simple　and　that　people　do　not　see　that　if　two　assertions　are
  mutually　contradictory；　then　neither　of　them　has　the　sole　truth
  which　faith　should　possess。　　There　is　something　else　here；　there
  must　be　some　explanation。　　I　thought　there　was；　and　sought　that
  explanation　and　read　all　I　could　on　the　subject；　and　consulted　all
  whom　I　could。　　And　no　one　gave　me　any　explanation；　except　the　one
  which　causes　the　Sumsky　Hussars　to　consider　the　Sumsky　Hussars　the
  best　regiment　in　the　world；　and　the　Yellow　Uhlans　to　consider　that
  the　best　regiment　in　the　world　is　the　Yellow　Uhlans。　　The
  ecclesiastics　of　all　the　different　creeds；　through　their　best
  representatives；　told　me　nothing　but　that　they　believed　themselves
  to　have　the　truth　and　the　others　to　be　in　error；　and　that　all　they
  could　do　was　to　pray　for　them。　　I　went　to　archimandrites；　bishops；
  elders；　monks　of　the　strictest　orders；　and　asked　them；　but　none　of
  them　made　any　attempt　to　explain　the　matter　to　me　except　one　man；
  who　explained　it　all　and　explained　it　so　that　I　never　asked　any　one
  any　more　about　it。　　I　said　that　for　every　unbeliever　turning　to　a
  belief　（and　all　our　young　generation　are　in　a　position　to　do　so）
  the　question　that　presents　itself　first　is；　why　is　truth　not　in
  Lutheranism　nor　in　Catholicism；　but　in　Orthodoxy？　　Educated　in　the
  high　school　he　cannot　help　knowing　what　the　peasants　do　not　know
  that　the　Protestants　and　Catholics　equally　affirm　that　their　faith
  is　the　only　true　one。　　Historical　evidence；　twisted　by　each
  religion　in　its　own　favour；　is　insufficient。　　Is　it　not　possible；
  said　I；　to　understand　the　teaching　in　a　loftier　way；　so　that　from
  its　height　the　differences　should　disappear；　as　they　do　for　one　who
  believes　truly？　　Can　we　not　go　further　along　a　path　like　the　one　we
  are　following　with　the　Old…Believers？　　They　emphasize　the　fact　that
  they　have　a　differently　shaped　cross　and　different　alleluias　and　a
  different　procession　round　the　altar。　　We　reply：　　You　believe　in
  the　Nicene　Creed；　in　the　seven　sacraments；　and　so　do　we。　　Let　us
  hold　to　that；　and　in　other　matters　do　as　you　pease。　　We　have　united
  with　them　by　placing　the　essentials　of　faith　above　the
  unessentials。　　Now　with　the　Catholics　can　we　not　say：　　You　believe
  in　so　and　so　and　in　so　and　so；　which　are　the　chief　things；　and　as
  for　the　Filioque　clause　and　the　Pope　　do　as　you　please。　　Can　we
  not　say　the　same　to　the　Protestants；　uniting　with　them　in　what　is
  most　important？
  My　interlocutor　agreed　with　my　thoughts；　but　told　me　that　such
  conceptions　would　bring　reproach　o　the　spiritual　authorities　for
  deserting　the　faith　of　our　forefathers；　and　this　would　produce　a
  schism；　and　the　vocation　of　the　spiritual　authorities　is　to
  safeguard　in　all　its　purity　the　Greco…Russian　Orthodox　faith
  inherited　from　our　forefathers。
  And　I　understood　it　all。　　I　am　seeking　a　faith；　the　power　of
  life；　and　they　are　seeking　the　best　way　to　fulfil　in　the　eyes　of
  men　certain　human　obligations。　　and　fulfilling　these　human　affairs
  they　fulfil　them　in　a　human　way。　　However　much　they　may　talk　of
  their　pity　for　their　erring　brethren；　and　of　addressing　prayers　for
  them　to　the　throne　of　the　Almighty　　to　carry　out　human　purposes
  violence　is　necessary；　and　it　has　always　been　applied　and　is　and
  will　be　applied。　　If　of　two　religions　each　considers　itself　true
  and　the　other　false；　then　men　desiring　to　attract　others　to　the
  truth　will　preach　their　own　doctrine。　　And　if　a　false　teaching　is
  preached　to　the　inexperienced　sons　of　their　Church　　which　as　the
  truth　　then　that　Church　cannot　but　burn　the　books　and　remove　the
  man　who　is　misleading　its　sons。　　What　is　to　be　done　with　a
  sectarian　　burning；　in　the　opinion　of　the　Orthodox；　with　the　fire
  of　false　doctrine　　who　in　the　most　important　affair　of　life；　in
  faith；　misleads　the　sons　of　the　Church？　　What　can　be　done　with　him
  except　to　cut　off　his　head　or　to　incarcerate　him？　　Under　the　Tsar
  Alexis　Mikhaylovich　people　were　burned　at　the　stake；　that　is　to
  say；　the　severest　method　of　punishment　of　the　time　was　applied；　and
  in　our　day　also　the　severest　method　of　punishment　is　applied
  detention　in　solitary　confinement。　　＇Footnote：　　At　the　time　this
  was　written　capital　punishment　was　considered　to　be　abolished　in
  Russia。　　A。M。＇
  The　second　relation　of　the　Church　to　a　question　of　life　was
  with　regard　to　war　and　executions。
  At　that　time　Russia　was　at　war。　　And　Russians；　in　the　name　of
  Christian　love；　began　to　kill　their　fellow　men。　　It　was　impossible
  not　to　think　about　this；　and　not　to　see　that　killing　is　an　evil
  repugnant　to　the　first　principles　of　any　faith。　　Yet　prayers　were
  said　in　the　churches　for　the　success　of　our　arms；　and　the　teachers
  of　the　Faith　acknowledged　killing　to　be　an　act　resulting　from　the
  Faith。　　And　besides　the　murders　during　the　war；　I　saw；　during　the
  disturbances　which　followed　the　war；　Church　dignitaries　and
  teachers　and　monks　of　the　lesser　and　stricter　orders　who　approved
  the　killing　of　helpless；　erring　youths。　　And　I　took　note　of　all
  that　is　done　by　men　who　profess　Christianity；　and　I　was　horrified。
  XVI
  And　I　ceased　to　doubt；　and　became　fully　convinced　that　not　all
  was　true　in　the　religion　I　had　joined。　　Formerly　I　should　have　said
  that　it　was　all　false；　but　I　could　not　say　so　now。　　The　whole　of
  the　people　possessed　a　knowledge　of　the　truth；　for　otherwise　they
  could　not　have　lived。　　Moreover；　that　knowledge　was　accessible　to
  me；　for　I　had　felt　it　and　had　lived　by　it。　　But　I　no　longer　doubted
  that　there　was　also　falsehood　in　it。　　And　all　that　had　previously
  repelled　me　now　presented　itself　vividly　before　me。　　And　though　I
  saw　that　among　the　peasants　there　was　a　smaller　admixture　of　the
  lies　that　　repelled　me　than　among　the　representatives　of　the
  Church；　I　still　saw　that　in　the　people's　belief　also　falsehood　was
  mingled　with　the　truth。
  But　where　did　the　truth　and　where　did　the　falsehood　come　from？
  Both　the　falsehood　and　the　truth　were　contained　in　the　so…called
  holy　tradition　and　in　the　Scriptures。　　Both　the　falsehood　and　the
  truth　had　been　handed　down　by　what　is　called　the　Church。
  And　whether　I　liked　or　not；　I　was　brought　to　the　study　and
  investigation　of　these　writings　and　traditions　　which　till　now　I
  had　been　so　afraid　to　investigate。
  And　I　turned　to　the　examination　of　that　same　theology　which　I
  had　once　rejected　with　such　contempt　as　unnecessary。　　Formerly　it
  seemed　to　me　a　series　of　unnecessary　absurdities；　when　on　all　sides
  I　was　surrounded　by　manifestations　of　life　which　seemed　to　me　clear
  and　full　of　sense；　now　I　should　have　been　glad　to　throw　away　what
  would　not　enter　a　health　head；　but　I　had　nowhere　to　turn　to。　　On
  this　teaching　religious　doctrine　rests；　or　at　least　with　it　the
  only　knowledge　of　the　meaning　of　life　that　I　have　found　is
  inseparably　connected。　　However　wild　it　may　seem　too　my　firm　old
  mind；　it　was　the　only　hope　of　salvation。　　It　had　to　be　carefully；
  attentively　examined　in　order　to　understand　it；　and　not　even　to
  understand　it　as　I　understand　the　propositions　of　science：　　I　do
  not　seek　that；　nor　can　I　seek　it；　knowing　the　special　character　of
  religious　knowledge。　　I　shall　not　seek　the　explanation　of
  everything。　　I　know　that　the　explanation　of　everything；　like　the
  commencement　of　everything；　must　be　concealed　in　infinity。　　But　I
  wish　to　understand　in　a　way　which　will　bring　me　to　what　is
  inevitably　inexplicable。　　I　wish　to　recognize　anything　that　is
  inexplicable　as　being　so　not　because　the　demands　of　my　reason　are
  wrong　（they　are　right；　and　apart　from　them　I　can　understand
  nothing）；　but　because　I　recognize　the　limits　of　my　intellect。　　I
  wish　to　understand　in　such　a　way　that　everything　that　is
  inexplicable　shall　present　itself　to　me　as　being　necessarily
  inexplicable；　and　not　as　being　something　I　am　under　an　arbitrary
  obligation　to　believe。
  That　there　is　truth　in　the　teaching　is　to　me　indubitable；　but
  it　is　also　certain　that　there　is　falsehood　in　it；　and　I　must　find
  what　is　true　and　what　is　false；　and　must　disentangle　the　one　from
  the　other。　　I　am　setting　to　work　upon　this　task。　　What　of　falsehood
  I　have　found　in　the　teaching　and　what　I　have　found　of　truth；　and　to
  what　conclusions　I　came；　will　form　the　following　parts　of　this
  work；　which　if　it　be　worth　it　and　if　anyone　wants　it；　will　probably
  some　day　be　printed　somewhere。
  1879。
  The　foregoing　was　written　by　me　some　three　years　ago；　and　will
  be　printed。
  Now　a　few　days　ago；　when　revising　it　and　returning　to　the　line
  of　thought　and　to　the　feelings　I　had　when　I　was　living　through　it
  all；　I　had　a　dream。　　This　dream　expressed　in　condensed　form　all
  that　I　had　experienced　and　described；　and　I　think　therefore　that；
  for　those　who　have　understood　me；　a　description　of　this　dream　will
  refresh　and　elucidate　and　unify　what　has　been　set　forth　at　such
  length　in　the　foregoing　pages。　　The　dream　was　this：
  I　saw　that　I　wa