第 6 节
作者:
幽雨 更新:2021-02-20 14:31 字数:9322
these are the thoughts that were passing through his mind:
〃I; and God; who will reward me for suffering in silence; alone know
how I love her! But how shall I manage to have neither her love nor
her dislike?〃
And his thoughts travelled far on this strange theme。
It must not be supposed that Thaddeus was living without pleasure; in
the midst of his sufferings。 The deceptions of this day; for instance;
were a source of inward joy to him。 Since the return of the count and
countess he had daily felt ineffable satisfactions in knowing himself
necessary to a household which; without his devotion to its interests;
would infallibly have gone to ruin。 What fortune can bear the strain
of reckless prodigality? Clementine; brought up by a spendthrift
father; knew nothing of the management of a household which the women
of the present day; however rich or noble they are; are often
compelled to undertake themselves。 How few; in these days; keep a
steward。 Adam; on the other hand; son of one of the great Polish lords
who let themselves be preyed on by the Jews; and are wholly incapable
of managing even the wreck of their vast fortunes (for fortunes are
vast in Poland); was not of a nature to check his own fancies or those
of his wife。 Left to himself he would probably have been ruined before
his marriage。 Paz had prevented him from gambling at the Bourse; and
that says all。
Under these circumstances; Thaddeus; feeling that he loved Clementine
in spite of himself; had not the resource of leaving the house and
travelling in other lands to forget his passion。 Gratitude; the key…
note of his life; held him bound to that household where he alone
could look after the affairs of the heedless owners。 The long absence
of Adam and Clementine had given him peace。 But the countess had
returned more lovely than ever; enjoying the freedom which marriage
brings to a Parisian woman; displaying the graces of a young wife and
the nameless attraction she gains from the happiness; or the
independence; bestowed upon her by a young man as trustful; as
chivalric; and as much in love as Adam。 To know that he was the pivot
on which the splendor the household depended; to see Clementine when
she got out of her carriage on returning from some fete; or got into
it in the morning when she took her drive; to meet her on the
boulevards in her pretty equipage; looking like a flower in a whorl of
leaves; inspired poor Thaddeus with mysterious delights; which glowed
in the depths of his heart but gave no signs upon his face。
How happened it that for five whole months the countess had never
perceived the captain? Because he hid himself from her knowledge; and
carefully concealed the pains he took to avoid her。 Nothing so
resembles the Divine love as hopeless human love。 A man must have
great depth of heart to devote himself in silence and obscurity to a
woman。 In such a heart is the worship of love for love's sake only
sublime avarice; sublime because ever generous and founded on the
mysterious existence of the principles of creation。 EFFECT is nature;
and nature is enchanting; it belongs to man; to the poet; the painter;
the lover。 But CAUSE; to a few privileged souls and to certain mighty
thinkers; is superior to nature。 Cause is God。 In the sphere of causes
live the Newtons and all such thinkers as Laplace; Kepler; Descartes;
Malebranche; Spinoza; Buffon; also the true poets and solitarys of the
second Christian century; and the Saint Teresas of Spain; and such
sublime ecstatics。 All human sentiments bear analogy to these
conditions whenever the mind abandons Effect for Cause。 Thaddeus had
reached this height; at which all things change their relative aspect。
Filled with the joys unutterable of a creator he had attained in his
love to all that genius has revealed to us of grandeur。
〃No;〃 he was thinking to himself as he watched the curling smoke of
his pipe; 〃she was not entirely deceived。 She might break up my
friendship with Adam if she took a dislike to me; but if she coquetted
with me to amuse herself; what would become of me?〃
The conceit of this last supposition was so foreign to the modest
nature and Teutonic timidity of the captain that he scolded himself
for admitting it; and went to bed; resolved to await events before
deciding on a course。
The next day Clementine breakfasted very contentedly without Paz; and
without even noticing his disobedience to her orders。 It happened to
be her reception day; when the house was thrown open with a splendor
that was semi…royal。 She paid no attention to the absence of Comte
Paz; on whom all the burden of these parade days fell。
〃Good!〃 thought he; as he heard the last carriages driving away at two
in the morning; 〃it was only the caprice or the curiosity of a
Parisian woman that made her want to see me。〃
After that the captain went back to his ordinary habits and ways;
which had been somewhat upset by this incident。 Diverted by her
Parisian occupations; Clementine appeared to have forgotten Paz。 It
must not be thought an easy matter to reign a queen over fickle Paris。
Does any one suppose that fortunes alone are risked in the great game?
The winters are to fashionable women what a campaign once was to the
soldiers of the Empire。 What works of art and genius are expended on a
gown or a garland in which to make a sensation! A fragile; delicate
creature will wear her stiff and brilliant harness of flowers and
diamonds; silk and steel; from nine at night till two and often three
o'clock in the morning。 She eats little; to attract remark to her
slender waist; she satisfied her hunger with debilitating tea; sugared
cakes; ices which heat her; or slices of heavy pastry。 The stomach is
made to yield to the orders of coquetry。 The awakening comes too late。
A fashionable woman's whole life is in contradiction to the laws of
nature; and nature is pitiless。 She has no sooner risen than she makes
an elaborate morning toilet; and thinks of the one which she means to
wear in the afternoon。 The moment she is dressed she has to receive
and make visits; and go to the Bois either on horseback or in a
carriage。 She must practise the art of smiling; and must keep her mind
on the stretch to invent new compliments which shall seem neither
common nor far…fetched。 All women do not succeed in this。 It is no
surprise; therefore; to find a young woman who entered fashionable
society fresh and healthy; faded and worn out at the end of three
years。 Six months spent in the country will hardly heal the wounds of
the winter。 We hear continually; in these days; of mysterious
ailments;gastritis; and so forth;ills unknown to women when they
busied themselves about their households。 In the olden time women only
appeared in the world at intervals; now they are always on the scene。
Clementine found she had to struggle for her supremacy。 She was cited;
and that alone brought jealousies; and the care and watchfulness
exacted by this contest with her rivals left little time even to love
her husband。 Paz might well be forgotten。 Nevertheless; in the month
of May; as she drove home from the Bois; just before she left Paris
for Ronquerolles; her uncle's estate in Burgundy; she noticed
Thaddeus; elegantly dressed; sauntering on one of the side…paths of
the Champs…Elysees; in the seventh heaven of delight at seeing his
beautiful countess in her elegant carriage with its spirited horses
and sparkling liveries;in short; his beloved family the admired of
all。
〃There's the captain;〃 she said to her husband。
〃He's happy!〃 said Adam。 〃This is his delight。 He knows there's no
equipage more elegant than ours; and he is rejoicing to think that
some people envy it。 Have you only just noticed him? I see him there
nearly every day。〃
〃I wonder what he is thinking about now;〃 said Clementine。
〃He is thinking that this winter has cost a good deal; and that it is
time we went to economize with your old uncle Ronquerolles;〃 replied
Adam。
The countess stopped the carriage near Paz; and bade him take the seat
beside her。 Thaddeus grew as red as a cherry。
〃I shall poison you;〃 he said; 〃I have been smoking。〃
〃Doesn't Adam poison me?〃 she said。
〃Yes; but he is Adam;〃 returned the captain。
〃And why can't Thaddeus have the same privileges?〃 asked the countess;
smiling。
That divine smile had a power which triumphed over the heroic
resolutions of poor Paz; he looked at Clementine with all the fire of
his soul in his eyes; though; even so; its flame was tempered by the
angelic gratitude of the man whose life was based upon that virtue。
The countess folded her arms in her shawl; lay back pensively on her
cushions; ruffling the feathers of her pretty bonnet; and looked at
the people who passed her。 That flash of a great and hitherto resigned
soul reached her sensibilities。 What was Adam's merit in her eyes? It
was natural en