第 18 节
作者:浮游云中      更新:2021-02-20 16:27      字数:9322
  It   was   a   penance   she   had   imposed   upon   herself   to   atone   for   her   guilt。
  Only at times; when she had been sitting up late; and her eyes would fall;
  as it were; by accident upon the little face on the pillow; with the sweet
  unconsciousness of sleep resting upon it like a soft; invisible veil; would
  she suddenly throw herself down over him; kiss him; and whisper tender
  names in his ear; while her tears fell hot and fast on his yellow hair and his
  rosy countenance。          Then the child would dream that he was sailing aloft
  over shining forests; and that his mother; beaming with all the beauty of
  her   lost   youth;   flew   before   him;   showering   golden   flowers   on   his   path。
  These   were   the   happiest   moments   of   Brita's   joyless   life;   and   even   these
  were not unmixed with bitterness; for into the midst of her joy would steal
  a   shy   anxious   thought   which   was   the   more   terrible   because   it   came   so
  stealthily; so soft…footed and unbidden。              Had not this child been given her
  as a punishment for her guilt?            Had she then a right to turn God's scourge
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  into a blessing?       Did she give to God 〃that which belongeth unto God;〃
  as long as all her hopes; her thoughts; and her whole being revolved about
  this one earthly thing; her son; the child of her sorrow?                 She was not a
  nature to shrink from grave questions; no; she met them boldly; when once
  they were there; wrestled fiercely with them; was defeated; and again with
  a martyr's zeal rose to renew the combat。             God had Himself sent her this
  perplexing doubt and it was her duty to bear His burden。                Thus ran Brita's
  reasoning。      In   the   mean   while   the   years   slipped   by;   and   great   changes
  were wrought in the world about her。
  The few hundred dollars which Brita had been able to save; during the
  first three years of her stay in Chicago; she had invested in a piece of land。
  In   the   mean   while   the   city   had   grown;   and   in   the   year   1859   she   was
  offered five thousand dollars for her lot; this offer she accepted and again
  bought a small piece of property at a short distance from the city。                    The
  boy  had since   his   eighth   year   attended   the   public school;   and   had   made
  astonishing progress。        Every day  when school was out; she would meet
  him at the gate; take him by the hand and lead him home。                    If any of the
  other boys dared to make sport of her; or to tease him for his dependence
  upon her; it was sure to cost that boy a black eye{。} He soon succeeded in
  establishing   himself   in   the   respect   of   his   school…mates;   for   he   was   the
  strongest   boy   of   his   own   age;   and   ever   ready   to   protect   and   defend   the
  weak and defenseless。          When Thomas Bright (for that was the name by
  which he was known) was fifteen years old he was offered a position as
  clerk in the office of a lumber…merchant; and with his mother's consent he
  accepted it。     He was a fine young lad now; large and well…knit; and with a
  clear earnest countenance。          In the evening he would bring home books to
  read; and as it had always been Brita's habit to interest herself in whatever
  interested him; she soon found herself studying and discussing with him
  things which had in former years been far beyond the horizon of her mind。
  She had at his request reluctantly given up her work in the lumber…yards;
  and now spent her days at home; busying herself with sewing and reading
  and such other things as women find to fill up a vacant hour。
  One   evening;   when   Thomas   was   in   his   nineteenth   year;   he   returned
  from   his   office   with   a   graver   face   than   usual。 His   mother's   quick   eye
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  immediately saw that something had agitated him; but she forbore to ask。
  〃Mother;〃 said he at last; 〃who is my father?             Is he dead or alive?〃
  〃God   is   your   father;   my   son;〃   answered   she;   tremblingly。       〃If   you
  love me; ask me no more。〃
  〃I do love you; mother;〃 he said; and gave her a grave look; in which
  she thought she detected a mingling of tenderness and reproach。                     〃And it
  shall be as you have said。〃
  It was the first time she had had reason to blush before him; and her
  emotion came near overwhelming her; but with a violent effort she stifled
  it;   and   remained   outwardly   calm。       He   began   pacing   up   and   down   the
  floor with his head bent and his hands on his back。                 It suddenly occurred
  to   her   that   he   was   a  grown   man;   and   that   she   could   no   longer   hold   the
  same relation to him as his supporter and protector。                〃Alas;〃 thought she;
  〃if God will but let me remain his mother; I shall bless and thank Him。〃
  It was the first time this subject had been broached; and it gave rise to
  many a doubt and many a question in the anxious mother's mind。                          Had
  she been right in concealing from him that which he might justly claim to
  know?       What had been her motive in keeping him ignorant of his origin
  and of the land of his birth?         She had wished him to grow to the strength
  of man… hood; unconscious of guilt; so that he might bear his head upright;
  and look the world fearlessly in the face。              And still; had there not in all
  this been a lurking thought of herself; a fear of losing his love; a desire to
  stand   pure   and   perfect   in   his   eye?   She   hardly   dared   to   answer   these
  questions;   for;   alas;   she   knew   not   that   even   our   purest   motives   are   but
  poorly able   to   bear   a   searching scrutiny。      She   began   to   suspect   that   her
  whole   course   with   her   son   had   been   wrong       from   the   very   beginning。
  Why had she not told him the stern truth; even if he should despise her for
  it;   even   if   she   should   have   to   stand   a   blushing   culprit   in   his   presence?
  Often;  when she   heard his   footsteps in   the   hall;   as he   returned   from  the
  work of the day; she would man herself up and the words hovered upon
  her lips:    〃Son; thou art a bastard born; a child of guilt; and thy mother is
  an outcast upon the earth。〃         But when she met those calm blue eyes of his;
  saw   the   unsuspecting   frankness   of   his   manner   and   the   hopefulness   with
  which he looked to the future; her womanly heart shrank from its duty; and
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  she    hastened     out  of   the  room;    threw    herself   on   her  bed;   and   wept。
  Fiercely she wrestled with God in prayer; until she thought that even God
  had deserted her。        Thus months passed and years; and the constant care
  and anxiety began to affect her health。             She grew pale and nervous; and
  the   slightest   noise   would   annoy   her。     In   the   mean   while;   her   manner
  toward the young man had become strangely altered; and he soon noticed
  it;   although   he   forbore   to   speak。  She   was   scrupulously   mindful   of   his
  comfort; anxiously anticipated his wants; and observed toward him an ever
  vigilant consideration; as if he had been her master instead of her son。
  When      Thomas      was    twenty…two     years    of  age;   he   was    offered    a
  partnership in his employer's business; and with every year his prospects
  brightened。       The    sale   of  his   mother's    property    brought     him   a  very
  handsome little fortune; which enabled him to build a fine and comfortable
  house     in  one    of  the  best   portions    of  the   city。   Thus    their   outward
  circumstances were greatly improved; and of comfort and luxury Brita had
  all and more than she had ever desired; but her health was broken down;
  and the physicians declared that a year of foreign travel and a continued
  residence in Italy might possibly restore her。            At last; Thomas; too; began
  to urge her; until she finally yielded。          It was on a bright morning in May
  that they both started for New York; and three days later they took the boat
  for Europe。       What countries they were to visit they had hardly decided;
  but after a brief stay in England we find them again on a steamer bound
  for Norway。
  IV。
  Warm   and   gentle   as   it   i