第 20 节
作者:
悟来悟去 更新:2021-02-20 15:46 字数:9322
He continued。
〃There was the soul of Cratinus … passable: Aristophanes … racy: Plato
… exquisite… not your Plato; but Plato the comic poet; your Plato would
have turned the stomach of Cerberus … faugh! Then let me see! there were
Naevius; and Andronicus; and Plautus; and Terentius。 Then there were
Lucilius; and Catullus; and Naso; and Quintus Flaccus; … dear Quinty! as I
called him when he sung a seculare for my amusement; while I toasted him;
in pure good humor; on a fork。 But they want flavor; these Romans。 One fat
Greek is worth a dozen of them; and besides will keep; which cannot be
said of a Quirite。 … Let us taste your Sauterne。〃
Bon…Bon had by this time made up his mind to nil admirari and
endeavored to hand down the bottles in question。 He was; however;
conscious of a strange sound in the room like the wagging of a tail。 Of
this; although extremely indecent in his Majesty; the philosopher took no
notice: … simply kicking the dog; and requesting him to be quiet。 The
visiter continued:
〃I found that Horace tasted very much like Aristotle; … you know I am
fond of variety。 Terentius I could not have told from Menander。 Naso; to
my astonishment; was Nicander in disguise。 Virgilius had a strong twang of
Theocritus。 Martial put me much in mind of Archilochus … and Titus Livius
was positively Polybius and none other。〃
〃Hic…cup!〃 here replied Bon…Bon; and his majesty proceeded:
〃But if I have a penchant; Monsieur Bon…Bon … if I have a penchant; it
is for a philosopher。 Yet; let me tell you; sir; it is not every dev … I
mean it is not every gentleman who knows how to choose a philosopher。 Long
ones are not good; and the best; if not carefully shelled; are apt to be a
little rancid on account of the gall!〃
〃Shelled!〃
〃I mean taken out of the carcass。〃
〃What do you think of a … hic…cup! … physician?〃
〃Don't mention them! … ugh! ugh! ugh!〃 (Here his Majesty retched
violently。) 〃I never tasted but one … that rascal Hippocrates! … smelt of
asafoetida … ugh! ugh! ugh! … caught a wretched cold washing him in the
Styx … and after all he gave me the cholera morbus。〃
〃The … hiccup … wretch!〃 ejaculated Bon…Bon; 〃the … hic…cup! …
absorption of a pill…box!〃 … and the philosopher dropped a tear。
〃After all;〃 continued the visiter; 〃after all; if a dev … if a
gentleman wishes to live; he must have more talents than one or two; and
with us a fat face is an evidence of diplomacy。〃
〃How so?〃
〃Why; we are sometimes exceedingly pushed for provisions。 You must
know that; in a climate so sultry as mine; it is frequently impossible to
keep a spirit alive for more than two or three hours; and after death;
unless pickled immediately (and a pickled spirit is not good); they will …
smell … you understand; eh? Putrefaction is always to be apprehended when
the souls are consigned to us in the usual way。〃
〃Hiccup! … hiccup! … good God! how do you manage?〃
Here the iron lamp commenced swinging with redoubled violence; and the
devil half started from his seat; … however; with a slight sigh; he
recovered his composure; merely saying to our hero in a low tone: 〃I tell
you what; Pierre Bon…Bon; we must have no more swearing。〃
The host swallowed another bumper; by way of denoting thorough
comprehension and acquiescence; and the visiter continued。
〃Why; there are several ways of managing。 The most of us starve: some
put up with the pickle: for my part I purchase my spirits vivente corpore;
in which case I find they keep very well。〃
〃But the body! … hiccup! … the body!〃
〃The body; the body … well; what of the body? … oh! ah! I perceive。
Why; sir; the body is not at all affected by the transaction。 I have made
innumerable purchases of the kind in my day; and the parties never
experienced any inconvenience。 There were Cain and Nimrod; and Nero; and
Caligula; and Dionysius; and Pisistratus; and … and a thousand others; who
never knew what it was to have a soul during the latter part of their
lives; yet; sir; these men adorned society。 Why possession of his
faculties; mental and corporeal? Who writes a keener epigram? Who reasons
more wittily? Who … but stay! I have his agreement in my pocket…book。〃
Thus saying; he produced a red leather wallet; and took from it a
number of papers。 Upon some of these Bon…Bon caught a glimpse of the
letters Machi … Maza… Robesp … with the words Caligula; George; Elizabeth。
His Majesty selected a narrow slip of parchment; and from it read aloud
the following words:
〃In consideration of certain mental endowments which it is unnecessary
to specify; and in further consideration of one thousand louis d'or; I
being aged one year and one month; do hereby make over to the bearer of
this agreement all my right; title; and appurtenance in the shadow called
my soul。 (Signed) A。。。。〃 {*4} (Here His Majesty repeated a name which I
did not feel justified in indicating more unequivocally。)
{*4} Quere…Arouet?
〃A clever fellow that;〃 resumed he; 〃but like you; Monsieur Bon…Bon;
he was mistaken about the soul。 The soul a shadow; truly! The soul a
shadow; Ha! ha! ha! … he! he! he! … hu! hu! hu! Only think of a fricasseed
shadow!〃
〃Only think … hiccup! … of a fricasseed shadow!〃 exclaimed our hero;
whose faculties were becoming much illuminated by the profundity of his
Majesty's discourse。
〃Only think of a hiccup! … fricasseed shadow!! Now; damme! … hiccup! …
humph! If I would have been such a … hiccup! … nincompoop! My soul; Mr。 …
humph!〃
〃Your soul; Monsieur Bon…Bon?〃
〃Yes; sir … hiccup! … my soul is…〃
〃What; sir?〃
〃No shadow; damme!〃
〃Did you mean to say…〃
〃Yes; sir; my soul is … hiccup! … humph! … yes; sir。〃
〃Did you not intend to assert…〃
〃My soul is … hiccup! … peculiarly qualified for … hiccup! … a…〃
〃What; sir?〃
〃Stew。〃
〃Ha!〃
〃Soufflee。〃
〃Eh!〃
〃Fricassee。〃
〃Indeed!〃
〃Ragout and fricandeau … and see here; my good fellow! I'll let you
have it… hiccup! … a bargain。〃 Here the philosopher slapped his Majesty
upon the back。
〃Couldn't think of such a thing;〃 said the latter calmly; at the same
time rising from his seat。 The metaphysician stared。
〃Am supplied at present;〃 said his Majesty。
〃Hiccup … e…h?〃 said the philosopher。
〃Have no funds on hand。〃
〃What?〃
〃Besides; very unhandsome in me …〃
〃Sir!〃
〃To take advantage of…〃
〃Hiccup!〃
〃Your present disgusting and ungentlemanly situation。〃
Here the visiter bowed and withdrew … in what manner could not
precisely be ascertained … but in a well…concerted effort to discharge a
bottle at 〃the villain;〃 the slender chain was severed that depended from
the ceiling; and the metaphysician prostrated by the downfall of the lamp。
~~~ End of Text ~~~
SOME WORDS WITH A MUMMY。
THE _symposium_ of the preceding evening had been a little too much
for my nerves。 I had a wretched headache; and was desperately drowsy。
Instead of going out therefore to spend the evening as I had proposed; it
occurred to me that I could not do a wiser thing than just eat a mouthful
of supper and go immediately to bed。
A light supper of course。 I am exceedingly fond of Welsh rabbit。 More than
a pound at once; however; may not at all times be advisable。 Still; there
can be no material objection to two。 And really between two and three;
there is merely a single unit of difference。 I ventured; perhaps; upon
four。 My wife will have it five; but; clearly; she has confounded two
very distinct affairs。 The abstract number; five; I am willing to admit;
but; concretely; it has reference to bottles of Brown Stout; without
which; in the way of condiment; Welsh rabbit is to be eschewed。
Having thus concluded a frugal meal; and donned my night…cap; with the
serene hope of enjoying it till noon the next day; I placed my head upon
the pillow; and; through the aid of a capital conscience; fell into a
profound slumber forthwith。
But when were the hopes of humanity fulfilled? I could not have completed
my third snore when there came a furious ringing at the street…door bell;
and then an impatient thumping at the knocker; which awakened me at once。
In a minute afterward; and while I was still rubbing my eyes; my wife
thrust in my face a note; from my old friend; Doctor Ponnonner。 It ran
thus:
〃Come to me; by all means; my dear good friend; as soon as you
receive this。 Come and help us to rejoice。 At last; by long persevering
diplomacy; I have gained the assent of the Directors of the City Museum;
to my examination of the Mummy you know the one I mean。 I have
permission to unswathe it and open it; if desirable。 A few friends only
will be present you; of course。 The Mummy is now at my house; and we
shall begin to unroll it at eleven to…night。
〃Yours; ever;
PONNONNER。
By the time I had reached the 〃Ponnonner;〃 it struck me that I was as wide
awake as a man need be。 I leaped out of bed in an ecstacy; overthrowing
all in my way; dressed myself with a rapidity