第 15 节
作者:
浮游云中 更新:2021-02-20 16:27 字数:9322
other folks。〃
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She felt it her duty to be open and confiding with him in return; and in
order not to seem ungenerous; or rather to put them on an equal footing by
giving him also a peep into her heart; she told him about her daily work;
about the merry parties at her father's house; and about the lusty lads who
gathered in their halls to dance the Halling and the spring…dance。 He
listened attentively while she spoke; gazing earnestly into her face; but
never interrupting her。 In his turn he described to her in his slow
deliberate way; how his father constantly scolded him because he was not
bright; and did not care for politics and newspapers; and how his mother
wounded him with her sharp tongue by making merry with him; even in
the presence of the servants and strangers。 He did not seem to imagine
that there was anything wrong in what he said; or that he placed himself in
a ludicrous light; nor did he seem to speak from any unmanly craving for
sympathy。 His manner was so simple and straightforward that what Brita
probably would have found strange in another; she found perfectly natural
in him。
It was nearly midnight when they parted{。} She hardly slept at all that
night; and she was half vexed with herself for the interest she took in this
simple youth。 The next morning her father came up to pay her a visit and
to see how the flocks were thriving。 She understood that it would be
dangerous to say anything to him about Halvard; for she knew his temper
and feared the result; if he should ever discover her secret。 Therefore;
she shunned an opportunity to talk with him; and only busied herself the
more with the cattle and the cooking。 Bjarne soon noticed her distraction;
but; of course; never suspected the cause。 Before he left her; he asked
her if she did not find it too lonely on the saeter; and if it would not be
well if he sent her one of the maids for a companion。 She hastened to
assure him that that was quite unnecessary; the cattle…boy who was there
to help her was all the company she wanted。 Toward evening; Bjarne
Blakstad loaded his horses with buckets; filled with cheese and butter; and
started for the valley。 Brita stood long looking after him as he descended
the rocky slope; and she could hardly conceal from herself that she felt
relieved; when; at last; the forest hid him from her sight。 All day she had
been walking about with a heavy heart; there seemed to be something
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weighing on her breast; and she could not throw it off。 Who was this
who had come between her and her father? Had she ever been afraid of
him before; had she been glad to have him leave her? A sudden
bitterness took possession of her; for in her distress; she gave Halvard the
blame for all that had happened。 She threw herself down on the grass
and burst into a passionate fit of weeping; she was guilty; wretchedly
miserable; and all for the sake of one whom she had hardly known for two
days。 If he should come in this moment; she would tell him what he had
done toward her; and her wish must have been heard; for as she raised her
eyes; he stood there at her side; the sad feature about his mouth and his
great honest eyes gazing wonderingly at her。 She felt her purpose melt
within her; he looked so good and so unhappy。 Then again came the
thought of her father and of her own wrong; and the bitterness again
revived。
〃Go away;〃 cried she; in a voice half reluctantly tender and half defiant。
〃Go away; I say; I don't want to see you any more。〃
〃I will go to the end of the world if you wish it;〃 he answered; with a
strange firmness。
He picked up his jacket which he had dropped on the ground; then
turned slowly; gave her mother long look; an infinitely sad and hopeless
one; and went。 Her bosom heaved violently remorse; affection and
filial duty wrestled desperately in her heart。
〃No; no;〃 she cried; 〃why do you go? I did not mean it so。 I only
wanted〃
He paused and returned as deliberately as he had gone。
Why should I dwell upon the days that followed how her heart grew
ever more restless; how she would suddenly wake up at nights and see
those large blue eyes sadly gazing at her; how by turns she would
condemn herself and him; and how she felt with bitter pain that she was
growing away from those who had hitherto been nearest and dearest to her。
And strange to say; this very isolation from her father made her cling only
the more desperately to him。 It seemed to her as if Bjarne had
deliberately thrown her off; that she herself had been the one who took the
first step had hardly occurred to her。 Alas; her grief was as irrational as
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her love。 By what strange devious process of reasoning these convictions
became settled in her mind; it is difficult to tell。 It is sufficient to know
that she was a woman and that she loved。 She even knew herself that she
was irrational; and this very sense drew her more hopelessly into the maze
of the labyrinth from which she saw no escape。
His visits were as regular as those of the sun。 She knew that there
was only a word of hers needed to banish him from her presence forever。
And how many times did she not resolve to speak that word? But the
word was never spoken。 At times a company of the lads from the valley
would come to spend a merry evening at the saeter; but she heeded them
not; and they soon disappeared。 Thus the summer went amid passing
moods of joy and sorrow。 She had long known that he loved her; and
when at last his slow confession came; it added nothing to her happiness;
it only increased her fears for the future。 They laid many plans together
in those days; but winter came as a surprise to both; the cattle were
removed from the mountains; and they were again separated。
Bjarne Blakstad looked long and wistfully at his daughter that morning;
when he came to bring her home。 She wore no more rings and brooches;
and it was this which excited Bjarne's suspicion that everything was not
right with her。 Formerly he was displeased because she wore too many;
now he grumbled because she wore none。
II。
The winter was half gone; and in all this time Brita had hardly once
seen Halvard。 Yes; once;it was Christmas…day;she had ventured to
peep over to his pew in the church; and had seen him; sitting at his father's
side; and gazing vacantly out into the empty space; but as he had caught
her glance; he had blushed; and began eagerly to turn the leaves of his
hymn… book。 It troubled her that he made no effort to see her; many an
evening she had walked alone down at the river…side; hoping that he might
come; but it was all in vain。 She could not but believe that his father
must have made some discovery; and that he was watched。 In the mean
time the black cloud thickened over her head; for a secret gnawed at the
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very roots of her heart。 It was a time of terrible suspense and suffering
such as a man never knows; such as only a woman can endure。 It was
almost a relief when the cloud burst; and the storm broke loose; as
presently it did。
One Sunday; early in April; Bjarne did not return at the usual hour
from church。 His daughters waited in vain for him with the dinner; and
at last began to grow uneasy。 It was not his habit to keep irregular hours。
There was a great excitement i