第 10 节
作者:
中国必胜 更新:2021-02-20 05:34 字数:9322
Potomac; the ship being bound thither; and there we intended
to have settled first; though afterwards we altered our minds。
The first thing I did of moment after having gotten all our
goods on shore; and placed them in a storehouse; or warehouse;
which; with a lodging; we hired at the small place or village
where we landedI say; the first thing was to inquire after my
mother; and after my brother (that fatal person whom I married
as a husband; as I have related at large)。 A little inquiry
furnished me with information that Mrs。; that is; my mother;
was dead; that my brother (or husband) was alive; which I
confess I was not very glad to hear; but which was worse; I
found he was removed from the plantation where he lived
formerly; and where I lived with him; and lived with one of
his sons in a plantation just by the place where we landed;
and where we had hired a warehouse。
I was a little surprised at first; but as I ventured to satisfy
myself that he could not know me; I was not only perfectly
easy; but had a great mind to see him; if it was possible to so
do without his seeing me。 In order to that I found out by
inquiry the plantation where he lived; and with a woman of
that place whom I got to help me; like what we call a chairwoman;
I rambled about towards the place as if I had only a mind to
see the country and look about me。 At last I came so near that
I saw the dwellinghouse。 I asked the woman whose plantation
that was; she said it belonged to such a man; and looking out
a little to our right hands; 'there;' says she; is the gentleman
that owns the plantation; and his father with him。' 'What are
their Christian names?' said I。 'I know not;' says she; 'what
the old gentleman's name is; but the son's name is Humphrey;
and I believe;' says she; 'the father's is so too。' You may
guess; if you can; what a confused mixture of joy and fight
possessed my thoughts upon this occasion; for I immediately
knew that this was nobody else but my own son; by that father
she showed me; who was my own brother。 I had no mask;
but I ruffled my hood so about my face; that I depended upon
it that after above twenty years' absence; and withal not
expecting anything of me in that part of the world; he would
not be able to know anything of me。 But I need not have used
all that caution; for the old gentleman was grown dim…sighted
by some distemper which had fallen upon his eyes; and could
but just see well enough to walk about; and not run against a
tree or into a ditch。 The woman that was with me had told me
that by a mere accident; knowing nothing of what importance
it was to me。 As they drew near to us; I said; 'Does he know
you; Mrs。 Owen?' (so they called the woman)。 'Yes;' said
she; 'if he hears me speak; he will know me; but he can't see
well enough to know me or anybody else'; and so she told me
the story of his sight; as I have related。 This made me secure;
and so I threw open my hoods again; and let them pass by me。
It was a wretched thing for a mother thus to see her own son;
a handsome; comely young gentleman in flourishing
circumstances; and durst not make herself known to him; and
durst not take any notice of him。 Let any mother of children
that reads this consider it; and but think with what anguish of
mind I restrained myself; what yearnings of soul I had in me
to embrace him; and weep over him; and how I thought all my
entrails turned within me; that my very bowels moved; and I
knew not what to do; as I now know not how to express those
agonies! When he went from me I stood gazing and trembling;
and looking after him as long as I could see him; then sitting
down to rest me; but turned from her; and lying on my face;
wept; and kissed the ground that he had set his foot on。
I could not conceal my disorder so much from the woman but
that she perceived it; and thought I was not well; which I was
obliged to pretend was true; upon which she pressed me to rise;
the ground being damp and dangerous; which I did accordingly;
and walked away。
As I was going back again; and still talking of this gentleman
and his son; a new occasion of melancholy offered itself thus。
The woman began; as if she would tell me a story to divert me:
'There goes;' says she; 'a very odd tale among the neighbours
where this gentleman formerly live。' 'What was that?' said
I。 'Why;' says she; 'that old gentleman going to England;
when he was a young man; fell in love with a young lady there;
one of the finest women that ever was seen; and married her;
and brought her over hither to his mother who was then living。
He liver here several years with her;' continued she; 'and had
several children by her; of which the young gentleman that was
with him now was one; but after some time; the old gentlewoman;
his mother; talking to her of something relating to herself when
she was in England; and of her circumstances in England;
which were bad enough; the daughter…in…law began to be very
much surprised and uneasy; and; in short; examining further
into things; it appeared past all contradiction that the old
gentlewoman was her own mother; and that consequently that
son was his wife's own brother; which struck the whole family
with horror; and put them into such confusion that it had almost
ruined them all。 The young woman would not live with him;
the son; her brother and husband; for a time went distracted;
and at last the young woman went away for England; and has
never been hears of since。'
It is easy to believe that I was strangely affected with this story;
but 'tis impossible to describe the nature of my disturbance。 I
seemed astonished at the story; and asked her a thousand
questions about the particulars; which I found she was
thoroughly acquainted with。 At last I began to inquire into the
circumstances of the family; how the old gentlewoman; I mean
my mother; died; and how she left what she had; for my mother
had promised me very solemnly; that when she died she would
do something for me; and leave it so; as that; if I was living; I
should one way or other come at it; without its being in the
power of her son; my brother and husband; to prevent it。 She
told me she did not know exactly how it was ordered; but she
had been told that my mother had left a sum of money; and
had tied her plantation for the payment of it; to be made good
to the daughter; if ever she could be heard of; either in England
or elsewhere; and that the trust was left with this son; who was
the person that we saw with his father。
This was news too good for me to make light of; and; you
may be sure; filled my heart with a thousand thoughts; what
courseI should take; how; and when; and in what manner I
should make myself known; or whether I should ever make
myself know or no。
Here was a perplexity that I had not indeed skill to manage
myself in; neither knew I what course to take。 It lay heavy
upon my mind night and day。 I could neither sleep nor
converse; sothat my husband perceived it; and wondered what
ailed me; strove to divert me; but it was all to no purpose。 He
pressed me to tell him what it was troubled me; but I put it off;
till at last; importuning me continually; I was forced to form
a story; which yet had a plain truth to lay it upon too。 It old
him I was troubled because I found we must shift our quarters
and alter our scheme of settling; for that I found I should be
known if I stayed in that part of the country; for that my mother
being dead; several of my relations were come into that part
where we then was; and that I must either discover myself to
them; which in our present circumstances was not proper on
many accounts; or remove; and which to do I knew not; and
that this it was that made me so melancholy and so thoughtful。
He joined with me in this; that it was by no means proper for
me to make myself known to anybody in the circumstances
inwhich we then were; and therefore he told me he would be
willing to remove to any other part of the country; or even to
any other country if I thought fit。 But now I had another
difficulty;which was; that if I removed to any other colony; I
put myself out of the way of ever making a due search after
those effects which my mother had left。 Again I could never
so much as think of breaking the secret of my former marriage
to my new husband; it was not a story; as I thought; that would
bear telling; nor could I tell what might be the consequences
of it; and it was impossible to search into the bottom of the
thing without making it public all over the country; as well
who I was; as what I now was also。
In this perplexity I continued a great while; and this made my
spouse very uneasy; for he found me perplexed; and yet thought
I was not open wit