第 8 节
作者:
击水三千 更新:2021-02-20 15:20 字数:9322
to the passion of pride。 Simply and most expensively dressed in pearl satin; with only a little jewelry; she sat in the front of her parterre box; a queen by right of her father's wealth; her family's position; her own beauty。 She was a large womantall; a big frame but not ungainly。 She had brilliant dark eyes; a small proud head set upon shoulders that were slenderly young now and; even when they should became matronly; would still be beautiful。 She had good teeth; an exquisite smile; the gentle good humor of those who; comfortable themselves; would not have the slightest objection to all others being equally so。 Because she laughed appreciatively and repeated amusingly she had great reputation for wit。 Because she industriously picked up from men a plausible smatter of small talk about politics; religion; art and the like; she was renowned as clever verging on profound。 And she believed herself both witty and wiseas do thousands; male and female; with far less excuse。
She had selected Norman for the same reason that he had selected her; each recognized the other as the 〃grand prize。〃 Pity is not nearly so close kin to love as is the feeling that the other person satisfies to the uttermost all one's pet vanities。 It would have been next door to impossible for two people so well matched not to find themselves drawn to each other and filled with sympathy and the sense of comradeship; so far as there can be comradeship where two are driving luxuriously along the way of life; with not a serious cause for worry。 People without half the general fitness of these two for each other have gone through to the end; regarding themselves and regarded as the most devoted of lovers。 Indeed; they were lovers。 Only one of those savage tests; to which in all probability they would never be exposed; would or could reveal just how much; or how little; that vague; variable word lovers meant when applied to them。
As their eyes met; into each pair leaped the fine; exalted light of pride in possession。 〃This wonderful woman is mine!〃 his eyes said。 And her eyes answered; 〃And youyou most wonderful of menyou are mine!〃 It always gave each of them a thrill like intoxication to meet; after a day's separation。 All the joy of their dazzling good fortune burst upon them afresh。
〃I'll venture you haven't thought of me the whole day;〃 said she as he dropped to the chair behind her。
It was a remark she often madeto give him the opportunity to say; 〃I've thought of little else; I'm sorry to sayI; who have a career to look after。〃 He
made the usual answer; and they smiled happily at each other。 〃And you?〃 he said。
〃Oh; I? What else has a woman to think about?〃
Her statement was as true as his was false。 He was indeed all she had to think aboutall worth wasting the effort of thought upon。 But hethough he did not realize ithad thought of her only in the incidental way in which an ambition…possessed man must force himself to think of a woman。 The best of his mind was commandeered to his career。 An amiable but shakily founded theory that it was 〃our〃 career enabled him to say without sense of lying that his chief thought had been she。
〃How those men down town would poke fun at you;〃 said she; 〃if they knew you had me with you all the time; right beside you。〃
This amused him。 〃Still; I suspect there are lots of men who'd be exposed in the same way if there were a general and complete show…down。〃
〃Sometimes I wish I really were with youworking with youhelping you。 You have girlsa girlto be your secretaryor whatever you call itdon't you?〃
〃You should have seen the one I had to…day。 But there's always something pathetic about every girl who has to make her own living。〃
〃Pathetic!〃 protested Miss Burroughs。 〃Not at all。 I think it's fine。〃
〃You wouldn't say that if you had tried it。〃
〃Indeed; I should;〃 she declared with spirit。 〃You men are entirely too soft about women。 You don't realize how strong they are。 And; of course; women don't resist the temptation to use their sex when they see how easy it is to fool men that way。 The sad thing about it is that the woman who gets along by using her sex and by appealing to the soft…heartedness of men never learns to rely on herself。 She's likely to come to grief sooner or later。〃
〃There's truth in all that;〃 said Norman。 〃Enough to make it dangerously unjust。 There's so much lying done about getting on that it's no wonder those who've never tried to do for themselves get a wholly false notion of the situation。 It is hardbitterly hardfor a man to get on。 Most men don't。 Most men? All but a mere handful。 And if those who do get on were to tell the truththe WHOLE truthabout how they succeeded well; it'd not make a pleasant story。〃
〃But YOU'VE got on;〃 retorted the girl。
〃So I have。 And how?〃 Norman smiled with humorous cynicism。 〃I'll never tellnot allonly the parts that sound well。 And those parts are the least important。 However; let's not talk about that。 What I set out to say was that; while it's hard for a man to make a decent livingunless he has luckand harder stillmuch harderfor him to rise to independence〃
〃It wasn't so dreadfully hard for YOU;〃 interrupted Josephine; looking at him with proud admiration。 〃But then; you had a wonderful brain。〃
〃That wasn't what did it;〃 replied he。 〃And; in spite of all my advantagesfriendships; education; enough money to tide me over the beginningsin spite of all that; I had a frightful time。 Not the work。 Of course; I had to work; but I like that。 No; it was the the maneuvering; let's call itthe hardening process。〃
〃You!〃 she exclaimed。
〃Everyone who succeedsin active life。 You don't understand the system; dear。 It's a cutthroat game。 It isn't at all what the successful hypocrites describe in their talks to young men!〃 He laughed。 〃If I had followed the ‘guides to success;' I'd not be here。 Oh; yes; I've made terrible sacrifices; but〃 his look at her made her thrill with exaltation〃it was worth doing。 。 。 。 I understand and sympathize with those who scorn to succeed。 But I'm glad I happened not to be born with their temperament; at least not with enough of it to keep me down。〃
〃You're too hard on yourself; too generous to the failures。〃
〃Oh; I don't mean the men who were too lazy to do the work or too cowardly to dare thethe unpleasant things。 And I'm not hard with myselfonly frank。 But we were talking of the women。 Poor things; what chance have they got? You scorn them for using their sex。 Wait till you're drowning; dear; before you criticise another for what he does to save himself when he's sinking for the last time。 I used everything I had in making my fight。 If I could have got on better or quicker by the aid of my sex; I'd have used that。〃
〃Don't say those things; Fred;〃 cried Josephine; smiling but half in earnest。
〃Why not? Aren't you glad I'm here?〃
She gave him a long look of passionate love and lowered her eyes。
〃At whatever cost?〃
〃Yes;〃 she said in a low voice。 〃But I'm SURE you exaggerate。〃
〃I've done nothing YOU wouldn't approve ofor find excuses for。 But that's because youIall of us in this classand in most other classeshave been trained to false ideasno; to perverted ideasto a system of morality that's twisted to suit the demands of practical life。 On Sundays we go to a magnificent church to hear an expensive preacher and choir; go in expensive dress and in carriages; and we never laugh at ourselves。 Yet we are going in the name of One who was born in a stable and who said that we must give everything to the poor; and so on。〃
〃But I don't see what we could do about it〃 she said hesitatingly。
〃We couldn't do anything。 Onlydon't you see my point?the difference between theory and practice? Personally; I've no objectionno strong objectionto the practice。 All I object to is the lying and faking about it; to make it seem to fit the theory。 But we were talking of womenwomen who work。〃
〃I've no doubt you're right;〃 admitted she。 〃I suppose they aren't to blame for using their sex。 I ought to be ashamed of myself; to sneer at them。〃
〃As a matter of fact; their sex does few of them any good。 The reverse。 You see; an attractive woman one who's attractive AS a womancan skirmish round and find some one to support her。 But most of the working womenthose who keep on at itdon't find the man。 They're not attractive; not even at the start。 After they've been at it a few years and lose the little bloom they ever hadwhy; they've got to take their chances at the game; precisely like a man。 Only; they're handicapped by always hoping that they'll be able to quit and become married women。 I'd like to see how men would behave if they could find or could imagine any alternative to ‘root hog or die。' 〃
〃What's the matter with you this evening; Fred? I never saw you in such a bitter mood。〃
〃We never happened to get on this subject before。〃
〃Oh; yes; we have。 And you always have scoffed at the men who fail。〃
〃And I still scoff at themmost of them。 A lot of lazy cowards。 Or else; so bent on self…indulgence petty self…indulgencethat they refuse to make the small sacrifice to…day for the sake of the large advantage day af