第 38 节
作者:
击水三千 更新:2021-02-20 15:21 字数:9322
The old man looked at him with the sincere and most flattering tribute of compelled admiration。 〃What a mind you've got; Frederickand what courage!〃
〃You accept my terms?〃
〃If the others agreeand I think they will。〃
〃They will;〃 said Norman。
The old man was regarding him with eyes that had genuine anxiety in them。 〃Why DO you do it; Fred?〃 he said。
〃Because I wish to be free;〃 replied Norman。 He would never have told the full truth to that incredulous old cynic of a time…serverthe truth that he was resigning at the dictation of a pride which forbade him to involve others in the ruin he; in his madness; was bent upon。
〃I don't mean; why do you resign;〃 said Lockyer。 〃I mean the otherthewoman。〃
Norman laughed harshly。
〃I've seen too much of the world not to understand;〃 continued Lockyer。 〃The measureless power of woman over manespeciallypardon me; my dear Normanespecially a bad woman!〃
〃The measureless power of a man's imagination over himself;〃 rejoined Norman。 〃Did you ever see or hear of a man without imagination being upset by a woman? It's in here; Mr。 Lockyer〃he rapped his forehead〃altogether in here。〃
〃You realize that。 Yet you go onand for such a pardon me; my boy; for saying itfor such a trifling object。〃
〃What does ‘trifling' mean; sir?〃 replied the young man。 〃What is trifling and what is important? It depends upon the point of view。 What I want that is vital。 What I do not wantthat is paltry。 It's my nature to go for what I happen to wantto go for it with all there is in me。 I will take nothing elsenothing else。〃
There was in his eyes the glitter called insanity the glitter that reflects the state of mind of any strong man when possessed of one of those fixed ideas that are the idiosyncrasy of the strong。 It would have been impossible for Lockyer to be possessed in that way; he had not the courage nor the concentration nor the inde… pendence of soul; like most men; even able men; he dealt only in the conventional。 Not in his wildest youth could he have wrecked or injured himself for a woman; women; for him; occupied their conventional place in the scheme of things; and had no allure beyond the conventionally proper and the conventionally improper for; be it remembered; vice has its beaten track no less than virtue and most of the vicious are as tame and unimaginative as the plodders in the high roads of propriety。 Still; Lockyer had associated with strong men; men of boundless desires; thus; he could in a measure sympathize with his young associate。 What a pity that these splendid powers should be perverted from the ordinary desires of strong men!
Norman rose; to end the interview。 〃My address is my house。 They will forwardif I go away。〃
Lockyer gave him a hearty handclasp; made a few phrases about good wishes and the like; left him alone。 The general opinion was that Norman was done for。 But Lockyer could not see it。 He had seen too many men fall only to rise out of lowest depths to greater heights than they had fallen from。 And Norman was only thirty…seven。 Perhaps this would prove to be merely a dip in a securely brilliant career and not a fall at all。 In that casewith such a brain; such a genius for the lawlessness of the law; what a laughing on the other side of the mouth there might yet be among young Norman's enemiesand friends!
He spent most of the next few daysthe lunch time; the late afternoon; finally the early morning hours lurking about the Equitable Building; in which were the offices of Pytchley and Culver。 As that building had entrances on four streets; the best he could do was to walk round and round; with an occasional excursion through the corridors and past the elevators。 He had written her; asking to see her; he had got no answer。 He ceased to wait at the elevators after he had twice narrowly escaped being seen by Tetlow。 He was indifferent to Tetlow; except as meeting him might make it harder to see Dorothy。 He drank hard。 But drink never affected him except to make him more grimly tenacious in whatever he had deliberately and soberly resolved。 Drink did not explainneither wholly nor in any partthis conduct of his。 It; and the more erratic vagaries to follow; will seem incredible conduct for a man of Norman's character and position to feeble folk with their feeble desires; their dread of criticism and ridicule; their exaggerated and adoring notions of the master men。 In fact; it was the natural outcome of the man's naturearrogant; contemptuous of his fellowmen and of their opinions; and; like all the master men; capable of such concentration upon a desire that he would adopt any means; high or low; dignified or the reverse; if only it promised to further his end。 Fred Norman; at these vulgar vigils; took the measure of his own self…abasement to a hair's breadth。 But he kept on; with the fever of his infatuation burning like a delirium; burning higher and deeper with each baffled day。
At noon; one day; as he swung into Broadway from Cedar street; he ran straight into Tetlow。 It was raining and his umbrella caught in Tetlow's。 It was a ludicrous situation; but there was no answering smile in his former friend's eyes。 Tetlow glowered。
〃I've heard you were hanging about;〃 he said。 〃How low you have sunk!〃
Norman laughed in his face。 〃Poor Tetlow;〃 he said。 〃I never expected to see you develop into a crusader。 And what a Don Quixote you look。 Cheer up; old man。 Don't take it so hard。〃
〃I warn you to keep away from her;〃 said Tetlow in subdued; tense tones; his fat face quivering with emotion。 〃Hasn't she shown you plainly that she'll have nothing to do with you?〃
〃I want only five minutes' talk with her; Tetlow;〃 said Norman; dropping into an almost pleading tone。 〃And I guarantee I'll say nothing you wouldn't approve; if you heard。 You are advising her badly。 You are doing her an injury。〃
〃I am protecting her from a scoundrel;〃 retorted Tetlow。
〃She'll not thank you for it; when she finds out the truth。〃
〃You can write to her。 What a shallow liar you are!〃
〃I cannot write what I must say;〃 said Norman。 It had never been difficult for him; however provoked; to keep his temperoutwardly。 Tetlow's insults were to him no more than the barkings of a watch dog; and one not at all dangerous; but only amusing。 〃I must see her。 If you are her friend; and not merely a jealous; disappointed lover; you'll advise her to see me。〃
〃You shall not see her; if I can help it;〃 cried his former friend。 〃And if you persist in annoying her〃
〃Don't make futile threats; Tetlow;〃 Norman interrupted。 〃You've done me all the mischief you can do。 I see you hate me for the injuries you've done me。 That's the way it always is。 But I don't hate you。 It was at my suggestion that the Lockyer firm is trying to get you back as a partner。〃 Then; as Tetlow colored 〃Oh; I see you're accepting their offer。〃
〃If I had thought〃
〃Nonsense。 You're not a fool。 How does it matter whose the hand; if only it's a helping hand? And you may be sure they'd never have made you the offer if they didn't need you badly。 All the credit I claim is having the intelligence to enlighten their stupidity with the right suggestion。〃
In spite of himself Tetlow was falling under the spell of Norman's personality; of the old and deep admiration the lesser man had for the greater。
〃Norman;〃 he said; 〃how can you be such a com… bination of bigness and petty deviltry? You are a monster of self…indulgence。 It's a God's mercy there aren't more men with your selfishness and your desires。〃
Norman laughed sardonically。 〃The difference between me and most men;〃 said he; 〃isn't in selfishness or in desires; but in courage。 Courage; Billythere's what most of you lack。 And even in courage I'm not alone。 My sort fill most of the high places。〃
Tetlow looked dismal confession of a fear that Norman was right。
〃Yes;〃 pursued Norman; 〃in this country there are enough wolves to attend to pretty nearly all the sheep though it's amazing how much mutton there is。〃 With an abrupt shift from raillery; 〃You'll help me with her; Billy?〃
〃Why don't you let her alone; Fred?〃 pleaded Tetlow。 〃It isn't worthy of youa big man like you。 Let her alone; Fred!the poor child; trying to earn her own living in an honest way。〃
〃Let her alone? Tetlow; I shall never let her alone as long as she and I are both alive。〃
The fat man; with his premature wrinkles and his solemn air of law books that look venerable though fresh from the press; took on an added pastiness。 〃Fredfor God's sake; can't you love her in a noble waya way worthy of you?〃
Norman gave him a penetrating glance。 〃Is love such love as mineAND yours〃 There Tetlow flushed guiltily〃is it ever noble?whatever that means。 No; it's humanhuman。 But I'm not trying to harm her。 I give you my word。 。 。 。 Will you help meand her?〃
Tetlow hesitated。 His heavy cheeks quivered。 〃I don't trust you;〃 he cried violentlythe violence of a man fighting against an enemy within。 〃Don't ever speak to me again。〃 And he rushed away through the rain; knocking umbrellas this way and that。
About noon two days later; as Norman was making one of his excursions past the Equitable elevators; h