these　people　accepted　illness　and　sorrow　without　any　perplexity　or
  opposition；　and　with　a　quiet　and　firm　conviction　that　all　is　good。
  In　contradistinction　to　us；　who　the　wiser　we　are　the　less　we
  understand　the　meaning　of　life；　and　see　some　evil　irony　in　the　fact
  that　we　suffer　and　die；　these　folk　live　and　suffer；　and　they
  approach　death　and　suffering　with　tranquillity　and　in　most　cases
  gladly。　　In　contrast　to　the　fact　that　a　tranquil　death；　a　death
  without　horror　and　despair；　is　a　very　rare　exception　in　our　circle；
  a　troubled；　rebellious；　and　unhappy　death　is　the　rarest　exception
  among　the　people。　　and　such　people；　lacking　all　that　for　us　and　for
  Solomon　is　the　only　good　of　life　and　yet　experiencing　the　greatest
  happiness；　are　a　great　multitude。　　I　looked　more　widely　around　me。
  I　considered　the　life　of　the　enormous　mass　of　the　people　in　the
  past　and　the　present。　　And　of　such　people；　understanding　the
  meaning　of　life　and　able　to　live　and　to　die；　I　saw　not　two　or
  three；　or　tens；　but　hundreds；　thousands；　and　millions。　　and　they
  all　　endlessly　different　in　their　manners；　minds；　education；　and
  position；　as　they　were　　all　alike；　in　complete　contrast　to　my
  ignorance；　knew　the　meaning　of　life　and　death；　laboured　quietly；
  endured　deprivations　and　sufferings；　and　lived　and　died　seeing
  therein　not　vanity　but　good。
  And　I　learnt　to　love　these　people。　　The　more　I　came　to　know
  their　life；　the　life　of　those　who　are　living　and　of　others　who　are
  dead　of　whom　I　read　and　heard；　the　more　I　loved　them　and　the　easier
  it　became　for　me　to　live。　　So　I　went　on　for　about　two　years；　and　a
  change　took　place　in　me　which　had　long　been　preparing　and　the
  promise　of　which　had　always　been　in　me。　　It　came　about　that　the
  life　of　our　circle；　the　rich　and　learned；　not　merely　became
  distasteful　to　me；　but　lost　all　meaning　in　my　eyes。　　All　our
  actions；　discussions；　science　and　art；　presented　itself　to　me　in　a
  new　light。　　I　understood　that　it　is　all　merely　self…indulgence；　and
  the　to　find　a　meaning　in　it　is　impossible；　while　the　life　of　the
  whole　labouring　people；　the　whole　of　mankind　who　produce　life；
  appeared　to　me　in　its　true　significance。　　I　understood　that　*that*
  is　life　itself；　and　that　the　meaning　given　to　that　life　is　true：
  and　I　accepted　it。
  XI
  And　remembering　how　those　very　beliefs　had　repelled　me　and　had
  seemed　meaningless　when　professed　by　people　whose　lives　conflicted
  with　them；　and　how　these　same　beliefs　attracted　me　and　seemed
  reasonable　when　I　saw　that　people　lived　in　accord　with　them；　I
  understood　why　I　had　then　rejected　those　beliefs　and　found　them
  meaningless；　yet　now　accepted　them　and　found　them　full　of　meaning。
  I　understood　that　I　had　erred；　and　why　I　erred。　　I　had　erred　not　so
  much　because　I　thought　incorrectly　as　because　I　lived　badly。　　I
  understood　that　it　was　not　an　error　in　my　thought　that　had　hid
  truth　from　me　as　much　as　my　life　itself　in　the　exceptional
  conditions　of　epicurean　gratification　of　desires　in　which　I　passed
  it。　　I　understood　that　my　question　as　to　what　my　life　is；　and　the
  answer　　and　evil　　was　quite　correct。　　The　only　mistake　was　that
  the　answer　referred　only　to　my　life；　while　I　had　referred　it　to
  life　in　general。　　I　asked　myself　what　my　life　is；　and　got　the
  reply：　An　evil　and　an　absurdity。　　and　really　my　life　　a　life　of
  indulgence　of　desires　　was　senseless　and　evil；　and　therefore　the
  reply；　〃Life　is　evil　and　an　absurdity〃；　referred　only　to　my　life；
  but　not　to　human　life　in　general。　　I　understood　the　truth　which　I
  afterwards　found　in　the　Gospels；　〃that　men　loved　darkness　rather
  than　the　light；　for　their　works　were　evil。　　For　everyone　that　doeth
  ill　hateth　the　light；　and　cometh　not　to　the　light；　lest　his　works
  should　be　reproved。〃　　I　perceived　that　to　understand　the　meaning　of
  life　it　is　necessary　first　that　life　should　not　be　meaningless　and
  evil；　then　we　can　apply　reason　to　explain　it。　　I　understood　why　I
  had　so　long　wandered　round　so　evident　a　truth；　and　that　if　one　is
  to　think　and　speak　of　the　life　of　mankind；　one　must　think　and　speak
  of　that　life　and　not　of　the　life　of　some　of　life's　parasites。　　That
  truth　was　always　as　true　as　that　two　and　two　are　four；　but　I　had
  not　acknowledged　it；　because　on　admitting　two　and　two　to　be　four　I
  had　also　to　admit　that　I　was　bad；　and　to　feel　myself　to　be　good　was
  for　me　more　important　and　necessary　than　for　two　and　two　to　be
  four。　　I　came　to　love　good　people；　hated　myself；　and　confessed　the
  truth。　　Now　all　became　clear　to　me。
  What　if　an　executioner　passing　his　whole　life　in　torturing
  people　and　cutting　off　their　heads；　or　a　hopeless　drunkard；　or　a
  madman　settled　for　life　in　a　dark　room　which　he　has　fouled　and
  imagines　that　he　would　perish　if　he　left　　what　if　he　asked
  himself：　〃What　is　life？〃　　Evidently　he　could　not　other　reply　to
  that　question　than　that　life　is　the　greatest　evil；　and　the　madman's
  answer　would　be　perfectly　correct；　but　only　as　applied　to　himself。
  What　if　I　am　such　a　madman？　　What　if　all　we　rich　and　leisured
  people　are　such　madmen？　and　I　understood　that　we　really　are　such
  madmen。　　I　at　any　rate　was　certainly　such。
  And　indeed　a　bird　is　so　made　that　it　must　fly；　collect　food；
  and　build　a　nest；　and　when　I　see　that　a　bird　does　this　I　have
  pleasure　in　its　joy。　　A　goat；　a　hare；　and　a　wolf　are　so　made　that
  they　must　feed　themselves；　and　must　breed　and　feed　their　family；
  and　when　they　do　so　I　feel　firmly　assured　that　they　are　happy　and
  that　their　life　is　a　reasonable　one。　　then　what　should　a　man　do？
  He　too　should　produce　his　living　as　the　animals　do；　but　with　this
  difference；　that　he　will　perish　if　he　does　it　alone；　he　must　obtain
  it　not　for　himself　but　for　all。　　And　when　he　does　that；　I　have　a
  firm　assurance　that　he　is　happy　and　that　his　life　is　reasonable。
  But　what　had　I　done　during　the　whole　thirty　years　of　my　responsible
  life？　　Far　from　producing　sustenance　for　all；　I　did　not　even
  produce　it　for　myself。　　I　lived　as　a　parasite；　and　on　asking
  myself；　what　is　the　use　of　my　life？　I　got　the　reply：　〃No　use。〃　　If
  the　meaning　of　human　life　lies　in　supporting　it；　how　could　I　　who
  for　thirty　years　had　been　engaged　not　on　supporting　life　but　on
  destroying　it　in　myself　and　in　others　　how　could　I　obtain　any
  other　answer　than　that　my　life　was　senseless　and　an　evil？　。。。　It
  was　both　senseless　and　evil。
  The　life　of　the　world　endures　by　someone's　will　　by　the　life
  of　the　whole　world　and　by　our　lives　someone　fulfills　his　purpose。
  To　hope　to　understand　the　meaning　of　that　will　one　must　first
  perform　it　by　doing　what　is　wanted　of　us。　　But　if　I　will　not　do
  what　is　wanted　of　me；　I　shall　never　understand　what　is　wanted　of
  me；　and　still　less　what　is　wanted　of　us　all　and　of　the　whole　world。
  If　a　naked；　hungry　beggar　has　been　taken　from　the　cross…roads；
  brought　into　a　building　belonging　to　a　beautiful　establishment；
  fed；　supplied　with　drink；　and　obliged　to　move　a　handle　up　and　down；
  evidently；　before　discussing　why　he　was　taken；　why　he　should　move
  the　handle；　and　whether　the　whole　establishment　is　reasonably
  arranged　　the　begger　should　first　of　all　move　the　handle。　　If　he
  moves　the　handle　he　will　understand　that　it　works　a　pump；　that　the
  pump　draws　water　and　that　the　water　irrigates　the　garden　beds；　then
  he　will　be　taken　from　the　pumping　station　to　another　place　where　he
  will　gather　fruits　and　will　enter　into　the　joy　of　his　master；　and；
  passing　from　lower　to　higher　work；　will　understand　more　and　more　of
  the　arrangements　of　the　establishment；　and　taking　part　in　it　will
  never　think　of　asking　why　he　is　there；　and　will　certainly　not
  reproach　the　master。
  So　those　who　do　his　will；　the　simple；　unlearned　working　folk；
  whom　we　regard　as　cattle；　do　not　reproach　the　master；　but　we；　the
  wise；　eat　the　master's　food　but　do　not　do　what　the　master　wishes；
  and　instead　of　doing　it　sit　in　a　circle　and　discuss：　〃Why　should
  that　handle　be　moved？　　Isn't　it　stupid？〃　　So　we　have　decided。　　We
  have　decided　that　the　master　is　stupid；　or　does　not　exist；　and　that
  we　are　wise；　only　we　feel　that　we　are　quite　useless　and　that　we
  must　somehow　do　away　with　ourselves。
  XII
  The　consciousness　of　the　error　in　reasonable　knowledge　helped
  me　to　free　myself　from　the　temptation　of　idle　ratiocination。　　the
  conviction　that　knowledge　of　truth　can　only　be　found　by　living　led
  me　to　doubt　the　rightness　of　my　life；　but　I　was　saved　only　by　the
  fact　that　I　was　able　to　tear　myself　from　my　exclusiveness　and　to
  see　the　real　life　of　the　plain　working　people；　and　to　understand
  that　it　alone　is　real　life。　　I　understood　that　if　I　wish　to
  understand　life　and　its　meaning；　I　must　not　live　the　life　of　a
  parasite；　but　must　live　a　real　life；　and　　taking　the　meaning
  given　to　live　by　real　humanity　and　merging　myself　in　that　life
  verify　it。
  During　that　time　this　is　what　happened　to　me。　　During　that
  whole　year；　when　I　was　asking　mysel