第 33 节
作者:
击水三千 更新:2021-02-20 15:21 字数:9321
absurdities of those days of extravagant folly。
〃Are you coming over to…day?〃 she asked。
〃Right away; if you wish。〃
〃Oh; no。 Any time will do。〃
〃I'll come at once。 I'm not busy。〃
〃No。 Late this afternoon。 Father asked me to call up and make sure。 He wants to see you。〃
〃Ohnot you?〃
〃I'm a business person;〃 retorted she。 〃I know better than to annoy you; as I've often said。〃
He knew it was foolish; tiresome; yet he could not resist the impulse to say; 〃Now that I've heard your voice I can't stay away。 I'll come over to lunch。〃
Her answering voice was irritated。 〃Please don't。 I'm cleaning house。 You'd be in the way。〃
He shrank and quivered like a boy who has been publicly rebuked。 〃I'll come when you say;〃 he replied。
〃Not a minute before four o'clock。〃
〃That's a long timenow you've made me crazy to see you。〃
〃Don't talk nonsense。 I must go back to work。〃
〃What are you doing?〃 he asked; to detain her。
〃Dusting and polishing。 Molly did the sweeping and is cleaning windows now。〃
〃What have you got on?〃
〃How silly you are!〃
〃No one knows that better than I。 But I want to have a picture of you to look at。〃
〃I've got on an old white skirt and an old shirt waist; both dirty; and a pair of tennis shoes that were white once but are gray now; where they aren't black。 And I've got a pink chiffon rag tied round my hair。〃
〃Pink is wonderful when you wear it。〃
〃I look a fright。 And my face is streakedand my arms。〃
〃Oh; you've got your sleeves rolled up。 That's an important detail。〃
〃You're making fun of me。〃
〃No; I'm thinking of your arms。 They are ravishing。〃
〃That's quite enough。 Good…by。〃
And she rang off。 He was used to her treating compliment and flattery from him in that fashion。 He could notor was it would not?understand why。 He had learned that she was not at all the indifferent and unaware person in the matter of her physical charms he had at first fancied her。 On the contrary; she had more than her share of physical vanitynot more than was her right; in view of her charms; but more than she could carry off well。 With many a secret smile he had observed that she thought herself perfect physically。 This did not repel him; it never does repel a manwhen and so long as he is under the enchantment of the charms the woman more or less exaggerates。 But; while he had often seen women with inordinate physical vanity; so often that he had come to regarding it as an essential part of feminine character; never before had he seen one so content with her own good opinion of herself that she was indifferent to appreciation from others。
He did not go back to the office after lunch。 Several important matters were coming up; if he got within reach they might conspire to make it impossible for him to be with her on time。 If his partners; his clients knew! He the important man of affairs kneeling at the feet of a nobody!and why? Chiefly because he was unable to convince her that he amounted to anything。 His folly nauseated him。 He sat in a corner in the dining room of the Lawyers' Club and drank one whisky and soda after another and brooded over his follies and his unhappiness; muttering monotonously from time to time: 〃No wonder she makes a fool of me。 I invite it; I beg for it; damned idiot that I am!〃 By three o'clock he had drunk enough liquor to have dispatched the average man for several days。 It had produced no effect upon him beyond possibly a slight aggravation of his moodiness。
It took only twenty minutes to get from New York to her house。 He set out at a few minutes after three; arrived at twenty minutes to four。 As experience of her ways had taught him that she was much less friendly when he disobeyed her requests; he did not dare go to the house; but; after looking at it from a corner two blocks away; made a detour that would use up some of the time he had to waste。 And as he wandered he indulged in his usual alternations between self…derision and passion。 He appeared at the house at five minutes to four。 Patrick; who with Molly his wife looked after the domestic affairs; was at the front gate gazing down the street in the direction from which he always came。 At sight of him Pat came running。 Norman quickened his pace; and every part of his nervous system was in turmoil。
〃Mr。 Hallowellhe'sDEAD;〃 gasped Pat。
〃Dead?〃 echoed Norman。
〃Three quarters of an hour ago; sir。 He came from the lobatry; walked in the sitting room where Miss Dorothy was oiling the furniture and I was oiling the floor。 And he sets downand he looks at heras cool and calm as could beand he says; ‘Dorothy; my child; I'm dying。' And she stands up straight and looks at him curious likejust curious like。 And he says; ‘Dorothy; good…by。' And he shivers; and I jumps up just in time to catch him from rolling to the floor。 He was dead thenso the doctor says。〃
〃Dead!〃 repeated Norman; looking round vaguely。
He went on to the house; Pat walking beside him and chattering on and ona stream of words Norman did not hear。 As he entered the open front door Dorothy came down the stairs。 He had thought he knew how white her skin was。 But he did not know until then。 And from that ghostly pallor looked the eyes of grief beyond tears。 He advanced toward her。 But she seemed to be wrapped in an atmosphere of aloofness。 He felt himself a stranger and an alien。 After a brief silence she said: 〃I don't realize it。 I've been upstairs where Pat carried himbut I don't realize it。 It simply can't be。〃
〃Do you know what he wished to say to me?〃 he asked。
〃No。 I guess he felt this coming。 Probably it came quicker than he expected。 Now I can see that he hasn't been well for several days。 But he would never let anything about illness be said。 He thought talking of those things made them worse。〃
〃You have relativessomebody you wish me to telegraph?〃
She shook her head。 〃No one。 Our relatives out West are second cousins or further away。 They care nothing about us。 No; I'm all alone。〃
The tears sprang to his eyes。 But there were no tears in her eyes; no forlornness in her voice。 She was simply stating a fact。 He said: 〃I'll look after everything。 Don't give it a moment's thought。〃
〃No; I'll arrange;〃 replied she。 〃It'll give me something to dosomething to do for him。 You see; it's my last chance。〃 And she turned to ascend the stairs。 〃Something to do;〃 she repeated dully。 〃I wish I hadn't cleaned house this morning。 That would be something more to do。〃
This jarred on himthen brought the tears to his eyes again。 How childish she was!and how desolate! 〃But you'll let me stay?〃 he pleaded。 〃You'll need me。 At any rate; I want to feel that you do。〃
〃I'd rather you didn't stay;〃 she said; in the same calm; remote way。 〃I'd rather be alone with him; this last time。 I'll go up and sit there until they take him away。 And thenin a few days I'll see what to do I'll send for you。〃
〃I can't leave you at such a time;〃 he cried。 〃You haven't realized yet。 When you do you will need some one。〃
〃You don't understand;〃 she interrupted。 〃He and I understood each other in some ways。 I know he'd not wantanyone round。〃
At her slight hesitation before 〃anyone〃 he winced。
〃I must be alone with him;〃 she went on。 〃Thank you; but I want to go now。〃
〃Not just yet;〃 he begged。 Then; seeing the shadow of annoyance on her beautiful white face; he rose and said: 〃I'm going。 I only want to help you。〃 He extended his hand impulsively; drew it back before she had the chance to refuse it。 For he felt that she would refuse it。 He said; 〃You know you can rely on me。〃
〃But I don't need anybody;〃 replied she。 〃Good…by。〃
〃If I can do anything〃
〃Pat will telephone。〃 She was already halfway upstairs。
He found Pat in the front yard; and arranged with him to get news and to send messages by way of the drug store at the corner; so that she would know nothing about it。 He went to a florist's in New York and sent masses of flowers。 And thenthere was nothing more to do。 He stopped in at the club and drank and gambled until far into the morning。 He fretted gloomily about all the next day; riding alone in the Park; driving with his sister; drinking and gambling at the club again and smiling cynically to himself at the covert glances his acquaintances exchanged。 He was growing used to those glances。 He cared not the flip of a penny for them。
On the third day came the funeral; and he went。 He did not let his cabman turn in behind the one carriage that followed the hearse。 At the graveyard he stood afar off; watching her in her simple new black; noting her calm。 She seemed thinner; but he thought it might be simply her black dress。 He could see no change in her face。 As she was leaving the grave; she looked in his direction but he was uncertain whether she had seen him。 Pat and Molly were in the big; gloomy looking carriage with her。
He ventured to go to the front gate an hour later。 Pat came out。 〃It's no use to go in; Mr。 Norman;〃 he said。 〃She'll not see you。 She's shut up in her own room。〃
〃Hasn't she cried yet; Pat?〃
〃Not yet。 We're waiting for it; sir。 We're afraid her mind will give way。 At least;