第 37 节
作者:点绛唇      更新:2021-02-20 16:44      字数:9321
  tone he seemed to be preparing to resent some new monstrosity in the way
  of dins and smashes。         He shaded his eyes with his grimy hand and gazed
  over the field。
  His friend also arose and stared。         〃I bet
  226 we're goin' t' git along out of this an' back over th' river;〃 said he。
  〃Well; I swan!〃 said the youth。
  They  waited;   watching。        Within   a   little   while  the   regiment   received
  orders to retrace its way。 The men got up grunting from the grass; regret…
  ting the soft repose。       They jerked their stiffened legs; and stretched their
  arms over their heads。 One man swore as he rubbed his eyes。                       They all
  groaned 〃O Lord!〃         They had as many objec… tions to this change as they
  would have had to a proposal for a new battle。
  They trampled slowly back over the field across which they had run in
  a mad scamper。
  The regiment marched until it had joined its fellows。                 The reformed
  brigade;   in   column;   aimed   through   a   wood   at   the   road。    Directly   they
  were in a mass of dust…covered troops; and were trudging along in a way
  parallel   to   the   enemy's   lines   as   these   had   been   defined   by   the   previous
  turmoil。
  They passed within view of a stolid white house; and saw in front of it
  groups of their com… rades lying in wait behind a neat breastwork。                  A row
  of   guns   were   booming   at   a   distant   enemy。   Shells   thrown   in   reply   were
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  raising clouds of dust and splinters。          Horsemen dashed along the line of
  intrenchments。
  At this point of its march the division curved away from the field and
  went winding off in the direction of the river。             When the significance of
  this movement had impressed itself upon the youth he turned his head and
  looked over his shoulder toward the trampled and debris…strewed ground。
  He breathed a breath of new satisfac… tion。            He finally nudged his friend。
  〃Well; it's all over;〃 he said to him。
  His   friend   gazed    backward。      〃B'Gawd;      it  is;〃  he  assented。    They
  mused。
  For a time the youth was obliged to reflect in a puzzled and uncertain
  way。     His mind was undergoing a subtle change。               It took moments for it
  to cast off its battleful ways and resume its accustomed course of thought。
  Gradually his brain emerged from the clogged clouds; and at last he was
  enabled to more closely compre… hend himself and circumstance。
  He understood then that the existence of shot and counter…shot was in
  the past。    He had dwelt in a land of strange; squalling upheavals and had
  come   forth。     He   had   been   where   there   was   red   of   blood   and   black   of
  passion; and he was es… caped。            His first thoughts were given to rejoic…
  ings at this fact。
  Later he began to study his deeds; his fail… ures; and his achievements。
  Thus; fresh from scenes where many of his usual machines of re… flection
  had been idle; from where he had pro… ceeded sheeplike; he struggled to
  marshal all his acts。
  At last they marched before him clearly。 From this present view point
  he   was   enabled   to   look   upon   them   in   spectator   fashion   and   to   criticise
  them  with some   correctness;  for  his new  condition   had   already  defeated
  certain sym… pathies。
  Regarding his procession of memory he felt gleeful and unregretting;
  for in it his public deeds were paraded in great and shining prominence。
  Those   performances   which   had   been   witnessed   by   his   fellows   marched
  now   in   wide   purple   and   gold;   having   various   deflections。     They   went
  gayly   with    music。    It   was   pleasure    to  watch   these   things。   He    spent
  delightful minutes viewing the gilded images of memory。
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  He    saw    that  he   was   good。     He    recalled    with   a  thrill  of  joy   the
  respectful comments of his fel… lows upon his conduct。
  Nevertheless;       the   ghost   of   his   flight   from    the   first  engagement
  appeared   to   him   and   danced。       There   were   small   shoutings   in   his   brain
  about these matters。         For a moment he blushed; and the light of his soul
  flickered with shame。
  A   specter    of   reproach    came    to   him。    There     loomed     the  dogging
  memory   of   the   tattered   soldierhe   who;   gored   by   bullets   and   faint   for
  blood; had fretted concerning an imagined wound in another; he who had
  loaned his last of strength and intellect for the tall soldier; he who; blind
  with weariness and pain; had been deserted in the field。
  For an instant a wretched chill of sweat was upon him at the thought
  that he might be detected in the thing。           As he stood persistently before his
  vision; he gave vent to a cry of sharp irritation and agony。
  His friend turned。        〃What's the matter; Henry?〃 he demanded。                  The
  youth's reply was an outburst of crimson oaths。
  As    he   marched      along   the   little  branch…hung      roadway      among     his
  prattling   companions   this   vision   of   cruelty   brooded   over   him。       It   clung
  near him always and darkened his view of these deeds in purple and gold。
  Whichever   way   his   thoughts   turned   they   were   followed   by   the   somber
  phantom       of  the   desertion     in  the   fields。  He    looked    stealthily    at  his
  companions; feeling sure that they must discern in his face evidences of
  this   pursuit。    But   they   were   plodding   in   ragged   array;   discussing   with
  quick tongues the accomplishments of the late battle。
  〃Oh; if a man should come up an' ask me; I'd say we got a dum good
  lickin'。〃
  〃Lickin'in yer eye!         We ain't licked; sonny。 We're goin' down here
  aways; swing aroun'; an' come in behint 'em。〃
  〃Oh; hush; with your comin' in behint 'em。 I've seen all 'a that I wanta。
  Don't tell me about comin' in behint〃
  〃Bill Smithers; he ses he'd rather been in ten hundred battles than been
  in   that   heluva   hospital。   He   ses   they   got   shootin'   in   th'   night…   time;   an'
  shells dropped plum among 'em in th' hospital。                 He ses sech hollerin' he
  never see。〃
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  〃Hasbrouck?        He's    th'  best  off'cer   in  this  here   reg'ment。    He's    a
  whale。〃
  〃Didn't I tell yeh we'd come aroun' in behint 'em?             Didn't I tell yeh so?
  We〃
  〃Oh; shet yeh mouth!〃
  For   a  time   this  pursuing     recollection   of   the  tattered   man   took   all
  elation from the youth's veins。          He saw his vivid error; and he was afraid
  that it would stand before him all his life。          He took no share in the chatter
  of his comrades; nor did he look at them or know them; save when he felt
  sudden suspicion that they were seeing his thoughts and scrutinizing each
  detail of the scene with the tattered soldier。
  Yet gradually he mustered force to put the sin at a distance。                 And at
  last his eyes seemed to open to some new ways。                 He found that he could
  look back upon the brass and bombast of his earlier gospels and see them
  truly。   He was gleeful when he discovered that he now despised them。
  With   this   conviction   came   a   store   of   assur…   ance。  He   felt   a   quiet
  manhood; nonassertive but of sturdy and strong blood。                  He knew that he
  would no more quail before his guides wher… ever they should point。                     He
  had been to touch the great death; and found that; after all; it was but the
  great death。     He was a man。
  So it came to pass that as he trudged from the place of blood and wrath
  his   soul   changed。   He   came   from   hot   plowshares   to   prospects   of   clover
  tranquilly;   and   it   was   as   if   hot   plowshares   were   not。 Scars   faded     as
  flowers。
  It   rained。   The   procession   of   weary   soldiers   became   a   bedraggled
  train; despondent and muttering; marching with churning effort in a trough
  of liquid brown mud under a low; wretched sky。                  Yet the youth smiled;
  for he saw that the world was a world for him; though many discovered it
  to be   made   of   oaths   and  walking   sticks。    He   had   rid himself of   the   red
  sickness of battle。      The sultry nightmare was in the past。