I　and　My　Chimney
  by　Herman　Melville
  I　and　my　chimney；　two　grey…headed　old　smokers；　reside　in　the
  country。　We　are；　I　may　say；　old　settlers　here；　particularly　my
  old　chimney；　which　settles　more　and　more　every　day。
  Though　I　always　say；　I　AND　MY　CHIMNEY；　as　Cardinal　Wolsey　used　to
  say；　〃I　AND　MY　KING；〃　yet　this　egotistic　way　of　speaking；　wherein
  I　take　precedence　of　my　chimney；　is　hereby　borne　out　by　the
  facts；　in　everything；　except　the　above　phrase；　my　chimney　taking
  precedence　of　me。
  Within　thirty　feet　of　the　turf…sided　road；　my　chimneya　huge；
  corpulent　old　Harry　VIII　of　a　chimneyrises　full　in　front　of　me
  and　all　my　possessions。　Standing　well　up　a　hillside；　my　chimney；
  like　Lord　Rosse's　monster　telescope；　swung　vertical　to　hit　the
  meridian　moon；　is　the　first　object　to　greet　the　approaching
  traveler's　eye；　nor　is　it　the　last　which　the　sun　salutes。　My
  chimney；　too；　is　before　me　in　receiving　the　first…fruits　of　the
  seasons。　The　snow　is　on　its　head　ere　on　my　hat；　and　every　spring；
  as　in　a　hollow　beech　tree；　the　first　swallows　build　their　nests
  in　it。
  But　it　is　within　doors　that　the　pre…eminence　of　my　chimney　is
  most　manifest。　When　in　the　rear　room；　set　apart　for　that　object；
  I　stand　to　receive　my　guests　（who；　by　the　way　call　more；　I
  suspect；　to　see　my　chimney　than　me）　I　then　stand；　not　so　much
  before；　as；　strictly　speaking；　behind　my　chimney；　which　is；
  indeed；　the　true　host。　Not　that　I　demur。　In　the　presence　of　my
  betters；　I　hope　I　know　my　place。
  From　this　habitual　precedence　of　my　chimney　over　me；　some　even
  think　that　I　have　got　into　a　sad　rearward　way　altogether；　in
  short；　from　standing　behind　my　old…　fashioned　chimney　so　much；　I
  have　got　to　be　quite　behind　the　age　too；　as　well　as　running
  behindhand　in　everything　else。　But　to　tell　the　truth；　I　never　was
  a　very　forward　old　fellow；　nor　what　my　farming　neighbors　call　a
  forehanded　one。　Indeed；　those　rumors　about　my　behindhandedness
  are　so　far　correct；　that　I　have　an　odd　sauntering　way　with　me
  sometimes　of　going　about　with　my　hands　behind　my　back。　　As　for　my
  belonging　to　the　rear…guard　in　general；　certain　it　is；　I　bring　up
  the　rear　of　my　chimneywhich；　by　the　way；　is　this　moment　before
  meand　that；　too；　both　in　fancy　and　fact。　　In　brief；　my　chimney
  is　my　superior；　my　superior；　too；　in　that　humbly　bowing　over　with
  shovel　and　tongs；　I　much　minister　to　it；　yet　never　does　it
  minister；　or　incline　over　to　me；　but；　if　anything；　in　its
  settlings；　rather　leans　the　other　way。
  My　chimney　is　grand　seignior　herethe　one　great　domineering
  object；　not　more　of　the　landscape；　than　of　the　house；　all　the
  rest　of　which　house；　in　each　architectural　arrangement；　as　may
  shortly　appear；　is；　in　the　most　marked　manner；　accommodated；　not
  to　my　wants；　but　to　my　chimney's；　which；　among　other　things；　has
  the　centre　of　the　house　to　himself；　leaving　but　the　odd　holes　and
  corners　to　me。
  But　I　and　my　chimney　must　explain；　and　as　we　are　both　rather
  obese；　we　may　have　to　expatiate。
  In　those　houses　which　are　strictly　double　housesthat　is；　where
  the　hall　is　in　the　middlethe　fireplaces　usually　are　on　opposite
  sides；　so　that　while　one　member　of　the　household　is　warming
  himself　at　a　fire　built　into　a　recess　of　the　north　wall；　say
  another　member；　the　former's　own　brother；　perhaps；　may　be　holding
  his　feet　to　the　blaze　before　a　hearth　in　the　south　wallthe　two
  thus　fairly　sitting　back　to　back。　　Is　this　well？　Be　it　put　to　any
  man　who　has　a　proper　fraternal　feeling。　Has　it　not　a　sort　of
  sulky　appearance？　But　very　probably　this　style　of　chimney
  building　originated　with　some　architect　afflicted　with　a
  quarrelsome　family。
  Then　again；　almost　every　modem　fireplace　has　its　separate
  flueseparate　throughout；　from　hearth　to　chimney…top。　At　least
  such　an　arrangement　is　deemed　desirable。　Does　not　this　look
  egotistical；　selfish？　But　still　more；　all　these　separate　flues；
  instead　of　having　independent　masonry　establishments　of　their
  own；　or　instead　of　being　grouped　together　in　one　federal　stock　in
  the　middle　of　the　houseinstead　of　this；　I　say；　each　flue　is
  surreptitiously　honey…combed　into　the　walls；　so　that　these　last
  are　here　and　there；　or　indeed　almost　anywhere；　treacherously
  hollow；　and；　in　consequence；　more　or　less　weak。　　Of　course；　the
  main　reason　of　this　style　of　chimney　building　is　to　economize
  room。　In　cities；　where　lots　are　sold　by　the　inch；　small　space　is
  to　spare　for　a　chimney　constructed　on　magnanimous　principles；
  and；　as　with　most　thin　men；　who　are　generally　tall；　so　with　such
  houses；　what　is　lacking　in　breadth；　must　be　made　up　in　height。
  This　remark　holds　true　even　with　regard　to　many　very　stylish
  abodes；　built　by　the　most　stylish　of　gentlemen。　And　yet；　when
  that　stylish　gentleman；　Louis　le　Grand　of　France；　would　build　a
  palace　for　his　lady；　friend；　Madame　de　Maintenon；　he　built　it　but
  one　story　highin　fact　in　the　cottage　style。　But　then；　how
  uncommonly　quadrangular；　spacious；　and　broadhorizontal　acres；
  not　vertical　ones。　Such　is　the　palace；　which；　in　all　its
  one…storied　magnificence　of　Languedoc　marble；　in　the　garden　of
  Versailles；　still　remains　to　this　day。　Any　man　can　buy　a　square
  foot　of　land　and　plant　a　liberty…pole　on　it；　but　it　takes　a　king
  to　set　apart　whole　acres　for　a　grand　triannon。
  But　nowadays　it　is　different；　and　furthermore；　what　originated　in
  a　necessity　has　been　mounted　into　a　vaunt。　In　towns　there　is
  large　rivalry　in　building　tall　houses。　If　one　gentleman　builds
  his　house　four　stories　high；　and　another　gentleman　comes　next
  door　and　builds　five　stories　high；　then　the　former；　not　to　be
  looked　down　upon　that　way；　immediately　sends　for　his　architect
  and　claps　a　fifth　and　a　sixth　story　on　top　of　his　previous　four。
  And；　not　till　the　gentleman　has　achieved　his　aspiration；　not　till
  he　has　stolen　over　the　way　by　twilight　and　observed　how　his　sixth
  story　soars　beyond　his　neighbor's　fifthnot　till　then　does　he
  retire　to　his　rest　with　satisfaction。
  Such　folks；　it　seems　to　me；　need　mountains　for　neighbors；　to　take
  this　emulous　conceit　of　soaring　out　of　them。
  If；　considering　that　mine　is　a　very　wide　house；　and　by　no　means
  lofty；　aught　in　the　above　may　appear　like　interested　pleading；　as
  if　I　did　but　fold　myself　about　in　the　cloak　of　a　general
  proposition；　cunningly　to　tickle　my　individual　vanity　beneath　it；
  such　misconception　must　vanish　upon　my　frankly　conceding；　that
  land　adjoining　my　alder　swamp　was　sold　last　month　for　ten　dollars
  an　acre；　and　thought　a　rash　purchase　at　that；　so　that　for　wide
  houses　hereabouts　there　is　plenty　of　room；　and　cheap。　Indeed　so
  cheapdirt　cheapis　the　soil；　that　our　elms　thrust　out　their
  roots　in　it；　and　hang　their　great　boughs　over　it；　in　the　most
  lavish　and　reckless　way。　Almost　all　our　crops；　too；　are　sown
  broadcast；　even　peas　and　turnips。　A　farmer　among　us；　who　should
  go　about　his　twenty…acre　field；　poking　his　finger　into　it　here
  and　there；　and　dropping　down　a　mustard　seed；　would　be　thought　a
  penurious；　narrow…minded　husbandman。　The　dandelions　in　the
  river…meadows；　and　the　forget…me…nots　along　the　mountain　roads；
  you　see　at　once　they　are　put　to　no　economy　in　space。　Some
  seasons；　too；　our　rye　comes　up　here　and　there　a　spear；　sole　and
  single　like　a　church…spire。　It　doesn't　care　to　crowd　itself　where
  it　knows　there　is　such　a　deal　of　room。　The　world　is　wide；　the
  world　is　all　before　us；　says　the　rye。　Weeds；　too；　it　is　amazing
  how　they　spread。　No　such　thing　as　arresting　themsome　of　our
  pastures　being　a　sort　of　Alsatia　for　the　weeds。　As　for　the　grass；
  every　spring　it　is　like　Kossuth's　rising　of　what　he　calls　the
  peoples。　Mountains；　too；　a　regular　camp…meeting　of　them。　For　the
  same　reason；　the　same　all…sufficiency　of　room；　our　shadows　march
  and　countermarch；　going　through　their　various　drills　and　masterly
  evolutions；　like　the　old　imperial　guard　on　the　Champs　de　Mars。
  As　for　the　hills；　especially　where　the　roads　cross　them　the
  supervisors　of　our　various　towns　have　given　notice　to　all
  concerned；　that　they　can　come　and　dig　them　down　and　cart　them
  off；　and　never　a　cent　to　pay；　no　more　than　for　the　privilege　of
  picking　blackberries。　The　stranger　who　is　buried　here；　what
  liberal…hearted　landed　proprietor　among　us　grudges　him　six　feet
  of　rocky　pasture？
  Nevertheless；　cheap；　after　all；　as　our　land　is；　and　much　as　it　is
  trodden　under　foot；　I；　for　one；　am　proud　of　it　for　what　it　bears；
  and　chiefly　for　its　three　great　lionsthe　Great　Oak；　Ogg
  Mountain；　and　my　chimney。
  Most　houses；　here；　are　but　one　and　a　half　stories　high；　few
  exceed　two。　That　in　which　I　and　my　chimney　dwell；　is　in　width
  nearly　twice　its　height；　from　sill　to　eaveswhich　accounts　for
  the　magnitude　of　its　main　contentbesides　showing　that　in　this
  house；　as　in　this　country　at　large；　there　is　abundance　of　space；
  and　to　spare；　for　both　of　us。
  The　frame　of　the　old　house　is　of　woodwhich　but　the　more　sets
  forth　the　solidity　of　the　chimne