have　the　morals　of　a　dragoon。　＇She　receives　this　with　a　shriek　of
  laughter。　He　struggles　with　his　sense　of　humor。＇　At　the　same　time
  ＇he　sits　down＇　there　is　a　certain　coarse　fun　in　the　idea　which
  compels　me　to　smile　＇he　turns　up　his　moustache　and　smiles。＇
  ERMYNTRUDE。　When　I　marry　the　Inca's　son；　Captain；　I　shall　make
  the　Inca　order　you　to　cut　off　that　moustache。　It　is　too
  irresistible。　Doesn't　it　fascinate　everyone　in　Perusalem？
  THE　INCA　＇leaning　forward　to　her　energetically＇。　By　all　the
  thunders　of　Thor；　madam；　it　fascinates　the　whole　world。
  ERMYNTRUDE。　What　I　like　about　you；　Captain　Duval；　is　your
  modesty。
  THE　INCA　＇straightening　up　suddenly＇。　Woman；　do　not　be　a　fool。
  ERMYNTRUDE　＇indignant＇。　Well！
  THE　INCA。　You　must　look　facts　in　the　face。　This　moustache　is　an
  exact　copy　of　the　Inca's　moustache。　Well；　does　the　world　occupy
  itself　with　the　Inca's　moustache　or　does　it　not？　Does　it　ever
  occupy　itself　with　anything　else？　If　that　is　the　truth；　does　its
  recognition　constitute　the　Inca　a　coxcomb？　Other　potentates　have
  moustaches：　even　beards　and　moustaches。　Does　the　world　occupy
  itself　with　those　beards　and　moustaches？　Do　the　hawkers　in　the
  streets　of　every　capital　on　the　civilized　globe　sell　ingenious
  cardboard　representations　of　their　faces　on　which；　at　the　pulling
  of　a　simple　string；　the　moustaches　turn　up　and　down；　so＇he
  makes　his　moustache　turn；　up　and　down　several　times＇？　No！　I　say
  No。　The　Inca's　moustache　is　so　watched　and　studied　that　it　has
  made　his　face　the　political　barometer　of　the　whole　continent。
  When　that　moustache　goes　up；　culture　rises　with　it。　Not　what　you
  call　culture；　but　Kultur；　a　word　so　much　more　significant　that　I
  hardly　understand　it　myself　except　when　I　am　in　specially　good
  form。　When　it　goes　down；　millions　of　men　perish。
  ERMYNTRUDE。　You　know；　if　I　had　a　moustache　like　that；　it　would
  turn　my　head。　I　should　go　mad。　Are　you　quite　sure　the　Inca　isn't
  mad？
  THE　INCA。　How　can　he　be　mad；　madam？　What　is　sanity？　The　condition
  of　the　Inca's　mind。　What　is　madness？　The　condition　of　the　people
  who　disagree　with　the　Inca。
  ERMYNTRUDE。　Then　I　am　a　lunatic　because　I　don't　like　that
  ridiculous　brooch。
  THE　INCA。　No；　madam：　you　are　only　an　idiot。
  ERMYNTRUDE。　Thank　you。
  THE　INCA。　Mark　you：　It　is　not　to　be　expected　that　you　should　see
  eye　to　eye　with　the　Inca。　That　would　be　presumption。　It　is　for
  you　to　accept　without　question　or　demur　the　assurance　of　your
  Inca　that　the　brooch　is　a　masterpiece。
  ERMYNTRUDE。　MY　Inca！　Oh；　come！　I　like　that。　He　is　not　my　Inca
  yet。
  THE　INCA。　He　is　everybody's　Inca；　madam。　His　realm　will　yet
  extend　to　the　confines　of　the　habitable　earth。　It　is　his　divine
  right；　and　let　those　who　dispute　it　look　to　themselves。　Properly
  speaking；　all　those　who　are　now　trying　to　shake　his　world
  predominance　are　not　at　war　with　him；　but　in　rebellion　against
  him。
  ERMYNTRUDE。　Well；　he　started　it；　you　know。
  THE　INCA。　Madam；　be　just。　When　the　hunters　surround　the　lion；　the
  lion　will　spring。　The　Inca　had　kept　the　peace　of　years。　Those　who
  attacked　him　were　steeped　in　blood；　black　blood；　white　blood；
  brown　blood；　yellow　blood；　blue　blood。　The　Inca　had　never　shed　a
  drop。
  ERMYNTRUDE。　He　had　only　talked。
  THE　INCA。　Only　TALKED！　ONLY　talked！　What　is　more　glorious　than
  talk？　Can　anyone　in　the　world　talk　like　him？　Madam；　when　he
  signed　the　declaration　of　war；　he　said　to　his　foolish　generals
  and　admirals；　'Gentlemen；　you　will　all　be　sorry　for　this。'　And
  they　are。　They　know　now　that　they　had　better　have　relied　on　the
  sword　of　the　spirit：　in　other　words；　on　their　Inca's　talk；　than
  on　their　murderous　cannons。　The　world　will　one　day　do　justice　to
  the　Inca　as　the　man　who　kept　the　peace　with　nothing　but　his
  tongue　and　his　moustache。　While　he　talked：　talked　just　as　I　am
  talking　now　to　you；　simply；　quietly；　sensibly；　but　GREATLY；　there
  was　peace；　there　was　prosperity；　Perusalem　went　from　success　to
  success。　He　has　been　silenced　for　a　year　by　the　roar　of
  trinitrotoluene　and　the　bluster　of　fools；　and　the　world　is　in
  ruins。　What　a　tragedy！　＇He　is　convulsed　with　grief。＇
  ERMYNTRUDE。　Captain　Duval；　I　don't　want　to　be　unsympathetic；　but
  suppose　we　get　back　to　business。
  THE　INCA。　Business！　What　business？
  ERMYNTRUDE。　Well；　MY　business。　You　want　me　to　marry　one　of　the
  Inca's　sons：　I　forget　which。
  THE　INCA。　As　far　as　I　can　recollect　the　name；　it　is　His　Imperial
  Highness　Prince　Eitel　William　Frederick　George　Franz　Josef
  Alexander　Nicholas　Victor　Emmanuel　Albert　Theodore　Wilson
  ERMYNTRUDE　＇interrupting＇。　Oh；　please；　please；　mayn't　I　have　one
  with　a　shorter　name？　What　is　he　called　at　home？
  THE　INCA。　He　is　usually　called　Sonny；　madam。　＇With　great　charm　of
  manner。＇　But　you　will　please　understand　that　the　Inca　has　no
  desire　to　pin　you　to　any　particular　son。　There　is　Chips　and　Spots
  and　Lulu　and　Pongo　and　the　Corsair　and　the　Piffler　and　Jack
  Johnson　the　Second；　all　unmarried。　At　least　not　seriously
  married：　nothing；　in　short；　that　cannot　be　arranged。　They　are　all
  at　your　service。
  ERMYNTRUDE。　Are　they　all　as　clever　and　charming　as　their　father？
  THE　INCA　＇lifts　his　eyebrows　pityingly；　shrugs　his　shoulders；
  then；　with　indulgent　paternal　contempt＇。　Excellent　lads；　madam。
  Very　honest　affectionate　creatures。　I　have　nothing　against　them。
  Pongo　imitates　farmyard　soundscock　crowing　and　that　sort　of
  thingextremely　well。　Lulu　plays　Strauss's　Sinfonia　Domestica　on
  the　mouth　organ　really　screamingly。　Chips　keeps　owls　and　rabbits。
  Spots　motor　bicycles。　The　Corsair　commands　canal　barges　and
  steers　them　himself。　The　Piffler　writes　plays；　and　paints　most
  abominably。　Jack　Johnson　trims　ladies'　hats；　and　boxes　with
  professionals　hired　for　that　purpose。　He　is　invariably
  victorious。　Yes：　they　all　have　their　different　little　talents。
  And　also；　of　course；　their　family　resemblances。　For　example；　they
  all　smoke；　they　all　quarrel　with　one　another；　and　they　none　of
  them　appreciate　their　father；　who；　by　the　way；　is　no　mean
  painter；　though　the　Piffler　pretends　to　ridicule　his　efforts。
  ERMYNTRUDE。　Quite　a　large　choice；　eh？
  THE　INCA。　But　very　little　to　choose；　believe　me。　I　should　not
  recommend　Pongo；　because　he　snores　so　frightfully　that　it　has
  been　necessary　to　build　him　a　sound…proof　bedroom：　otherwise　the
  royal　family　would　get　no　sleep。　But　any　of　the　others　would　suit
  equally　wellif　you　are　really　bent　on　marrying　one　of　them。
  ERMYNTRUDE。　If！　What　is　this？　I　never　wanted　to　marry　one　of
  them。　I　thought　you　wanted　me　to。
  THE　INCA。　I　did；　madam；　but　＇confidentially；　flattering　her＇　you
  are　not　quite　the　sort　of　person　I　expected　you　to　be；　and　I
  doubt　whether　any　of　these　young　degenerates　would　make　you
  happy。　I　trust　I　am　not　showing　any　want　of　natural　feeling　when
  I　say　that　from　the　point　of　view　of　a　lively；　accomplished；　and
  beautiful　woman　＇Ermyntrude　bows＇　they　might　pall　after　a　time。　I
  suggest　that　you　might　prefer　the　Inca　himself。
  ERMYNTRUDE。　Oh；　Captain；　how　could　a　humble　person　like　myself　be
  of　any　interest　to　a　prince　who　is　surrounded　with　the　ablest　and
  most　far…reaching　intellects　in　the　world？
  TAE　INCA　＇explosively＇。　What　on　earth　are　you　talking　about；
  madam？　Can　you　name　a　single　man　in　the　entourage　of　the　Inca　who
  is　not　a　born　fool？
  ERMYNTRUDE。　Oh；　how　can　you　say　that！　There　is　Admiral　von
  Cockpits
  THE　INCA　＇rising　intolerantly　and　striding　about　the　room＇。　Von
  Cockpits！　Madam；　if　Von　Cockpits　ever　goes　to　heaven；　before
  three　weeks　are　over　the　Angel　Gabriel　will　be　at　war　with　the
  man　in　the　moon。
  ERMYNTRUDE。　But　General　Von　Schinkenburg
  THE　INCA。　Schinkenburg！　I　grant　you；　Schinkenburg　has　a　genius
  for　defending　market　gardens。　Among　market　gardens　he　is
  invincible。　But　what　is　the　good　of　that？　The　world　does　not
  consist　of　market　gardens。　Turn　him　loose　in　pasture　and　he　is
  lost。　The　Inca　has　defeated　all　these　generals　again　and　again　at
  manoeuvres；　and　yet　he　has　to　give　place　to　them　in　the　field
  because　he　would　be　blamed　for　every　disasteraccused　of
  sacrificing　the　country　to　his　vanity。　Vanity！　Why　do　they　call
  him　vain？　Just　because　he　is　one　of　the　few　men　who　are　not
  afraid　to　live。　Why　do　they　call　themselves　brave？　Because　they
  have　not　sense　enough　to　be　afraid　to　die。　Within　the　last　year
  the　world　has　produced　millions　of　heroes。　Has　it　produced　more
  than　one　Inca？　＇He　resumes　his　seat。＇
  ERMYNTRUDE。　Fortunately　not；　Captain。　I'd　rather　marry　Chips。
  THE　INCA　＇making　a　wry　face＇。　Chips！　Oh　no：　I　wouldn't　marry
  Chips。
  ERMYNTRUDE。　Why？
  THE　INCA　＇whispering　the　secret＇。　Chips　talks　too　much　about
  himself。
  ERMYNTRUDE。　Well；　what　about　Snooks？
  THE　INCA。　Snooks？　Who　is　he？　Have　I　a　son　named　Snooks？　There　are
  so　many＇wearily＇　so　manythat　I　often　forget。　＇Casually。＇　But
  I　wouldn't　marry　him；　anyhow；　if　I　were　you。
  ERMYNTRUDE。　But　hasn't　any　of　them　inherited　the　family　genius？
  Surely；　if　Providence　has　entrusted　them　with　the　care　of
  Perusalemif　they　are　all　descended　from　Bedrock　the　Great
  THE　INCA　＇interrupting　her　impatiently＇。　Madam；　if　you　ask　me；　I
  consider　Bedrock　a　grossly　overrated　monarch。
  ERMYNTRUDE　＇shocked＇。　Oh；　Captain！　Take　care！　Incadisparagement。
  THE　INCA。　I　repeat；　grossly　overrated。　Strictly