第 93 节
作者:南方网      更新:2021-02-19 19:56      字数:9248
  perceiving   that   as   reflection   did   nothing;   resolution   must   do   all;
  soon found herself leading to the fact。
  She managed the recital; as she hoped; with address; prepared
  her anxious listener with caution; related simply and honestly the
  chief    points    on   which     Willoughby       grounded      his   apology;     did
  justice   to   his   repentance;   and   softened   only   his   protestations   of
  present   regard。   Marianne   said   not   a        word。—She       trembled;     her
  eyes   were   fixed   on   the   ground; and   her  lips became   whiter   than
  even sickness had left them。 A thousand inquiries sprung up from
  her heart; but she dared not urge   one。 She  caught  every  syllable
  with panting eagerness; her hand; unknowingly to herself; closely
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  pressed her sister’s; and tears covered her cheeks。
  Elinor; dreading her being tired; led her towards home; and till
  they reached the door of the cottage; easily conjecturing what her
  curiosity   must   be   though   no   question   was   suffered   to   speak   it;
  talked of nothing but Willoughby; and their conversation together;
  and  was carefully  minute   in   every  particular  of  speech and look;
  where      minuteness       could    be   safely   indulged。     As   soon    as  they
  entered the house; Marianne with a kiss of gratitude and these two
  words   just   articulate   through   her   tears;   “Tell   mama;”   withdrew
  from     her   sister   and   walked    slowly    up   stairs。  Elinor    would     not
  attempt      to  disturb    a  solitude    so   reasonable      as  what    she   now
  sought; and with a mind anxiously pre…arranging its result; and a
  resolution of reviving the subject again; should Marianne fail to do
  it; she turned into the parlour to fulfil her parting injunction。
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  CHAPTER XI
  rs。 Dashwood did not hear unmoved the vindication of
  her former favourite。 She rejoiced in his being cleared
  M
  from some part of his imputed guilt;—she was sorry for
  him;—she   wished   him   happy。   But   the   feelings   of   the   past   could
  not    be    recalled。—Nothing        could    restore    him     with   a   faith
  unbroken—a character unblemished; to Marianne。 Nothing could
  do away the knowledge of what the latter had suffered through his
  means; nor remove the guilt of his conduct towards Eliza。 Nothing
  could replace him; therefore; in her former esteem; nor injure the
  interests of Colonel Brandon。
  Had     Mrs。   Dashwood;      like  her   daughter;    heard    Willoughby’s
  story    from   himself—had       she   witnessed     his  distress;   and   been
  under     the  influence    of  his  countenance      and   his   manner;    it  is
  probable that her compassion would have been greater。 But it was
  neither in Elinor’s power; nor in her wish; to rouse such feelings in
  another;   by   her   retailed   explanation;   as   had   at   first   been   called
  forth   in   herself。   Reflection   had   given   calmness   to   her   judgment;
  and     sobered    her    own    opinion    of  Willoughby’s      deserts;—she
  wished;   therefore;   to  declare   only  the   simple   truth;   and  lay   open
  such     facts  as   were   really   due   to  his   character;    without    any
  embellishment of tenderness to lead the fancy astray。
  In   the   evening;   when   they   were   all   three   together;   Marianne
  began     voluntarily    to  speak   of  him   again;—but      that  it  was   not
  without an effort; the restless; unquiet thoughtfulness in which she
  had   been   for   some   time   previously   sitting—her   rising   colour;   as
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  she spoke;—and her unsteady voice; plainly shewed。
  “I wish to assure you both;” said she; “that I see every thing—as
  you can desire me to do。”
  Mrs。    Dashwood       would     have    interrupted     her   instantly    with
  soothing tenderness; had not Elinor; who really wished to hear her
  sister’s   unbiased   opinion;   by  an   eager   sign;   engaged   her   silence。
  Marianne slowly continued—
  “It is a great relief to me—what Elinor told me this morning—I
  have     now    heard    exactly    what    I  wished     to  hear。”—For       some
  moments   her   voice   was   lost;   but   recovering   herself;   she   added;
  and     with   greater    calmness     than    before—“I      am    now    perfectly
  satisfied; I wish for no change。 I never could have been happy with
  him;   after   knowing;   as   sooner   or   later   I   must   have   known;   all
  this。—I should have had no confidence; no esteem。 Nothing could
  have done it away to my feelings。”
  “I know it—I know it;” cried her mother。 “Happy with a man of
  libertine   practices!—With   one         who   so   injured    the  peace    of   the
  dearest   of   our   friends;   and   the   best   of   men!—No—my   Marianne
  has    not   a   heart   to   be   made    happy     with    such   a   man!—Her
  conscience;   her  sensitive   conscience;   would   have   felt   all   that   the
  conscience of her husband ought to have felt。”
  Marianne sighed; and repeated; “I wish for no change。”
  “You consider the matter;” said Elinor; “exactly as a good mind
  and  a sound   understanding  must  consider  it;   and I   dare   say   you
  perceive;   as   well   as   myself;   not   only   in   this;   but   in   many   other
  circumstances; reason enough to be convinced that your marriage
  must      have     involved      you    in    many      certain     troubles     and
  disappointments; in which you would have been poorly supported
  by an affection; on his side; much less certain。   Had   you  married;
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  you     must      have     been     always     poor。     His    expensiveness         is
  acknowledged   even   by   himself;   and   his   whole   conduct   declares
  that self…denial is a word hardly understood by him。 His demands
  and   your   inexperience   together;   on   a   small;   very   small   income;
  must     have    brought     on   distresses    which    would     not   be   the less
  grievous      to   you;    from     having     been     entirely    unknown        and
  unthought   of   before。      Your   sense   of   honour   and      honesty   would
  have led you; I know; when aware of your situation; to attempt all
  the   economy  that  would   appear  to  you  possible;   and   perhaps;   as
  long  as   your  frugality  retrenched   only  on   your  own   comfort;   you
  might have been suffered to practise it; but beyond that—and how
  little could the   utmost  of  your  single  management do  to  stop   the
  ruin   which   had   begun   before   your   marriage?—Beyond that;   had
  you endeavoured; however reasonably; to abridge his enjoyments;
  is   it   not   to   be   feared;  that   instead  of  prevailing   on    feelings   so
  selfish    to   consent     to  it;  you   would     have    lessened      your   own
  influence on his heart; and made him regret the connection which
  had involved him in such difficulties?”
  Marianne’s lips quivered; and she repeated the word “Selfish?”
  in a tone that implied—“do you really think him selfish?”
  “The     whole     of   his   behaviour;”      replied     Elinor;    “from     the
  beginning       to   the   end    of   the   affair;   has   been     grounded       on
  selfishness。   It   was   selfishness      which   first   made    him   sport   with
  your   affections;   which   afterwards;   when   his   own   were   engaged;
  made him delay the confession of it; and which finally carried him
  from   Barton。   His   own   enjoyment;   or  his   own   ease;   was;   in   every
  particular; his ruling principle。”
  “It is very true。 My happiness never was his object。”
  “At present;” continued Elinor;   “he  regrets   what  he  has done。
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