therefore；　that　I　turned　to　Mr。　Dammit　for　assistance。
  〃Dammit；〃　said　I；　〃what　are　you　about？　don't　you　hear？　　the　gentleman
  says　'ahem！'〃　I　looked　sternly　at　my　friend　while　I　thus　addressed　him；
  for；　to　say　the　truth；　I　felt　particularly　puzzled；　and　when　a　man　is
  particularly　puzzled　he　must　knit　his　brows　and　look　savage；　or　else　he　is
  pretty　sure　to　look　like　a　fool。
  〃Dammit；〃　observed　I　　although　this　sounded　very　much　like　an　oath；　than
  which　nothing　was　further　from　my　thoughts　　〃Dammit；〃　I　suggested
  〃the　gentleman　says　'ahem！'〃
  I　do　not　attempt　to　defend　my　remark　on　the　score　of　profundity；　I　did　not
  think　it　profound　myself；　but　I　have　noticed　that　the　effect　of　our
  speeches　is　not　always　proportionate　with　their　importance　in　our　own
  eyes；　and　if　I　had　shot　Mr。　D。　through　and　through　with　a　Paixhan　bomb；　or
  knocked　him　in　the　head　with　the　〃Poets　and　Poetry　of　America；〃　he　could
  hardly　have　been　more　discomfited　than　when　I　addressed　him　with　those
  simple　words：　〃Dammit；　what　are　you　about？…　don't　you　hear？　　the
  gentleman　says　'ahem！'〃
  〃You　don't　say　so？〃　gasped　he　at　length；　after　turning　more　colors　than　a
  pirate　runs　up；　one　after　the　other；　when　chased　by　a　man…of…war。　〃Are　you
  quite　sure　he　said　that？　Well；　at　all　events　I　am　in　for　it　now；　and　may
  as　well　put　a　bold　face　upon　the　matter。　Here　goes；　then　　ahem！〃
  At　this　the　little　old　gentleman　seemed　pleased　　God　only　knows　why。　He
  left　his　station　at　the　nook　of　the　bridge；　limped　forward　with　a　gracious
  air；　took　Dammit　by　the　hand　and　shook　it　cordially；　looking　all　the　while
  straight　up　in　his　face　with　an　air　of　the　most　unadulterated　benignity
  which　it　is　possible　for　the　mind　of　man　to　imagine。
  〃I　am　quite　sure　you　will　win　it；　Dammit；〃　said　he；　with　the　frankest　of
  all　smiles；　〃but　we　are　obliged　to　have　a　trial；　you　know；　for　the　sake　of
  mere　form。〃
  〃Ahem！〃　replied　my　friend；　taking　off　his　coat；　with　a　deep　sigh；　tying　a
  pocket…handkerchief　around　his　waist；　and　producing　an　unaccountable
  alteration　in　his　countenance　by　twisting　up　his　eyes　and　bringing　down
  the　corners　of　his　mouth　　〃ahem！〃　And　〃ahem！〃　said　he　again；　after　a
  pause；　and　not　another　word　more　than　〃ahem！〃　did　I　ever　know　him　to　say
  after　that。　〃Aha！〃　thought　I；　without　expressing　myself　aloud　　〃this　is
  quite　a　remarkable　silence　on　the　part　of　Toby　Dammit；　and　is　no　doubt　a
  consequence　of　his　verbosity　upon　a　previous　occasion。　One　extreme　induces
  another。　I　wonder　if　he　has　forgotten　the　many　unanswerable　questions
  which　he　propounded　to　me　so　fluently　on　the　day　when　I　gave　him　my　last
  lecture？　At　all　events；　he　is　cured　of　the　transcendentals。〃
  〃Ahem！〃　here　replied　Toby；　just　as　if　he　had　been　reading　my　thoughts；　and
  looking　like　a　very　old　sheep　in　a　revery。
  The　old　gentleman　now　took　him　by　the　arm；　and　led　him　more　into　the　shade
  of　the　bridge　　a　few　paces　back　from　the　turnstile。　〃My　good　fellow；〃
  said　he；　〃I　make　it　a　point　of　conscience　to　allow　you　this　much　run。　Wait
  here；　till　I　take　my　place　by　the　stile；　so　that　I　may　see　whether　you　go
  over　it　handsomely；　and　transcendentally；　and　don't　omit　any　flourishes　of
  the　pigeon…wing。　A　mere　form；　you　know。　I　will　say　'one；　two；　three；　and
  away。'　Mind　you；　start　at　the　word　'away'〃　Here　he　took　his　position　by
  the　stile；　paused　a　moment　as　if　in　profound　reflection；　then　looked　up
  and；　I　thought；　smiled　very　slightly；　then　tightened　the　strings　of　his
  apron；　then　took　a　long　look　at　Dammit；　and　finally　gave　the　word　as
  agreed　upon…
  _One　　two　　three　　and　　away！_
  Punctually　at　the　word　〃away；〃　my　poor　friend　set　off　in　a　strong　gallop。
  The　stile　was　not　very　high；　like　Mr。　Lord's　　nor　yet　very　low；　like
  that　of　Mr。　Lord's　reviewers；　but　upon　the　whole　I　made　sure　that　he　would
  clear　it。　And　then　what　if　he　did　not？　　ah；　that　was　the　question
  what　if　he　did　not？　〃What　right；〃　said　I；　〃had　the　old　gentleman　to　make
  any　other　gentleman　jump？　The　little　old　dot…and…carry…one！　who　is　he？　If
  he　asks　me　to　jump；　I　won't　do　it；　that's　flat；　and　I　don't　care　who　the
  devil　he　is。〃　The　bridge；　as　I　say；　was　arched　and　covered　in；　in　a　very
  ridiculous　manner；　and　there　was　a　most　uncomfortable　echo　about　it　at　all
  times　　an　echo　which　I　never　before　so　particularly　observed　as　when　I
  uttered　the　four　last　words　of　my　remark。
  But　what　I　said；　or　what　I　thought；　or　what　I　heard；　occupied　only　an
  instant。　In　less　than　five　seconds　from　his　starting；　my　poor　Toby　had
  taken　the　leap。　I　saw　him　run　nimbly；　and　spring　grandly　from　the　floor　of
  the　bridge；　cutting　the　most　awful　flourishes　with　his　legs　as　he　went　up。
  I　saw　him　high　in　the　air；　pigeon…winging　it　to　admiration　just　over　the
  top　of　the　stile；　and　of　course　I　thought　it　an　unusually　singular　thing
  that　he　did　not　continue　to　go　over。　But　the　whole　leap　was　the　affair　of
  a　moment；　and；　before　I　had　a　chance　to　make　any　profound　reflections；
  down　came　Mr。　Dammit　on　the　flat　of　his　back；　on　the　same　side　of　the
  stile　from　which　he　had　started。　At　the　same　instant　I　saw　the　old
  gentleman　limping　off　at　the　top　of　his　speed；　having　caught　and　wrapt　up
  in　his　apron　something　that　fell　heavily　into　it　from　the　darkness　of　the
  arch　just　over　the　turnstile。　At　all　this　I　was　much　astonished；　but　I　had
  no　leisure　to　think；　for　Dammit　lay　particularly　still；　and　I　concluded
  that　his　feelings　had　been　hurt；　and　that　he　stood　in　need　of　my
  assistance。　I　hurried　up　to　him　and　found　that　he　had　received　what　might
  be　termed　a　serious　injury。　The　truth　is；　he　had　been　deprived　of　his
  head；　which　after　a　close　search　I　could　not　find　anywhere；　so　I
  determined　to　take　him　home　and　send　for　the　homoeopathists。　In　the
  meantime　a　thought　struck　me；　and　I　threw　open　an　adjacent　window　of　the
  bridge；　when　the　sad　truth　flashed　upon　me　at　once。　About　five　feet　just
  above　the　top　of　the　turnstile；　and　crossing　the　arch　of　the　foot…path　so
  as　to　constitute　a　brace；　there　extended　a　flat　iron　bar；　lying　with　its
  breadth　horizontally；　and　forming　one　of　a　series　that　served　to
  strengthen　the　structure　throughout　its　extent。　With　the　edge　of　this
  brace　it　appeared　evident　that　the　neck　of　my　unfortunate　friend　had　come
  precisely　in　contact。
  He　did　not　long　survive　his　terrible　loss。　The　homoeopathists　did　not　give
  him　little　enough　physic；　and　what　little　they　did　give　him　he　hesitated
  to　take。　So　in　the　end　he　grew　worse；　and　at　length　died；　a　lesson　to　all
  riotous　livers。　I　bedewed　his　grave　with　my　tears；　worked　a　bar　sinister
  on　his　family　escutcheon；　and；　for　the　general　expenses　of　his　funeral；
  sent　in　my　very　moderate　bill　to　the　transcendentalists。　The　scoundrels
  refused　to　pay　it；　so　I　had　Mr。　Dammit　dug　up　at　once；　and　sold　him　for
  dog's　meat。
  ~~~　End　of　Text　~~~
  THOU　ART　THE　MAN
  I　WILL　now　play　the　Oedipus　to　the　Rattleborough　enigma。　I　will　expound　to
  you　　as　I　alone　can　　the　secret　of　the　enginery　that　effected　the
  Rattleborough　miracle　　the　one；　the　true；　the　admitted；　the　undisputed；
  the　indisputable　miracle；　which　put　a　definite　end　to　infidelity　among　the
  Rattleburghers　and　converted　to　the　orthodoxy　of　the　grandames　all　the
  carnal…minded　who　had　ventured　to　be　sceptical　before。
  This　event　　which　I　should　be　sorry　to　discuss　in　a　tone　of　unsuitable
  levity　　occurred　in　the　summer　of　18。　Mr。　Barnabas　Shuttleworthy
  one　of　the　wealthiest　and　most　respectable　citizens　of　the　borough　　had
  been　missing　for　several　days　under　circumstances　which　gave　rise　to
  suspicion　of　foul　play。　Mr。　Shuttleworthy　had　set　out　from　Rattleborough
  very　early　one　Saturday　morning；　on　horseback；　with　the　avowed　intention
  of　proceeding　to　the　city　of…；　about　fifteen　miles　distant；　and　of
  returning　the　night　of　the　same　day。　Two　hours　after　his　departure；
  however；　his　horse　returned　without　him；　and　without　the　saddle…bags　which
  had　been　strapped　on　his　back　at　starting。　The　animal　was　wounded；　too；
  and　covered　with　mud。　These　circumstances　naturally　gave　rise　to　much
  alarm　among　the　friends　of　the　missing　man；　and　when　it　was　found；　on
  Sunday　morning；　that　he　had　not　yet　made　his　appearance；　the　whole　borough
  arose　en　masse　to　go　and　look　for　his　body。
  The　foremost　and　most　energetic　in　instituting　this　search　was　the　bosom
  friend　of　Mr。　Shuttleworthy　　a　Mr。　Charles　Goodfellow；　or；　as　he　was
  universally　called；　〃Charley　Goodfellow；〃　or　〃Old　Charley　Goodfellow。〃
  Now；　whether　it　is　a　marvellous　coincidence；　or　whether　it　is　that　the
  name　itself　has　an　imperceptible　effect　upon　the　character；　I　have　never
  yet　been　able　to　ascertain；　but　the　fact　is　unquestionable；　that　there
  never　yet　was　any　person　named　Charles　who　was　not　an　open；　manly；　honest；
  good…natured；　and　frank…hearted　fellow；　with　a　rich；　clear　voice；　that　did
  you　good　to　hear　it；　and　an　eye　that　looked　you　always　straight　in　the
  face；　as　much　as　to　say：　〃I　have　a　clear　conscience　myself；　am　afraid　of
  no　man；　and　am　altogether　above　doing　a　mean　action。〃　And　thus　all　the
  hearty；　careless；　〃walking　gentlemen〃　of　the　stage　are　very　certain　to　be
  called　Charles。
  Now；　〃Old　Charley　Goodfellow；〃　although　he　had　been　in　Rattleborough　not
  longer　than　six　months　or　thereabouts；　and　although　nobod