第 44 节
作者:
一米八 更新:2021-02-20 18:34 字数:9320
now shot out obliquely; perversely。 It might be that the natural
perverseness of his blood; unchecked by the noble influence of
Stefani Gregor and liberated by the blow; governed his thoughts in
relation to Kitty。 The subjugation of women; the old cynical
warfare of sex … the dominant business of his rich and idle
forbears; the business that had made Boris Karlov a deadly and
implacable enemy … became paramount in his disordered brain。
She had forgotten him! Very well。 He would stir the soul of her;
play with it; lift it to the stars and dash it down … if she had a
soul。 Beautiful; natural; alone。 He became all Latin under the
pressure of this idea。
〃I will play for you;〃 he said; quietly。
〃Please! And then I'll go home where I belong。 I'll be in the
living room。〃
When he returned he found her before a window; staring at the myriad
lights。
〃Sit here;〃 he said; indicating the divan。 〃I shall stand and walk
about as I play。〃
Kitty sat down; touching the pillows; reflectively。 She thought of
the tears she had wept upon them。 That sinister and cynical thought!
Suddenly she saw light。 Her problem would have been none at all if
Cutty had said he loved her。 There would have been something sublime
in making him happy in his twilight。 He had loved and lost her
mother。 To pay him for that! He was right。 Those twenty…odd years
… his seniority … had mellowed him; filled him with deep and tender
understanding。 To be with him was restful; the very thought of him
now was resting。 No matter how much she might love a younger man he
would frequently torture her by unconscious egoism; and by the time
he had mellowed; the mulled wine would be cold。 If only Cutty had
said he loved her!
〃What shall I play?〃
Kitty raised her eyes in frank astonishment。 There was a fiercely
proud expression on Hawksley's face。 It was not the man; it was the
artist who was angry。
〃Forgive me! I was dreaming a little;〃 she apologized with quick
understanding。 〃I am not quite … myself。〃
〃Neither am I。 I will play something to fit your dream。 But wait!
When I play I am articulate。 I can express myself … all emotions。
I am what I play … happy; sad; gay; full of the devil。 I warn
you。 I can speak all things。 I can laugh at you; weep with you;
despise you; love you! All in the touch of these strings。 I warn
you there is magic in this Amati。 Will you risk it?〃
Ordinarily … had this florid outburst come from another man … Kitty
would have laughed。 It had the air of piqued vanity; but she knew
that this was not the interpretation。 On the streets he had been
the most amusing and surprising comrade she had ever known; as
merry and whimsical as Cutty … young and handsome … the real man。
He had been real that night when he entered through her kitchen
window; with the drums of jeopardy about his neck。 He had been real
that night she had brought him his wallet。
Electric antagonism … the room seemed charged with it。 The man had
stepped aside for a moment and the great noble had taken his place。
It was not because she had been reared in rather a theatrical
atmosphere that she transcribed his attitude thus。 She knew that
he was noble。 That she did not know his rank was of no consequence。
Cutty's narrative; which she had pretended to believe; had set this
man in the middle class。 Never in this world。 There was only one
middle class out of which such a personality might; and often did;
emerge … the American middle class。 In Europe; never。 No peasant
blood; no middle…class corpuscle; stirred in this man's veins。 The
ancient boyar looked down at her。
〃Play!〃 said Kitty。 There was a smile on her lips; but there was
fiery challenge in her slate…blue eyes。 The blood of Irish kings
… and what Irishman dares deny it? … surged into her throat。
We wear masks; we inherit generations of masks; and a trivial
incident reveals the primordial which lurks in each one of us。
Savages … Kitty with her stone hatchet and Hawksley swinging the
curved blade of Hunk。
He began one of those tempestuous compositions; brilliant and
bewildering; that submerge the most appreciative lay mentality
… because he was angry; a double anger that he should be angry
over he knew not what … and broke off in the middle of the
composition because Kitty sat upright; stonily unimpressed。
Tschaikowsky's 〃Serenade Melancolique。〃 Kitty; after a few
measures; laid aside her stone hatchet; and her body relaxed。
Music! She began to absorb it as parched earth absorbs the tardy
rain。 Then came the waltz which had haunted her。 Her face grew
tenderly beautiful; and Hawksley; a true artist; saw that he had
discovered the fifth string; and he played upon it with all the
artistry which was naturally his and which had been given form by
the master who had taught him。
For the physical exertions he relied upon nerve energy again。
Nature is generous when we are young。 No matter how much we draw
against the account she always has a little more for us。 He forgot
that only an hour gone he had been dizzy with pain; forgot
everything but the glory of the sounds he was evoking and their
visible reaction upon this girl。 The devil was not only in his
heart; but in his hand。
Never had Kitty heard such music。 To be played to in this manner
… directly; with embracing tenderness; with undivided fire … would
have melted the soul of Gobseck the money lender; and Kitty was
warm…blooded; Irish; emotional。 The fiddle called poignantly to the
Irish in her。 She wanted to go roving with this man; with her hand
on his shoulder to walk in the thin air of high places。 Through it
all; however; she felt vaguely troubled; the instinct of the trap。
The sinister and cynical idea which had clandestinely taken up
quarters in her mind awoke and assailed her from a new angle; that
of youth。 Something in her cried out: 〃Stop! Stop!〃 But her lips
were mute; her body enchained。
Suddenly Hawksley laid aside the fiddle and advanced。 He reached
down and drew her up。 Kitty did not resist him; she was numb with
enchantment。 He held her close for a second; then kissed her … her
hair; eyes; mouth … released her and stepped back; a bantering smile
on his lips and cold terror in his heart。 The devil who had
inspired this phase of the drama now deserted his victim; as he
generally does in the face of superior forces。
Kitty stood perfectly still for a full minute; stunned。 It was that
smile … frozen on his lips … that brought her back to intimacy with
cold realities。 Had he asked her pardon; had he shown the least
repentance; she might have forgiven; forgotten。 But knowing mankind
as she did she could give but one interpretation to that smile … of
which he was no longer conscious。
Without anger; in quiet; level tones she said: 〃I had foolishly
thought that we two might be friends。 You have made it impossible。
You have also abused the kindly hospitality of the man who has
protected you from your enemies。 A few days ago he did me the honour
to ask me to marry him。 I am going to。 I wish you no evil。〃 She
turned and walked from the room。
Even then there was time。 But he did not move。 It was not until
he heard the elevator gate crash that be was physically released
from the thraldom of the inner revelation。 Love … in the blinding
flash of a thunderbolt! He had kissed her not because he was the
son of his father; but because he loved her! And now he never
could tell her。 He must let her go; believing that the man she
had saved from death had repaid her with insult。 On top of all
his misfortunes; his tragedies … love! There was a God; yes; but
his name was Irony。 Love! He stepped toward the divan; stumbled;
and fell against it; his arms spread over the pillows; and in
this position he remained。
For a while his thoughts were broken; inconclusive; he was like a
man in the dark; groping for a door。 Principally; his poor head
was trying to solve the riddle of his never…ending misfortunes。
Why? What had he done that these calamities should be piled upon
his head? He had lived decently; his youth had been normal; he
had played fair with men and women。 Why make him pay for what his
forbears had done? He wasn't fair game。
He! A singular revelation cleared one corner。 Kitty had spoken of
a problem; and he; by those devil…urged kisses; had solved it for
her。 She had been doddering; and his own act had thrust her into
the arms of that old thoroughbred。 That cynical suggestion of his
the other morning had been acted upon。 God had long ago deserted
him; and now the devil himself had taken leave。 Hawksley buried
his face in the pillow once made wet with Kitty's tears。
The great tragedy in life lies in being too late。 Hawksley had
learned this once before; it was now being driven home again。 Cutty
was to find it out on the morrow; for he missed his train that night。
The shuttles of the Weaver in this pattern of life were two green
stones called the drums of jeopardy; inanimate objects; but perfect
tools in the hands of Destiny。 But for these stones Hawksley would
not have tarried too long on a certain red night; Cutty would not