know。　I　sent　my　maid　away　as　a　public　duty；　and　now　she　has
  married　a　soldier　and　is　expecting　a　war　baby。　But　I　don't　know
  how　to　do　without　her。　I've　tried　my　very　best；　but　somehow　it
  doesn't　answer：　everybody　cheats　me；　and　in　the　end　it　isn't　any
  saving。　So　I've　made　up　my　mind　to　sell　my　piano　and　have　a　maid。
  That　will　be　a　real　saving；　because　I　really　don't　care　a　bit　for
  music；　though　of　course　one　has　to　pretend　to。　Don't　you　think
  so？
  ERMYNTRUDE。　Certainly　I　do；　Your　Highness。　Nothing　could　be　more
  correct。　Saving　and　self…denial　both　at　once；　and　an　act　of
  kindness　to　me；　as　I　am　out　of　place。
  THE　PRINCESS。　I'm　so　glad　you　see　it　in　that　way。　Eryou　won't
  mind　my　asking；　will　you？how　did　you　lose　your　place？
  ERMYNTRUDE。　The　war；　Your　Highness；　the　war。
  THE　PRINCESS。　Oh　yes；　of　course。　But　how
  ERMYNTRUDE　＇taking　out　her　handkerchief　and　showing　signs　of
  grief＇。　My　poor　mistress
  THE　PRINCESS。　Oh　please　say　no　more。　Don't　think　about　it。　So
  tactless　of　me　to　mention　it。
  ERMYNTRUDE　＇mastering　her　emotion　and　smiling　through　her　tears＇。
  Your　Highness　is　too　good。
  THE　PRINCESS。　Do　you　think　you　could　be　happy　with　me？　I　attach
  such　importance　to　that。
  ERMYNTRUDE　＇gushing＇。　Oh；　I　knowI　shall。
  THE　PRINCESS。　You　must　not　expect　too　much。　There　is　my　uncle。　He
  is　very　severe　and　hasty；　and　he　is　my　guardian。　I　once　had　a
  maid　I　liked　very　much；　but　he　sent　her　away　the　very　first　time。
  ERMYNTRUDE。　The　first　time　of　what；　Your　Highness？
  THE　PRINCESS。　Oh；　something　she　did。　I　am　sure　she　had　never　done
  it　before；　and　I　know　she　would　never　have　done　it　again；　she　was
  so　truly　contrite　and　nice　about　it。
  ERMYNTRUDE。　About　what；　Your　Highness？
  THE　PRINCESS。　Well；　she　wore　my　jewels　and　one　of　my　dresses　at　a
  rather　improper　ball　with　her　young　man；　and　my　uncle　saw　her。
  ERYMNTRUDE。　Then　he　was　at　the　ball　too；　Your　Highness？
  THE　PRINCESS　＇struck　by　the　inference＇。　I　suppose　he　must　have
  been。　I　wonder！　You　know；　it's　very　sharp　of　you　to　find　that
  out。　I　hope　you　are　not　too　sharp。
  ERMYNTRUDE。　A　lady's　maid　has　to　be；　Your　Highness。　＇She　produces
  some　letters。＇　Your　Highness　wishes　to　see　my　testimonials；　no
  doubt。　I　have　one　from　an　Archdeacon。　＇She　proffers　the　letters。＇
  THE　PRINCESS　＇taking　them＇。　Do　archdeacons　have　maids？　How
  curious！
  ERMYNTRUDE。　No；　Your　Highness。　They　have　daughters。　I　have
  first…rate　testimonials　from　the　Archdeacon　and　from　his
  daughter。
  THE　PRINCESS　＇reading　them＇。　The　daughter　says　you　are　in　every
  respect　a　treasure。　The　Archdeacon　says　he　would　have　kept　you　if
  he　could　possibly　have　afforded　it。　Most　satisfactory；　I'm　sure。
  ERMYNTRUDE。　May　I　regard　myself　as　engaged　then；　Your　Highness？
  THE　PRINCESS　＇alarmed＇。　Oh；　I'm　sure　I　don't　know。　If　you　like；
  of　course；　but　do　you　think　I　ought　to？
  ERMYNTRUDE。　Naturally　I　think　Your　Highness　ought　to；　most
  decidedly。
  THE　PRINCESS。　Oh　well；　if　you　think　that；　I　daresay　you're　quite
  right。　You'll　excuse　my　mentioning　it；　I　hope；　but　what　wages
  er？
  ERMYNTRUDE。　The　same　as　the　maid　who　went　to　the　ball。　Your
  Highness　need　not　make　any　change。
  THE　PRINCESS。　M'yes。　Of　course　she　began　with　less。　But　she　had
  such　a　number　of　relatives　to　keep！　It　was　quite　heartbreaking：　I
  had　to　raise　her　wages　again　and　again。
  ERMYNTRUDE。　I　shall　be　quite　content　with　what　she　began　on；　and
  I　have　no　relatives　dependent　on　me。　And　I　am　willing　to　wear　my
  own　dresses　at　balls。
  THE　PRINCESS。　I　am　sure　nothing　could　be　fairer　than　that。　My
  uncle　can't　object　to　that；　can　he？
  ERMYNTRUDE。　If　he　does；　Your　Highness；　ask　him　to　speak　to　me
  about　it。　I　shall　regard　it　as　part　of　my　duties　to　speak　to　your
  uncle　about　matters　of　business。
  THE　PRINCESS。　Would　you？　You　must　be　frightfully　courageous。
  ERMYNTRUDE。　May　I　regard　myself　as　engaged；　Your　Highness？　I
  should　like　to　set　about　my　duties　immediately。
  THE　PRINCESS。　Oh　yes；　I　think　so。　Oh　certainly。　I
  A　waiter　comes　in　with　the　tea。　He　places　the　tray　on　the　table。
  THE　PRINCESS。　Oh；　thank　you。
  ERMYNTRUDE　＇raising　the　cover　from　the　tea　cake　and　looking　at
  it＇。　How　long　has　that　been　standing　at　the　top　of　the　stairs？
  THE　PRINCESS　＇terrified＇。　Oh　please！　It　doesn't　matter。
  THE　WAITER。　It　has　not　been　waiting。　Straight　from　the　kitchen；
  madam；　believe　me。
  ERMYNTRUDE。　Send　the　manager　here。
  THE　WAITER。　The　manager！　What　do　you　want　with　the　manager？
  ERMYNTRUDE。　He　will　tell　you　when　I　have　done　with　him。　How　dare
  you　treat　Her　Highness　in　this　disgraceful　manner？　What　sort　of
  pothouse　is　this？　Where　did　you　learn　to　speak　to　persons　of
  quality？　Take　away　your　cold　tea　and　cold　cake　instantly。　Give
  them　to　the　chambermaid　you　were　flirting　with　whilst　Her
  Highness　was　waiting。　Order　some　fresh　tea　at　once；　and　do　not
  presume　to　bring　it　yourself：　have　it　brought　by　a　civil　waiter
  who　is　accustomed　to　wait　on　ladies；　and　not；　like　you；　on
  commercial　travellers。
  THE　WAITER。　Alas；　madam；　I　am　not　accustomed　to　wait　on　anybody。
  Two　years　ago　I　was　an　eminent　medical　man；　my　waiting…room　was
  crowded　with　the　flower　of　the　aristocracy　and　the　higher
  bourgeoisie　from　nine　to　six　every　day。　But　the　war　came；　and　my
  patients　were　ordered　to　give　up　their　luxuries。　They　gave　up
  their　doctors；　but　kept　their　week…end　hotels；　closing　every
  career　to　me　except　the　career　of　a　waiter。　＇He　puts　his　fingers
  on　the　teapot　to　test　its　temperature；　and　automatically　takes
  out　his　watch　with　the　other　hand　as　if　to　count　the　teapot's
  pulse。＇　You　are　right：　the　tea　is　cold：　it　was　made　by　the　wife
  of　a　once　fashionable　architect。　The　cake　is　only　half　toasted：
  what　can　you　expect　from　a　ruined　west…end　tailor　whose　attempt
  to　establish　a　second…hand　business　failed　last　Tuesday　week？
  Have　you　the　heart　to　complain　to　the　manager？　Have　we　not
  suffered　enough？　Are　our　miseries　nev　＇the　manager　enters＇。　Oh
  Lord！　here　he　is。　＇The　waiter　withdraws　abjectly；　taking　the　tea
  tray　with　him。＇
  THE　MANAGER。　Pardon；　Your　Highness；　but　I　have　received　an　urgent
  inquiry　for　rooms　from　an　English　family　of　importance；　and　I
  venture　to　ask　you　to　let　me　know　how　long　you　intend　to　honor　us
  with　your　presence。
  THE　PRINCESS　＇rising　anxiously＇。　Oh！　am　I　in　the　way？
  ERMYNTRUDE　＇sternly＇。　Sit　down；　madam。　＇The　Princess　sits　down
  forlornly。　Ermyntrude　turns　imperiously　to　the　Manager。＇　Her
  Highness　will　require　this　room　for　twenty　minutes。
  THE　MANAGER。　Twenty　minutes！
  ERMYNTRUDE。　Yes：　it　will　take　fully　that　time　to　find　a　proper
  apartment　in　a　respectable　hotel。
  THE　MANAGER。　I　do　not　understand。
  ERMYNTRUDE。　You　understand　perfectly。　How　dare　you　offer　Her
  Highness　a　room　on　the　second　floor？
  THE　MANAGER。　But　I　have　explained。　The　first　floor　is　occupied。
  At　least
  ERMYNTRUDE。　Well？　at　least？
  THE　MANAGER。　It　is　occupied。
  ERMYNTRUDE。　Don't　you　dare　tell　Her　Highness　a　falsehood。　It　is
  not　occupied。　You　are　saving　it　up　for　the　arrival　of　the
  five…fifteen　express；　from　which　you　hope　to　pick　up　some　fat
  armaments　contractor　who　will　drink　all　the　bad　champagne　in　your
  cellar　at　5　francs　a　bottle；　and　pay　twice　over　for　everything
  because　he　is　in　the　same　hotel　with　Her　Highness；　and　can　boast
  of　having　turned　her　out　of　the　best　rooms。
  THE　MANAGER。　But　Her　Highness　was　so　gracious。　I　did　not　know
  that　Her　Highness　was　at　all　particular。
  ERMYNTRUDE。　And　you　take　advantage　of　Her　Highness's
  graciousness。　You　impose　on　her　with　your　stories。　You　give　her　a
  room　not　fit　for　a　dog。　You　send　cold　tea　to　her　by　a　decayed
  professional　person　disguised　as　a　waiter。　But　don't　think　you
  can　trifle　with　me。　I　am　a　lady's　maid；　and　I　know　the　ladies'
  maids　and　valets　of　all　the　aristocracies　of　Europe　and　all　the
  millionaires　of　America。　When　I　expose　your　hotel　as　the
  second…rate　little　hole　it　is；　not　a　soul　above　the　rank　of　a
  curate　with　a　large　family　will　be　seen　entering　it。　I　shake　its
  dust　off　my　feet。　Order　the　luggage　to　be　taken　down　at　once。
  THE　MANAGER　＇appealing　to　the　Princess＇。　Can　Your　Highness
  believe　this　of　me？　Have　I　had　the　misfortune　to　offend　Your
  Highness？
  THE　PRINCESS。　Oh　no。　I　am　quite　satisfied。　Please
  ERMYNTRUDE。　Is　Your　Highness　dissatisfied　with　me？
  THE　PRINCESS　＇intimidated＇。　Oh　no：　please　don't　think　that。　I
  only　meant
  ERMYNTRUDE　＇to　the　manager＇。　You　hear。　Perhaps　you　think　Her
  Highness　is　going　to　do　the　work　of　teaching　you　your　place
  herself；　instead　of　leaving　it　to　her　maid。
  THE　MANAGER。　Oh　please；　mademoiselle。　Believe　me：　our　only　wish
  is　to　make　you　perfectly　comfortable。　But　in　consequence　of　the
  war；　all　royal　personages　now　practise　a　rigid　economy；　and
  desire　us　to　treat　them　like　their　poorest　subjects。
  THE　PRINCESS。　Oh　yes。　You　are　quite　right
  ERMYNTRUDE　＇interrupting＇。　There！　Her　Highness　forgives　you；　but
  don't　do　it　again。　Now　go　downstairs；　my　good　man；　and　get　that
  suite　on　the　first　floor　ready　for　us。　And　send　some　proper　tea。
  And　turn　on　the　heating　apparatus　until　the　temperature　in　the
  rooms　is　comfortably　warm。　And　have　hot　water　put　in　all　the
  bedrooms
  THE　MANAGER。　There　are　basins　with　hot　and　cold　taps。
  ERMYNTRUDE　＇scornfully＇。　Yes：　there　WOULD　be。　Suppose