in　nineteen　battlesseveral　times　in　positions　of　some　danger；　when
  the　lifting　of　a　finger　perhaps　meant　death；　but　I　have　never　felt
  what　I　was　feeling　at　that　moment。　　I　knew　something　was　coming；　and
  I　was　paralysed　with　terror　lest　it　should　not　come！〃　　He　drew　a　long
  breath。
  〃The　servant　came　in　with　a　light　and　broke　the　spell。　　All　that
  night　I　lay　awake　and　thought　of　how　she　had　looked　at　me；　with　the
  colour　coming　slowly　up　in　her　cheeks
  〃It　was　three　days　before　I　plucked　up　courage　to　go　again；　and　then
  I　felt　her　eyes　on　me　at　onceshe　was　making　a　'cat's　cradle'　with　a
  bit　of　string；　but　I　could　see　them　stealing　up　from　her　hands　to　my
  face。　　And　she　went　wandering　about　the　room；　fingering　at
  everything。　　When　her　father　called　out：　'What's　the　matter　with　you；
  Elie？'　she　stared　at　him　like　a　child　caught　doing　wrong。　　I　looked
  straight　at　her　then；　she　tried　to　look　at　me；　but　she　couldn't；　and
  a　minute　later　she　went　out　of　the　room。　　God　knows　what　sort　of
  nonsense　I　talkedI　was　too　happy。
  〃Then　began　our　love。　　I　can't　tell　you　of　that　time。　　Often　and
  often　Dalton　said　to　me：　'What's　come　to　the　child？　　Nothing　I　can　do
  pleases　her。'　　All　the　love　she　had　given　him　was　now　for　me；　but　he
  was　too　simple　and　straight　to　see　what　was　going　on。　　How　many　times
  haven't　I　felt　criminal　towards　him！　　But　when　you're　happy；　with　the
  tide　in　your　favour；　you　become　a　coward　at　once。。。。
  V
  〃Well；　sir；〃　he　went　on；　〃we　were　married　on　her　eighteenth　birthday。
  It　was　a　long　time　before　Dalton　became　aware　of　our　love。　　But　one
  day　he　said　to　me　with　a　very　grave　look：
  〃'Eilie　has　told　me；　Brune；　I　forbid　it。　　She's　too　young；　and
  you'retoo　old！'　I　was　then　forty…five；　my　hair　as　black　and　thick
  as　a　rook's　feathers；　and　I　was　strong　and　active。　　I　answered　him：
  'We　shall　be　married　within　a　month！'　　We　parted　in　anger。　　It　was　a
  May　night；　and　I　walked　out　far　into　the　country。　　There's　no　remedy
  for　anger；　or；　indeed；　for　anything；　so　fine　as　walking。　　Once　I
  stoppedit　was　on　a　common；　without　a　house　or　light；　and　the　stars
  shining　like　jewels。　　I　was　hot　from　walking；　I　could　feel　the　blood
  boiling　in　my　veinsI　said　to　myself　'Old；　are　you？'　And　I　laughed
  like　a　fool。　　It　was　the　thought　of　losing　herI　wished　to　believe
  myself　angry；　but　really　I　was　afraid；　fear　and　anger　in　me　are　very
  much　the　same。　　A　friend　of　mine；　a　bit　of　a　poet；　sir；　once　called
  them　'the　two　black　wings　of　self。'　　And　so　they　are；　so　they　are。。。！
  The　next　morning　I　went　to　Dalton　again；　and　somehow　I　made　him
  yield。　　I'm　not　a　philosopher；　but　it　has　often　seemed　to　me　that　no
  benefit　can　come　to　us　in　this　life　without　an　equal　loss　somewhere；
  but　does　that　stop　us？　　No；　sir；　not　often。。。。
  〃We　were　married　on　the　3oth　of　June　1876；　in　the　parish　church。　　The
  only　people　present　were　Dalton；　Lucy；　and　Lucy's　husbanda　big；
  red…faced　fellow；　with　blue　eyes　and　a　golden　beard　parted　in　two。
  It　had　been　arranged　that　we　should　spend　the　honeymoon　down　at　their
  inn　on　the　river。　　My　wife；　Dalton　and　I；　went　to　a　restaurant　for
  lunch。　　She　was　dressed　in　grey；　the　colour　of　a　pigeon's　feathers。〃
  He　paused；　leaning　forward　over　the　crutch　handle　of　his　stick；
  trying　to　conjure　up；　no　doubt；　that　long…ago　image　of　his　young
  bride　in　her　dress　〃the　colour　of　a　pigeon's　feathers；〃　with　her　blue
  eyes　and　yellow　hair；　the　little　frown　between　her　brows；　the　firmly
  shut　red　lips；　opening　to　speak　the　words；　〃For　better；　for　worse；
  for　richer；　for　poorer；　in　sickness　and　in　health。〃
  〃At　that　time；　sir；〃　he　went　on　suddenly；　〃I　was　a　bit　of　a　dandy。　　I
  wore；　I　remember；　a　blue　frock…coat；　with　white　trousers；　and　a　grey
  top　hat。　　Even　now　I　should　always　prefer　to　be　well　dressed。。。。
  〃We　had　an　excellent　lunch；　and　drank　Veuve　Clicquot；　a　wine　that　you
  cannot　get　in　these　days！　　Dalton　came　with　us　to　the　railway
  station。　　I　can't　bear　partings；　and　yet；　they　must　come。
  〃That　evening　we　walked　out　in　the　cool　under　the　aspen…trees。　　What
  should　I　remember　in　all　my　life　if　not　that　nightthe　young
  bullocks　snuffling　in　the　gatewaysthe　campion　flowers　all　lighted
  up　along　the　hedgesthe　moon　with　a　halo…bats；　too；　in　and　out　among
  the　stems；　and　the　shadows　of　the　cottages　as　black　and　soft　as　that
  sea　down　there。　　For　a　long　time　we　stood　on　the　river…bank　beneath　a
  lime…tree。　　The　scent　of　the　lime　flowers！　　A　man　can　only　endure
  about　half　his　joy；　about　half　his　sorrow。　　Lucy　and　her　husband；〃　he
  went　on；　presently；　〃his　name　was　Frank　Tora　man　like　an　old
  Viking；　who　ate　nothing　but　milk；　bread；　and　fruitwere　very　good　to
  us！　　It　was　like　Paradise　in　that　innthough　the　commissariat；　I　am
  bound　to　say；　was　limited。　　The　sweetbriar　grew　round　our　bedroom
  windows；　when　the　breeze　blew　the　leaves　across　the　openingit　was
  like　a　bath　of　perfume。　　Eilie　grew　as　brown　as　a　gipsy　while　we　were
  there。　　I　don't　think　any　man　could　have　loved　her　more　than　I　did。
  But　there　were　times　when　my　heart　stood　still；　it　didn't　seem　as　if
  she　understood　how　much　I　loved　her。　　One　day；　I　remember；　she　coaxed
  me　to　take　her　camping。　　We　drifted　down…stream　all　the　afternoon；
  and　in　the　evening　pulled　into　the　reeds　under　the　willow…boughs　and
  lit　a　fire　for　her　to　cook　bythough；　as　a　matter　of　fact；　our
  provisions　were　cooked　alreadybut　you　know　how　it　is；　all　the
  romance　was　in　having　a　real　fire。　　'We　won't　pretend；'　she　kept
  saying。　　While　we　were　eating　our　supper　a　hare　came　to　our　clearing…
  …a　big　fellowhow　surprised　he　looked！　　'The　tall　hare；'　Eilie
  called　him。　　After　that　we　sat　by　the　ashes　and　watched　the　shadows；
  till　at　last　she　roamed　away　from　me。　　The　time　went　very　slowly；　I
  got　up　to　look　for　her。　　It　was　past　sundown。　　I　called　and　called。
  It　was　a　long　time　before　I　found　herand　she　was　like　a　wild　thing；
  hot　and　flushed；　her　pretty　frock　torn；　her　hands　and　face　scratched；
  her　hair　down；　like　some　beautiful　creature　of　the　woods。　　If　one
  loves；　a　little　thing　will　scare　one。　　I　didn't　think　she　had　noticed
  my　fright；　but　when　we　got　back　to　the　boat　she　threw　her　arms　round
  my　neck；　and　said；　'I　won't　ever　leave　you　again！'
  〃Once　in　the　night　I　wokea　water…hen　was　crying；　and　in　the
  moonlight　a　kingfisher　flew　across。　　The　wonder　on　the　riverthe
  wonder　of　the　moon　and　trees；　the　soft　bright　mist；　the　stillness！　It
  was　like　another　world；　peaceful；　enchanted；　far　holier　than　ours。
  It　seemed　like　a　vision　of　the　thoughts　that　come　to　onehow　seldom！
  and　go　if　one　tries　to　grasp　them。　　Magicpoetry…sacred！〃　　He　was
  silent　a　minute；　then　went　on　in　a　wistful　voice：　〃I　looked　at　her；
  sleeping　like　a　child；　with　her　hair　loose；　and　her　lips　apart；　and　I
  thought：　'God　do　so　to　me；　if　ever　I　bring　her　pain！'　　How　was　I　to
  understand　her？　the　mystery　and　innocence　of　her　soul！　　The　river　has
  had　all　my　light　and　all　my　darkness；　the　happiest　days；　and　the
  hours　when　I've　despaired；　and　I　like　to　think　of　it；　for；　you　know；
  in　time　bitter　memories　fade；　only　the　good　remain。。。。　　Yet　the　good
  have　their　own　pain；　a　different　kind　of　aching；　for　we　shall　never
  get　them　back。　　Sir；〃　he　said；　turning　to　me　with　a　faint　smile；
  〃it's　no　use　crying　over　spilt　milk。。。。　　In　the　neighbourhood　of
  Lucy's　inn；　the　Rose　and　MaybushCan　you　imagine　a　prettier　name？　　I
  have　been　all　over　the　world；　and　nowhere　found　names　so　pretty　as　in
  the　English　country。　　There；　too；　every　blade　of　grass；　and　flower；
  has　a　kind　of　pride　about　it；　knows　it　will　be　cared　for；　and　all　the
  roads；　trees；　and　cottages；　seem　to　be　certain　that　they　will　live
  for　ever。。。。　　But　I　was　going　to　tell　you：　Half　a　mile　from　the　inn
  was　a　quiet　old　house　which　we　used　to　call　the　'Convent'though　I
  believe　it　was　a　farm。　　We　spent　many　afternoons　there；　trespassing
  in　the　orchardEilie　was　fond　of　trespassing；　if　there　were　a　long
  way　round　across　somebody　else's　property；　she　would　always　take　it。
  We　spent　our　last　afternoon　in　that　orchard；　lying　in　the　long　grass。
  I　was　reading　Childe　Harold　for　the　first　timea　wonderful；　a
  memorable　poem！　　I　was　at　that　passagethe　bull…fightyou　remember：
  〃'Thrice　sounds　the　clarion；　lo！　the　signal　falls；
  The　din　expands；　and　expectation　mute'
  when　suddenly　Eilie　said：　'Suppose　I　were　to　leave　off　loving　you？'
  It　was　as　if　some　one　had　struck　me　in　the　face。　　I　jumped　up；　and
  tried　to　take　her　in　my　arms；　but　she　slipped　away；　then　she　turned；
  and　began　laughing　softly。　　I　laughed　too。　　I　don't　know　why。。。。
  VI
  〃We　went　back　to　London　the　next　day；　we　lived　quite　close　to　the
  school；　and　about　five　days　a　week　Dalton　came　to　dine　with　us。　　He
  would　have　come　every　day；　if　he　had　not　been　the　sort　of　man　who
  refuses　to　consult　his　own　pleasure。　　We　had　more　pupils　than　ever。
  In　my　leisure　I　taught　my　wife　to　fence。　　I　have　never　seen　any　one
  so　lithe　and　quick；　or　so　beautiful　as　she　looked　in　her　fencin