第 23 节
作者:浮游云中      更新:2021-02-20 16:27      字数:9311
  a Strauss waltz; 〃then it is no use struggling against fate。                  Come; let us
  make the plunge together。           Misery loves company。〃
  He   offered   her   his   arm;   and   she   arose;   somewhat   hesitatingly;   and
  followed。
  〃I am afraid;〃 she whispered; as they fell into line with the procession
  that   was   moving   down the   long   hall;  〃that   you   have   asked   me   to   dance
  merely because I said I felt forlorn。            If that is the case; I should prefer to
  be led back to my seat。〃
  〃What a base imputation!〃 cried Ralph。
  There      was     something       so    charmingly       naive      in   this    self…
  depreciationsomething   so   altogether   novel   in   his   experience;   and;   he
  could   not   help   adding;   just   a   little   bit   countrified。 His   spirits   rose;   he
  began to   relish   keenly  his position   as   an   experienced   man   of   the   world;
  and; in the agreeable glow of patronage and conscious superiority; chatted
  with hearty ABANDON with his little rustic beauty。
  〃If your dancing is as perfect as your German exercises were;〃 said she;
  laughing; as they swung out upon the floor; 〃then I promise myself a good
  deal of pleasure from our meeting。〃
  〃Never   fear;〃   answered   he;   quickly   reversing   his   step;   and   whirling
  with many a capricious turn away among the thronging couples。
  When   Ralph   drove   home   in   his   carriage   toward   morning   he   briefly
  summed        up   his   impressions      of   Bertha     in  the   following      adjectives:
  intelligent;   delightfully   unsophisticated;   a   little   bit   verdant;   but   devilish
  pretty。
  Some      weeks     later  Colonel     Grim     received     an  appointment       at  the
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  fortress   of   Aggershuus;       and   immediately   took        up  his   residence   in    the
  capital。     He   saw   that   his   son   cut   a   fine   figure   in   the   highest   circles   of
  society; and expressed his gratification in the most emphatic terms。                      If he
  had known; however; that Ralph was in the habit of visiting; with alarming
  regularity;   at   the   house   of   a   plebeian   merchant   in   a   somewhat   obscure
  street; he would; no doubt; have been more chary of his praise。                        But the
  Colonel suspected nothing; and it was well for the peace of the family that
  he    did   not。    It   may     have    been    cowardice      in   Ralph    that   he   never
  mentioned Bertha's name to his family or to his aristocratic acquaintances;
  for; to be candid; he himself felt ashamed of the power she exerted over
  him; and by turns pitied and ridiculed himself for pursuing so inglorious a
  conquest。       Nevertheless   it   wounded   his   egotism   that   she   never   showed
  any   surprise   at   seeing   him;   that   she   received   him   with   a   certain   frank
  unceremoniousness; which; however; was very becoming to her; that she
  invariably      went    on   with    her   work    heedless     of   his   presence;    and    in
  everything   treated   him   as   if   she   had   been   his   equal。     She   persisted   in
  talking with him in a half sisterly fashion about his studies and his future
  career;   warned   him   with   great   solicitude   against   some   of   his   reprobate
  friends; of whose merry adventures he had told her; and if he ventured to
  compliment her on her beauty or her accomplishments; she would look up
  gravely from her sewing; or answer him in a way which seemed to banish
  the    idea   of   love…making       into   the   land    of  the   impossible。       He    was
  constantly tormented by the suspicion that she secretly disapproved of him;
  and that from a mere moral interest in his welfare she was conscientiously
  laboring   to   make   him   a   better   man。     Day   after   day   he   parted   from   her
  feeling   humiliated;   faint…hearted;   and   secretly   indignant   both   at   himself
  and her; and day after day he returned only to renew the same experience。
  At   last   it   became   too   intolerable;   he   could   endure   it   no   longer。   Let   it
  make      or  break;    certainty;   at   all  risks;  was    at  least   preferable     to  this
  sickening suspense。          That he loved her; he could no longer doubt; let his
  parents foam and fret as much as they pleased; for once he was going to
  stand on his own legs。           And in the end; he thought; they would have to
  yield; for they had no son but him。
  Bertha   was   going   to   return   to   her   home   on   the   sea…coast   in   a   week。
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  Ralph   stood   in   the   little   low…ceiled   parlor;   as   she   imagined;   to   bid   her
  good…bye。       They  had   been   speaking   of her   father;  her brothers;  and   the
  farm; and she had expressed the wish that if he ever should come to that
  part of the country he might pay them a visit。               Her words had kindled a
  vague hope in his breast; but in their very frankness and friendly regard
  there was something which slew the hope they had begotten。                   He held her
  hand   in   his;   and   her   large   confiding   eyes   shone   with   an   emotion   which
  was beautiful; but was yet not love。
  〃If you were but a peasant born like myself;〃 said she; in a voice which
  sounded almost tender; 〃then I should like to talk to you as I would to my
  own brother; but〃
  〃No;  not   brother;   Bertha;〃   cried   he;   with sudden   vehemence;   〃I   love
  you better than I ever loved any earthly being; and if you knew how firmly
  this love has   clutched   at the   roots   of   my heart;  you   would perhapsyou
  would at least not look so reproachfully at me。〃
  She dropped his hand; and stood for a moment silent。
  〃I   am   sorry   that   it   should   have   come   to   this;   Mr。   Grim;〃   said   she;
  visibly struggling for calmness。          〃And I am perhaps more to blame than
  you。〃
  〃Blame;〃 muttered he; 〃why are you to blame?〃
  〃Because   I   do   not   love   you;   although   I   sometimes   feared   that   this
  might come。       But then again I persuaded myself that it could not be so。〃
  He took a step toward the door; laid his hand on the knob; and gazed
  down before him。
  〃Bertha;〃     began    he;   slowly;    raising   his   head;   〃you    have    always
  disapproved of me; you have despised me in your heart; but you thought
  you would be   doing   a good   work if   you   succeeded in   making   a   man   of
  me。〃
  〃You   use   strong   language;〃   answered   she;   hesitatingly;   〃but   there   is
  truth in what you say。〃
  Again there was a long pause; in which the ticking of the old parlor
  clock grew louder and louder。
  〃Then;〃 he broke out at last; 〃tell me before we part if I can do nothing
  to gainI will not say your lovebut only your regard?               What would you
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  do if you were in my place?〃
  〃My advice you will hardly heed; and I do not even know that it would
  be well if you did。       But if I were a man in your position; I should break
  with my whole past; start out into the world where nobody knew me; and
  where   I   should   be   dependent   only   upon   my   own   strength;   and   there   I
  would conquer   a place   for   myself;   if   it   were   only  for   the   satisfaction of
  knowing that   I  was really  a   man。      Here  cushions are sewed   under  your
  arms; a hundred invisible threads bind you to a life of idleness and vanity;
  everybody is ready to carry you on his hands; the road is smoothed for you;
  every stone carefully moved out of your path; and you will probably go to
  your   grave   without   having   ever   harbored   one   earnest   thought;   without
  having done one manly deed。〃
  Ralph stood transfixed; gazing at her with open mouth; he felt a kind
  of stupid fright; as if some one had suddenly seized him by the shoulders
  and    shaken    him   violently。   He    tried  vainly   to  remove     his  eyes   from
  Bertha。     She held him as by a powerful spell。           He saw that her face was
  lighted with an altogether new beauty; he noticed the deep glow upon her
  cheek; the brilliancy of her eye; the slight quiver of her lip。             But he saw
  all this as one sees things in a half…trance; without attempting to account
  for them; the door between his soul and his senses was closed。