ITALIAN　WITHOUT　A　MASTER
  It　is　almost　a　fortnight　now　that　I　am　domiciled　in　a　medieval
  villa　in　the　country；　a　mile　or　two　from　Florence。　　I　cannot　speak
  the　language；　I　am　too　old　not　to　learn　how；　also　too　busy　when　I
  am　busy；　and　too　indolent　when　I　am　not；　wherefore　some　will
  imagine　that　I　am　having　a　dull　time　of　it。　　But　it　is　not　so。
  The　〃help〃　are　all　natives；　they　talk　Italian　to　me；　I　answer
  in　English；　I　do　not　understand　them；　they　do　not　understand　me；
  consequently　no　harm　is　done；　and　everybody　is　satisfied。　　In　order
  to　be　just　and　fair；　I　throw　in　an　Italian　word　when　I　have　one；
  and　this　has　a　good　influence。　　I　get　the　word　out　of　the　morning　paper。
  I　have　to　use　it　while　it　is　fresh；　for　I　find　that　Italian　words
  do　not　keep　in　this　climate。　　They　fade　toward　night；　and　next
  morning　they　are　gone。　　But　it　is　no　matter；　I　get　a　new　one　out
  of　the　paper　before　breakfast；　and　thrill　the　domestics　with　it
  while　it　lasts。　　I　have　no　dictionary；　and　I　do　not　want　one；
  I　can　select　words　by　the　sound；　or　by　orthographic　aspect。
  Many　of　them　have　French　or　German　or　English　look；　and　these　are
  the　ones　I　enslave　for　the　day's　service。　　That　is；　as　a　rule。
  Not　always。　　If　I　find　a　learnable　phrase　that　has　an　imposing　look
  and　warbles　musically　along　I　do　not　care　to　know　the　meaning　of　it；
  I　pay　it　out　to　the　first　applicant；　knowing　that　if　I　pronounce　it
  carefully　HE　will　understand　it；　and　that's　enough。
  Yesterday's　word　was　AVANTI。　　It　sounds　Shakespearian；　and　probably
  means　Avaunt　and　quit　my　sight。　　Today　I　have　a　whole　phrase：
  SONO　DISPIACENTISSIMO。　　I　do　not　know　what　it　means；　but　it　seems
  to　fit　in　everywhere　and　give　satisfaction。　　Although　as　a　rule
  my　words　and　phrases　are　good　for　one　day　and　train　only；　I　have
  several　that　stay　by　me　all　the　time；　for　some　unknown　reason；
  and　these　come　very　handy　when　I　get　into　a　long　conversation　and　need
  things　to　fire　up　with　in　monotonous　stretches。　　One　of　the　best　ones
  is　DOV'　‘E　IL　GATTO。　　It　nearly　always　produces　a　pleasant　surprise；
  therefore　I　save　it　up　for　places　where　I　want　to　express　applause
  or　admiration。　　The　fourth　word　has　a　French　sound；　and　I　think
  the　phrase　means　〃that　takes　the　cake。〃
  During　my　first　week　in　the　deep　and　dreamy　stillness　of　this　woodsy
  and　flowery　place　I　was　without　news　of　the　outside　world；　and　was
  well　content　without　it。　　It　has　been　four　weeks　since　I　had　seen
  a　newspaper；　and　this　lack　seemed　to　give　life　a　new　charm　and　grace；
  and　to　saturate　it　with　a　feeling　verging　upon　actual　delight。
  Then　came　a　change　that　was　to　be　expected：　　the　appetite　for　news
  began　to　rise　again；　after　this　invigorating　rest。　　I　had　to　feed　it；
  but　I　was　not　willing　to　let　it　make　me　its　helpless　slave　again；
  I　determined　to　put　it　on　a　diet；　and　a　strict　and　limited　one。
  So　I　examined　an　Italian　paper；　with　the　idea　of　feeding　it　on　that；
  and　on　that　exclusively。　　On　that　exclusively；　and　without　help　of
  a　dictionary。　　In　this　way　I　should　surely　be　well　protected　against
  overloading　and　indigestion。
  A　glance　at　the　telegraphic　page　filled　me　with　encouragement。
  There　were　no　scare…heads。　That　was　goodsupremely　good。　　But　there
  were　headingsone…liners　and　two…linersand　that　was　good　too；
  for　without　these；　one　must　do　as　one　does　with　a　German　paperpay　our
  precious　time　in　finding　out　what　an　article　is　about；　only　to　discover；
  in　many　cases；　that　there　is　nothing　in　it　of　interest　to　you。
  The　headline　is　a　valuable　thing。
  Necessarily　we　are　all　fond　of　murders；　scandals；　swindles；
  robberies；　explosions；　collisions；　and　all　such　things；　when　we
  knew　the　people；　and　when　they　are　neighbors　and　friends；　but　when
  they　are　strangers　we　do　not　get　any　great　pleasure　out　of　them；
  as　a　rule。　　Now　the　trouble　with　an　American　paper　is　that　it　has
  no　discrimination；　it　rakes　the　whole　earth　for　blood　and　garbage；
  and　the　result　is　that　you　are　daily　overfed　and　suffer　a　surfeit。
  By　habit　you　stow　this　muck　every　day；　but　you　come　by　and　by　to
  take　no　vital　interest　in　itindeed；　you　almost　get　tired　of　it。
  As　a　rule；　forty…nine…fiftieths　of　it　concerns　strangers　only
  people　away　off　yonder；　a　thousand　miles；　two　thousand　miles；
  ten　thousand　miles　from　where　you　are。　　Why；　when　you　come　to　think
  of　it；　who　cares　what　becomes　of　those　people？　　I　would　not　give
  the　assassination　of　one　personal　friend　for　a　whole　massacre
  of　those　others。　　And；　to　my　mind；　one　relative　or　neighbor　mixed
  up　in　a　scandal　is　more　interesting　than　a　whole　Sodom　and　Gomorrah
  of　outlanders　gone　rotten。　　Give　me　the　home　product　every　time。
  Very　well。　　I　saw　at　a　glance　that　the　Florentine　paper　would
  suit　me：　　five　out　of　six　of　its　scandals　and　tragedies　were　local；
  they　were　adventures　of　one's　very　neighbors；　one　might　almost　say
  one's　friends。　　In　the　matter　of　world　news　there　was　not　too　much；
  but　just　about　enough。　　I　subscribed。　　I　have　had　no　occasion
  to　regret　it。　　Every　morning　I　get　all　the　news　I　need　for　the　day；
  sometimes　from　the　headlines；　sometimes　from　the　text。　　I　have　never
  had　to　call　for　a　dictionary　yet。　　I　read　the　paper　with　ease。
  Often　I　do　not　quite　understand；　often　some　of　the　details　escape　me；
  but　no　matter；　I　get　the　idea。　　I　will　cut　out　a　passage　or　two；
  then　you　see　how　limpid　the　language　is：
  Il　ritorno　dei　Beati　d'Italia
  Elargizione　del　Re　all'　Ospedale　italiano
  The　first　line　means　that　the　Italian　sovereigns　are　coming　back
  they　have　been　to　England。　　The　second　line　seems　to　mean　that　they
  enlarged　the　King　at　the　Italian　hospital。　　With　a　banquet；　I　suppose。
  An　English　banquet　has　that　effect。　　Further：
  Il　ritorno　dei　Sovrani
  a　Roma
  ROMA；　24；　ore　22；50。I　Sovrani　e　le　Principessine　Reali　si　attendono
  a　Roma　domani　alle　ore　15；51。
  Return　of　the　sovereigns　to　Rome；　you　see。　　Date　of　the　telegram；
  Rome；　November　24；　ten　minutes　before　twenty…three　o'clock。　The
  telegram　seems　to　say；　〃The　Sovereigns　and　the　Royal　Children　expect
  themselves　at　Rome　tomorrow　at　fifty…one　minutes　after　fifteen　o'clock。〃
  I　do　not　know　about　Italian　time；　but　I　judge　it　begins　at　midnight
  and　runs　through　the　twenty…four　hours　without　breaking　bulk。
  In　the　following　ad；　the　theaters　open　at　half…past　twenty。
  If　these　are　not　matinees；　20。30　must　mean　8。30　P。M。；　by　my　reckoning。
  Spettacolli　del　di　25
  TEATRO　DELLA　PERGOLA（Ore　20；30）Opera。　　BOH‘EME。　TEATRO
  ALFIERI。Compagnia　drammatica　Drago（Ore　20；30）LA　LEGGE。
  ALHAMBRA（Ore　20；30）Spettacolo　variato。　　SALA　EDISON
  Grandiosoo　spettacolo　Cinematografico：　　QUO　VADIS？Inaugurazione　della
  Chiesa　RussaIn　coda　al　DirettissimoVedute　di　Firenze　con
  gran　movimenoAmerica：　　Transporto　tronchi　giganteschiI　ladri
  in　casa　del　DiavoloScene　comiche。　　CINEMATOGRAFOVia　Brunelleschi
  n。　　4。Programma　straordinario；　DON　CHISCIOTTEPrezzi　populari。
  The　whole　of　that　is　intelligible　to　meand　sane　and　rational；　too
  except　the　remark　about　the　Inauguration　of　a　Russian　Chinese。
  That　one　oversizes　my　hand。　　Give　me　five　cards。
  This　is　a　four…page　paper；　and　as　it　is　set　in　long　primer　leaded
  and　has　a　page　of　advertisements；　there　is　no　room　for　the　crimes；
  disasters；　and　general　sweepings　of　the　outside　worldthanks　be！
  Today　I　find　only　a　single　importation　of　the　off…color　sort：
  Una　Principessa
  che　fugge　con　un　cocchiere
  PARIGI；　24。Il　MATIN　ha　da　Berlino　che　la　principessa
  Schovenbare…Waldenbure　scomparve　il　9　novembre。　　Sarebbe　partita
  col　suo　cocchiere。
  La　Principassa　ha　27　anni。
  Twenty…seven　years　old；　and　scomparvescamperedon　the　9th　November。
  You　see　by　the　added　detail　that　she　departed　with　her　coachman。
  I　hope　Sarebbe　has　not　made　a　mistake；　but　I　am　afraid　the　chances
  are　that　she　has。　　SONO　DISPIACENTISSIMO。
  There　are　several　fires：　　also　a　couple　of　accidents。　　This　is
  one　of　them：
  Grave　disgrazia　sul　Ponte　Vecchio
  Stammattina；　circe　le　7；30；　mentre　Giuseppe　Sciatti；　di　anni　55；
  di　Casellina　e　Torri；　passava　dal　Ponte　Vecchio；　stando　seduto　sopra
  un　barroccio　carico　di　verdura；　perse　l'　equilibrio　e　cadde　al　suolo；
  rimanendo　con　la　gamba　destra　sotto　una　ruota　del　veicolo。
  Lo　Sciatti　fu　subito　raccolto　da　alcuni　cittadini；　che；　per　mezzo
  della　pubblica　vettura　n。　　365；　lo　transporto　a　San　Giovanni　di　Dio。
  Ivi　il　medico　di　guardia　gli　riscontro　la　frattura　della　gamba
  destra　e　alcune　lievi　escoriazioni　giudicandolo　guaribile　in　50
  giorni　salvo　complicazioni。
  What　it　seems　to　say　is　this：　　〃Serious　Disgrace　on　the　Old
  Old　Bridge。　　This　morning　about　7。30；　Mr。　Joseph　Sciatti；　aged　55；
  of　Casellina　and　Torri；　while　standing　up　in　a　sitting　posture
  on　top　of　a　carico　barrow　of　vedure　（foliage？　hay？　vegetables？）；
  lost　his　equilibrium　and　fell　on　himself；　arriving　with　his　left
  leg　under　one　of　the　wheels　of　the　vehicle