第 7 节
作者:
浮游云中 更新:2021-02-20 16:27 字数:9318
effort to escape is apt to frustrate itself and again reveal the imminent peril。
Thus he too 〃kicked against the pricks;〃 hoped; feared; rebelled against his
destiny; and again; from sheer weariness; relapsed into a dull; benumbed
apathy。 In spite of her friendly sympathy; he never felt so keenly his
alienism as in her presence。 She accepted the spontaneous homage he
paid her; sometimes with impatience; as something that was really beneath
her notice; at other times she frankly recognized it; bantered him with his
〃Old World chivalry;〃 which would soon evaporate in the practical
American atmosphere; and called him her Viking; her knight and her
faithful squire。 But it never occurred to her to regard his devotion in a
serious light; and to look upon him as a possible lover had evidently never
entered her head。 As their intercourse grew more intimate; he had
volunteered to read his favorite poets with her; and had gradually
succeeded in imparting to her something of his own passionate liking for
Heine and Bjrnson。 She had in return called his attention to the
works of American authors who had hitherto been little more than names
to him; and they had thus managed to be of mutual benefit to each other;
and to spend many a pleasant hour during the long winter afternoons in
each other's company。 But Edith had a very keen sense of humor; and
could hardly restrain her secret amusement when she heard him reading
Longfellow's 〃Psalm of Life〃 and Poe's 〃Raven〃 (which had been familiar
to her from her babyhood); often with false accent; but always with intense
enthusiasm。 The reflection that he had had no part of his life in common
with her;that he did not love the things which she loved;could not share
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her prejudices (and women have a feeling akin to contempt for a man who
does not respond to their prejudices)removed him at times almost
beyond the reach of her sympathy。 It was interesting enough as long as
the experience was novel; to be thus unconsciously exploring another
person's mind and finding so many strange objects there; but after a while
the thing began to assume an uncomfortably serious aspect; and then there
seemed to be something almost terrible about it。 At such times a call
from a gentleman of her own nation; even though he were one of the
placidly stupid type; would be a positive relief; she could abandon herself
to the secure sense of being at home; she need fear no surprises; and in the
smooth shallows of their talk there were no unsuspected depths to excite
and to baffle her ingenuity。 And; again; reverting in her thought to
Halfdan; his conversational brilliancy would almost repel her; as
something odious and un…American; the cheap result of outlandish birth
and unrepublican education。 Not that she had ever valued republicanism
very highly; she was one of those who associated politics with noisy
vulgarity in speech and dress; and therefore thanked fortune that women
were permitted to keep aloof from it。 But in the presence of this alien she
found herself growing patriotic; that much…discussed abstraction; which
we call our country (and which is nothing but the aggregate of all the slow
and invisible influences which go toward making up our own being);
became by degrees a very palpable and intelligible fact to her。
Frequently while her American self was thus loudly asserting itself;
Edith inflicted many a cruel wound upon her foreign adorer。 Once; it
was the Fourth of July; more than a year after Halfdan's arrival; a number
of young ladies and gentlemen; after having listened to a patriotic oration;
were invited in to an informal luncheon。 While waiting; they naturally
enough spent their time in singing national songs; and Halfdan's clear
tenor did good service in keeping the straggling voices together。 When
they had finished; Edith went up to him and was quite effusive in her
expressions of gratitude。
〃I am sure we ought all to be very grateful to you; Mr。 Birch;〃 she said;
〃and I; for my part; can assure you that I am。〃
〃Grateful? Why?〃 demanded Halfdan; looking quite unhappy。
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〃For singing OUR national songs; of course。 Now; won't you sing
one of your own; please? We should all be so delighted to hear how a
Swedishor Norwegian; is it?national song sounds。〃
〃Yes; Mr。 Birch; DO sing a Swedish song;〃 echoed several voices。
They; of course; did not even remotely suspect their own cruelty。 He
had; in his enthusiasm for the day allowed himself to forget that he was
not made of the same clay as they were; that he was an exile and a stranger;
and must ever remain so; that he had no right to share their joy in the
blessing of liberty。 Edith had taken pains to dispel the happy illusion;
and had sent him once more whirling toward his cold native Pole。 His
passion came near choking him; and; to conceal his impetuous emotion; he
flung himself down on the piano…stool; and struck some introductory
chords with perhaps a little superfluous emphasis。 Suddenly his voice
burst out into the Swedish national anthem; 〃Our Land; our Land; our
Fatherland;〃 and the air shook and palpitated with strong martial melody。
His indignation; his love and his misery; imparted strength to his voice;
and its occasional tremble in the PIANO passages was something more
than an artistic intention。 He was loudly applauded as he arose; and the
young ladies thronged about him to ask if he 〃wouldn't please write out
the music for them。〃
Thus month after month passed by; and every day brought its own
misery。 Mrs。 Van Kirk's patronizing manners; and ostentatious kindness;
often tested his patience to the utmost。 If he was guilty of an innocent
witticism or a little quaintness of expression; she always assumed it to be a
mistake of terms and corrected him with an air of benign superiority。 At
times; of course; her corrections were legitimate; as for instance; when he
spoke of WEARING a cane; instead of CARRYING one; but in nine cases
out of ten the fault lay in her own lack of imagination and not in his
ignorance of English。 On such occasions Edith often took pity on him;
defended him against her mother's criticism; and insisted that if this or that
expression was not in common vogue; that was no reason why it should
not be used; as it was perfectly grammatical; and; moreover; in keeping
with the spirit of the language。 And he; listening passively in admiring
silence to her argument; thanked her even for the momentary pain because
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it was followed by so great a happiness。 For it was so sweet to be
defended by Edith; to feel that he and she were standing together side by
side against the outer world。 Could he only show her in the old heroic
manner how much he loved her! Would only some one that was dear to
her die; so that he; in that breaking down of social barriers which follows a
great calamity; might comfort her in her sorrow。 Would she then; perhaps;
weeping; lean her wonderful head upon his breast; feeling but that he was
a fellow…mortal; who had a heart that was loyal and true; and forgetting;
for one brief instant; that he was a foreigner。 Then; to touch that delicate
Elizabethan frill which wound itself so daintily about Edith's neck what
inconceivable rapture! But it was quite impossible。 It could never be。
These were selfish thoughts; no doubt; but they were a lover's selfishness;
and; as such; bore a close kinship to all that is purest