第 12 节
作者:
冬冬 更新:2021-02-20 15:53 字数:9321
happiness as this? So I took my whistle from my lips and asked:
〃Is God dead?〃
I shall never forget the indescribable look of horror and astonishment
that swept over the young man's face。
〃What do you mean; sir?〃 he asked with an air of stern authority which
surprised me。 His calling for the moment lifted him above himself: it was
the Church which spoke。
I was on my feet in an instant; regretting the pain I had given him; and
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yet it seemed worth while now; having made my inadvertent remark; to
show him frankly what lay in my mind。 Such things sometimes help men。
〃I meant no offence; sir;〃 I said; 〃and I apologize for my flummery; but
when I saw you coming up the hill; looking so gloomy and disconsolate on
this bright day; as though you disapproved of God's world; the question
slipped out before I knew it。〃
My words evidently struck deep down into some disturbed inner
consciousness; for he askedand his words seemed to slip out before he
thought:
〃Is THAT the way I impressed you?〃
I found my heart going out strongly toward him。 〃Here;〃 I thought to
myself; 〃is a man in trouble。〃
I took a good long look at him。 He still a young man; though worn…
lookingand sad as I now saw it; rather than gloomywith the sensitive
lips and the unworldly look one sees sometimes in the faces of saints。 His
black coat was immaculately neat; but the worn button…covers and the
shiny lapels told their own eloquent story。 Oh; it seemed to me I knew him
as well as if every incident of his life were written plainly upon his high;
pale forehead! I have lived long in a country neighbourhood; and I knew
himpoor flagellant of the rural churchI knew how he groaned under the
sins of a Community too comfortably willing to cast all its burdens on the
Lord; or on the Lord's accredited local representative。 I inferred also the
usual large family and the low salary (scandalously unpaid) and the
frequent moves from place to place。
Unconsciously heaving a sigh the young man turned partly aside and
said to me in a low; gentle voice:
〃You are detaining my boys from church。〃
〃I am very sorry;〃 I said; 〃and I will detain them no longer;〃 and with
that I put aside my whistle; took up my bag and moved down the hill with
them。
〃The fact is;〃 I said; 〃when I heard your bell I thought of going to
church myself。〃
〃Did you?〃 he asked eagerly。 〃Did you?〃
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I could see that my proposal of going to church had instantly affected
his spirits。 Then he hesitated abruptly with a sidelong glance at my bag
and rusty clothing。 I could see exactly what was passing in his mind。
〃No;〃 I said; smiling; as though answering a spoken question; 〃I am
not exactly what you would call a tramp。〃
He flushed。
〃I didn't meanI WANT you to come。 That's what a church is for。 If I
thought〃
But he did not tell me what he thought; and; though he walked quietly
at my side; he was evidently deeply disturbed。 Something of his
discouragement I sensed even then; and I don't think I was ever sorrier for
a man in my life than I was for him at that moment。 Talk about the
suffering sinners! I wonder if they are to be compared with the trials of the
saints?
So we approached the little white church; and caused; I am certain; a
tremendous sensation。 Nowhere does the unpredictable; the unusual;
excite such confusion as in that settled institutionthe church。
I left my bag in the vestibule; where I have no doubt it was the object
of much inquiring and suspicious scrutiny; and took my place in a
convenient pew。 It was a small church with an odd air of domesticity; and
the proportion of old ladies and children in the audience was pathetically
large。 As a ruddy; vigorous; out…of…door person; with the dust of life upon
him; I felt distinctly out of place。
I could pick out easily the Deacon; the Old Lady Who Brought
Flowers; the President of the Sewing Circle; and; above all; the Chief
Pharisee; sitting in his high place。 The Chief Phariseehis name I learned
was Nash; Mr。 J。 H。 Nash (I did not know then that I was soon to make his
acquaintance)the Chief Pharisee looked as hard as nails; a middle…aged
man with stiff chin…whiskers; small round; sharp eyes; and a pugnacious
jaw。
〃That man;〃 said I to myself; 〃runs this church;〃 and instantly I found
myself looking upon him as a sort of personification of the troubles I had
seen in the minister's eyes。
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I shall not attempt to describe the service in detail。 There was a
discouraging droop and quaver in the singing; and the mournful…looking
deacon; who passed the collection…plate seemed inured to disappointment。
The prayer had in it a note of despairing appeal which fell like a cold hand
upon one's living soul。 It gave one the impression that this was indeed a
miserable; dark; despairing world; which deserved to be wrathfully
destroyed; and that this miserable world was full of equally miserable;
broken; sinful; sickly people。
The sermon was a little better; for somewhere hidden within him this
pale young man had a spark of the divine fire; but it was so dampened by
the atmosphere of the church that it never rose above a pale luminosity。
I found the service indescribably depressing。 I had an impulse to rise
up and cry outalmost anything to shock these people into opening their
eyes upon real life。 Indeed; though I hesitate about setting it down here; I
was filled for some time with the liveliest imaginings of the following
serio…comic enterprise:
I would step up the aisle; take my place in front of the Chief Pharisee;
wag my finger under his nose; and tell him a thing or two about the
condition of the church。
〃The only live thing here;〃 I would tell him; 〃is the spark in that pale
minister's soul; and you're doing your best to smother that。〃
And I fully made up my mind that when he answered back in his
chief…pharisaical way I would gentlybut firmly remove him from his seat;
shake him vigorously two or three times (men's souls have often been
saved with less!); deposit him flat in the aisle; and yesstand on him while
I elucidated the situation to the audience at large。 While I confined this
amusing and interesting project to the humours of the imagination I am
still convinced that something of the sort would have helped enormously
in clearing up the religious and moral atmosphere of the place。
I had a wonderful sensation of relief when at last I stepped out again
into the clear afternoon sunshine and got a reviving glimpse of the smiling
green hills and the quiet fields and the sincere treesand felt the welcome
of the friendly road。
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I would have made straight for the hills; but the thought of that pale
minister held me back; and I waited quietly there under the trees till he
came out。 He was plainly looking for me; and asked me to wait and walk
along with him; at which his four boys; whose acquaintance I had made
under such thrilling circumstances earlier in the day; seemed highly
delighted; and waited with me under the tree and told me a hundred
important things about a certain calf; a pig; a kite; and other things at
home。
Arriving at the minister's gate; I was invited in with a whole…
heartedness that was altogether charming。 The minister's wife; a faded…
looking woman who had once possessed a delicate sort of prettiness; was
waiting for us on the steps with a fine chubby baby on her armnumber
five。
The home was much the sort of place I had imagineda small house
undesirably located (but cheap!); with a few straggling acres of garden and
meadow upon