第 24 节
作者:
浮游云中 更新:2021-02-20 16:27 字数:9321
for them; the door between his soul and his senses was closed。
〃I know that I have been bold in speaking to you in this way;〃 she said
at last; seating herself in a chair at the window。 〃But it was yourself who
asked me。 And I have felt all the time that I should have to tell you this
before we parted。〃
〃And;〃 answered he; making a strong effort to appear calm; 〃if I
follow your advice; will you allow me to see you once more before you
go?〃
〃I shall remain here another week; and shall; during that time; always
be ready to receive you。〃
〃Thank you。 Good…bye。〃
〃Good…bye。〃
Ralph carefully avoided all the fashionable thoroughfares; he felt
degraded before himself; and he had an idea that every man could read his
humiliation in his countenance。 Now he walked on quickly; striking the
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sidewalk with his heels; now; again; he fell into an uneasy; reckless
saunter; according as the changing moods inspired defiance of his sentence;
or a qualified surrender。 And; as he walked on; the bitterness grew within
him; and he pitilessly reviled himself for having allowed himself to be
made a fool of by 〃that little country goose;〃 when he was well aware that
there were hundreds of women of the best families of the land who would
feel honored at receiving his attentions。 But this sort of reasoning he
knew to he both weak and contemptible; and his better self soon rose in
loud rebellion。
〃After all;〃 he muttered; 〃in the main thing she was right。 I am a
miserable good…for… nothing; a hot…house plant; a poor stick; and if I were
a woman myself; I don't think I should waste my affections on a man of
that calibre。〃
Then he unconsciously fell to analyzing Bertha's character; wondering
vaguely that a person who moved so timidly in social life; appearing so
diffident; from an ever…present fear of blundering against the established
forms of etiquette; could judge so quickly; and with such a merciless
certainty; whenever a moral question; a question of right and wrong; was
at issue。 And; pursuing the same train of thought; he contrasted her with
himself; who moved in the highest spheres of society as in his native
element; heedless of moral scruples; and conscious of no loftier motive for
his actions than the immediate pleasure of the moment。 As Ralph turned
the corner of a street; he heard himself hailed from the other sidewalk by a
chorus of merry voices。
〃Ah; my dear Baroness;〃 cried a young man; springing across the
street and grasping Ralph's hand (all his student friends called him the
Baroness); 〃in the name of this illustrious company; allow me to salute
you。 But why the deucewhat is the matter with you? If you have the
Katzenjammer;'7' soda…water is the thing。 Come along;it's my treat!〃
'7' Katzenjammer is the sensation a man has the morning after a
carousal。
The students instantly thronged around Ralph; who stood distractedly
swinging his cane and smiling idiotically。
〃I am not quite well;〃 said he; 〃leave me alone。〃
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〃No; to be sure; you don't look well;〃 cried a jolly youth; against
whom Bertha had frequently warned him; 〃but a glass of sherry will soon
restore you。 It would be highly immoral to leave you in this condition
without taking care of you。〃
Ralph again vainly tried to remonstrate; but the end was; that he
reluctantly followed。
He had always been a conspicuous figure in the student world; but that
night he astonished his friends by his eloquence; his reckless humor; and
his capacity for drinking。 He made a speech for 〃Woman;〃 which
bristled with wit; cynicism; and sarcastic epigrams。 One young man;
named Vinter; who was engaged; undertook to protest against his
sweeping condemnation; and declared that Ralph; who was a Universal
favorite among the ladies; ought to be the last to revile them。
〃If;〃 he went on; 〃the Baroness should propose to six well…known
ladies here in this city whom I could mention; I would wager six
Johannisbergers; and an equal amount of champagne; that every one of
them would accept him。〃
The others loudly applauded this proposal; and Ralph accepted the
wager。 The letters were written on the spot; and immediately dispatched。
Toward morning; the merry carousal broke up; and Ralph was conducted
in triumph to his home。
III。
Two days later; Ralph again knocked on Bertha's door。 He looked
paler than usual; almost haggard; his immaculate linen was a little
crumpled; and he carried no cane; his lips were tightly compressed; and
his face wore an air of desperate resolution。
〃It is done;〃 he said; as he seated himself opposite her。 〃I am going。〃
〃Going!〃 cried she; startled at his unusual appearance。 〃How;
where?〃
〃To America。 I sail to…night。 I have followed your advice; you see。
I have cut off the last bridge behind me。〃
〃But; Ralph;〃 she exclaimed; in a voice of alarm。 〃Something
dreadful must have happened。 Tell me quick; I must know it。〃
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〃No; nothing dreadful;〃 muttered he; smiling bitterly。 〃I have made a
little scandal; that is all。 My father told me to…day to go to the devil; if I
chose; and my mother gave me five hundred dollars to help me along on
the way。 If you wish to know; here is the explanation。〃
And he pulled from his pocket six perfumed and carefully folded notes;
and threw them into her lap。
〃Do you wish me to read them?〃 she asked; with growing surprise。
〃Certainly。 Why not?〃
She hastily opened one note after the other; and read。
〃But; Ralph;〃 she cried; springing up from her seat; while her eyes
flamed with indignation; 〃what does this mean? What have you done?〃
〃I didn't think it needed any explanation;〃 replied he; with feigned
indifference。 〃I proposed to them all; and; you see; they all accepted me。
I received all these letters to…day。 I only wished to know whether the
whole world regarded me as such a worthless scamp as you told me I
was。〃
She did not answer; but sat mutely staring at him; fiercely crumpling a
rose…colored note in her hand。 He began to feel uncomfortable under her
gaze; and threw himself about uneasily in his chair。
〃Well;〃 said he; at length; rising; 〃I suppose there is nothing more。
Good…bye。〃
〃One moment; Mr。 Grim;〃 demanded she; sternly。 〃Since I have
already said so much; and you have obligingly revealed to me a new side
of your character; I claim the right to correct the opinion I expressed of
you at our last meeting。〃
〃I am all attention。〃
〃I did think; Mr。 Grim;〃 began she; breathing hard; and steadying
herself against the table at which she stood; 〃that you were a very selfish
manan embodiment of selfishness; absolute and supreme; but I did not
believe that you were wicked。〃
〃And what convinced you that I was selfish; if I may ask?〃
〃What convinced me?〃 repeated she; in a tone of inexpressible
contempt。 〃When did you ever act from any generous regard for others?
What good did you ever do to anybody?〃
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〃You might ask; with equal justice; what good I ever did to myself。〃
〃In a certain sense; yes; because to gratify a mere momentary wish is
hardly doing one's self good。〃
〃Then I have; at all events; followed the Biblical precept; and treated
my