
  At　that　my　Irish　blood　came　to　the　surface；　and　I　told　him　that　if　God　had　planned　to　make　all　of　these　113　little　children　into　useless；　ignorant；　unhappy　citizens；　I　was　going　to　fool　God！　　That　we　weren't　educating　them　out　of　their　class　in　the　least。　　We　were　educating　them　INTO　their　natural　class　much　more　effectually　than　is　done　in　the　average　family。　　We　weren't　trying　to　force　them　into　college　if　they　hadn't　any　brain