animals　is　base　or　is　heroic；　and　our　preferences　in　the　matter
  of　religious　and　political　parties；　and　our　acceptance　or
  rejection　of　the　Shakespeares　and　the　Author　Ortons　and　the　Mrs。
  Eddys。　　We　get　them　all　at　second　hand；　we　reason　none　of　them
  out　for　ourselves。　　It　is　the　way　we　are　made。　　It　is　the　way　we
  are　all　made；　and　we　can't　help　it；　we　can't　change　it。　　And
  whenever　we　have　been　furnished　a　fetish；　and　have　been　taught　to
  believe　in　it；　and　love　it　and　worship　it；　and　refrain　from
  examining　it；　there　is　no　evidence；　howsoever　clear　and　strong；
  that　can　persuade　us　to　withdraw　from　it　our　loyalty　and　our
  devotion。　　In　morals；　conduct；　and　beliefs　we　take　the　color　of
  our　environment　and　associations；　and　it　is　a　color　that　can
  safely　be　warranted　to　wash。　　Whenever　we　have　been　furnished
  with　a　tar　baby　ostensibly　stuffed　with　jewels；　and　warned　that
  it　will　be　dishonorable　and　irreverent　to　disembowel　it　and　test
  the　jewels；　we　keep　our　sacrilegious　hands　off　it。　　We　submit；
  not　reluctantly；　but　rather　gladly；　for　we　are　privately　afraid
  we　should　find；　upon　examination　that　the　jewels　are　of　the　sort
  that　are　manufactured　at　North　Adams；　Mass。
  I　haven't　any　idea　that　Shakespeare　will　have　to　vacate　his
  pedestal　this　side　of　the　year　2209。　　Disbelief　in　him　cannot
  come　swiftly；　disbelief　in　a　healthy　and　deeply…loved　tar　baby
  has　never　been　known　to　disintegrate　swiftly；　it　is　a　very　slow
  process。　　It　took　several　thousand　years　to　convince　our　fine
  raceincluding　every　splendid　intellect　in　itthat　there　is　no
  such　thing　as　a　witch；　it　has　taken　several　thousand　years　to
  convince　the　same　fine　raceincluding　every　splendid　intellect
  in　itthat　there　is　no　such　person　as　Satan；　it　has　taken
  several　centuries　to　remove　perdition　from　the　Protestant
  Church's　program　of　post…mortem　entertainments；　it　has　taken　a
  weary　long　time　to　persuade　American　Presbyterians　to　give　up
  infant　damnation　and　try　to　bear　it　the　best　they　can；　and　it
  looks　as　if　their　Scotch　brethren　will　still　be　burning　babies　in
  the　everlasting　fires　when　Shakespeare　comes　down　from　his　perch。
  We　are　The　Reasoning　Race。　　We　can't　prove　it　by　the　above
  examples；　and　we　can't　prove　it　by　the　miraculous　〃histories〃
  built　by　those　Stratfordolaters　out　of　a　hatful　of　rags　and　a
  barrel　of　sawdust；　but　there　is　a　plenty　of　other　things　we　can
  prove　it　by；　if　I　could　think　of　them。　　We　are　The　Reasoning
  Race；　and　when　we　find　a　vague　file　of　chipmunk…tracks　stringing
  through　the　dust　of　Stratford　village；　we　know　by　our　reasoning
  bowers　that　Hercules　has　been　along　there。　　I　feel　that　our
  fetish　is　safe　for　three　centuries　yet。　　The　bust；　toothere　in
  the　Stratford　Church。　　The　precious　bust；　the　priceless　bust；　the
  calm　bust；　the　serene　bust；　the　emotionless　bust；　with　the　dandy
  mustache；　and　the　putty　face；　unseamed　of　carethat　face　which
  has　looked　passionlessly　down　upon　the　awed　pilgrim　for　a　hundred
  and　fifty　years　and　will　still　look　down　upon　the　awed　pilgrim
  three　hundred　more；　with　the　deep；　deep；　deep；　subtle；　subtle；
  subtle　expression　of　a　bladder。
  XII
  Irreverence
  One　of　the　most　trying　defects　which　I　find　in　thesethese
  what　shall　I　call　them？　for　I　will　not　apply　injurious　epithets
  to　them；　the　way　they　do　to　us；　such　violations　of　courtesy　being
  repugnant　to　my　nature　and　my　dignity。　　The　farthest　I　can　go　in
  that　direction　is　to　call　them　by　names　of　limited　reverence
  names　merely　descriptive；　never　unkind；　never　offensive；　never
  tainted　by　harsh　feeling。　　If　THEY　would　do　like　this；　they　would
  feel　better　in　their　hearts。　　Very　well；　thento　proceed。　　One
  of　the　most　trying　defects　which　I　find　in　these
  Stratfordolaters；　these　Shakesperiods；　these　thugs；　these
  bangalores；　these　troglodytes；　these　herumfrodites；　these
  blatherskites；　these　buccaneers；　these　bandoleers；　is　their
  spirit　of　irreverence。　　It　is　detectable　in　every　utterance　of
  theirs　when　they　are　talking　about　us。　　I　am　thankful　that　in　me
  there　is　nothing　of　that　spirit。　　When　a　thing　is　sacred　to　me　it
  is　impossible　for　me　to　be　irreverent　toward　it。　　I　cannot　call
  to　mind　a　single　instance　where　I　have　ever　been　irreverent；
  except　towards　the　things　which　were　sacred　to　other　people。　　Am
  I　in　the　right？　　I　think　so。　　But　I　ask　no　one　to　take　my
  unsupported　word；　no；　look　at　the　dictionary；　let　the　dictionary
  decide。　　Here　is　the　definition：
  IRREVERENCE。　　The　quality　or　condition　of　irreverence　toward
  God　and　sacred　things。
  What　does　the　Hindu　say？　　He　says　it　is　correct。　　He　says
  irreverence　is　lack　of　respect　for　Vishnu；　and　Brahma；　and
  Chrishna；　and　his　other　gods；　and　for　his　sacred　cattle；　and　for
  his　temples　and　the　things　within　them。　　He　endorses　the
  definition；　you　see；　and　there　are　300；000；000　Hindus　or　their
  equivalents　back　of　him。
  The　dictionary　had　the　acute　idea　that　by　using　the　capital
  G　it　could　restrict　irreverence　to　lack　of　reverence　for　OUR
  Deity　and　our　sacred　things；　but　that　ingenious　and　rather　sly
  idea　miscarried：　　for　by　the　simple　process　of　spelling　HIS
  deities　with　capitals　the　Hindu　confiscates　the　definition　and
  restricts　it　to　his　own　sects；　thus　making　it　clearly　compulsory
  upon　us　to　revere　HIS　gods　and　HIS　sacred　things；　and　nobody's
  else。　　We　can't　say　a　word；　for　he　had　our　own　dictionary　at　his
  back；　and　its　decision　is　final。
  This　law；　reduced　to　its　simplest　terms；　is　this：
  1。　Whatever　is　sacred　to　the　Christian　must　be　held　in　reverence　by
  everybody　else；　2。　　whatever　is　sacred　to　the　Hindu　must　be　held
  in　reverence　by　everybody　else；　3。　　therefore；　by　consequence；
  logically；　and　indisputably；　whatever　is　sacred　to　ME　must　be
  held　in　reverence　by　everybody　else。
  Now　then；　what　aggravates　me　is　that　these　troglodytes　and
  muscovites　and　bandoleers　and　buccaneers　are　ALSO　trying　to　crowd
  in　and　share　the　benefit　of　the　law；　and　compel　everybody　to
  revere　their　Shakespeare　and　hold　him　sacred。　　We　can't　have
  that：　　there's　enough　of　us　already。　　If　you　go　on　widening　and
  spreading　and　inflating　the　privilege；　it　will　presently　come　to
  be　conceded　that　each　man's　sacred　things　are　the　ONLY　ones；　and
  the　rest　of　the　human　race　will　have　to　be　humbly　reverent　toward
  them　or　suffer　for　it。　　That　can　surely　happen；　and　when　it
  happens；　the　word　Irreverence　will　be　regarded　as　the　most
  meaningless；　and　foolish；　and　self…conceited；　and　insolent；　and
  impudent；　and　dictatorial　word　in　the　language。　　And　people　will
  say；　〃Whose　business　is　it　what　gods　I　worship　and　what　things
  hold　sacred？　　Who　has　the　right　to　dictate　to　my　conscience；　and
  where　did　he　get　that　right？〃
  We　cannot　afford　to　let　that　calamity　come　upon　us。　　We　must
  save　the　word　from　this　destruction。　　There　is　but　one　way　to　do
  it；　and　that　is　to　stop　the　spread　of　the　privilege　and　strictly
  confine　it　to　its　present　limitsthat　is；　to　all　the　Christian
  sects；　to　all　the　Hindu　sects；　and　me。　　We　do　not　need　any　more；
  the　stock　is　watered　enough；　just　as　it　is。
  It　would　be　better　if　the　privilege　were　limited　to　me
  alone。　　I　think　so　because　I　am　the　only　sect　that　knows　how　to
  employ　it　gently；　kindly；　charitably；　dispassionately。　　The　other
  sects　lack　the　quality　of　self…restraint。　　The　Catholic　Church
  says　the　most　irreverent　things　about　matters　which　are　sacred　to
  the　Protestants；　and　the　Protestant　Church　retorts　in　kind　about
  the　confessional　and　other　matters　which　Catholics　hold　sacred；
  then　both　of　these　irreverencers　turn　upon　Thomas　Paine　and
  charge　HIM　with　irreverence。　　This　is　all　unfortunate；　because　it
  makes　it　difficult　for　students　equipped　with　only　a　low　grade　of
  mentality　to　find　out　what　Irreverence　really　IS。
  It　will　surely　be　much　better　all　around　if　the　privilege　of
  regulating　the　irreverent　and　keeping　them　in　order　shall
  eventually　be　withdrawn　from　all　the　sects　but　me。　　Then　there
  will　be　no　more　quarreling；　no　more　bandying　of　disrespectful
  epithets；　no　more　heartburnings。
  There　will　then　be　nothing　sacred　involved　in　this　Bacon…
  Shakespeare　controversy　except　what　is　sacred　to　me。　　That　will
  simplify　the　whole　matter；　and　trouble　will　cease。　　There　will　be
  irreverence　no　longer；　because　I　will　not　allow　it。　　The　first
  time　those　criminals　charge　me　with　irreverence　for　calling　their
  Stratford　myth　an　Arthur…Orton…Mary…Baker…Thompson…Eddy…Louis…
  the…Seventeenth…Veiled…Prophet…of…Khorassan　will　be　the　last。
  Taught　by　the　methods　found　effective　in　extinguishing　earlier
  offenders　by　the　Inquisition；　of　holy　memory；　I　shall　know　how　to
  quiet　them。
  XIII
  Isn't　it　odd；　when　you　think　of　it；　that　you　may　list　all
  the　celebrated　Englishmen；　Irishmen；　and　Scotchmen　of　modern
  times；　clear　back　to　the　first　Tudorsa　list　containing　five
  hundred　names；　shall　we　say？and　you　can　go　to　the　histories；
  biographies；　and　cyclopedias　and　learn　the　p