account。
  I　assured　him；　in　earnest　and　sincere　words；　that　he　had　wholly　misconceived　my　attitude；　that　I　had　the　highest　respect　for　Satan；　and　that　my　reverence　for　him　equaled；　and　possibly　even　exceeded；　that　of　any　member　of　the　church。　　I　said　it　wounded　me　deeply　to　perceive　by　his　words　that　he　thought　I　would　make　fun　of　Satan；　and　deride　him；　laugh　at　him；　scoff　at　him；　whereas　in　truth　I　had　never　thought　of　such　a　thing；　but　had　only　a　warm　desire　to　make　fun　of　those　others　and　laugh　at　THEM。　　〃What　others？　　〃Why；　the　Supposers；　the　Perhapsers；　the　Might…Have…Beeners；　the　Could…Have…Beeners；　the　Must…Have…Beeners；　the　Without…a…Shadow…of…Doubters；　the　We…Are…Warranted…in…Believingers；　and　all　that　funny　crop　of　solemn　architects　who　have　taken　a　good　solid　foundation　of　five　indisputable　and　unimportant　facts　and　built　upon　it　a　Conjectural　Satan　thirty　miles　high。〃
  What　did　Mr。　Barclay　do　then？　　Was　he　disarmed？　　Was　he　silenced？　　No。　　He　was　shocked。　　He　was　so　shocked　that　he　visibly　shuddered。　　He　said　the　Satanic　Traditioners　and　Perhapsers　and　Conjecturers　were　THEMSELVES　sacred！　　As　sacred　as　their　work。　　So　sacred　that　whoso　ventured　to　mock　them　or　make　fun　of　their　work；　could　not　afterward　enter　any　respectable　house；　even　by　the　back　door。
  How　true　were　his　words；　and　how　wise！　　How　fortunate　it　would　have　been　for　me　if　I　had　heeded　them。　　But　I　was　young；　I　was　but　seven　years　of　age；　and　vain；　foolish；　and　anxious　to　attract　attention。　　I　wrote　the　biography；　and　have　never　been　in　a　respectable　house　since。
  III
  How　curious　and　interesting　is　the　parallelas　far　as　poverty　of　biographical　details　is　concernedbetween　Satan　and　Shakespeare。　　It　is　wonderful；　it　is　unique；　it　stands　quite　alone；　there　is　nothing　resembling　it　in　history；　nothing　resembling　it　in　romance；　nothing　approaching　it　even　in　tradition。　　How　sublime　is　their　position；　and　how　over…topping；　how　sky…reaching；　how　supremethe　two　Great　Unknowns；　the　two　Illustrious　Conjecturabilities！　　They　are　the　best…known　unknown　persons　that　have　ever　drawn　breath　upon　the　planet。
  For　the　instruction　of　the　ignorant　I　will　make　a　list；　now；　of　those　details　of　Shakespeare's　history　which　are　FACTS　verified　facts；　established　facts；　undisputed　facts。
  Facts
  He　was　born　on　the　23d　of　April；　1564。
  Of　good　farmer…class　parents　who　could　not　read；　could　not　write；　could　not　sign　their　names。
  At　Stratford；　a　small　back　settlement　which　in　that　day　was　shabby　and　unclean；　and　densely　illiterate。　　Of　the　nineteen　important　men　charged　with　the　government　of　the　town；　thirteen　had　to　〃make　their　mark〃　in　attesting　important　documents；　because　they　could　not　write　their　names。
  Of　the　first　eighteen　years　of　his　life　NOTHING　is　known。　They　are　a　blank。
  On　the　27th　of　November　（1582）　William　Shakespeare　took　out　a　license　to　marry　Anne　Whateley。
  Next　day　William　Shakespeare　took　out　a　license　to　marry　Anne　Hathaway。　　She　was　eight　years　his　senior。
  William　Shakespeare　married　Anne　Hathaway。　　In　a　hurry。　　By　grace　of　a　reluctantly　granted　dispensation　there　was　but　one　publication　of　the　banns。
  Within　six　months　the　first　child　was　born。
  About　two　（blank）　years　followed；　during　which　period　NOTHING　AT　ALL　HAPPENED　TO　SHAKESPEARE；　so　far　as　anybody　knows。
  Then　came　twins1585。　　February。
  Two　blank　years　follow。
  Then1587he　makes　a　ten…year　visit　to　London；　leaving　the　family　behind。
  Five　blank　years　follow。　　During　this　period　NOTHING　HAPPENED　TO　HIM；　as　far　as　anybody　actually　knows。
  Then1592there　is　mention　of　him　as　an　actor。
  Next　year1593his　name　appears　in　the　official　list　of　players。
  Next　year1594he　played　before　the　queen。　　A　detail　of　no　consequence：　　other　obscurities　did　it　every　year　of　the　forty…　five　of　her　reign。　　And　remained　obscure。
  Three　pretty　full　years　follow。　　Full　of　play…acting。　　Then*
  In　1597　he　bought　New　Place；　Stratford。
  Thirteen　or　fourteen　busy　years　follow；　years　in　which　he　accumulated　money；　and　also　reputation　as　actor　and　manager。
  Meantime　his　name；　liberally　and　variously　spelt；　had　become　associated　with　a　number　of　great　plays　and　poems；　as　（ostensibly）　author　of　the　same。
  Some　of　these；　in　these　years　and　later；　were　pirated；　but　he　made　no　protest。
  Then1610…11he　returned　to　Stratford　and　settled　down　for　good　and　all；　and　busied　himself　in　lending　money；　trading　in　tithes；　trading　in　land　and　houses；　shirking　a　debt　of　forty…one　shillings；　borrowed　by　his　wife　during　his　long　desertion　of　his　family；　suing　debtors　for　shillings　and　coppers；　being　sued　himself　for　shillings　and　coppers；　and　acting　as　confederate　to　a　neighbor　who　tried　to　rob　the　town　of　its　rights　in　a　certain　common；　and　did　not　succeed。
  He　lived　five　or　six　yearstill　1616in　the　joy　of　these　elevated　pursuits。　　Then　he　made　a　will；　and　signed　each　of　its　three　pages　with　his　name。
  A　thoroughgoing　business　man's　will。　　It　named　in　minute　detail　every　item　of　property　he　owned　in　the　worldhouses；　lands；　sword；　silver…gilt　bowl；　and　so　onall　the　way　down　to　his　〃second…best　bed〃　and　its　furniture。
  It　carefully　and　calculatingly　distributed　his　riches　among　the　members　of　his　family；　overlooking　no　individual　of　it。　　Not　even　his　wife：　　the　wife　he　had　been　enabled　to　marry　in　a　hurry　by　urgent　grace　of　a　special　dispensation　before　he　was　nineteen；　the　wife　whom　he　had　left　husbandless　so　many　years；　the　wife　who　had　had　to　borrow　forty…one　shillings　in　her　need；　and　which　the　lender　was　never　able　to　collect　of　the　prosperous　husband；　but　died　at　last　with　the　money　still　lacking。　　No；　even　this　wife　was　remembered　in　Shakespeare's　will。
  He　left　her　that　〃second…best　bed。〃
  And　NOT　ANOTHER　THING；　not　even　a　penny　to　bless　her　lucky　widowhood　with。
  It　was　eminently　and　conspicuously　a　business　man's　will；　not　a　poet's。
  It　mentioned　NOT　A　SINGLE　BOOK。
  Books　were　much　more　precious　than　swords　and　silver…gilt　bowls　and　second…best　beds　in　those　days；　and　when　a　departing　person　owned　one　he　gave　it　a　high　place　in　his　will。
  The　will　mentioned　NOT　A　PLAY；　NOT　A　POEM；　NOT　AN　UNFINISHED　LITERARY　WORK；　NOT　A　SCRAP　OF　MANUSCRIPT　OF　ANY　KIND。
  Many　poets　have　died　poor；　but　this　is　the　only　one　in　history　that　has　died　THIS　poor；　the　others　all　left　literary　remains　behind。　　Also　a　book。　　Maybe　two。
  If　Shakespeare　had　owned　a　dogbut　we　not　go　into　that：　　we　know　he　would　have　mentioned　it　in　his　will。　　If　a　good　dog；　Susanna　would　have　got　it；　if　an　inferior　one　his　wife　would　have　got　a　downer　interest　in　it。　　I　wish　he　had　had　a　dog；　just　so　we　could　see　how　painstakingly　he　would　have　divided　that　dog　among　the　family；　in　his　careful　business　way。
  He　signed　the　will　in　three　places。
  In　earlier　years　he　signed　two　other　official　documents。
  These　five　signatures　still　exist。
  There　are　NO　OTHER　SPECIMENS　OF　HIS　PENMANSHIP　IN　EXISTENCE。　Not　a　line。
  Was　he　prejudiced　against　the　art？　　His　granddaughter；　whom　he　loved；　was　eight　years　old　when　he　died；　yet　she　had　had　no　teaching；　he　left　no　provision　for　her　education；　although　he　was　rich；　and　in　her　mature　womanhood　she　couldn't　write　and　couldn't　tell　her　husband's　manuscript　from　anybody　else'sshe　thought　it　was　Shakespeare's。
  When　Shakespeare　died　in　Stratford；　IT　WAS　NOT　AN　EVENT。　　It　made　no　more　stir　in　England　than　the　death　of　any　other　forgotten　theater…actor　would　have　made。　　Nobody　came　down　from　London；　there　were　no　lamenting　poems；　no　eulogies；　no　national　tearsthere　was　merely　silence；　and　nothing　more。　　A　striking　contrast　with　what　happened　when　Ben　Jonson；　and　Francis　Bacon；　and　Spenser；　and　Raleigh；　and　the　other　distinguished　literary　folk　of　Shakespeare's　time　passed　from　life！　　No　praiseful　voice　was　lifted　for　the　lost　Bard　of　Avon；　even　Ben　Jonson　waited　seven　years　before　he　lifted　his。
  SO　FAR　AS　ANYBODY　ACTUALLY　KNOWS　AND　CAN　PROVE；　Shakespeare　of　Stratford…on…Avon　never　wrote　a　play　in　his　life。
  SO　FAR　AS　ANY　ONE　KNOWS；　HE　RECEIVED　ONLY　ONE　LETTER　DURING　HIS　LIFE。
  So　far　as　any　one　KNOWS　AND　CAN　PROVE；　Shakespeare　of　Stratford　wrote　only　one　poem　during　his　life。　　This　one　is　authentic。　　He　did　write　that　onea　fact　which　stands　undisputed；　he　wrote　the　whole　of　it；　he　wrote　the　whole　of　it　out　of　his　own　head。　　He　commanded　that　this　work　of　art　be　engraved　upon　his　tomb；　and　he　was　obeyed。　　There　it　abides　to　this　day。　　This　is　it：
  Good　friend　for　Iesus　sake　forbeare　To　digg　the　dust　encloased　heare：　Blest　be　ye　man　yt　spares　thes　stones　And　curst　be　he　yt　moves　my　bones。
  In　the　list　as　above　set　down　will　be　found　EVERY　POSITIVELY　KNOWN　fact　of　Shakespeare's　life；　lean　and　meager　as　the　invoice　is。　　Beyond　these　details　we　know　NOT　A　THING　about　him。　　All　the　rest　of　his　vast　history；　as　furnished　by　the　biographers；　is　built　up；　course　upon　course；　of　guesses；　inferences；　theories；　conjecturesan　Eiffel　Tower　of　artificialities　rising　sky…high　from　a　very　flat　and　very　thin　foundation　of　inconsequential　facts。
  IV
  Conjectures
  The　historians　〃suppose〃　that　Shakespeare　attended　the　Free　School　in　Stratford　from　the　time　he　was　seven　years　old　till　he　was　thirteen。　　There　is　no　EVIDENCE　in　existence　that　he　ever　went　to　school