第 88 节
作者:南方网      更新:2021-02-19 19:56      字数:9234
  the dear lock—all; every memento was torn from me。”
  “You   are   very   wrong;   Mr。   Willoughby;   very   blameable;”   said
  Elinor;     while     her    voice;    in   spite   of   herself;    betrayed      her
  compassionate         emotion;     “you    ought    not   to  speak    in  this   way;
  either  of   Mrs。   Willoughby  or  my   sister。   You   had   made   your   own
  choice。   It   was   not   forced   on   you。   Your   wife   has   a   claim   to   your
  politeness; to your respect; at least。 She must be attached to you;
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  or she would not have married you。 To treat her with unkindness;
  to speak of her slightingly is no atonement to Marianne—nor can I
  suppose it a relief to your own conscience。”
  “Do not talk to me of my wife;” said he with a heavy sigh。—“She
  does not deserve your compassion。—She knew I had no regard for
  her when we married。—Well; married we were; and came down to
  Combe Magna to be happy; and afterwards returned to town to be
  gay。—And now do you pity  me;   Miss   Dashwood?—or  have   I   said
  all   this   to   no   purpose?—Am   I—be   it   only   one   degree—am   I   less
  guilty in your opinion than I was before?—My intentions were not
  always wrong。 Have I explained away any part of my guilt?”
  “Yes;    you   have    certainly    removed     something—a         little。—You
  have proved yourself; on the whole; less faulty than I had believed
  you。   You  have   proved   your  heart  less   wicked;   much less   wicked。
  But  I   hardly   know—the   misery   that   you   have   inflicted—I   hardly
  know what could have made it worse。”
  “Will   you   repeat   to   your   sister   when   she   is   recovered;   what   I
  have   been   telling   you?—Let   me   be   a   little   lightened   too   in   her
  opinion as well as in yours。 You tell me that she has forgiven me
  already。   Let   me   be   able   to   fancy   that   a   better   knowledge   of   my
  heart;    and   of  my    present    feelings;   will  draw    from   her   a  more
  spontaneous;         more      natural;     more      gentle;     less    dignified;
  forgiveness。 Tell her of my misery and my penitence—tell her that
  my heart was never inconstant to her; and if you will; that at this
  moment she is dearer to me than ever。”
  “I will tell her all that is necessary to what may comparatively
  be called; your justification。 But you have not explained to me the
  particular reason of your coming now; nor  how  you  heard   of  her
  illness。”
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  “Last    night;    in  Drury…lane      lobby;    I  ran   against    Sir   John
  Middleton;   and  when   he   saw  who  I   was—for  the   first   time   these
  two months—he spoke to me。—That he had cut me ever since my
  marriage;      I  had    seen    without    surprise     or  resentment。      Now;
  however; his good…natured; honest; stupid soul; full of indignation
  against     me;   and   concern     for  your    sister;  could    not  resist   the
  temptation of telling me what he knew ought to—though probably
  he did not think it would—vex me horridly。 As bluntly as he could
  speak it; therefore; he told me that Marianne Dashwood was dying
  of a putrid fever at Cleveland—a letter that morning received from
  Mrs。 Jennings declared her  danger most  imminent—the   Palmers
  are all gone off in a fright; &c。—I was too much shocked to be able
  to pass myself off as insensible even to the undiscerning Sir John。
  His heart was softened in seeing mine suffer; and so much of his
  ill…will was done away; that when we parted; he almost shook me
  by   the   hand   while   he   reminded   me   of   an   old   promise   about   a
  pointer puppy。 What I felt on hearing that your sister was dying—
  and     dying   too;   believing    me    the   greatest    villain  upon     earth;
  scorning;   hating   me   in   her   latest   moments—for   how   could   I   tell
  what horrid projects might not have been imputed? One person I
  was sure would represent me as capable of any thing—What I felt
  was dreadful!—My resolution was soon made; and at eight o’clock
  this morning I was in my carriage。 Now you know all。”
  Elinor made no answer。 Her thoughts were silently fixed on the
  irreparable      injury    which    too   early   an   independence        and    its
  consequent  habits  of  idleness; dissipation; and luxury;   had   made
  in the mind; the character; the happiness; of a man who; to every
  advantage   of   person   and      talents;   united    a   disposition   naturally
  open   and   honest;   and   a   feeling;   affectionate   temper。   The   world
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  had   made   him   extravagant   and         vain—Extravagance           and   vanity
  had made   him   cold…hearted and   selfish。   Vanity;   while   seeking  its
  own guilty triumph at the expense of another; had involved him in
  a   real   attachment;   which   extravagance;   or   at   least   its   offspring;
  necessity; had required to be sacrificed。 Each faulty propensity in
  leading     him    to  evil;  had   led  him    likewise    to  punishment。       The
  attachment;   from   which   against   honour;   against   feeling;   against
  every better interest he had outwardly torn himself; now; when no
  longer allowable; governed every thought; and the connection; for
  the   sake   of   which   he   had;   with   little  scruple;   left   her   sister   to
  misery; was likely to prove a source of unhappiness to himself of a
  far   more   incurable   nature。   From   a   reverie   of   this   kind   she   was
  recalled at the end of some minutes by Willoughby; who; rousing
  himself     from    a  reverie    at  least   equally    painful;   started    up   in
  preparation for going; and said—
  “There is no use in staying here; I must be off。”
  “Are you going back to town?”
  “No—to  Combe  Magna。   I   have   business   there;   from   thence   to
  town in a day or two。 Good bye。”
  He held out his hand。 She could not refuse to give him hers’;—
  he pressed it with affection。
  “And you do think something better of me than you did?”—said
  he;    letting   it  fall;  and   leaning    against    the   mantel…piece       as  if
  forgetting he was to go。
  Elinor    assured     him    that   she   did;—that      she   forgave;    pitied;
  wished      him    well—was       even   interested     in   his  happiness—and
  added      some    gentle   counsel     as  to  the  behaviour      most    likely  to
  promote it。 His answer was not very encouraging。
  “As to that;” said he; “I must rub through the world as well as I
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  can。 Domestic happiness is out of the question。 If; however; I am
  allowed to think that you and yours feel an interest in my fate and
  actions;   it   may   be   the   means—it   may   put   me   on   my   guard—at
  least; it may be something to live for。 Marianne to be sure is lost to
  me for ever。 Were I even by any blessed chance at liberty again—”
  Elinor stopped him with a reproof。
  “Well;”—he replied—“once more good bye。 I shall now go away
  and live in dread of one event。”
  “What do you mean?”
  “Your sister’s marriage。”
  “You are very wrong。 She can never  be more   lost  to  you  than
  she is now。”
  “But she will be gained by some one else。 And if that some one
  should be the very he whom; of all others; I could least bear—but I
  will not stay to rob myself of all your compassionate goodwill; by
  shewing that where I have most injured I can least forgive。 Good
  bye;—God bless you!”
  And with these words; he almost ran out of the room。
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  CHAPTER IX
  linor; for some time after he left her; for some time even
  after the sound of his carriage had died away;   remained
  E
  too much oppressed by a crowd of ideas; widely differing
  in   themselves;   but   of   whic