第 31 节
作者:冬冬      更新:2021-02-20 15:54      字数:9322
  It was then that he began to see clearly what it all meant。 He said he
  made   a   great   discovery:   that   the   〃black   people〃   against   whom   they   had
  struck in 1894 were not to blame!
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  〃I tell you;〃 said he; 〃we found when we got started that them black
  peoplewe used to call 'em dagoeswere just workin' people like usand
  in hell with us。 They were good soldiers; them Eyetalians and Poles and
  Syrians; they fought with us to the end。〃
  I shall not soon forget the intensely dramatic but perfectly simple way
  in   which   he   told   me   how   he   came;   as   he   said;   〃to   see   the   true   light。〃
  Holding up his maimed right hand (that trembled a little); he pointed one
  finger upward。
  〃I seen the big hand in the sky;〃 he said; 〃I seen it as clear as daylight。〃
  He said he saw at last what Socialism meant。 One day he went home
  from a strikers' meetingone of the last; for the men were worn out with
  their   long   struggle。   It  was   a  bitter  cold   day;   and   he  was   completely
  discouraged。 When he reached his own street he saw a pile of household
  goods     on   the  sidewalk    in  front   of  his  home。    He   saw    his  wife   there
  wringing her hands and crying。 He said he could not take a step further;
  but   sat   down   on   a   neighbour's   porch   and   looked   and   looked。   〃It   was
  curious;〃 he said; 〃but the only thing I could see or think about was our
  old family clock which they had stuck on top of the pile; half tipped over。
  It looked odd and I wanted to set it up straight。 It was the clock we bought
  when we were married; and we'd had it about twenty years on the mantel
  in the livin'…room。 It was a good clock;〃 he said。
  He paused and then smiled a little。
  〃I never have figured it out why I should have been able to think of
  nothing but that clock;〃 he said; 〃but so it was。〃
  When he got home; he found his frail daughter just coming out of the
  empty   house;   〃coughing   as   though   she   was   dyin'。〃   Something;   he   said;
  seemed to stop inside him。 Those were his words: 〃Something seemed to
  stop inside 'o me。〃
  He    turned    away    without    saying    a  word;    walked     back    to  strike
  headquarters; borrowed a revolver from a friend; and started out along the
  main road which led into the better part of the town。
  〃Did you ever hear o' Robert Winter?〃 he asked。
  〃No;〃 said I。
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  〃Well;   Robert   Winter   was   the   biggest   gun   of   'em   all。   He   owned   the
  mills   there   and   the   largest   store   and   the   newspaper   he   pretty   nearly
  owned the town。〃
  He   told   me   much   more   about   Robert   Winter   which   betrayed   still   a
  curious   sort   of   feudal   admiration   for   him;   and   for   his   great   place   and
  power; but I need not dwell on it here。 He told me how he climbed through
  a hemlock hedge (for the stone gateway was guarded) and walked through
  the snow toward the great house。
  〃An' all the time I seemed to be seein' my daughter Margy right there
  before my eyes coughing as though she was dyin'。〃
  It was just nightfall and all the windows were alight。 He crept up to a
  clump   of   bushes   under   a   window   and   waited   there   a   moment   while   he
  drew out and   cocked   his   revolver。 Then he   slowly  reached   upward   until
  his head cleared the   sill and he   could look into the   room。 〃A big;  warm
  room;〃 he described it。
  〃Comrade;〃 said he; 〃I had murder in my heart that night。〃
  So   he   stood   there   looking   in   with   the   revolver   ready   cocked   in   his
  hand。
  〃And what do you think I seen there?〃 he asked。
  〃I cannot guess;〃 I said。
  〃Well;〃   said   Bill   Hahn;   〃I   seen   the   great   Robert Winter   that   we   had
  been   fighting   for   five   long   monthsand   he   was   down   on   his   hands   and
  knees   on   the   carpethe   had   his   little   daughter   on   his   backand   he   was
  creepin' about with heran' she was laughin'。〃
  Bill Hahn paused。
  〃I had a bead on him;〃 he said; 〃but I couldn't do itI just couldn't do
  it。〃
  He came away all weak and trembling and cold; and; 〃Comrade;〃 he
  said; 〃I was cryin' like a baby; and didn't know why。〃
  The next day the strike collapsed and there was the familiar stampede
  for work but Bill Hahn did not go back。 He knew it would be useless。 A
  week later his frail daughter died and was buried in the paupers field。
  〃She   was   as   truly   killed;〃   he   said;   〃as   though   some   one   had   fired   a
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  bullet at her through a window。〃
  〃And what did you do after that?〃 I asked; when he had paused for a
  long time with his chin on his breast。
  〃Well;〃 said he; 〃I did a lot of thinking them days; and I says to myself:
  'This thing is wrong; and I will go out and stop itI will go out and stop
  it。'〃
  As he uttered these words; I looked at him curiouslyhis absurd flat
  fur   hat   with   the   moth…eaten   ears;   the   old   bulging   overcoat;   the   round
  spectacles;       the    scarred;     insignificant     facehe      seemed      somehow
  transformed;      a  person    elevated    above    himself;    the   tool  of   some    vast
  incalculable force。
  I   shall   never   forget   the   phrase   he   used   to   describe   his   own   feelings
  when   he   had   reached   this   astonishing   decision   to   go   out   and   stop   the
  wrongs of the World。 He said he 〃began to feel all clean inside。〃
  〃I see it didn't matter what become o' me; and I began to feel all clean
  inside。〃
  It seemed; he explained; as though something big and strong had got
  hold of him; and he began to be happy。
  〃Since then;〃 he said in a low voice; 〃I've been happier than I ever was
  before in all my life。 I ain't got any family; nor any homerightly speakin'…
  …nor any money; but; comrade; you see here in front of you; a happy man。〃
  When he had finished his story we sat quiet for some time。
  〃Well;〃 said he; finally; 〃I must be goin'。 The committee will wonder
  what's become o' me。〃
  I followed him out to the road。 There I put my hand on his shoulder;
  and said:
  〃Bill Hahn; you are a better man than I am。〃
  He   smiled;   a   beautiful   smile;   and   we   walked   off   together   down   the
  road。
  I wish I had gone on with him at that time into the city; but somehow I
  could not do it。 I stopped near the top of the hill where one can see in the
  distance that smoky huddle of buildings which is known as Kilburn; and
  though he urged me; I turned aside and sat down in the edge of a meadow。
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  There were many things I wanted to think about; to get clear in my mind。
  As I sat looking out toward that great city; I saw three men walking in
  the   white   road。   As   I   watched   them;   I   could   see   them   coming   quickly;
  eagerly。 Presently they threw up their hands and evidently began to shout;
  though I could not hear what they said。 At that moment I saw my friend
  Bill Hahn   running   in   the road;  his   coat   skirts flapping   heavily  about his
  legs。 When they met they almost fell into another's arms。
  I   suppose   it   was   so   that   the   early   Christians;   those   who   hid   in   the
  Roman catacombs; were wont to greet one another。
  So I sat thinking。
  〃A man;〃 I said to myself; 〃who can regard himself as a function; not
  an end of creation; has arrived。〃
  After   a   time   I   got   up   and   walked   down   the   hillsome   strange   force
  carrying me onwardand came thus to the city of Kilburn。
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  CHAPTER X。 I AM CAUGHT UP
  INTO LIFE
  I   can   scarcely   convey   in   written   words   the   whirling   emotions   I   felt
  when   I   entered   the   city   of   Kilburn。   Every   sight;   every   sound;   recalled
  vividly and painfully the unhappy years I had once spent in another and
  greater city。 Every mingled odour of the streetsand there is nothing that
  will so surely re…create (for me) the inner emotion of a time or place as a
  remembered odourbrought back to me