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perceiving that as reflection did nothing; resolution must do all;
soon found herself leading to the fact。
She managed the recital; as she hoped; with address; prepared
her anxious listener with caution; related simply and honestly the
chief points on which Willoughby grounded his apology; did
justice to his repentance; and softened only his protestations of
present regard。 Marianne said not a word。—She trembled; her
eyes were fixed on the ground; and her lips became whiter than
even sickness had left them。 A thousand inquiries sprung up from
her heart; but she dared not urge one。 She caught every syllable
with panting eagerness; her hand; unknowingly to herself; closely
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pressed her sister’s; and tears covered her cheeks。
Elinor; dreading her being tired; led her towards home; and till
they reached the door of the cottage; easily conjecturing what her
curiosity must be though no question was suffered to speak it;
talked of nothing but Willoughby; and their conversation together;
and was carefully minute in every particular of speech and look;
where minuteness could be safely indulged。 As soon as they
entered the house; Marianne with a kiss of gratitude and these two
words just articulate through her tears; “Tell mama;” withdrew
from her sister and walked slowly up stairs。 Elinor would not
attempt to disturb a solitude so reasonable as what she now
sought; and with a mind anxiously pre…arranging its result; and a
resolution of reviving the subject again; should Marianne fail to do
it; she turned into the parlour to fulfil her parting injunction。
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CHAPTER XI
rs。 Dashwood did not hear unmoved the vindication of
her former favourite。 She rejoiced in his being cleared
M
from some part of his imputed guilt;—she was sorry for
him;—she wished him happy。 But the feelings of the past could
not be recalled。—Nothing could restore him with a faith
unbroken—a character unblemished; to Marianne。 Nothing could
do away the knowledge of what the latter had suffered through his
means; nor remove the guilt of his conduct towards Eliza。 Nothing
could replace him; therefore; in her former esteem; nor injure the
interests of Colonel Brandon。
Had Mrs。 Dashwood; like her daughter; heard Willoughby’s
story from himself—had she witnessed his distress; and been
under the influence of his countenance and his manner; it is
probable that her compassion would have been greater。 But it was
neither in Elinor’s power; nor in her wish; to rouse such feelings in
another; by her retailed explanation; as had at first been called
forth in herself。 Reflection had given calmness to her judgment;
and sobered her own opinion of Willoughby’s deserts;—she
wished; therefore; to declare only the simple truth; and lay open
such facts as were really due to his character; without any
embellishment of tenderness to lead the fancy astray。
In the evening; when they were all three together; Marianne
began voluntarily to speak of him again;—but that it was not
without an effort; the restless; unquiet thoughtfulness in which she
had been for some time previously sitting—her rising colour; as
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she spoke;—and her unsteady voice; plainly shewed。
“I wish to assure you both;” said she; “that I see every thing—as
you can desire me to do。”
Mrs。 Dashwood would have interrupted her instantly with
soothing tenderness; had not Elinor; who really wished to hear her
sister’s unbiased opinion; by an eager sign; engaged her silence。
Marianne slowly continued—
“It is a great relief to me—what Elinor told me this morning—I
have now heard exactly what I wished to hear。”—For some
moments her voice was lost; but recovering herself; she added;
and with greater calmness than before—“I am now perfectly
satisfied; I wish for no change。 I never could have been happy with
him; after knowing; as sooner or later I must have known; all
this。—I should have had no confidence; no esteem。 Nothing could
have done it away to my feelings。”
“I know it—I know it;” cried her mother。 “Happy with a man of
libertine practices!—With one who so injured the peace of the
dearest of our friends; and the best of men!—No—my Marianne
has not a heart to be made happy with such a man!—Her
conscience; her sensitive conscience; would have felt all that the
conscience of her husband ought to have felt。”
Marianne sighed; and repeated; “I wish for no change。”
“You consider the matter;” said Elinor; “exactly as a good mind
and a sound understanding must consider it; and I dare say you
perceive; as well as myself; not only in this; but in many other
circumstances; reason enough to be convinced that your marriage
must have involved you in many certain troubles and
disappointments; in which you would have been poorly supported
by an affection; on his side; much less certain。 Had you married;
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you must have been always poor。 His expensiveness is
acknowledged even by himself; and his whole conduct declares
that self…denial is a word hardly understood by him。 His demands
and your inexperience together; on a small; very small income;
must have brought on distresses which would not be the less
grievous to you; from having been entirely unknown and
unthought of before。 Your sense of honour and honesty would
have led you; I know; when aware of your situation; to attempt all
the economy that would appear to you possible; and perhaps; as
long as your frugality retrenched only on your own comfort; you
might have been suffered to practise it; but beyond that—and how
little could the utmost of your single management do to stop the
ruin which had begun before your marriage?—Beyond that; had
you endeavoured; however reasonably; to abridge his enjoyments;
is it not to be feared; that instead of prevailing on feelings so
selfish to consent to it; you would have lessened your own
influence on his heart; and made him regret the connection which
had involved him in such difficulties?”
Marianne’s lips quivered; and she repeated the word “Selfish?”
in a tone that implied—“do you really think him selfish?”
“The whole of his behaviour;” replied Elinor; “from the
beginning to the end of the affair; has been grounded on
selfishness。 It was selfishness which first made him sport with
your affections; which afterwards; when his own were engaged;
made him delay the confession of it; and which finally carried him
from Barton。 His own enjoyment; or his own ease; was; in every
particular; his ruling principle。”
“It is very true。 My happiness never was his object。”
“At present;” continued Elinor; “he regrets what he has done。
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