第 20 节
作者:悟来悟去      更新:2021-02-20 15:46      字数:9322
  He continued。
  〃There was the soul of Cratinus … passable: Aristophanes … racy: Plato
  … exquisite… not your Plato; but Plato the comic poet; your Plato would
  have turned the stomach of Cerberus … faugh! Then let me see! there were
  Naevius; and Andronicus; and Plautus; and Terentius。 Then there were
  Lucilius; and Catullus; and Naso; and Quintus Flaccus; … dear Quinty! as I
  called him when he sung a seculare for my amusement; while I toasted him;
  in pure good humor; on a fork。 But they want flavor; these Romans。 One fat
  Greek is worth a dozen of them; and besides will keep; which cannot be
  said of a Quirite。 … Let us taste your Sauterne。〃
  Bon…Bon had by this time made up his mind to nil admirari and
  endeavored to hand down the bottles in question。 He was; however;
  conscious of a strange sound in the room like the wagging of a tail。 Of
  this; although extremely indecent in his Majesty; the philosopher took no
  notice: … simply kicking the dog; and requesting him to be quiet。 The
  visiter continued:
  〃I found that Horace tasted very much like Aristotle; … you know I am
  fond of variety。 Terentius I could not have told from Menander。 Naso; to
  my astonishment; was Nicander in disguise。 Virgilius had a strong twang of
  Theocritus。 Martial put me much in mind of Archilochus … and Titus Livius
  was positively Polybius and none other。〃
  〃Hic…cup!〃 here replied Bon…Bon; and his majesty proceeded:
  〃But if I have a penchant; Monsieur Bon…Bon … if I have a penchant; it
  is for a philosopher。 Yet; let me tell you; sir; it is not every dev … I
  mean it is not every gentleman who knows how to choose a philosopher。 Long
  ones are not good; and the best; if not carefully shelled; are apt to be a
  little rancid on account of the gall!〃
  〃Shelled!〃
  〃I mean taken out of the carcass。〃
  〃What do you think of a … hic…cup! … physician?〃
  〃Don't mention them! … ugh! ugh! ugh!〃 (Here his Majesty retched
  violently。) 〃I never tasted but one … that rascal Hippocrates! … smelt of
  asafoetida … ugh! ugh! ugh! … caught a wretched cold washing him in the
  Styx … and after all he gave me the cholera morbus。〃
  〃The … hiccup … wretch!〃 ejaculated Bon…Bon; 〃the … hic…cup! …
  absorption of a pill…box!〃 … and the philosopher dropped a tear。
  〃After all;〃 continued the visiter; 〃after all; if a dev … if a
  gentleman wishes to live; he must have more talents than one or two; and
  with us a fat face is an evidence of diplomacy。〃
  〃How so?〃
  〃Why; we are sometimes exceedingly pushed for provisions。 You must
  know that; in a climate so sultry as mine; it is frequently impossible to
  keep a spirit alive for more than two or three hours; and after death;
  unless pickled immediately (and a pickled spirit is not good); they will …
  smell … you understand; eh? Putrefaction is always to be apprehended when
  the souls are consigned to us in the usual way。〃
  〃Hiccup! … hiccup! … good God! how do you manage?〃
  Here the iron lamp commenced swinging with redoubled violence; and the
  devil half started from his seat; … however; with a slight sigh; he
  recovered his composure; merely saying to our hero in a low tone: 〃I tell
  you what; Pierre Bon…Bon; we must have no more swearing。〃
  The host swallowed another bumper; by way of denoting thorough
  comprehension and acquiescence; and the visiter continued。
  〃Why; there are several ways of managing。 The most of us starve: some
  put up with the pickle: for my part I purchase my spirits vivente corpore;
  in which case I find they keep very well。〃
  〃But the body! … hiccup! … the body!〃
  〃The body; the body … well; what of the body? … oh! ah! I perceive。
  Why; sir; the body is not at all affected by the transaction。 I have made
  innumerable purchases of the kind in my day; and the parties never
  experienced any inconvenience。 There were Cain and Nimrod; and Nero; and
  Caligula; and Dionysius; and Pisistratus; and … and a thousand others; who
  never knew what it was to have a soul during the latter part of their
  lives; yet; sir; these men adorned society。 Why possession of his
  faculties; mental and corporeal? Who writes a keener epigram? Who reasons
  more wittily? Who … but stay! I have his agreement in my pocket…book。〃
  Thus saying; he produced a red leather wallet; and took from it a
  number of papers。 Upon some of these Bon…Bon caught a glimpse of the
  letters Machi … Maza… Robesp … with the words Caligula; George; Elizabeth。
  His Majesty selected a narrow slip of parchment; and from it read aloud
  the following words:
  〃In consideration of certain mental endowments which it is unnecessary
  to specify; and in further consideration of one thousand louis d'or; I
  being aged one year and one month; do hereby make over to the bearer of
  this agreement all my right; title; and appurtenance in the shadow called
  my soul。 (Signed) A。。。。〃 {*4} (Here His Majesty repeated a name which I
  did not feel justified in indicating more unequivocally。)
  {*4} Quere…Arouet?
  〃A clever fellow that;〃 resumed he; 〃but like you; Monsieur Bon…Bon;
  he was mistaken about the soul。 The soul a shadow; truly! The soul a
  shadow; Ha! ha! ha! … he! he! he! … hu! hu! hu! Only think of a fricasseed
  shadow!〃
  〃Only think … hiccup! … of a fricasseed shadow!〃 exclaimed our hero;
  whose faculties were becoming much illuminated by the profundity of his
  Majesty's discourse。
  〃Only think of a hiccup! … fricasseed shadow!! Now; damme! … hiccup! …
  humph! If I would have been such a … hiccup! … nincompoop! My soul; Mr。 …
  humph!〃
  〃Your soul; Monsieur Bon…Bon?〃
  〃Yes; sir … hiccup! … my soul is…〃
  〃What; sir?〃
  〃No shadow; damme!〃
  〃Did you mean to say…〃
  〃Yes; sir; my soul is … hiccup! … humph! … yes; sir。〃
  〃Did you not intend to assert…〃
  〃My soul is … hiccup! … peculiarly qualified for … hiccup! … a…〃
  〃What; sir?〃
  〃Stew。〃
  〃Ha!〃
  〃Soufflee。〃
  〃Eh!〃
  〃Fricassee。〃
  〃Indeed!〃
  〃Ragout and fricandeau … and see here; my good fellow! I'll let you
  have it… hiccup! … a bargain。〃 Here the philosopher slapped his Majesty
  upon the back。
  〃Couldn't think of such a thing;〃 said the latter calmly; at the same
  time rising from his seat。 The metaphysician stared。
  〃Am supplied at present;〃 said his Majesty。
  〃Hiccup … e…h?〃 said the philosopher。
  〃Have no funds on hand。〃
  〃What?〃
  〃Besides; very unhandsome in me …〃
  〃Sir!〃
  〃To take advantage of…〃
  〃Hiccup!〃
  〃Your present disgusting and ungentlemanly situation。〃
  Here the visiter bowed and withdrew … in what manner could not
  precisely be ascertained … but in a well…concerted effort to discharge a
  bottle at 〃the villain;〃 the slender chain was severed that depended from
  the ceiling; and the metaphysician prostrated by the downfall of the lamp。
  ~~~ End of Text ~~~
  SOME WORDS WITH A MUMMY。
  THE _symposium_ of the preceding evening had been a little too much
  for my nerves。 I had a wretched headache; and was desperately drowsy。
  Instead of going out therefore to spend the evening as I had proposed; it
  occurred to me that I could not do a wiser thing than just eat a mouthful
  of supper and go immediately to bed。
  A light supper of course。 I am exceedingly fond of Welsh rabbit。 More than
  a pound at once; however; may not at all times be advisable。 Still; there
  can be no material objection to two。 And really between two and three;
  there is merely a single unit of difference。 I ventured; perhaps; upon
  four。 My wife will have it five;  but; clearly; she has confounded two
  very distinct affairs。 The abstract number; five; I am willing to admit;
  but; concretely; it has reference to bottles of Brown Stout; without
  which; in the way of condiment; Welsh rabbit is to be eschewed。
  Having thus concluded a frugal meal; and donned my night…cap; with the
  serene hope of enjoying it till noon the next day; I placed my head upon
  the pillow; and; through the aid of a capital conscience; fell into a
  profound slumber forthwith。
  But when were the hopes of humanity fulfilled? I could not have completed
  my third snore when there came a furious ringing at the street…door bell;
  and then an impatient thumping at the knocker; which awakened me at once。
  In a minute afterward; and while I was still rubbing my eyes; my wife
  thrust in my face a note; from my old friend; Doctor Ponnonner。 It ran
  thus:
  〃Come to me; by all means; my dear good friend; as soon as you
  receive this。 Come and help us to rejoice。 At last; by long persevering
  diplomacy; I have gained the assent of the Directors of the City Museum;
  to my examination of the Mummy  you know the one I mean。 I have
  permission to unswathe it and open it; if desirable。 A few friends only
  will be present  you; of course。 The Mummy is now at my house; and we
  shall begin to unroll it at eleven to…night。
  〃Yours; ever;
  PONNONNER。
  By the time I had reached the 〃Ponnonner;〃 it struck me that I was as wide
  awake as a man need be。 I leaped out of bed in an ecstacy; overthrowing
  all in my way; dressed myself with a rapidity