第 8 节
作者:淘气      更新:2021-02-20 04:22      字数:9322
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  wishes me to make no further allusion。
  The    supposition     as   to  my    present    pursuits   and    habits   is  to  the
  following effect。
  I live in a lodging in the Clapham Roada very clean back room; in a
  very respectable housewhere I am expected not to be at home in the day…
  time;   unless   poorly;   and   which   I   usually   leave   in   the   morning   at   nine
  o'clock; on pretence of going to business。              I take my breakfastmy  roll
  and butter; and my half…pint of coffeeat the old…established coffee…shop
  near Westminster Bridge; and then I go into the CityI don't know why
  and sit in Garraway's Coffee House; and on 'Change; and walk about; and
  look into a few offices and counting…houses where some of my relations or
  acquaintance are so good as to tolerate me; and where I stand by the fire if
  the weather happens to be cold。            I get through the day in this way until
  five   o'clock;   and   then   I  dine:   at   a   cost;  on  the   average;   of   one  and
  threepence。       Having      still  a  little  money    to   spend    on   my   evening's
  entertainment;   I   look   into   the   old…established   coffee…shop   as   I   go   home;
  and take my cup of tea; and perhaps my bit of toast。               So; as the large hand
  of the clock makes its way round to the morning hour again; I make my
  way round to the Clapham Road again; and go to bed when I get to my
  lodgingfire   being   expensive;   and   being   objected   to   by   the   family   on
  account of its giving trouble and making a dirt。
  Sometimes; one of my relations or acquaintances is so obliging as to
  ask me to dinner。       Those are holiday occasions; and then I generally walk
  in the Park。      I am a solitary man; and seldom walk with anybody。                   Not
  that I am avoided because I am shabby; for I am not at all shabby; having
  always a very good suit of black on (or rather Oxford mixture; which has
  the appearance of black and wears much better); but I have got into a habit
  of speaking low; and being rather silent; and my spirits are not high; and I
  am sensible that I am not an attractive companion。
  The only exception to this general rule is the child of my first cousin;
  Little Frank。     I have a particular affection for that child; and he takes very
  kindly to me。       He is a diffident boy by nature; and in a crowd he is soon
  run    over;   as  I  may    say;  and   forgotten。    He     and   I;  however;    get   on
  exceedingly well。        I have a fancy that the poor child will in time succeed
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  to   my    peculiar    position    in  the  family。     We    talk   but   little;  still;  we
  understand each other。         We walk about; hand in hand; and without much
  speaking he knows what I mean; and I know what he means。                          When he
  was very little indeed; I used to take him to the windows of the toy…shops;
  and show him the toys inside。           It is surprising how soon he found out that
  I   would     have    made     him   a   great   many     presents    if  I  had    been   in
  circumstances to do it。
  Little Frank and I go and look at the outside of the Monumenthe is
  very fond of the Monumentand at the Bridges; and at all the sights that
  are free。    On two of my birthdays; we have dined on e…la…mode beef; and
  gone   at   half…price   to   the   play;   and   been   deeply   interested。  I   was   once
  walking with him in Lombard Street; which we often visit on account of
  my having mentioned to him that there are great riches therehe is very
  fond   of   Lombard   Streetwhen   a   gentleman   said   to   me   as   he   passed   by;
  〃Sir;   your   little   son   has   dropped   his   glove。〃  I   assure   you;   if   you   will
  excuse my remarking on so trivial a circumstance; this accidental mention
  of the child as mine; quite touched my heart and brought the foolish tears
  into my eyes。
  When Little Frank is sent to school in the country; I shall be very much
  at a loss what to do with myself; but I have the intention of walking down
  there once a month and seeing him on a half holiday。                   I am told he will
  then be at play upon the Heath; and if my visits should be objected to; as
  unsettling the child; I can see him from a distance without his seeing me;
  and walk back again。          His mother comes of a highly genteel family; and
  rather disapproves; I am aware; of our being too much together。                     I know
  that I am not calculated to improve his retiring disposition; but I think he
  would   miss   me   beyond   the   feeling   of   the   moment   if   we   were   wholly
  separated。
  When I die in the Clapham Road; I shall not leave much more in this
  world   than   I   shall   take  out   of   it;   but;   I happen   to have   a   miniature   of   a
  bright…faced boy; with a curling head; and an open shirt…frill waving down
  his bosom (my mother had it taken for me; but I can't believe that it was
  ever like); which will be worth nothing to sell; and which I shall beg may
  he given to   Frank。       I have written   my dear boy  a little letter  with it;  in
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  which I have told him that I felt very sorry to part from him; though bound
  to confess that I knew no reason why I should remain here。                    I have given
  him   some   short   advice;   the   best   in   my   power;   to   take   warning   of   the
  consequences         of  being     nobody's     enemy     but    his   own;    and    I  have
  endeavoured        to   comfort     him    for   what     I  fear   he    will   consider     a
  bereavement;        by  pointing     out  to   him;   that  I  was    only   a  superfluous
  something to every one but him; and that having by some means failed to
  find a place in this great assembly; I am better out of it。
  Such (said the poor relation; clearing his throat and beginning to speak
  a   little  louder)    is  the   general    impression      about    me。    Now;      it  is  a
  remarkable   circumstance   which   forms   the   aim  and   purpose   of   my   story;
  that this is all wrong。       This is not my life; and these are not my habits。              I
  do not even live in the Clapham Road。 Comparatively speaking; I am very
  seldom   there。      I   reside;   mostly;   in   aI   am   almost   ashamed   to   say   the
  word; it sounds so full of pretensionin a Castle。              I do not mean that it is
  an old baronial habitation; but still it is a building always known to every
  one   by   the   name   of   a   Castle。   In   it;   I   preserve   the   particulars   of   my
  history; they run thus:
  It   was   when   I   first   took   John   Spatter   (who   had   been   my   clerk)   into
  partnership; and when I was still a young man of not more than five… and…
  twenty;     residing    in  the   house    of  my    uncle   Chill;   from    whom     I  had
  considerable expectations; that I ventured to propose to Christiana。 I had
  loved Christiana a long time。           She was very beautiful; and very winning
  in all respects。     I rather mistrusted her widowed mother; who I feared was
  of a plotting and mercenary turn of mind; but; I thought as well of her as I
  could;   for   Christiana's   sake。    I   never   had   loved   any  one   but   Christiana;
  and she had been all the world; and O far more than all the world; to me;
  from our childhood!
  Christiana accepted me with her mother's consent; and I was rendered
  very happy indeed。         My life at my uncle Chill's was of a spare dull kind;
  and my garret chamber was as dull; and bare; and cold; as an upper prison
  room   in   some   stern   northern   fortress。      But;   having   Christiana's   love;   I
  wanted nothing upon earth。            I would not have changed my lot with any
  human being。
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  Avarice   was;   unhappily;   my   uncle   Chill's   master…vice。       Though   he
  was rich; he pinched; and scraped; and clutched; and lived miserably。 As
  Christiana had no fortune; I was for some time a little fearful of confessing
  our engagement to him; but; at length I wrote him a letter; saying how it
  all truly was。     I put it into his hand one night; on going to bed。
  As I came down…stairs next morning; shivering in the cold December
  air;   colder   in   my   uncle's   unwarmed   house   than   in   the   street;   where   the
  winter