第 3 节
作者:
负债赌博 更新:2021-02-20 04:15 字数:9321
The darkness was intense and I sought with outstretched hands for his bed。 The darkness; added to the trepidation of my thoughts; disabled me from making a right estimate of distances: I was conscious of this; and when I advanced within the room; paused。
I endeavoured to compare the progress I had made with my knowledge of the room; and governed by the result of this comparison; proceeded cautiously and with hands still outstretched in search of the foot of the bed。 At this moment lightning flashed into the room: the brightness of the gleam was dazzling; yet it afforded me an exact knowledge of my situation。 I had mistaken my way; and discovered that my knees nearly touched the bedstead; and that my hands at the next step; would have touched my father's cheek。 His closed eyes and every line in his countenance; were painted; as it were; for an instant on my sight。
The flash was accompanied with a burst of thunder; whose vehemence was stunning。 I always entertained a dread of thunder; and now recoiled; overborne with terror。 Never had I witnessed so luminous a gleam and so tremendous a shock; yet my father's slumber appeared not to be disturbed by it。
I stood irresolute and trembling; to prosecute my purpose in this state of mind was impossible。 I resolved for the present to relinquish it; and turned with a view of exploring my way out of the chamber。 Just then a light seen through the window; caught my eye。 It was at first weak but speedily increased; no second thought was necessary to inform me that the barn; situated at a small distance from the house; and newly stored with hay; was in flames; in consequence of being struck by the lightning。
My terror at this spectacle made me careless of all consequences relative to myself。 I rushed to the bed and throwing myself on my father; awakened him by loud cries。 The family were speedily roused; and were compelled to remain impotent spectators of the devastation。 Fortunately the wind blew in a contrary direction; so that our habitation was not injured。
The impression that was made upon me by the incidents of that night is indelible。 The wind gradually rose into an hurricane; the largest branches were torn from the trees; and whirled aloft into the air; others were uprooted and laid prostrate on the ground。 The barn was a spacious edifice; consisting wholly of wood; and filled with a plenteous harvest。 Thus supplied with fuel; and fanned by the wind; the fire raged with incredible fury; meanwhile clouds rolled above; whose blackness was rendered more conspicuous by reflection from the flames; the vast volumes of smoke were dissipated in a moment by the storm; while glowing fragments and cinders were borne to an immense hight; and tossed everywhere in wild confusion。 Ever and anon the sable canopy that hung around us was streaked with lightning; and the peals; by which it was accompanied; were deafning; and with scarcely any intermission。
It was; doubtless; absurd to imagine any connexion between this portentous scene and the purpose that I had meditated; yet a belief of this connexion; though wavering and obscure; lurked in my mind; something more than a coincidence merely casual; appeared to have subsisted between my situation; at my father's bed side; and the flash that darted through the window; and diverted me from my design。 It palsied my courage; and strengthened my conviction; that my scheme was criminal。
After some time had elapsed; and tranquility was; in some degree; restored in the family; my father reverted to the circumstances in which I had been discovered on the first alarm of this event。 The truth was impossible to be told。 I felt the utmost reluctance to be guilty of a falsehood; but by falsehood only could I elude detection。 That my guilt was the offspring of a fatal necessity; that the injustice of others gave it birth and made it unavoidable; afforded me slight consolation。 Nothing can be more injurious than a lie; but its evil tendency chiefly respects our future conduct。 Its direct consequences may be transient and few; but it facilitates a repetition; strengthens temptation; and grows into habit。 I pretended some necessity had drawn me from my bed; and that discovering the condition of the barn; I hastened to inform my father。
Some time after this; my father summoned me to his presence。 I had been previously guilty of disobedience to his commands; in a matter about which he was usually very scrupulous。 My brother had been privy to my offence; and had threatened to be my accuser。 On this occasion I expected nothing but arraignment and punishment。 Weary of oppression; and hopeless of any change in my father's temper and views; I had formed the resolution of eloping from his house; and of trusting; young as I was; to the caprice of fortune。 I was hesitating whether to abscond without the knowledge of the family; or to make my resolutions known to them; and while I avowed my resolution; to adhere to it in spite of opposition and remonstrances; when I received this summons。
I was employed at this time in the field; night was approaching; and I had made no preparation for departure; all the preparation in my power to make; was indeed small; a few clothes; made into a bundle; was the sum of my possessions。 Time would have little influence in improving my prospects; and I resolved to execute my scheme immediately。
I left my work intending to seek my chamber; and taking what was my own; to disappear forever。 I turned a stile that led out of the field into a bye path; when my father appeared before me; advancing in an opposite direction; to avoid him was impossible; and I summoned my fortitude to a conflict with his passion。
As soon as we met; instead of anger and upbraiding; he told me; that he had been reflecting on my aunt's proposal; to take me under her protection; and had concluded that the plan was proper; if I still retained my wishes on that head; he would readily comply with them; and that; if I chose; I might set off for the city next morning; as a neighbours waggon was preparing to go。
I shall not dwell on the rapture with which this proposal was listened to: it was with difficulty that I persuaded myself that he was in earnest in making it; nor could divine the reasons; for so sudden and unexpected a change in his maxims。 。 。 。 These I afterwards discovered。 Some one had instilled into him fears; that my aunt exasperated at his opposition to her request; respecting the unfortunate Frank; would bequeath her property to strangers; to obviate this evil; which his avarice prompted him to regard as much greater than any mischief; that would accrue to me; from the change of my abode; he embraced her proposal。
I entered with exultation and triumph on this new scene; my hopes were by no means disappointed。 Detested labour was exchanged for luxurious idleness。 I was master of my time; and the chuser of my occupations。 My kinswoman on discovering that I entertained no relish for the drudgery of colleges; and was contented with the means of intellectual gratification; which I could obtain under her roof; allowed me to pursue my own choice。
Three tranquil years passed away; during which; each day added to my happiness; by adding to my knowledge。 My biloquial faculty was not neglected。 I improved it by assiduous exercise; I deeply reflected on the use to which it might be applied。 I was not destitute of pure intentions; I delighted not in evil; I was incapable of knowingly contributing to another's misery; but the sole or principal end of my endeavours was not the happiness of others。
I was actuated by ambition。 I was delighted to possess superior power; I was prone to manifest that superiority; and was satisfied if this were done; without much solicitude concerning consequences。 I sported frequently with the apprehensions of my associates; and threw out a bait for their wonder; and supplied them with occasions for the structure of theories。 It may not be amiss to enumerate one or two adventures in which I was engaged。
Chapter III。
I had taken much pains to improve the sagacity of a favourite Spaniel。 It was my purpose; indeed; to ascertain to what degree of improvement the principles of reasoning and imitation could be carried in a dog。 There is no doubt that the animal affixes distinct ideas to sounds。 What are the possible limits of his vocabulary no one can tell。 In conversing with my dog I did not use English words; but selected simple monosyllables。 Habit likewise enabled him to comprehend my gestures。 If I crossed my hands on my breast he understood the signal and laid down behind me。 If I joined my hands and lifted them to my breast; he returned home。 If I grasped one arm above the elbow he ran before me。 If I lifted my hand to my forehead he trotted composedly behind。 By one motion I could make him bark; by another I could reduce him to silence。 He would howl in twenty different strains of mournfulness; at my bidding。 He would fetch and carry with undeviating faithfulness。
His actions being thus chiefly regulated by gestures; that to a stranger would appear indifferent or casual; it was easy to produce a belief that the animal's knowledge was much greater than in