；　his　darlingand　laid　him　down　and　died：
  Good　friend　for　Iesus　sake　forbeare　To　digg　the　dust　encloased　heare：　Blest　be　ye　man　yt　spares　thes　stones　And　curst　be　he　yt　moves　my　bones。
  He　was　probably　dead　when　he　wrote　it。　　Still；　this　is　only　conjecture。　　We　have　only　circumstantial　evidence。　　Internal　evidence。
  Shall　I　set　down　the　rest　of　the　Conjectures　which　constitute　the　giant　Biography　of　William　Shakespeare？　　It　would　strain　the　Unabridged　Dictionary　to　hold　them。　　He　is　a　brontosaur：　　nine　bones　and　six　hundred　barrels　of　plaster　of　Paris。
  V
  〃We　May　Assume〃
  In　the　Assuming　trade　three　separate　and　independent　cults　are　transacting　business。　　Two　of　these　cults　are　known　as　the　Shakespearites　and　the　Baconians；　and　I　am　the　other　onethe　Brontosaurian。
  The　Shakespearite　knows　that　Shakespeare　wrote　Shakespeare's　Works；　the　Baconian　knows　that　Francis　Bacon　wrote　them；　the　Brontosaurian　doesn't　really　know　which　of　them　did　it；　but　is　quite　composedly　and　contentedly　sure　that　Shakespeare　DIDN'T；　and　strongly　suspects　that　Bacon　DID。　　We　all　have　to　do　a　good　deal　of　assuming；　but　I　am　fairly　certain　that　in　every　case　I　can　call　to　mind　the　Baconian　assumers　have　come　out　ahead　of　the　Shakespearites。　　Both　parties　handle　the　same　materials；　but　the　Baconians　seem　to　me　to　get　much　more　reasonable　and　rational　and　persuasive　results　out　of　them　than　is　the　case　with　the　Shakespearites。　　The　Shakespearite　conducts　his　assuming　upon　a　definite　principle；　an　unchanging　and　immutable　law：　　which　is：　2　and　8　and　7　and　14；　added　together；　make　165。　　I　believe　this　to　be　an　error。　　No　matter；　you　cannot　get　a　habit…sodden　Shakespearite　to　cipher…up　his　materials　upon　any　other　basis。　With　the　Baconian　it　is　different。　　If　you　place　before　him　the　above　figures　and　set　him　to　adding　them　up；　he　will　never　in　any　case　get　more　than　45　out　of　them；　and　in　nine　cases　out　of　ten　he　will　get　just　the　proper　31。
  Let　me　try　to　illustrate　the　two　systems　in　a　simple　and　homely　way　calculated　to　bring　the　idea　within　the　grasp　of　the　ignorant　and　unintelligent。　　We　will　suppose　a　case：　　take　a　lap…　bred；　house…fed；　uneducated；　inexperienced　kitten；　take　a　rugged　old　Tom　that's　scarred　from　stem　to　rudder…post　with　the　memorials　of　strenuous　experience；　and　is　so　cultured；　so　educated；　so　limitlessly　erudite　that　one　may　say　of　him　〃all　cat…knowledge　is　his　province〃；　also；　take　a　mouse。　　Lock　the　three　up　in　a　holeless；　crackless；　exitless　prison…cell。　　Wait　half　an　hour；　then　open　the　cell；　introduce　a　Shakespearite　and　a　Baconian；　and　let　them　cipher　and　assume。　　The　mouse　is　missing：　the　question　to　be　decided　is；　where　is　it？　　You　can　guess　both　verdicts　beforehand。　　One　verdict　will　say　the　kitten　contains　the　mouse；　the　other　will　as　certainly　say　the　mouse　is　in　the　tom…cat。
  The　Shakespearite　will　Reason　like　this（that　is　not　my　word；　it　is　his）。　　He　will　say　the　kitten　MAY　HAVE　BEEN　attending　school　when　nobody　was　noticing；　therefore　WE　ARE　WARRANTED　IN　ASSUMING　that　it　did　so；　also；　it　COULD　HAVE　BEEN　training　in　a　court…clerk's　office　when　no　one　was　noticing；　since　that　could　have　happened；　WE　ARE　JUSTIFIED　IN　ASSUMING　that　it　did　happen；　it　COULD　HAVE　STUDIED　CATOLOGY　IN　A　GARRET　when　no　one　was　noticingtherefore　it　DID；　it　COULD　HAVE　attended　cat…assizes　on　the　shed…roof　nights；　for　recreation；　when　no　one　was　noticing；　and　have　harvested　a　knowledge　of　cat　court…forms　and　cat　lawyer…　talk　in　that　way：　　it　COULD　have　done　it；　therefore　without　a　doubt　it　DID；　it　COULD　HAVE　gone　soldiering　with　a　war…tribe　when　no　one　was　noticing；　and　learned　soldier…wiles　and　soldier…ways；　and　what　to　do　with　a　mouse　when　opportunity　offers；　the　plain　inference；　therefore；　is　that　that　is　what　it　DID。　　Since　all　these　manifold　things　COULD　have　occurred；　we　have　EVERY　RIGHT　TO　BELIEVE　they　did　occur。　　These　patiently　and　painstakingly　accumulated　vast　acquirements　and　competences　needed　but　one　thing　moreopportunityto　convert　themselves　into　triumphal　action。　　The　opportunity　came；　we　have　the　result；　BEYOND　SHADOW　OF　QUESTION　the　mouse　is　in　the　kitten。
  It　is　proper　to　remark　that　when　we　of　the　three　cults　plant　a　〃WE　THINK　WE　MAY　ASSUME；〃　we　expect　it；　under　careful　watering　and　fertilizing　and　tending；　to　grow　up　into　a　strong　and　hardy　and　weather…defying　〃THERE　ISN'T　A　SHADOW　OF　A　DOUBT〃　at　last　and　it　usually　happens。
  We　know　what　the　Baconian's　verdict　would　be：　　〃THERE　IS　NOT　A　RAG　OF　EVIDENCE　THAT　THE　KITTEN　HAS　HAD　ANY　TRAINING；　ANY　EDUCATION；　ANY　EXPERIENCE　QUALIFYING　IT　FOR　THE　PRESENT　OCCASION；　OR　IS　INDEED　EQUIPPED　FOR　ANY　ACHIEVEMENT　ABOVE　LIFTING　SUCH　UNCLAIMED　MILK　AS　COMES　ITS　WAY；　BUT　THERE　IS　ABUNDANT　EVIDENCE　UNASSAILABLE　PROOF；　IN　FACTTHAT　THE　OTHER　ANIMAL　IS　EQUIPPED；　TO　THE　LAST　DETAIL；　WITH　EVERY　QUALIFICATION　NECESSARY　FOR　THE　EVENT。　　WITHOUT　SHADOW　OF　DOUBT　THE　TOM…CAT　CONTAINS　THE　MOUSE。〃
  VI
  When　Shakespeare　died；　in　1616；　great　literary　productions　attributed　to　him　as　author　had　been　before　the　London　world　and　in　high　favor　for　twenty…four　years。　　Yet　his　death　was　not　an　event。　　It　made　no　stir；　it　attracted　no　attention。　　Apparently　his　eminent　literary　contemporaries　did　not　realize　that　a　celebrated　poet　had　passed　from　their　midst。　　Perhaps　they　knew　a　play…actor　of　minor　rank　had　disappeared；　but　did　not　regard　him　as　the　author　of　his　Works。　　〃We　are　justified　in　assuming〃　this。
  His　death　was　not　even　an　event　in　the　little　town　of　Stratford。　　Does　this　mean　that　in　Stratford　he　was　not　regarded　as　a　celebrity　of　ANY　kind？
  〃We　are　privileged　to　assume〃no；　we　are　indeed　OBLIGED　to　assumethat　such　was　the　case。　　He　had　spent　the　first　twenty…　two　or　twenty…three　years　of　his　life　there；　and　of　course　knew　everybody　and　was　known　by　everybody　of　that　day　in　the　town；　including　the　dogs　and　the　cats　and　the　horses。　　He　had　spent　the　last　five　or　six　years　of　his　life　there；　diligently　trading　in　every　big　and　little　thing　that　had　money　in　it；　so　we　are　compelled　to　assume　that　many　of　the　folk　there　in　those　said　latter　days　knew　him　personally；　and　the　rest　by　sight　and　hearsay。　　But　not　as　a　CELEBRITY？　　Apparently　not。　　For　everybody　soon　forgot　to　remember　any　contact　with　him　or　any　incident　connected　with　him。　　The　dozens　of　townspeople；　still　alive；　who　had　known　of　him　or　known　about　him　in　the　first　twenty…three　years　of　his　life　were　in　the　same　unremembering　condition：　　if　they　knew　of　any　incident　connected　with　that　period　of　his　life　they　didn't　tell　about　it。　　Would　the　if　they　had　been　asked？　　It　is　most　likely。　　Were　they　asked？　　It　is　pretty　apparent　that　they　were　not。　　Why　weren't　they？　　It　is　a　very　plausible　guess　that　nobody　there　or　elsewhere　was　interested　to　know。
  For　seven　years　after　Shakespeare's　death　nobody　seems　to　have　been　interested　in　him。　　Then　the　quarto　was　published；　and　Ben　Jonson　awoke　out　of　his　long　indifference　and　sang　a　song　of　praise　and　put　it　in　the　front　of　the　book。　　Then　silence　fell　AGAIN。
  For　sixty　years。　　Then　inquiries　into　Shakespeare's　Stratford　life　began　to　be　made；　of　Stratfordians。　　Of　Stratfordians　who　had　known　Shakespeare　or　had　seen　him？　　No。　　Then　of　Stratfordians　who　had　seen　people　who　had　known　or　seen　people　who　had　seen　Shakespeare？　　No。　　Apparently　the　inquires　were　only　made　of　Stratfordians　who　were　not　Stratfordians　of　Shakespeare's　day；　but　later　comers；　and　what　they　had　learned　had　come　to　them　from　persons　who　had　not　seen　Shakespeare；　and　what　they　had　learned　was　not　claimed　as　FACT；　but　only　as　legend　dim　and　fading　and　indefinite　legend；　legend　of　the　calf…slaughtering　rank；　and　not　worth　remembering　either　as　history　or　fiction。
  Has　it　ever　happened　beforeor　sincethat　a　celebrated　person　who　had　spent　exactly　half　of　a　fairly　long　life　in　the　village　where　he　was　born　and　reared；　was　able　to　slip　out　of　this　world　and　leave　that　village　voiceless　and　gossipless　behind　himutterly　voiceless。；　utterly　gossipless？　　And　permanently　so？　I　don't　believe　it　has　happened　in　any　case　except　Shakespeare's。　And　couldn't　and　wouldn't　have　happened　in　his　case　if　he　had　been　regarded　as　a　celebrity　at　the　time　of　his　death。
  When　I　examine　my　own　casebut　let　us　do　that；　and　see　if　it　will　not　be　recognizable　as　exhibiting　a　condition　of　things　quite　likely　to　result；　most　likely　to　result；　indeed　substantially　SURE　to　result　in　the　case　of　a　celebrated　person；　a　benefactor　of　the　human　race。　　Like　me。
  My　parents　brought　me　to　the　village　of　Hannibal；　Missouri；　on　the　banks　of　the　Mississippi；　when　I　was　two　and　a　half　years　old。　　I　entered　school　at　five　years　of　age；　and　drifted　from　one　school　to　another　in　the　village　during　nine　and　a　half　years。　Then　my　father　died；　leaving　his　family　in　exceedingly　straitened　circumstances；　wherefore　my　book…education　came　to　a　standstill　forever；　and　I　became　a　printer's　apprentice；　on　board　and　clothes；　and　when　the　clothes　failed　I　got　a　hymn…book　in　place　of　them。　　This　for　summer　wear；　probably。　　I　lived　in　Hannibal　fifteen　and　a　half　years；　altogether；　then　ran　away；　according　to　the　custom　of　persons　who　are　intending　to　become　celebrated。　　I　never　lived　there　afterward。　　Four　years　later　I　became　a　〃cub〃　on　a　Mississippi　steamboa