第 124 节
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套牢 更新:2021-02-20 15:35 字数:9321
〃Is he so weak that he cannot spare the help of a weary man? But I
think he must prefer quality to quantity; and for healthy work you
must be healthy yourself。 How can you be the visible sign of the
Christ…present amongst men; if you inhabit an exhausted; irritable
brain? Go to God's infirmary and rest a while。 Bring back health
from the country to those that cannot go to it。 If on the way it be
transmuted into spiritual forms; so much the better。 A little more
of God will make up for a good deal less of you。'
'What did he say to that?'
'He said our Lord died doing the will of his Father。 I told
him〃Yes; when his time was come; not sooner。 Besides; he often
avoided both speech and action。〃 〃Yes;〃 he answered; 〃but he could
tell when; and we cannot。〃 〃Therefore;〃 I rejoined; 〃you ought to
accept your exhaustion as a token that your absence will be the best
thing for your people。 If there were no God; then perhaps you ought
to work till you drop down deadI don't know。〃'
'Is he gone yet?'
'No。 He won't go。 I couldn't persuade him。'
'When do you go?'
'To…morrow。'
'I shall be ready; if you really mean it。'
'That's an if worthy only of a courtier。 There may be much virtue
in an if; as Touchstone says; for the taking up of a quarrel; but
that if is bad enough to breed one;' said Falconer; laughing。 'Be at
the Paddington Station at noon to…morrow。 To tell the whole truth;
I want you to help me with my father。'
This last was said at the door as he showed me out。
In the afternoon we were nearing Bristol。 It was a lovely day in
October。 Andrew had been enjoying himself; but it was evidently
rather the pleasure of travelling in a first…class carriage like a
gentleman than any delight in the beauty of heaven and earth。 The
country was in the rich sombre dress of decay。
'Is it not remarkable;' said my friend to me; 'that the older I
grow; I find autumn affecting me the more like spring?'
'I am thankful to say;' interposed Andrew; with a smile in which was
mingled a shade of superiority; 'that no change of the seasons ever
affects me。'
'Are you sure you are right in being thankful for that; father?'
asked his son。
His father gazed at him for a moment; seemed to bethink himself
after some feeble fashion or other; and rejoined;
'Well; I must confess I did feel a touch of the rheumatism this
morning。'
How I pitied Falconer! Would he ever see of the travail of his soul
in this man? But he only smiled a deep sweet smile; and seemed to
be thinking divine things in that great head of his。
At Bristol we went on board a small steamer; and at night were
landed at a little village on the coast of North Devon。 The hotel
to which we went was on the steep bank of a tumultuous little river;
which tumbled past its foundation of rock; like a troop of watery
horses galloping by with ever…dissolving limbs。 The elder Falconer
retired almost as soon as we had had supper。 My friend and I
lighted our pipes; and sat by the open window; for although the
autumn was so far advanced; the air here was very mild。 For some
time we only listened to the sound of the waters。
'There are three things;' said Falconer at last; taking his pipe out
of his mouth with a smile; 'that give a peculiarly perfect feeling
of abandonment: the laughter of a child; a snake lying across a
fallen branch; and the rush of a stream like this beneath us; whose
only thought is to get to the sea。'
We did not talk much that night; however; but went soon to bed。
None of us slept well。 We agreed in the morning that the noise of
the stream had been too much for us all; and that the place felt
close and torpid。 Andrew complained that the ceaseless sound
wearied him; and Robert that he felt the aimless endlessness of it
more than was good for him。 I confess it irritated me like an
anodyne unable to soothe。 We were clearly all in want of something
different。 The air between the hills clung to them; hot and
moveless。 We would climb those hills; and breathe the air that
flitted about over their craggy tops。
As soon as we had breakfasted; we set out。 It was soon evident that
Andrew could not ascend the steep road。 We returned and got a
carriage。 When we reached the top; it was like a resurrection; like
a dawning of hope out of despair。 The cool friendly wind blew on
our faces; and breathed strength into our frames。 Before us lay the
ocean; the visible type of the invisible; and the vessels with their
white sails moved about over it like the thoughts of men feebly
searching the unknown。 Even Andrew Falconer spread out his arms to
the wind; and breathed deep; filling his great chest full。
'I feel like a boy again;' he said。
His son strode to his side; and laid his arm over his shoulders。
'So do I; father;' he returned; 'but it is because I have got you。'
The old man turned and looked at him with a tenderness I had never
seen on his face before。 As soon as I saw that; I no longer doubted
that he could be saved。
We found rooms in a farm…house on the topmost height。
'These are poor little hills; Falconer;' I said。 'Yet they help one
like mountains。'
'The whole question is;' he returned; 'whether they are high enough
to lift you out of the dirt。 Here we are in the airs of
heaventhat is all we need。'
'They make me think how often; amongst the country people of
Scotland; I have wondered at the clay…feet upon which a golden head
of wisdom stood! What poor needs; what humble aims; what a narrow
basement generally; was sufficient to support the statues of
pure…eyed Faith and white…handed Hope;'
'Yes;' said Falconer: 'he who is faithful over a few things is a
lord of cities。 It does not matter whether you preach in
Westminster Abbey; or teach a ragged class; so you be faithful。 The
faithfulness is all。'
After an early dinner we went out for a walk; but we did not go far
before we sat down upon the grass。 Falconer laid himself at full
length and gazed upwards。
'When I look like this into the blue sky;' he said; after a moment's
silence; 'it seems so deep; so peaceful; so full of a mysterious
tenderness; that I could lie for centuries; and wait for the dawning
of the face of God out of the awful loving…kindness。'
I had never heard Falconer talk of his own present feelings in this
manner; but glancing at the face of his father with a sense of his
unfitness to hear such a lofty utterance; I saw at once that it was
for his sake that he had thus spoken。 The old man had thrown
himself back too; and was gazing into the sky; puzzling himself; I
could see; to comprehend what his son could mean。 I fear he
concluded; for the time; that Robert was not gifted with the amount
of common…sense belonging of right to the Falconer family; and that
much religion had made him a dreamer。 Still; I thought I could see
a kind of awe pass like a spiritual shadow across his face as he
gazed into the blue gulfs over him。 No one can detect the first
beginnings of any life; and those of spiritual emotion must more
than any lie beyond our ken: there is infinite room for hope。
Falconer said no more。 We betook ourselves early within doors; and
he read King Lear to us; expounding the spiritual history of the
poor old king after a fashion I had never conceivedshowing us how
the said history was all compressed; as far as human eye could see
of it; into the few months that elapsed between his abdication and
his death; how in that short time he had to learn everything that he
ought to have been learning all his life; and how; because he had
put it off so long; the lessons that had then to be given him were
awfully severe。
I thought what a change it was for the old man to lift his head into
the air of thought and life; out of the sloughs of misery in which
he had been wallowing for years。
CHAPTER XVII。
IN THE COUNTRY。
The next morning Falconer; who knew the country; took us out for a
drive。 We passed through lanes and gates out upon all open moor;
where he stopped the carriage; and led us a few yards on one side。
Suddenly; hundreds of feet below us; down what seemed an almost
precipitous descent; we saw the wood…embosomed; stream…trodden
valley we had left the day before。 Enough had been cleft and
scooped seawards out of the lofty table…land to give room for a few
little conical hills with curious peaks of bare rock。 At the bases
of these hills flowed noisily two or three streams; which joined in
one; and trotted out to sea over rocks and stones。 The hills and
the sides of the great cleft were half of them green with grass; and
half of them robed in the autumnal foliage of thick woods。 By the
streams and in the woods nestled pretty houses; and away at the
mouth of the valley and the stream lay the village。 All around; on
our level;