stand　his　little　draft。〃
  The　schoolmaster　wound　up　in　eloquent　style；　and　the
  subscriber　took　the　stand。
  I　said　the　crisis　had　not　only　cum　itself；　but　it　had　brought
  all　its　relations。　　It　has　cum；　I　said；　with　a　evident
  intention　of　makin'　us　a　good　long　visit。　　It's　goin'　to　take
  off　its　things　and　stop　with　us。　　My　wife　says　so　too。　　This
  is　a　good　war。　　For　those　who　like　this　war；　it's　just　such　a
  kind　of　war　as　they　like。　　I'll　bet　ye。　　My　wife　says　so　too。
  If　the　Federal　army　succeeds　in　takin'　Washington；　and　they
  seem　to　be　advancin'　that　way　pretty　often；　I　shall　say　it　is
  strategy；　and　Washington　will　be　safe。　　And　that　noble　banner；
  as　it　werethat　banner；　as　it　werewill　be　a　emblem；　or
  rather；　I　should　say；　that　noble　bannerAS　IT　WERE。　　My　wife
  says　so　too。　　＇I　got　a　little　mixed　up　here；　but　they　didn't
  notice　it。　　Keep　mum。＇　　Feller　citizens；　it　will　be　a　proud
  day　for　this　Republic　when　Washington　is　safe。　　My　wife　says
  so　too。
  The　editor　of　the　〃Bugle…Horn　of　Liberty〃　here　arose　and　said：
  〃I　do　not　wish　to　interrupt　the　gentleman；　but　a　impertant
  despatch　has　just　bin　received　at　the　telegraph　office　here。
  I　will　read　it。　　It　is　as　follows：　　GOV'MENT　IS　ABOUT　TO　TAKE
  VIGOROUS　MEASURES　TO　PUT　DOWN　THE　REBELLION！　　＇Loud　applause。＇
  That；　said　I；　is　cheering。　　That's　soothing。　　And　Washington
  will　be　safe。　＇Sensation。＇　　Philadelphia　is　safe。　　Gen。
  PATTERSON'S　in　Philadelphia。　　But　my　heart　bleeds　partic'ly
  for　Washington。　　My　wife　says　so　too。
  There's　money　enough。　No　trouble　about　MONEY。　　They've　got　a
  lot　of　first…class　bank…note　engravers　at　Washington　（which
  place；　I　regret　to　say；　is　by　no　means　safe）　who　turn　out　two
  or　three　cords　of　money　a　daygood　money；　too。　　Goes　well。
  These　bank…note　engravers　made　good　wages。　　I　expect　they　lay
  up　property。　　They　are　full　of　Union　sentiment。　　There　is
  considerable　Union　sentiment　in　Virginny；　more　especially
  among　the　honest　farmers　of　the　Shenandoah　valley。　　My　wife
  says　so　too。
  Then　it　isn't　money　we　want。　　But　we　do　want　MEN；　and　we　must
  have　them。　　We　must　carry　a　whirlwind　of　fire　among　the　foe。
  We　must　crush　the　ungrateful　rebels　who　are　poundin'　the
  Goddess　of　Liberty　over　the　head　with　slung…shots；　and
  stabbin'　her　with　stolen　knives！　　We　must　lick　'em　quick。　　We
  must　introduce　a　large　number　of　first…class　funerals　among
  the　people　of　the　South。　　Betsy　says　so　too。
  This　war　hain't　been　too　well　managed。　　We　all　know　that。
  What　then？　　We　are　all　in　the　same　boatif　the　boat　goes
  down；　we　go　down　with　her。　　Hence　we　must　all　fight。　　It　ain't
  no　use　to　talk　now　about　who　CAUSED　the　war。　　That's　played
  out。　　The　war　is　upon　usupon　us　alland　we　must　all　fight。
  We　can't　〃reason〃　the　matter　with　the　foe。　　When；　in　the　broad
  glare　of　the　noonday　sun；　a　speckled　jackass　boldly　and
  maliciously　kicks　over　a　peanut…stand；　do　we　〃reason〃　with
  him？　　I　guess　not。　　And　why　〃reason〃　with　those　other　Southern
  people　who　are　trying　to　kick　over　the　Republic！　　Betsy；　my
  wife；　says　so　too。
  The　meeting　broke　up　with　enthusiasm。
  We　shan't　draft　in　Baldinsville　if　we　can　help　it。
  2。7。　　SURRENDER　OF　CORNWALLIS。
  It　was　customary　in　many　of　the　inland　towns　of　New　England；
  some　thirty　years　ago；　to　celebrate　the　anniversary　of　the
  surrender　of　Lord　Cornwallis　by　a　sham　representation　of　that
  important　event　in　the　history　of　the　Revolutionary　War。　　A
  town　meeting　would　be　called；　at　which　a　company　of　men　would
  be　detailed　as　British；　and　a　company　as　Americanstwo
  leading　citizens　being　selected　to　represent　Washington　and
  Cornwallis　in　mimic　surrender。
  The　pleasant　little　town　of　W；　in　whose　schools　the　writer
  has　been　repeatedly　〃corrected；〃　upon　whose　ponds　he　has　often
  skated；　upon　whose　richest　orchards　he　has；　with　other
  juvenile　bandits；　many　times　dashed　in　the　silent　midnight；
  the　town　of　W；　where　it　was　popularly　believed　these　bandits
  would　〃come　to　a　bad　end；〃　resolved　to　celebrate　the
  surrender。　　Rival　towns　had　celebrated；　and　W　determined　to
  eclipse　them　in　the　most　signal　manner。　　It　is　my　privilege　to
  tell　how　W　succeeded　in　this　determination。
  The　great　day　came。　　It　was　ushered　in　by　the　roar　of
  musketry；　the　ringing　of　the　village　church　bell；　the
  squeaking　of　fifes；　and　the　rattling　of　drums。
  People　poured　into　the　village　from　all　over　the　county。
  Never　had　W　experienced　such　a　jam。　　Never　had　there　been
  such　an　onslaught　upon　gingerbread　carts。　　Never　had　New
  England　rum　（for　this　was　before　Neal　Dow's　day）　flowed　so
  freely。　　And　W's　fair　daughters；　who　mounted　the　house…tops
  to　see　the　surrender；　had　never　looked　fairer。　　The　old　folks
  came；　too；　and　among　them　were　several　war…scarred　heroes；　who
  had　fought　gallantly　at　Monmouth　and　Yorktown。　　These　brave
  sons　of　'76　took　no　part　in　the　demonstration；　but　an　honored
  bench　was　set　apart　for　their　exclusive　use　on　the　piazza　of
  Sile　Smith's　store。　　When　they　were　dry　all　they　had　to　do　was
  to　sing　out　to　Sile's　boy；　Jerry；　〃a　leetle　New　Englan'　this
  way；　if　YOU　please。〃　　It　was　brought　forthwith。
  At　precisely　9　o'clock；　by　the　schoolmaster's　new　〃Lepeen〃
  watch；　the　American　and　British　forces　marched　on　to　the
  village　green　and　placed　themselves　in　battle　array；　reminding
  the　spectator　of　the　time　when
  〃Brave　Wolfe　drew　up　his　men
  In　a　style　most　pretty；
  On　the　Plains　of　Abraham
  Before　the　city。〃
  The　character　of　Washington　had　been　assigned　to　'Squire　Wood；
  a　well…to…do　and　influential　farmer；　while　that　of　Cornwallis
  had　been　given　to　the　village　lawyer；　a　kind…hearted　but
  rather　pompous　person；　whose　name　was　Caleb　Jones。
  'Squire　Wood；　the　Washington　of　the　occasion；　had　met　with
  many　unexpected　difficulties　in　preparing　his　forces；　and　in
  his　perplexity　he　had　emptied　not　only　his　own　canteen　but
  those　of　most　of　his　aids。　　The　consequence　wasmortifying　as
  it　must　be　to　all　true　Americansblushing　as　I　do　to　tell　it；
  Washington　at　the　commencement　of　the　mimic　struggle　was　most
  unqualifiedly　drunk。
  The　sham　fight　commenced。　　Bang！　bang！　bang！　from　the
  Americansbang！　bang！　bang！　from　the　British。　　The　bangs　were
  kept　hotly　up　until　the　powder　gave　out；　and　then　came　the
  order　to　charge。　　Hundreds　of　wooden　bayonets　flashed　fiercely
  in　the　sunlight；　each　soldier　taking　very　good　care　not　to　hit
  anybody。
  〃Thaz　（hic）　right；〃　shouted　Washington；　who　during　the
  shooting　had　been　racing　his　horse　wildly　up　and　down　the
  line；　〃thaz　right！　　GIN　it　to　'em！　Cut　their　tarnal　heads
  off！〃
  〃On；　Romans！〃　shrieked　Cornwallis；　who　had　once　seen　a
  theatrical　performance　and　remembered　the　heroic　appeals　of
  the　Thespian　belligerents；　〃on　to　the　fray！　　No　sleep　till
  mornin'。〃
  〃Let　eout　all　their　bowels；〃　yelled　Washington；　〃and　down　with
  taxation　on　tea！〃
  The　fighting　now　ceased；　the　opposing　forces　were　properly
  arranged；　and　Cornwallis；　dismounting；　prepared　to　present　his
  sword　to　Washington　according　to　programme。　　As　he　walked
  slowly　towards　the　Father　of　His　Country　he　rehearsed　the
  little　speech　he　had　committed　for　the　occasion；　while　the
  illustrious　being　who　was　to　hear　it　was　making　desperate
  efforts　to　keep　in　his　saddle。　　Now　he　would　wildly　brandish
  his　sword　and　narrowly　escape　cutting　off　his　horse's　ears；
  and　then　he　would　fall　suddenly　forward　on　to　the　steed's
  neck；　grasping　the　mane　as　drowning　men　seize　hold　of　straws。
  He　was　giving　an　inimitable　representation　of　Toodles　on
  horseback。　　All　idea　of　the　magnitude　of　the　occasion　had　left
  him；　and　when　he　saw　Cornwallis　approaching；　with　slow　and
  stately　step；　and　sword…hilt　extended　toward　him；　he　inquired；
  〃What'n　devil　YOU　want；　any　（hic）　how！〃
  〃General　Washington；〃　said　Cornwallis；　in　dignified　and
  impressive　tones；　〃I　tender　you　my　sword。　　I　need　not　inform
  you；　Sir；　how　deeply〃
  The　speech　was　here　suddenly　cut　short　by　Washington；　who；
  driving　the　spurs　into　his　horse；　playfully　attempted　to　ride
  over　the　commander　of　the　British　forces。　　He　was　not
  permitted　to　do　this；　for　his　aids；　seeing　his　unfortunate
  condition；　seized　the　horse　by　the　bridle；　straightened
  Washington　up　in　his　saddle；　and　requested　Cornwallis　to
  proceed　with　his　remarks。
  〃General　Washington；〃　said　Cornwallis；　〃the　British　Lion
  prostrates　himself　at　the　feet　of　the　American　Eagle！〃
  〃EAGLE？　　EAGLE！〃　yelled　the　infuriated　Washington；　rolling　off
  his　horse　and　hitting　Cornwallis　a　frightful　blow　on　the　head
  with　the　flat　of　his　sword；　〃do　you　call　me　a　EAGLE；　you　mean；
  sneakin'　cuss？〃　　He　struck　him　again；　sending　him　to　the
  ground；　and　said；　〃I'll　learn　you　to　call　me　a　Eagle；　you
  infernal　scoundrel！〃
  Cornwallis　remained　upon　the　ground　only　a　moment。　　Smarting
  from　the　blows　he　had　received；　he　arose　with　an　entirely
  unlooked　for　recuperation　on　the　part　of　the　fallen；　and　in
  direct　defiance　of　historical　example；　in　spite　of　the　men　of
  both　nations；　indeed；　he　whipped　the　Immortal　Washington　until
  he　roared　for　mercy。
  The　Americans；　at　first　mortified　and　indignant　at　the　conduct
  of　their　chief；　now　began　to　sympathize　with　him；　and　resolved
  to　whip　their　mock　foes　in　earnest。　　They　rushed　fierc