第 45 节
作者:一米八      更新:2021-02-20 18:34      字数:9322
  not have tarried too long on a certain red night; Cutty would not
  now be stumbling about the labyrinths into which his looting
  instincts had thrust him; and Kitty Conover would have jogged along
  in the humdrum rut; if not happy at least philosophically content
  with her lot。
  CHAPTER XXVIII
  Decision is always a mental relief; hesitance a curse。  Kitty;
  having shifted her burdens to the broad shoulders of Cutty; felt
  as she reached the lobby as if she had left storm and stress
  behind and entered calm。  She would marry Cutty; she had published
  the fact; burned her bridges。
  She had stepped into the car; her heart full of cold fury。  Now she
  began to find excuses for Hawksley's conduct。  A sick brain; he was
  not really accountable for his acts。  Her own folly had opened the
  way。  Of course she would never see him again。  Why should she?
  Their lives were as far apart as the Volga and the Hudson。
  Bernini met her in the lobby。  〃I've got a cab for you; Miss
  Conover;〃 he said as if nothing at all had happened。
  〃Have you Cutty's address?〃
  〃Yes。〃
  〃Then take me at once to a telegraph office。  I have a very important
  message to send him。〃
  〃All right; Miss Conover。〃
  〃Say: 'Decision made。  It is yes。'  And sign it just Kitty。〃
  Without being conscious of it her soul was still in the clouds;
  where it had been driven by the music of the fiddle; thus; what
  she assumed to be a normal sequence of a train of thought was only
  a sublime impulse。  She would marry Cutty。  More; she would be his
  wife; his true wife。  For his tenderness; his generosity; his
  chivalry; she would pay him in kind。  There would be no nonsense;
  love would not enter into the bargain; but there would be the
  fragrance of perfect understanding。  That he was fifty…two and she
  was twenty…four no longer mattered。  No more loneliness; no more
  genteel poverty; for such benefits she was ready to pay the score
  in full。  A man she was genuinely fond of; a man she could look up
  to; always depend upon。
  Was there such a thing as perfect love?  She had her doubts。  She
  reasoned that love was what a body decided was love; the
  psychological moment when the physical attraction became irresistible。
  Who could tell before the fact which was the true and which the false?
  Lived there a woman; herself excepted; who had not hesitated between
  two men … a man who had not doddered between two women … for better
  or for worse?  What did the average woman know of the man; the
  average man know of the woman … until afterward?  To stake all upon
  a guess!
  She knew Cutty。  Under her own eyes he had passed through certain
  proving fires。  There would be no guessing the manner of man he was。
  He was fifty…two; that is to say; the grand passion had come and
  gone。  There would be mutual affection and comradeship。
  True; she had her dreams; but she could lay them away without any
  particular regret。  She had never been touched by the fire of
  passion。  Let it go。  But she did know what perfect comradeship was;
  and she would grasp it and never loose her hold。  Something out of
  life。
  〃A narrow squeak; Miss Conover;〃 said Berumi; breaking the long
  silence。
  〃A miss is as good as a mile;〃 replied Kitty; not at all grateful
  for the interruption。
  〃We've done everything we could to protect you。  If you can't see
  now … why; the jig is up。  A chain is as strong as its weakest link。
  And in a game like this a woman is always the weakest link。〃
  〃You're quite a philosopher。〃
  〃I have reason to be。  I'm married。〃
  〃Am I expected to laugh?〃
  〃Miss Conover; you're a wonder。  You come through these affairs with
  a smile; when you ought to have hysterics。  I'll bet a doughnut that
  when you see a mouse you go and get it a piece of cheese。〃
  〃Do you want the truth?  Well; I'll tell it to you。  You have all
  kept me on the outer edge of this affair; and I've been trying to
  find out why。  I have the reportorial instinct; as they say。  I
  inherited it from my father。  You put a strange weapon in my hands;
  you tell me it is deadly; but you don't tell me which end is deadly。
  Do you know who this Russian is?〃
  〃Honestly; I don't。〃
  〃Does Cutty?〃
  〃I don't know that; either。〃
  〃Did you ever hear of a pair of emeralds called the drums of
  jeopardy?〃
  〃Nope。  But I do know if you continue these stunts you'll head the
  whole game into the ditch。〃
  〃You may set your mind at ease。  I'm going to marry Cutty。  I shall
  not go to the apartment again until Hawksley; as he is called; is
  gone。〃
  〃Well; well; that's good news!  But let me put you wise to one fact;
  Miss Conover: you have picked some man!  I'm not much of a scholar;
  but knowing him as I do I'm always wondering why they made Faith;
  Hope; and Charity in female form。  But this night's work was bad
  business。  They know where the Russian is now; and if the game lasts
  long enough they'll reach the chief; find out who he is; and that'll
  put the kibosh on his usefulness here and abroad。  Well; here's home;
  and no more lecture from me。〃
  〃Sorry I've been so much trouble。〃
  〃Perhaps we ought to have shown you which end shoots。〃
  〃Good…night。〃
  If Kitty had any doubt as to the wisdom of her decision; the cold;
  gloomy rooms of her apartment dissipated them。  She wandered through
  the rooms; musing; calling back animated scenes。  What would the
  spirit of her mother say?  Had she doddered between Conover and
  Cutty?  Perhaps。  But she had been one of the happy few who had
  guessed right。  Singular thought: her mother would have been happy
  with Cutty; too。
  Oh; the relief of knowing what the future was going to be!  She
  took off her hat and tossed it upon the table。  The good things
  of life; and a good comrade。
  Food。  The larder would be empty and there was her breakfast to
  consider。  She passed out into the kitchen; wrote out a list of
  necessities; and put it on the dumb waiter。  Now for the dishes
  she had so hurriedly left。  She rolled up her sleeves; put on the
  apron; and fell to the task。  After such a night … dish…washing!
  She laughed。  It was a funny old world。
  Pauses。  Perhaps she should have gone to a hotel; away from all
  familiar objects。  Those flatirons intermittently pulled her eyes
  round。  Her fancy played tricks with her whenever her glance touched
  the window。  Faces peering in。  In a burst of impatience she dropped
  the dish towel; hurried to the window; and threw it up。  Black
  emptiness! 。。。 Cutty; crossing the platform with Hawksley on his
  shoulders。  She saw that; and it comforted her。
  She finished her work and started for bed。  But first she entered
  the guest room and turned on the lights。  Olga。  She had intended
  to ask him who Olga was。
  A great pity。  They might have been friends。  The back of her hand
  went to her lips but did not touch them。  She could not rub away
  those burning kisses … that is; not with the back of her hand。
  Vividly she saw him fiddling bareheaded in front of the Metropolitan
  Opera House。  It seemed; though; that it had happened years ago。  A
  great pity。  The charm of that frolic would abide with her as long
  as she lived。  A brave man; too。  Hadn't he left her with a gay wave
  of the hand; not knowing; for want of strength; if he could make the
  detour of the block?  That took courage。  His journey halfway across
  the world had taken courage。  Yet he could so basely disillusion her。
  It was not the kiss; it was the smile。  She had seen that smile
  before; born of evil。  If only he had spoken!
  The heavenly magic of that fiddle!  It made her sad。  Genius; the
  ability to play with souls; soothe; tantalize; lift up; and then to
  smile at her like that!
  She shut down the curtain upon these cogitations and summoned Cutty;
  visualized his handsome head; shot with gray; the humour of his
  smile。  She did care for him; no doubt of that。  She couldn't have
  sent that telegram else。  Cutty … name of a pipe; as the Frenchmen
  said!  All at once she rocked with laughter。  She was going to marry
  a man whose given name she could not recall!  Henry; George; John;
  William?  For the life of her she could not remember。
  And with this laughter still bubbling in a softer note she got into
  bed; twisted about from side to side; from this pillow to that; the
  tired body seeking perfect relaxation。
  A broken melody entered her head。  Sleepily she sought one channel
  of thought after another to escape; still the melody persisted。  As
  her consciousness dodged hither and thither the bars and measures
  joined。。。。  She sat up; chilled; bewildered。  That Tschaikowsky
  waltz!  She could hear it as clearly as if Johnny Two…Hawks and the
  Amati were in the very room。  She grew afraid。  Of what?  She did
  not know。
  And while she sat there in bed threshing out this fear to find the
  grain; Cutty was tramping the streets of Washington; her telegram
  crumpled in his hand。  From time to time he would open it and reread
  it under a street lamp。
  To marry her and then to cheat her。  It wasn't humanly possible to
  marry her and then to let her go。  He thought of those warm; soft
  arms round his neck; the absolute trust of that embrace。  Molly's
  girl。  No; he could not do it。  He would have to back down; tell
  her he could not pu