Now　then；　what　aggravates　me　is　that　these　troglodytes　and　muscovites　and　bandoleers　and　buccaneers　are　ALSO　trying　to　crowd　in　and　share　the　benefit　of　the　law；　and　compel　everybody　to　revere　their　Shakespeare　and　hold　him　sacred。　　We　can't　have　that：　　there's　enough　of　us　already。　　If　you　go　on　widening　and　spreading　and　inflating　the　privilege；　it　will　presently　come　to　be　conceded　that　each　man's　sacred　things　are　the　ONLY　ones；　and　the　rest　of　the　human　race　will　have　to　be　humbly　reverent　toward　them　or　suffer　for　it。　　That　can　surely　happen；　and　when　it　happens；　the　word　Irreverence　will　be　regarded　as　the　most　meaningless；　and　foolish；　and　self…conceited；　and　insolent；　and　impudent；　and　dictatorial　word　in　the　language。　　And　people　will　say；　〃Whose　business　is　it　what　gods　I　worship　and　what　things　hold　sacred？　　Who　has　the　right　to　dictate　to　my　conscience；　and　where　did　he　get　that　right？〃
  We　cannot　afford　to　let　that　calamity　come　upon　us。　　We　must　save　the　word　from　this　destruction。　　There　is　but　one　way　to　do　it；　and　that　is　to　stop　the　spread　of　the　privilege　and　strictly　confine　it　to　its　present　limitsthat　is；　to　all　the　Christian　sects；　to　all　the　Hindu　sects；　and　me。　　We　do　not　need　any　more；　the　stock　is　watered　enough；　just　as　it　is。
  It　would　be　better　if　the　privilege　were　limited　to　me　alone。　　I　think　so　because　I　am　the　only　sect　that　knows　how　to　employ　it　gently；　kindly；　charitably；　dispassionately。　　The　other　sects　lack　the　quality　of　self…restraint。　　The　Catholic　Church　says　the　most　irreverent　things　about　matters　which　are　sacred　to　the　Protestants；　and　the　Protestant　Church　retorts　in　kind　about　the　confessional　and　other　matters　which　Catholics　hold　sacred；　then　both　of　these　irreverencers　turn　upon　Thomas　Paine　and　charge　HIM　with　irreverence。　　This　is　all　unfortunate；　because　it　makes　it　difficult　for　students　equipped　with　only　a　low　grade　of　mentality　to　find　out　what　Irreverence　really　IS。
  It　will　surely　be　much　better　all　around　if　the　privilege　of　regulating　the　irreverent　and　keeping　them　in　order　shall　eventually　be　withdrawn　from　all　the　sects　but　me。　　Then　there　will　be　no　more　quarreling；　no　more　bandying　of　disrespectful　epithets；　no　more　heartburnings。
  There　will　then　be　nothing　sacred　involved　in　this　Bacon…　Shakespeare　controversy　except　what　is　sacred　to　me。　　That　will　simplify　the　whole　matter；　and　trouble　will　cease。　　There　will　be　irreverence　no　longer；　because　I　will　not　allow　it。　　The　first　time　those　criminals　charge　me　with　irreverence　for　calling　their　Stratford　myth　an　Arthur…Orton…Mary…Baker…Thompson…Eddy…Louis…　the…Seventeenth…Veiled…Prophet…of…Khorassan　will　be　the　last。　Taught　by　the　methods　found　effective　in　extinguishing　earlier　offenders　by　the　Inquisition；　of　holy　memory；　I　shall　know　how　to　quiet　them。
  XIII
  Isn't　it　odd；　when　you　think　of　it；　that　you　may　list　all　the　celebrated　Englishmen；　Irishmen；　and　Scotchmen　of　modern　times；　clear　back　to　the　first　Tudorsa　list　containing　five　hundred　names；　shall　we　say？and　you　can　go　to　the　histories；　biographies；　and　cyclopedias　and　learn　the　particulars　of　the　lives　of　every　one　of　them。　　Every　one　of　them　except　onethe　most　famous；　the　most　renownedby　far　the　most　illustrious　of　them　allShakespeare！　　You　can　get　the　details　of　the　lives　of　all　the　celebrated　ecclesiastics　in　the　list；　all　the　celebrated　tragedians；　comedians；　singers；　dancers；　orators；　judges；　lawyers；　poets；　dramatists；　historians；　biographers；　editors；　inventors；　reformers；　statesmen；　generals；　admirals；　discoverers；　prize…fighters；　murderers；　pirates；　conspirators；　horse…jockeys；　bunco…steerers；　misers；　swindlers；　explorers；　adventurers　by　land　and　sea；　bankers；　financiers；　astronomers；　naturalists；　claimants；　impostors；　chemists；　biologists；　geologists；　philologists；　college　presidents　and　professors；　architects；　engineers；　painters；　sculptors；　politicians；　agitators；　rebels；　revolutionists；　patriots；　demagogues；　clowns；　cooks；　freaks；　philosophers；　burglars；　highwaymen；　journalists；　physicians；　surgeonsyou　can　get　the　life…histories　of　all　of　them　but　ONE。　Just　ONEthe　most　extraordinary　and　the　most　celebrated　of　them　all　Shakespeare！
  You　may　add　to　the　list　the　thousand　celebrated　persons　furnished　by　the　rest　of　Christendom　in　the　past　four　centuries；　and　you　can　find　out　the　life…histories　of　all　those　people；　too。　You　will　then　have　listed　fifteen　hundred　celebrities；　and　you　can　trace　the　authentic　life…histories　of　the　whole　of　them。　Save　onefar　and　away　the　most　colossal　prodigy　of　the　entire　accumulationShakespeare！　　About　him　you　can　find　out　NOTHING。　Nothing　of　even　the　slightest　importance。　　Nothing　worth　the　trouble　of　stowing　away　in　your　memory。　　Nothing　that　even　remotely　indicates　that　he　was　ever　anything　more　than　a　distinctly　commonplace　persona　manager；　an　actor　of　inferior　grade；　a　small　trader　in　a　small　village　that　did　not　regard　him　as　a　person　of　any　consequence；　and　had　forgotten　all　about　him　before　he　was　fairly　cold　in　his　grave。　　We　can　go　to　the　records　and　find　out　the　life…history　of　every　renowned　RACE…HORSE　of　modern　timesbut　not　Shakespeare's！　　There　are　many　reasons　why；　and　they　have　been　furnished　in　cart…loads　（of　guess　and　conjecture）　by　those　troglodytes；　but　there　is　one　that　is　worth　all　the　rest　of　the　reasons　put　together；　and　is　abundantly　sufficient　all　by　itselfHE　HADN'T　ANY　HISTORY　TO　RECORD。　　There　is　no　way　of　getting　around　that　deadly　fact。　　And　no　sane　way　has　yet　been　discovered　of　getting　around　its　formidable　significance。
  Its　quite　plain　significanceto　any　but　those　thugs　（I　do　not　use　the　term　unkindly）　is；　that　Shakespeare　had　no　prominence　while　he　lived；　and　none　until　he　had　been　dead　two　or　three　generations。　　The　Plays　enjoyed　high　fame　from　the　beginning；　and　if　he　wrote　them　it　seems　a　pity　the　world　did　not　find　it　out。　He　ought　to　have　explained　that　he　was　the　author；　and　not　merely　a　NOM　DE　PLUME　for　another　man　to　hide　behind。　　If　he　had　been　less　intemperately　solicitous　about　his　bones；　and　more　solicitous　about　his　Works；　it　would　have　been　better　for　his　good　name；　and　a　kindness　to　us。　　The　bones　were　not　important。　They　will　moulder　away；　they　will　turn　to　dust；　but　the　Works　will　endure　until　the　last　sun　goes　down。
  Mark　Twain。
  P。S。　　MARCH　25。　　About　two　months　ago　I　was　illuminating　this　Autobiography　with　some　notions　of　mine　concerning　the　Bacon…Shakespeare　controversy；　and　I　then　took　occasion　to　air　the　opinion　that　the　Stratford　Shakespeare　was　a　person　of　no　public　consequence　or　celebrity　during　his　lifetime；　but　was　utterly　obscure　and　unimportant。　　And　not　only　in　great　London；　but　also　in　the　little　village　where　he　was　born；　where　he　lived　a　quarter　of　a　century；　and　where　he　died　and　was　buried。　　I　argued　that　if　he　had　been　a　person　of　any　note　at　all；　aged　villagers　would　have　had　much　to　tell　about　him　many　and　many　a　year　after　his　death；　instead　of　being　unable　to　furnish　inquirers　a　single　fact　connected　with　him。　　I　believed；　and　I　still　believe；　that　if　he　had　been　famous；　his　notoriety　would　have　lasted　as　long　as　mine　has　lasted　in　my　native　village　out　in　Missouri。　　It　is　a　good　argument；　a　prodigiously　strong　one；　and　most　formidable　one　for　even　the　most　gifted　and　ingenious　and　plausible　Stratfordolator　to　get　around　or　explain　away。　Today　a　Hannibal　COURIER…POST　of　recent　date　has　reached　me；　with　an　article　in　it　which　reinforces　my　contention　that　a　really　celebrated　person　cannot　be　forgotten　in　his　village　in　the　short　space　of　sixty　years。　　I　will　make　an　extract　from　it：
  Hannibal；　as　a　city；　may　have　many　sins　to　answer　for；　but　ingratitude　is　not　one　of　them；　or　reverence　for　the　great　men　she　has　produced；　and　as　the　years　go　by　her　greatest　son；　Mark　Twain；　or　S。　L。　Clemens　as　a　few　of　the　unlettered　call　him；　grows　in　the　estimation　and　regard　of　the　residents　of　the　town　he　made　famous　and　the　town　that　made　him　famous。　　His　name　is　associated　with　every　old　building　that　is　torn　down　to　make　way　for　the　modern　structures　demanded　by　a　rapidly　growing　city；　and　with　every　hill　or　cave　over　or　through　which　he　might　by　any　possibility　have　roamed；　while　the　many　points　of　interest　which　he　wove　into　his　stories；　such　as　Holiday　Hill；　Jackson's　Island；　or　Mark　Twain　Cave；　are　now　monuments　to　his　genius。　　Hannibal　is　glad　of　any　opportunity　to　do　him　honor　as　he　had　honored　her。
  So　it　has　happened　that　the　〃old　timers〃　who　went　to　school　with　Mark　or　were　with　him　on　some　of　his　usual　escapades　have　been　honored　with　large　audiences　whenever　they　were　in　a　reminiscent　mood　and　condescended　to　tell　of　their　intimacy　with　the　ordinary　boy　who　came　to　be　a　very　extraordinary　humorist　and　whose　every　boyish　act　is　now　seen　to　have　been　indicative　of　what　was　to　come。　　Like　Aunt　Becky　and　Mrs。　Clemens；　they　can　now　see　that　Mark　was　hardly　appreciated　when　he　lived　here　and　that　the　things　he　did　as　a　boy　and　was　whipped　for　doing　were　not　all　bad；　after　all。　　So　they　have　been　in　no　hesitancy　about　drawing　out　the　bad　things　he　did　as　well　as　the　good　in　their　efforts　to　get　a　〃Mark　Twain〃　story；　all　incidents　being　viewed　in　the　light　of　his　present　fame；　until　the　volume　of　〃Twainiana〃　is　al