第 46 节
作者:
击水三千 更新:2021-02-20 15:21 字数:9321
uld go up; for his soul sickness would be cured。 If she refused; he would cease to struggle。 He rose; took from a locked drawer a bottle of rye whisky。 He poured a tall glassthe kind called a bar glasshalf full; drank it straight down without a pause or a quiver。 The shock brought him up standing。 He looked and acted like his former self as he went to the table; took the letter; opened it; and read:
〃I am willing to marry you; if you really want me。 I am so tired of struggling; and I don't see anything but dark ahead。D。 H。〃
Norman struggled over to the bed; threw himself down; flat upon his back; arms and legs extended wide and whole body relaxed。 He felt the blood whirl up into his brain like the great red and black tongues of flame and smoke in a conflagration; and then he slept soundly until nearly one o'clock。
To an outsider there would have been a world of homely commonplace pathos in that little letter of the girl's if read aright; that is to say; if read with what was between the lines supplied。 It is impossible to live in cities any length of time and with any sort of eyes without learning the bitter unromantic truths about povertycity poverty。 In quiet; desolate places one may be poor; very poor; without much conscious suffering。 There are no teasing contrasts; no torturing temptations。 But in a city; if one knows anything at all of the possibilities of civilized life; of the joys and comforts of good food; clothing; and shelter; of theater and concert and excursion; of entertaining and being entertained; poverty becomes a hell。 In the country; in the quiet towns; the innocent people wonder at the greediness of the more comfortable kinds of city people; at their love of money; their incessant dwelling upon it; their reverence for those who have it; their panic… like flight from those who have it not。 They wonder how folk; apparently human; can be so inhuman。 Let them be careful how they judge。 If you discover any human being anywhere acting as you think a human being should not; investigate all the circumstances; look thoroughly into all the causes of his or her conduct; before you condemn him or her as inhuman; unworthy of your kinship and your sympathy。
In her brief letter the girl showed that; young though she was and not widely experienced in life; she yet had seen the horrors of city poverty; how it poisons and kills all the fine emotions。 She had seen many a loving young couple start out confidently; with a few hundred dollars of debt for furniturehad seen the love fade and wither; shrivel; diehad seen appear peevishness and hatred and unfaithfulness and all the huge; foul weeds that choke the flowers of married life。 She knew what her lover's salary would buyand what it would not buyfor two。 She could imagine their fate if there should be three or more。 She showed frankly her selfishness of renunciation。 But there could be read between the linesconcealed instead of vauntedperhaps unsuspectedher unselfishness of renunciation for the sake of her lover and for the sake of the child or the children that might be。 In our love of moral sham and glitter; we overlook the real beauties of human morality; we even are so dim or vulgar sighted that we do not see them when they are shown to us。
As Norman awakened; he reached for the telephone; said to the boy in charge of the club exchange: 〃Look in the book; find the number of a lawyer named Branscombe; and connect me with his office。〃 After some confusion and delay he got the right office; but Dorothy was out at lunch。 He left a message that she was to call him up at the club as soon as she came in。 He was shaving when the bell rang。
He was at the receiver in a bound。 〃Is it you?〃 he said。
〃Yes;〃 came in her quiet; small voice。
〃Will you resign down there to…day? Will you marry me this afternoon?〃
A brief silence; then〃Yes。〃
Thus it came about that they met at the City Hall license bureau; got their license; and half an hour later were married at the house of a minister in East Thirty… third Street; within a block of the Subway station。 He was feverish; gay; looked years younger than his thirty… seven。 She was quiet; dim; passive; neither grave nor gay; but going through her part without hesitation; with much the same patient; plodding expression she habitually bore as she sat working at her machineas if she did not quite understand; but was doing her best and hoped to get through not so badly。
〃I've had nothing to eat;〃 said he as they came out of the parsonage。
〃Nor I;〃 said she。
〃We'll go to Delmonico's;〃 said he; and hailed a passing taxi。
On the way; he sitting in one corner explained to her; shrunk into the other corner: 〃I can confess now that I married you under false pretenses。 I am not prosperous; as I used to be。 To be brief and plain; I'm down and out; professionally。〃
She did not move。 Apparently she did not change expression。 Yet he; speaking half banteringly; felt some frightful catastrophe within her。 〃You are poor?〃 she said in her usual quiet way。
〃WE are poor;〃 corrected he。 〃I have at present only a thousand dollars a montha little more; but not enough to talk about。〃
She did not move or change expression。 Yet he felt that her heart; her blood were going on again。
〃Are youangry?〃 he asked。
〃A thousand dollars a month seems an awful lot of money to me;〃 she said。
〃It's nothingnothing to what we'll soon have。 Trust me。〃 And back into his eyes flashed their former look。 〃I've been sick。 I'm well again。 I shall get what I want。 If you want anything; you've only to ask for it。 I'll get it。 I know how。 。 。 。 I don't prey; myselfI've no fancy for the brutal sports。 But I teach lions how to prey; and I make them pay for the lessons。〃 He laughed with an effervescing of young vitality and self…confidence that made him look handsome and powerful。 〃In the future they'll have to pay still higher prices。〃
She was looking at him with weary; wondering; pathetic eyes that gazed from the pallor of her dead… white face mysteriously。
〃What are you thinking?〃 he asked。
〃I was listening;〃 replied she。
〃Doesn't it make you happywhat you are going to have?〃
〃No;〃 replied she。 〃But it makes me content。〃
With eyes suddenly suffused; he took her handso gently。 〃Dorothy;〃 he said; 〃you will try to love me?〃
〃I'll try;〃 said she。 〃You'll be kind to me?〃
〃I couldn't be anything else;〃 he cried。 And in a gust of passion he caught her to his breast and kissed her triumphantly。 〃I love youand you're minemine!〃
She released herself with the faint insistent push that seemed weak; but always accomplished its purpose。 Her lip was trembling。 〃You said you'd be kind;〃 she murmured。
He gazed at her with a baffled expression。 〃OhI understand;〃 he said。 〃And I shall be kind。 But I must teach you to love me。〃
Her trembling lip steadied。 〃You must be careful or you may teach me to hate you;〃 said she。
He studied her in a puzzled way; laughed。 〃What a mystery you are!〃 he cried with raillery。 〃Are you child or are you woman? No matter。 We shall be happy。〃
The taxicab was swinging to the curb。 In the restaurant he ordered an enormous meal。 And he ate enormously; and drank in due proportion。 She ate and drank a good deal herselfa good deal for her。 And the results were soon apparent in a return of the spirits that are normal to twenty…one years; regardless of what may be lurking in the heart; in a dark corner; to come forth and torment when there is nothing to distract the attention。
〃We shall have to live quietly for a while;〃 said he。 〃Of course you must have clothes…at once。 I'll take you shopping to…morrow。〃 He laughed grimly。 〃Just at present we can get only what we pay cash for。 Still; you won't need much。 Later on I'll take you over to Paris。 Does that attract you?〃
Her eyes shone。 〃How soon?〃 she asked。
〃I can tell you in a week or ten days。〃 He became abstracted for a moment。 〃I can't understand how I let them get me down so easilythat is; I can't understand it now。 I suppose it's just the difference between being weak with illness and strong with health。〃 His eyes concentrated on her。 〃Is it really you?〃 he cried gaily。 〃And are you really mine? No wonder I feel strong! It was always that way with me。 I never could leave a thing until I had conquered it。〃
She gave him a sweet smile。 〃I'm not worth all the trouble you seem to have taken about me;〃 said she。
He laughed; for he knew the intense vanity so pleasantly hidden beneath her shy and modest exterior。 〃On the contrary;〃 said he good…humoredly; 〃you in your heart think yourself worth any amount of trouble。 It's a habit we men have got you women into。 And you One of the many things that fascinate me in you is your supreme self…control。 If the king were to come down from his throne and fall at your feet; you'd take it as a matter of course。〃
She gazed away dreamily。 And he understood that her indifference to matters of rank and wealth and power was not wholly vanity but was; in part at least; due to a feeling that love was the only essential。 Nor did he wonder how she was reconciling this belief of high and pure sentiment with what she was doing in