第 70 节
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and exultation to listen to again and again。—I have known myself
to be divided from Edward for ever; without hearing one
circumstance that could make me less desire the connection。—
Nothing has proved him unworthy; nor has anything declared him
indifferent to me。—I have had to contend against the unkindness
of his sister; and the insolence of his mother; and have suffered the
punishment of an attachment; without enjoying its advantages。—
And all this has been going on at a time; when; as you know too
well; it has not been my only unhappiness。—If you can think me
capable of ever feeling—surely you may suppose that I have
suffered now。 The composure of mind with which I have brought
myself at present to consider the matter; the consolation that I
have been willing to admit; have been the effect of constant and
painful exertion;—they did not spring up of themselves;—they did
not occur to relieve my spirits at first。—No; Marianne。—Then; if I
had not been bound to silence; perhaps nothing could have kept
me entirely—not even what I owed to my dearest friends—from
openly shewing that I was very unhappy。”—
Marianne was quite subdued。—
“Oh! Elinor;” she cried; “you have made me hate myself for
ever。—How barbarous have I been to you!—you; who have been
my only comfort; who have borne with me in all my misery; who
have seemed to be only suffering for me!—Is this my gratitude?—
Is this the only return I can make you?—Because your merit cries
out upon myself; I have been trying to do it away。”
The tenderest caresses followed this confession。 In such a
frame of mind as she was now in; Elinor had no difficulty in
obtaining from her whatever promise she required; and at her
request; Marianne engaged never to speak of the affair to any one
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with the least appearance of bitterness;—to meet Lucy without
betraying the smallest increase of dislike to her;—and even to see
Edward himself; if chance should bring them together; without
any diminution of her usual cordiality。—These were great
concessions;—but where Marianne felt that she had injured; no
reparation could be too much for her to make。
She performed her promise of being discreet; to admiration。—
She attended to all that Mrs。 Jennings had to say upon the subject;
with an unchanging complexion; dissented from her in nothing;
and was heard three times to say; “Yes; ma’am。”—She listened to
her praise of Lucy with only moving from one chair to another;
and when Mrs。 Jennings talked of Edward’s affection; it cost her
only a spasm in her throat。—Such advances towards heroism in
her sister; made Elinor feel equal to any thing herself。
The next morning brought a farther trial of it; in a visit from
their brother; who came with a most serious aspect to talk over the
dreadful affair; and bring them news of his wife。
“You have heard; I suppose;” said he with great solemnity; as
soon as he was seated; “of the very shocking discovery that took
place under our roof yesterday。”
They all looked their assent; it seemed too awful a moment for
speech。
“Your sister;” he continued; “has suffered dreadfully。 Mrs。
Ferrars too—in short it has been a scene of such complicated
distress—but I will hope that the storm may be weathered without
our being any of us quite overcome。 Poor Fanny! she was in
hysterics all yesterday。 But I would not alarm you too much。
Donavan says there is nothing materially to be apprehended; her
constitution is a good one; and her resolution equal to any thing。
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She has borne it all; with the fortitude of an angel! She says she
never shall think well of anybody again; and one cannot wonder at
it; after being so deceived!—meeting with such ingratitude; where
so much kindness had been shewn; so much confidence had been
placed! It was quite out of the benevolence of her heart; that she
had asked these young women to her house; merely because she
thought they deserved some attention; were harmless; well…
behaved girls; and would be pleasant companions; for otherwise
we both wished very much to have invited you and Marianne to be
with us; while your kind friend there; was attending her daughter。
And now to be so rewarded! ‘I wish; with all my heart;’ says poor
Fanny in her affectionate way; ‘that we had asked your sisters
instead of them。’”
Here he stopped to be thanked; which being done; he went on。
“What poor Mrs。 Ferrars suffered; when first Fanny broke it to
her; is not to be described。 While she with the truest affection had
been planning a most eligible connection for him; was it to be
supposed that he could be all the time secretly engaged to another
person!—such a suspicion could never have entered her head! If
she suspected any prepossession elsewhere; it could not be in that
quarter。 ‘There; to be sure;’ said she; ‘I might have thought myself
safe。’ She was quite in an agony。 We consulted together; however;
as to what should be done; and at last she determined to send for
Edward。 He came。 But I am sorry to relate what ensued。 All that
Mrs。 Ferrars could say to make him put an end to the engagement;
assisted too as you may well suppose by my arguments; and
Fanny’s entreaties; was of no avail。 Duty; affection; every thing
was disregarded。 I never thought Edward so stubborn; so
unfeeling before。 His mother explained to him her liberal designs;
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in case of his marrying Miss Morton; told him she would settle on
him the Norfolk estate; which; clear of land…tax; brings in a good
thousand a…year; offered even; when matters grew desperate; to
make it twelve hundred; and in opposition to this; if he still
persisted in this low connection; represented to him the certain
penury that must attend the match。 His own two thousand pounds
she protested should be his all; she would never see him again;
and so far would she be from affording him the smallest
assistance; that if he were to enter into any profession with a view
of better support; she would do all in her power to prevent him
advancing in it。”
Here Marianne; in an ecstasy of indignation; clapped her hands
together; and cried; “Gracious God! can this be possible!”
“Well may you wonder; Marianne;” replied her brother; “at the
obstinacy which could resist such arguments as these。 Your
exclamation is very natural。”
Marianne was going to retort; but she remembered her
promises; and forbore。
“All this; however;” he continued; “was urged in vain。 Edward
said very little; but what he did say; was in the most determined
manner。 Nothing should prevail on him to give up his
engagement。 He would stand to it; cost him what it might。”
“Then;” cried Mrs。 Jennings with blunt sincerity; no longer able
to be silent; “he has acted like an honest man! I beg your pardon;
Mr。 Dashwood; but if he had done otherwise; I should have
thought him a rascal。 I have some little concern in the business; as
well as yourself; for Lucy Steele is my cousin; and I believe there is
not a better kind of girl in the world; nor one who more deserves a
good husband。”
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Jane Austen: Sense and Sensibility 2