第 11 节
作者:
浮游云中 更新:2021-02-20 16:27 字数:9322
of the street annoyed him and made him childishly fretful; and the solitude
of his own room seemed still more dreary and depressing。 He went
mechanically through the daily routine of his duties as if the soul had been
taken out of his work; and left his life all barrenness and desolation。 He
moved restlessly from place to place; roamed at all times of the day and
night through the city and its suburbs; trying vainly to exhaust his physical
strength; gradually; as his lethargy deepened into a numb; helpless despair;
it seemed somehow to impart a certain toughness to his otherwise delicate
frame。 Olson; who was now a junior partner in the firm of Remsen; Van
Kirk and Co。; stood by him faithfully in these days of sorrow。 He was
never effusive in his sympathy; but was patiently forbearing with his
friend's whims and moods; and humored him as if he had been a sick child
intrusted to his custody。 That Edith might be the moving cause of
Olson's kindness was a thought which; strangely enough; had never
occurred to Halfdan。
At last; when spring came; the vacancy of his mind was suddenly
invaded with a strong desire to revisit his native land。 He disclosed his
plan to Olson; who; after due deliberation and several visits to the Van
Kirk mansion; decided that the pleasure of seeing his old friends and the
scenes of his childhood might push the painful memories out of sight; and
renew his interest in life。 So; one morning; while the May sun shone
with a soft radiance upon the beautiful harbor; our Norseman found
himself standing on the deck of a huge black…hulled Cunarder; shivering in
spite of the warmth; and feeling a chill loneliness creeping over him at the
sight of the kissing and affectionate leave… takings which were going on all
around him。 Olson was running back and forth; attending to his baggage;
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but he himself took no thought; and felt no more responsibility than if he
had been a helpless child。 He half regretted that his own wish had
prevailed; and was inclined to hold his friend responsible for it; and still he
had not energy enough to protest now when the journey seemed inevitable。
His heart still clung to the place which held the corpse of his ruined life; as
a man may cling to the spot which hides his beloved dead。
About two weeks later Halfdan landed in Norway。 He was half
reluctant to leave the steamer; and the land of his birth excited no emotion
in his breast。 He was but conscious of a dim regret that he was so far
away from Edith。 At last; however; he betook himself to a hotel; where
he spent the afternoon sitting with half…closed eyes at a window; watching
listlessly the drowsy slow…pulsed life which dribbled languidly through the
narrow thoroughfare。 The noisy uproar of Broadway chimed remotely in
his ears; like the distant roar of a tempest…tossed sea; and what had once
been a perpetual annoyance was now a sweet memory。 How often with
Edith at his side had he threaded his way through the surging crowds that
pour; on a fine afternoon; in an unceasing current up and down the street
between Union and Madison Squares。 How friendly; and sweet; and
gracious; Edith had been at such times; how fresh her voice; how witty
and animated her chance remarks when they stopped to greet a passing
acquaintance; and; above all; how inspiring the sight of her heavenly
beauty。 Now that was all past。 Perhaps he should never see Edith again。
The next day he sauntered through the city; meeting some old friends;
who all seemed changed and singularly uninteresting。 They were all
engaged or married; and could talk of nothing but matrimony; and their
prospects of advancement in the Government service。 One had an
influential uncle who had been a chum of the present minister of finance;
another based his hopes of future prosperity upon the family connections
of his betrothed; and a third was waiting with a patient perseverance;
worthy of a better cause; for the death or resignation of an antiquated chef…
de…bureau; which; according to the promise of some mighty man; would
open a position for him in the Department of Justice。 All had the most
absurd theories about American democracy; and indulged freely in
prophecies of coming disasters; but about their own government they had
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no opinion whatever。 If Halfdan attempted to set them right; they at once
grew excited and declamatory; their opinions were based upon conviction
and a charming ignorance of facts; and they were not to be moved。 They
knew all about Tweed and the Tammany Ring; and believed them to be
representative citizens of New York; if not of the United States; but of
Charles Sumner and Carl Schurz they had never heard。 Halfdan; who; in
spite of his misfortunes in the land of his adoption; cherished a very tender
feeling for it; was often so thoroughly aroused at the foolish prejudices
which everywhere met him; that his torpidity gradually thawed away; and
he began to look more like his former self。
Toward autumn he received an invitation to visit a country clergyman
in the North; a distant relative of his father's; and there whiled away his
time; fishing and shooting; until winter came。 But as Christmas drew
near; and the day wrestled feebly with the all…conquering night; the old
sorrow revived。 In the darkness which now brooded over land and sea;
the thoughts needed no longer be on guard against themselves; they could
roam far and wide as they listed。 Where was Edith now; the sweet; the
wonderful Edith? Was there yet the same dancing light in her beautiful
eyes; the same golden sheen in her hair; the same merry ring in her voice?
And had she not said that when he was content to be only her friend; he
might return to her; and she would receive him in the old joyous and
confiding way? Surely there was no life to him apart from her: why
should he not be her friend? Only a glimpse of her lovely faceah; it
was worth a lifetime; it would consecrate an age of misery; a glimpse of
Edith's face。 Thus ran his fancies day by day; and the night only lent a
deeper intensity to the yearnings of the day。 He walked about as in a
dream; seeing nothing; heeding nothing; while this one strong desireto
see Edith once more throbbed and throbbed with a slow; feverish
perseverance within him。 EdithEdith; the very name had a strange;
potent fascination。 Every thought whispered 〃Edith;〃his pulse beat
〃Edith;〃and his heart repeated the beloved name。 It was his pulse…beat;…
…his heartbeat;his life…beat。
And one morning as he stood absently looking at his fingers against
the lightand they seemed strangely wan and transparentthe thought at
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last took shape。 It rushed upon him with such vehemence; that he could
no more resist it。 So he bade the clergyman good…bye; gathered his few
worldly goods together and set out for Bergen。 There he found an
English steamer which carried him to Hull; and a few weeks later; he was
once more in New York。
It was late one evening in January that a tug…boat arrived and took the
cabin passengers ashore。 The moon sailed tranquilly over the deep blue
dome of the sky; the stars traced their glittering paths of light from the
zenith downward; and it was sharp; bitter cold。 Northward over the river
lay a great bank of cloud; dense; gray and massive; the spectre of the
coming snow…storm。 There it lay so huge and f