第 89 节
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too much oppressed by a crowd of ideas; widely differing
in themselves; but of which sadness was the general result; to
think even of her sister。
Willoughby; he; whom only half an hour ago she had abhorred
as the most worthless of men; Willoughby; in spite of all his faults;
excited a degree of commiseration for the sufferings produced by
them; which made her think of him as now separated for ever from
her family; with a tenderness; a regret; rather in proportion; as she
soon acknowledged within herself—to his wishes than to his
merits。 She felt that his influence over her mind was heightened
by circumstances which ought not in reason to have weight; by
that person of uncommon attraction; that open; affectionate; and
lively manner which it was no merit to possess; and by that still
ardent love for Marianne; which it was not even innocent to
indulge。 But she felt that it was so; long; long before she could feel
his influence less。
When at last she returned to the unconscious Marianne; she
found her just awaking; refreshed by so long and sweet a sleep to
the extent of her hopes。 Elinor’s heart was full。 The past; the
present; the future; Willoughby’s visit; Marianne’s safety; and her
mother’s expected arrival; threw her altogether into an agitation of
spirits which kept off every indication of fatigue; and made her
only fearful of betraying herself to her sister。 Short was the time;
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however; in which that fear could affect her; for within half an
hour after Willoughby’s leaving the house; she was again called
down stairs by the sound of another carriage。—Eager to save her
mother from every unnecessary moment’s horrible suspense; she
ran immediately into the hall; and reached the outward door just
in time to receive and support her as she entered it。
Mrs。 Dashwood; whose terror as they drew near the house had
produced almost the conviction of Marianne’s being no more; had
no voice to inquire after her; no voice even for Elinor; but she;
waiting neither for salutation nor inquiry; instantly gave the joyful
relief;—and her mother; catching it with all her usual warmth; was
in a moment as much overcome by her happiness; as she had been
before by her fears。 She was supported into the drawing…room
between her daughter and her friend;—and there; shedding tears
of joy; though still unable to speak; embraced Elinor again and
again; turning from her at intervals to press Colonel Brandon’s
hand; with a look which spoke at once her gratitude; and her
conviction of his sharing with herself in the bliss of the moment。
He shared it; however; in a silence even greater than her own。
As soon as Mrs。 Dashwood had recovered herself; to see
Marianne was her first desire; and in two minutes she was with
her beloved child; rendered dearer to her than ever by absence;
unhappiness; and danger。 Elinor’s delight; as she saw what each
felt in the meeting; was only checked by an apprehension of its
robbing Marianne of farther sleep;—but Mrs。 Dashwood could be
calm; could be even prudent; when the life of a child was at stake;
and Marianne; satisfied in knowing her mother was near her; and
conscious of being too weak for conversation; submitted readily to
the silence and quiet prescribed by every nurse around her。 Mrs。
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Dashwood would sit up with her all night; and Elinor; in
compliance with her mother’s entreaty; went to bed。 But the rest;
which one night entirely sleepless; and many hours of the most
wearing anxiety seemed to make requisite; was kept off by
irritation of spirits。 Willoughby; “poor Willoughby;” as she now
allowed herself to call him; was constantly in her thoughts; she
would not but have heard his vindication for the world; and now
blamed; now acquitted herself for having judged him so harshly
before。 But her promise of relating it to her sister was invariably
painful。 She dreaded the performance of it; dreaded what its effect
on Marianne might be; doubted whether after such an explanation
she could ever be happy with another; and for a moment wished
Willoughby a widower。 Then; remembering Colonel Brandon;
reproved herself; felt that to his sufferings and his constancy far
more than to his rival’s; the reward of her sister was due; and
wished any thing rather than Mrs。 Willoughby’s death。
The shock of Colonel Brandon’s errand at Barton had been
much softened to Mrs。 Dashwood by her own previous alarm; for
so great was her uneasiness about Marianne; that she had already
determined to set out for Cleveland on that very day; without
waiting for any further intelligence; and had so far settled her
journey before his arrival; that the Careys were then expected
every moment to fetch Margaret away; as her mother was
unwilling to take her where there might be infection。
Marianne continued to mend every day; and the brilliant
cheerfulness of Mrs。 Dashwood’s looks and spirits proved her to
be; as she repeatedly declared herself; one of the happiest women
in the world。 Elinor could not hear the declaration; nor witness its
proofs without sometimes wondering whether her mother ever
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recollected Edward。 But Mrs。 Dashwood; trusting to the temperate
account of her own disappointment which Elinor had sent her;
was led away by the exuberance of her joy to think only of what
would increase it。 Marianne was restored to her from a danger in
which; as she now began to feel; her own mistaken judgment in
encouraging the unfortunate attachment to Willoughby; had
contributed to place her;—and in her recovery she had yet another
source of joy unthought of by Elinor。 It was thus imparted to her;
as soon as any opportunity of private conference between them
occurred。
“At last we are alone。 My Elinor; you do not yet know all my
happiness。 Colonel Brandon loves Marianne。 He has told me so
himself。”
Her daughter; feeling by turns both pleased and pained;
surprised and not surprised; was all silent attention。
“You are never like me; dear Elinor; or I should wonder at your
composure now。 Had I sat down to wish for any possible good to
my family; I should have fixed on Colonel Brandon’s marrying one
of you as the object most desirable。 And I believe Marianne will be
the most happy with him of the two。”
Elinor was half inclined to ask her reason for thinking so;
because satisfied that none founded on an impartial consideration
of their age; characters; or feelings; could be given;—but her
mother must always be carried away by her imagination on any
interesting subject; and therefore instead of an inquiry; she passed
it off with a smile。
“He opened his whole heart to me yesterday as we travelled。 It
came out quite unawares; quite undesignedly。 I; you may well
believe; could talk of nothing but my child;—he could not conceal
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his distress; I saw that it equalled my own; and he perhaps;
thinking that mere friendship; as the world now goes; woul