第 4 节
作者:猜火车      更新:2021-02-19 20:29      字数:9312
  supersaturated fluid suddenly begin to crystallize out。
  Tolstoy writes:  〃S。; a frank and intelligent man; told me as
  follows how he ceased to believe:
  〃He was twenty…six years old when one day on a hunting
  expedition; the time for sleep having come; he set himself to
  pray according to the custom he had held from childhood。
  〃His brother; who was hunting with him; lay upon the hay and
  looked at him。  When S。 had finished his prayer and was turning
  to sleep; the brother said; 'Do you still keep up that thing?'
  Nothing more was said。  But since that day; now more than thirty
  years ago; S。  has never prayed again; he never takes communion;
  and does not go to church。  All this; not because he became
  acquainted with convictions of his brother which he then and
  there adopted; not because he made any new resolution in his
  soul; but merely because the words spoken by his brother were
  like the light push of a finger against a leaning wall already
  about to tumble by its own weight。  These words but showed him
  that the place wherein he supposed religion dwelt in him had long
  been empty; and that the sentences he uttered; the crosses and
  bows which he made during his prayer; were actions with no inner
  sense。  Having once seized their absurdity; he could no longer
  keep them up。〃    Ma Confession; p。 8。
  I subjoin an additional document which has come into my
  possession; and which represents in a vivid way what is probably
  a very frequent sort of conversion; if the opposite of 'falling
  in love;' falling out of love; may be so termed。  Falling in love
  also conforms frequently to this type; a latent process of
  unconscious preparation often preceding a sudden awakening to the
  fact that the mischief is irretrievably done。  The free and easy
  tone in this narrative gives it a sincerity that speaks for
  itself。
  〃For two years of this time I went through a very bad experience;
  which almost drove me mad。  I had fallen violently in love with a
  girl who; young as she was; had a spirit of coquetry like a cat。
  As I look back on her now; I hate her; and wonder how I could
  ever have fallen so low as to be worked upon to such an extent by
  her attractions。  Nevertheless; I fell into a regular fever;
  could think of nothing else; whenever I was alone; I pictured her
  attractions; and spent most of the time when I should have been
  working; in recalling our previous interviews; and imagining
  future conversations。  She was very pretty; good humored; and
  jolly to the last degree; and intensely pleased with my
  admiration。  Would give me no decided answer yes or no and the
  queer thing about it was that whilst pursuing her for her hand; I
  secretly knew all along that she was unfit to be a wife for me;
  and that she never would say yes。  Although for a year we took
  our meals at the same boarding…house; so that I saw her
  continually and familiarly; our closer relations had to be
  largely on the sly; and this fact; together with my jealousy of
  another one of her male admirers and my own conscience despising
  me for my uncontrollable weakness; made me so nervous and
  sleepless that I really thought I should become insane。  I
  understand well those young men murdering their sweethearts;
  which appear so often in the papers。  Nevertheless I did love her
  passionately; and in some ways she did deserve it。
  〃The queer thing was the sudden and unexpected way in which it
  all stopped。  I was going to my work after breakfast one morning;
  thinking as usual of her and of my misery; when; just as if some
  outside power laid hold of me; I found myself turning round and
  almost running to my room; where I immediately got out all the
  relics of her which I possessed; including some hair; all her
  notes and letters and ambrotypes on glass。  The former I made a
  fire of; the latter I actually crushed beneath my heel; in a sort
  of fierce joy of revenge and punishment。  I now loathed and
  despised her altogether; and as for myself I felt as if a load of
  disease had suddenly been removed from me。  That was the end。  I
  never spoke to her or wrote to her again in all the subsequent
  years; and I have never had a single moment of loving thought
  towards one for so many months entirely filled my heart。  In
  fact; I have always rather hated her memory; though now I can see
  that I had gone unnecessarily far in that direction。  At any
  rate; from that happy morning onward I regained possession of my
  own proper soul; and have never since fallen into any similar
  trap。〃
  This seems to me an unusually clear example of two different
  levels of personality; inconsistent in their dictates; yet so
  well balanced against each other as for a long time to fill the
  life with discord and dissatisfaction。  At last; not gradually;
  but in a sudden crisis; the unstable equilibrium is resolved; and
  this happens so unexpectedly that it is as if; to use the
  writer's words; 〃some outside power laid hold。〃
  Professor Starbuck gives an analogous case; and a converse case
  of hatred suddenly turning into love; in his Psychology of
  Religion; p。 141。  Compare the other highly curious instances
  which he gives on pp。 137…144; of sudden non…religious
  alterations of habit or character。 He seems right in conceiving
  all such sudden changes as results of special cerebral functions
  unconsciously developing until they are ready to play a
  controlling part when they make irruption into the conscious
  life。  When we treat of sudden 'conversion;' I shall make as much
  use as I can of this hypothesis of subconscious incubation。
  In John Foster's Essay on Decision of Character; there is
  an account of a case of sudden conversion to avarice; which is
  illustrative enough to quote:
  A young man; it appears; 〃wasted; in two or three years; a large
  patrimony in profligate revels with a number of worthless
  associates who called themselves his friends; and who; when his
  last means were exhausted; treated him of course with neglect or
  contempt。  Reduced to absolute want; he one day went out of the
  house with an intention to put an end to his life; but wandering
  awhile almost unconsciously; he came to the brow of an eminence
  which overlooked what were lately his estates。  Here he sat down;
  and remained fixed in thought a number of hours; at the end of
  which he sprang from the ground with a vehement; exulting
  emotion。  He had formed his resolution; which was; that all these
  estates should be his again; he had formed his plan; too; which
  he instantly began to execute。  He walked hastily forward;
  determined to seize the first opportunity; of however humble a
  kind; to gain any money; though it were ever so despicable a
  trifle; and resolved absolutely not to spend; if he could help
  it; a farthing of whatever he might obtain。  The first thing that
  drew his attention was a heap of coals shot out of carts on the
  pavement before a house。  He offered himself to shovel or wheel
  them into the place where they were to be laid; and was employed。
  He received a few pence for the labor; and then; in pursuance of
  the saving part of his plan requested some small gratuity of meat
  and drink; which was given  him。  He then looked out for
  the next thing that might chance; and went; with indefatigable
  industry; through a succession of servile employments in
  different places; of longer and shorter duration; still
  scrupulous in avoiding; as far as possible; the expense of a
  penny。  He promptly seized every opportunity which could advance
  his design; without regarding the meanness of occupation or
  appearance。  By this method he had gained; after a considerable
  time; money enough to purchase in order to sell again a few
  cattle; of which he had taken pains to understand the value。  He
  speedily but cautiously turned his first gains into second
  advantages; retained without a single deviation his extreme
  parsimony; and thus advanced by degrees into larger transactions
  and incipient wealth。  I did not hear; or have forgotten; the
  continued course of his life; but the final result was; that he
  more than recovered his lost possessions; and died an inveterate
  miser; worth L60;000。〃'94'
  '94' Op。 cit。; Letter III。; abridged。
  Let me turn now to the kind of case; the religious case; namely;
  that immediately concerns us。  Here is one of the s